October 31, 2025

Dear death,

I can’t sleep, so I’m writing this. I have been seeing someone through my window. I don’t want to tell Jeff about it because I’m afraid he’ll say I’m hallucinating. I know someone is spying on me. I can feel it.

If I tell Jeff, he might decide to place me in a psychiatric hospital and that’s the last place I want to go. I want to be home with Jeff and my neighbors. Ever since that accident, I don’t feel like Adrienne Styles anymore. I feel different in a way that isn’t a good sign of recovery.

I know little by little, I’m remembering the past. And with time, I will get my memories back—all of them. I need to remember my past to piece together my life that feels like fragments. Scattered fragments. And to do that, I will need my memories. The familiar environment the doctor spoke of is helping. When I see old pictures of Jeff and me, some of my memories start kicking in. I am positive that I will soon recover, and people will no longer think I’m a lunatic.

I want to prove to myself I am not hallucinating, but it’s difficult when my memories are incomplete. I want to be the Adrienne Styles I used to be, the exuberant lady who has a lot to offer the world. I want to continue with my work. I have missed my friends so much. But I can’t do any of them when I don’t even remember basic things.

Sometimes I want to kill myself to end this nightmare. I feel like I’m trapped in a castle, and my Prince Charming isn’t coming anytime soon to rescue me. The desperation kills me. But I know there’s light at the end of every tunnel. I also know no situation is permanent. Staying positive is what will get me out of this dark castle and I’m...