TWELVE, NEW DEPUTY

THERE WAS THIS odd feeling settling at the pit of Fleur's stomach. It wasn't something she could just brush off or disregard till later. It was much more than that. It starts with this deep, pure humiliation bubbling within her for the fact that she got silenced by Levi so easily. Though it didn't matter if it was by his hands or another, she was still shut down and it made her feel weak. It's childish she knows. To be upset over something as little as that when there are a billion other things much more important and yet resentment rippled in her chest trying to forget the feeling of getting the air knocked out of her all while the need to vomit a second time still lingered at the back of her mouth.

Had she known her distaste for the king would result in getting hit she would not have said more than she needed to in that courtroom. But no part of her regretted voicing her opinion- well, what she believed to be the truth.

Then the obvious sadness for Marco's death continued to eat away at her. She could not forget the way his body was torn in half - it was gut-wrenching to see. Pale face, blood, and all still oozing out of him. The dark memory of him was now embedded in her head and soon that bubble where her resentment stirred was completely replaced with emptiness for the loss of a friend.

Grieving was a whole new, complex process she had no idea how to take on. By herself at that. Though she's no stranger to losing someone dear to her it was still extremely hard to deal with. It doesn't get easier each time it happens, it only gets tougher, and Fleur doesn't know what to do. She was lost.

Silver eyes explored the small room she's grown accustomed to for the last twenty-four hours, taking in the strong scent of alcohol with a mix of coffee that made her face cringe in disgust as she clutched her stomach. Squared windows built off to the side dressed in white creamy colored curtains that kept out the setting sun and the wooden floors that would creak over any sudden movement on them.

It was anything but home. She didn't feel cozy or safe like she was supposed to. She doesn't think she'll ever get used to it and maybe it stemmed from the fact that she's never been to a doctor in all her sixteen years of living. This was new to her. She didn't want to be examined by a stranger, to be told what was she already knew was wrong with her. It was a waste of time in her opinion.

But she still did it. To ease someone else's worries, not her own.

Her gaze wandered from the tired-out floors to the blond boy across the room whose curiosity had gotten the best of him as his hands glided gently over the spine of old books that rested under one of the windows.

Seeing Armin be consumed by the words in the very few pages he chose to skim through caused a faint grin to mindlessly appear on Fleur's face. That pent-up childish anger from earlier had vanished and all she wanted now was to enjoy this peaceful moment with him despite it being in a physician's room.

"Do you like reading?" Fleur asked as she sat up watching him close the book in his hands and turn around to meet her soft gaze.

He nodded shyly, "Yeah, I mean I try to find some spare time here and there for it though it's been hard recently considering our... Situation."

"I should've figured you were into that sort of stuff." She says, a hand to her chin with pursed lips as she recalled the first time they met. Armin only offered her a quizzical look in response unsure if her comment meant any harm. "Don't think so hard I'm not making fun of you or anything, It just... It makes sense is all."

"Makes sense? how?" The boy asked.

"The day we- I ran into you...You remember that right?"

"Of course I do."

"OK well, you were carrying this book, that looked bigger than you, like it was the only thing that mattered and I have to say it was adorable." As the words left Fleur's mouth she watched Armin's expression change from confused to one of more understanding while blush crept onto his cheeks.

"Oh! You mean my grandpa's book." He says in realization, rubbing the back of his neck.

Regret instantly fills Fleur not knowing the book belonged to his grandfather, who had died trying to reclaim Wall Maria, she didn't want to provoke unwanted, painful memories within Armin. Those weren't her intentions. Noticing the girl's eyes breaking away from his, he grew confused for a moment by her sudden change of demeanor towards him.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to..." Fleur apologized, keeping her gaze on her lap.

"Hey, hey, it's okay." He reassured her. "I can talk about it, the book if you're interested to hear about it."

"I am but are you sure? If you're not ready we can talk about something else. I can wait. It's completely fine."

Armin had his time to grieve all those years ago but even after having so much time, there was still a missing part of him. A piece of his heart that ached when the memory of his grandfather popped into his head - his caring embrace, words, and wisdom was something the boy missed dearly and he knows there was no point in dwelling in the past. It only brought pain. Too much of it. He was ready to grow from it, he thinks. To use the knowledge his grandfather had taught him to help humanity grow too.

"I'm sure. I promise."

A few seconds passed by before Fleur moved over to make enough space on the bed she laid on for him. Armin didn't react immediately uncertain of what she wanted until she glanced up at him, gesturing with her head to come over.

"C'mon tell me everything. Don't you dare leave a single detail out even if you think it's boring, OK?" She says, patting the free spot next to her.

"You don't think we'll get in trouble?"

"For what?"

"You know it's getting late. Past visiting hours actually and I'm not supposed to be here- which means I could be getting you could get in trouble- I don't want you to get in trouble because of me. Either of us."

Fleur simply watched at how panicked he'd become, rambling about and refusing to sit next to her. "Armin, if we get caught I promise you I'll try to lie our way out of it, or even better I'll take the blame. It's not a problem. Now c'mon! I wanna hear everything... Unless you want to leave?"

"No! That's not it all. I want to stay. Really."

"Then why are you overthinking it? Everything's gonna be fine. You're my first visitor since I've been checked in and it would really suck if you left so soon. It's miserable in here." Fleur admits, diverting her gaze as she hid her face in her crossed arms that lay on top of her tucked knees.

It was silent for a moment. At that moment when nothing was said she thought he was leaving her here and she felt her heart break before she could hear the floorboards creak and the bed dipping beside her. Fleur raised her head seeing Armin there with a thoughtful expression as he stared at a book in his hands. It was one from the little bookshelf by the window.

"The book, it was was originally given to me by grandpa- wait you knew that already." He presses a hand to his forehead immediately regretting his choice of words to which Fleur laughed at his usual timid behavior. It was blissful, her laugh, angelic almost. Nothing had ever caused his heart to skip a beat, in a good way, like that. Ever. Under his golden locks of his, the tips of his ears were now a rosy color.

He wanted to hear it again.

"Anyway, um... before I tell you... Fleur, you have to swear to me you won't tell anyone, OK?" He told her, a storm of fear taking over his blue eyes.

"I would never," Fleur says, not questioning his reasons. She hesitantly stuck out her bandaged up pinky toward him. "I swear."

Armin could trust her, right? She's given him no reason not to, he reminded himself as he looked at her finger taking it in his.

"Firstly, the book itself is- was forbidden. It was filled with the history of the outside world. From detailed drawings with brief descriptions under them, short stories, all about the life beyond the walls- it's amazing! I wish you could've seen it too." He explained to the girl, who was entranced. "The descriptions themselves were of fiery lands and snowfields of sands... And even snowier mountains than the ones we saw during our training not too long ago- your eyes... They reminded me of it the first time I met you- Sorry If that's weird to say or anything but it's true."

With every word that came out of his mouth, Fleur couldn't help but get lost in them. She was completely fascinated by the places he spoke of, it was new and exciting to hear of what waited beyond the concrete barriers. To know that there is a beautiful life outside, more to discover and learn was enthralling.

So when Armin complimented her she was indeed taken aback. Speechless. She hasn't received a compliment that sincere since, well, she was a child and it was from her father. Those don't count.

"Mine? Really?" Fleur began to chew the inside of her cheek. She was holding back a smile.

"Yeah, they're nice-!"

"Just nice?"

"I meant pretty!" The boy corrected himself almost immediately after, fidgeting with his fingers.

Armin didn't expect himself to actually tell the girl next to him that her eyes were a constant reminder of the things he longed to see, but being so close to her while having her be so attentive and listen to his every word was something very special to him. In a way, it expressed how much Fleur did care to listen to his rambling about places he wasn't even sure existed- and to witness a similar glint of hope in her that also laid within Eren was truly different.

He couldn't think straight. His brain was fuzzy and Fleur easily took notice of this. He was nervous.

"I'm just messing with you, relax. Plus, I think your eyes are pretty as well." The girl nudged him softly, in a playful manner, getting his attention. "And thank you, Armin. That was sweet of you."

There was a moment of silence between the two. It was long yet comfortable. Neither of them minded it, too consumed by this warm feeling in their chests. Fleur wondered why Armin was kind to her. Out of all people, she was the most undeserving of his kindness. From the very beginning, he'd always been friendly and helpful despite not knowing a single thing about her. It was odd considering back then she didn't think people like that existed anymore but she was proven wrong.

It's still hard for her to understand that not everyone is cruel, that there is light in this world somewhere and people - people like Armin, Sasha, and... Marco.

"Is there anything special in the book that stood out to you the most?" She queried, breaking the silence, wanting to know more. "Like a drawing or maybe a description of some sort that you can't wait to see with your own eyes?"

A rush of adrenaline hit Armin all at once as he straighten his back readying himself to speak of the one thing he truly was in awe of - Fleur noticed this as she mimicked him.

"There is. It's called the ocean." He begins, "They say it's a large body of water that stretches out for miles from horizon to horizon, and that it tastes like salt! How crazy is that?"

"Very!" She says, just as excited as him. "Do you still have it?"

"Ah no... I lost it when our home got destroyed, unfortunately." He replies, sadness lingering in his voice.

"Mhm. Do you think it might still be there? Under all the rubble and stuff? I mean what would the Titans want with some book? It wouldn't hurt to look."

"I highly doubt it."

"Even if we try really hard to search for it?"

Armin pursed his lips in thought, "There could be a small chance but again I doubt it though it would be really nice to have it back."

Fleur merely sighs in disappointment, the excitement from before fading as she looked down at her lap to where her hands laid picking at the white material wrapped around them. It was sad to know that her chances of ever seeing the truth in between those pages were zero to none. She can't begin to imagine how Armin might feel losing something that valuable.

Probably double of what she's feeling right now.

So she made a promise to herself right then and there that if they were to ever make it back into Shiganshina District she would do her best to try and find the book.

"Fleur?" The boy says her name softly.

She lifts her head and answered. "Yeah?"

"Can I ask you something? You don't have to answer if it's too. . . Um you know," Armin tells her, waiting patiently for a response. Fleur gave him a small nod encouraging him to continue. "What gave you the feeling that Marco's death wasn't an accident?"

Her breath hitched at the question unsure of how to answer. It wasn't just a feeling. It was the way Annie was acting toward her; the vague eye contact, her mannerism as if she was uncomfortable being in Fleur's presence, just about everything sent Fleur into suspicion. It was all weird. Annie approached her when it was clear she had no idea or desire to deal with Fleur's unstable state.

"Annie came to me after I saw Marco dead and it was strange because when I asked what happened since they were in a team together she said she had no idea. That not even Reiner or Bertholdt knew." Fleur explains, "And I don't know maybe it's me and my paranoia making it hard to believe that Marco would've separated from them by his own accord but that's just too reckless for him to do. I'm the reckless one and he was the one lecturing me about it."

Armin's eyebrows pulled together as he listened. He was surprised to hear that Annie had something to do with Fleur's skepticism so much that he didn't know how to react.

"Then she went on to say- suggest that I should rethink my decision on joining the scouts and go into the military like 'Marco would've' instead which was odd, to say the least. I'm not too hung up on that since that's what everyone's been saying the minute I or anyone announced that they were joining the Scouts." She continues, slight irritation rising in her chest as she clutched her stomach at the thought of her deceased friend.

Armin observed Fleur, her tenseness, at the mention of Marco which made him think back to yesterday - when he saw the girl's watering eyes, her posture, the stomach grabbing as if she was in pain for some reason. He never wanted to see her like that ever again. So when worry overtook him and his mind began to formulate a bunch of nonsense about what could've possibly happened to Fleur, it was safe to say that none of it involved Marco. His death to be exact. Or even Annie.

"So seeing Marco was the reason you... vomited?" Armin queried in hopes that his suspicions were incorrect though he already knew.

"How did you-"

"I didn't I guessed." He says. "But it wasn't hard to tell something was wrong, your face was practically turning green."

"Well, you're right. It was all too much and I never want to experience it again."

"I'm sorry."

Fleur's head perked up, confusion taking over her features. "You're sorry? Why? You didn't do anything to me, Armin."

"I know. It's just that no one should ever witness seeing one of their friends in that state."

Fleur felt her heartstrings being tugged in such a way that caused an ache in her chest. She knew it was because reality was finally setting in and the people around her who also called Marco a friend were going to experience the same sadness she was going through - people were going to mourn like normal but not her. She didn't know what to do with herself and this crushing weight of agony.

It was affecting her health and behavior - she realized this the moment Armin was trying to help her and she rejected him as if he deserved it. If she doesn't find a way to turn this sadness into anger and use it to her advantage then it would soon consume her in her sleep just like Mary had been doing for the last couple of years.

God, she hoped it wouldn't result in that.

"I'm so sorry." The girl apologized, suddenly feeling guilty for her past behavior. "For being so hostile towards you yesterday. I didn't mean to be. That wasn't my intention. . . You've been so kind to me and you didn't deserve that. I was still trying to come to terms with what I saw and even now I have no idea what to do."

The guilt for something as little as that was evident when Armin looked into Fleur's tired eyes. It was as if the boy was staring at an avalanche that was slowly collapsing due to underlying past trauma and now he thinks Marco's death might've been the cherry on top.

Hesitantly, he gently placed a hand over hers. He waited for her to pull back but she didn't so he spoke. "It's okay... I forgive you. It isn't easy to process loss so grieve however you feel is the right way."

"What even is the right way?"

"I'm not sure," Armin half shrugged, "I think that's why everyone does it differently, Fleur."

"I guess that's true but, Armin, I'm..."

"What? What is it?"

"I don't want to go into detail or dump too much on you all at once but," Fleur begins to unwrap the fresh bandages from around her hands to reveal the new wounds with old scars.

Armin was unsure of what the girl was about to do or explain to him, eyebrows creasing inward with a look of worry taking over. She wasn't supposed to be taken those off yet.

"These, the ones you're familiar with, the scars," Fleur pointed to one of her hands. "Were caused by someone close to me which I guess you could say they were family. I wouldn't- Anyway, after my father passed away they blamed me for it and I still don't have any idea why and I'll never know because that person also died, and till this day I can never get a full night of sleep. They've always been filled with nightmares of... that person. Vivid images of their corpse. I don't understand why after all the pain they caused me I still feel guilty for leaving them behind the day Wall Maria was breached. We were both knocked unconscious so I know there was nothing I could do. They were dead and yet... It's been years since then and I still don't know why I feel like it was my fault."

The girl let out a heavy sigh. Her sweet silvery voice was beginning to strain amid her sentences to which Armin could only assume that this topic was hard for her to speak of so he listened to her every word to make sure she knew he cared.

"My point is I'm scared, Armin. I'm scared that Marco will appear in them. Scared of the possibility that if I don't figure out how to deal with whatever it is I'm going through soon, I might have to deal with those nightmares for the rest of my life because for some reason I won't let myself heal."

"Fleur... I don't know why your consciousness is keeping you up at night," Armin paused, picking his next words carefully. "Especially for something that wasn't your fault. You say this person blamed you for your father passing away which to me sounds extremely unfair since you were so young and no one should ever hold that heavy of a burden on their shoulders, but I believe with time it'll go away. The guilt you feel, I mean."

"Time?" Fleur repeats, almost in disbelief, "So much time has already passed and it's still happening. I can't perform well- I can't do anything at all. If I keep up like this the scouts, not even the police-military, will want anything to do with me. Oh my god... I can't believe it's come down to me even considering joining them. This is bad, Armin."

"It's going to be okay. You can worry about the scouts later they aren't going anywhere." The blond reassured her. "For now, you should focus on yourself. Eren's still on that mission to help him control his Titan abilities and the rest of us are resting before we have to finish up the rest of our training. It'll be some time before we go anywhere. Fleur, there's no reason to rush."

"Yeah, you're right." She sighed in defeat, a frown fell upon her face. "I don't like being here cooped up like I'm some damn animal. I feel like I'm gonna die doing nothing- that was dramatic. I'm sorry. But I really don't wanna be here. I feel fine!"

Armin raised an eyebrow in Fleur's direction. "So why did you come?"

At his question, the girl looked down at her hands in thought. She had an idea, a possible answer she thinks, as to why but she wouldn't tell him. It would be too weird to admit to herself or out loud and she didn't want the boy to think anything of it. She barely understood it herself. She didn't want him to think she was crazy because the truth is she liked having him around. She didn't want to jeopardize their friendship over whatever this annoying, warm feeling at the core of her being was.

She'd suffer in silence and that was fine with her.

Besides, she wanted to be a part of the Survey Corps and she couldn't do that with her current state. She wanted to get better for herself.

"Look me in the eyes and tell me you would've stopped bothering me about my own well-being if I didn't come here." She challenged, turning her body to face him.

"Um, I mean- I wouldn't exactly call it bothering instead it's more of being worried for a friend and is that so wrong of me?" Armin replied, trying his best not to stumble over his words.

"There's your answer."

The boy playfully narrowed his eyes coming to a realization. "Wait so um technically, in a way, you did it for... me? Because of me?"

"I did not say that." Fleur's eyes widen as her body positioned itself back to face forward instead of Armin, crossing her arms in a child-like manner.

All while her cheeks flushed red from embarrassment.

"You sort of implied it. Unless, of course, there's another reason?" He asked, genuine confusion laced within his words.

To which Fleur merely sighed in relief at his obliviousness "Think whatever you want. I don't care."

Armin is smart or at least he liked to think he is. The boy has noticed he's become more aware of certain things over the years whether it be his surroundings, other people's feelings, or how far humanity is from reaching peace and that they're completely doomed without Eren's help. He would never confess such thoughts out loud for he was too insecure and wouldn't be able to handle being told differently.

Armin believed being so observant since he was young was sort of a curse in its own way since his mind automatically picked up on cues and information he had no business knowing.

But it also gave him the power to notice the little things like Fleur's reluctance to physical touch when they first met or the way she chewed the inside of her cheek when she was nervous about something, anything, just like she twisted her ring when she was afraid of not knowing whether she might live another day or cede to their enemies.

With all of his awareness, he thinks he should be able to tell when someone likes him. Whether she liked him. But he can't- again it was a curse. He's not stupid and is aware of what he feels. Fleur was just too difficult to read which defeated him and it's silly, he knows yet he can't help it. And despite him feeling this way he would never push them onto her. He'd wait for Fleur to make the first move.

However long that would be.

The shuffling of the bed tore Armin from his thoughts, his eyes watched the girl remove the covers from herself, getting up and walking toward the small wooden table just a few feet away. There was a slight limp to her walk, Armin noticed. She reached for a clear jar placed on top of it and from where he sat he couldn't tell what exactly was in the jar but whatever it was made Fleur crinkle her nose in disgust as she took a big whiff of it.

"Yuck." The girl murmured, closing the jar and hurriedly making her way back onto the messy bed.

"What is it?"

"It's mostly Valerian root mixed with other herbs." She explained, "It's some sort of 'magical' medicine that's supposed to help with my insomnia- help me fall asleep and calm my mind or whatever the doctor said. If I'm being honest I wasn't listening, I kind of blocked them out."

Armin smiled at the obvious sarcasm oozing out of Fleur. His curious gaze went from the jar to the windows revealing the midnight sky causing his smile to fade. "Are you going to drink it now?"

"Well... I was hoping you'd try it first and tell me if it tastes just as bad as I imagine."

"And what if it does taste bad? Are you not going to drink it?"

To that Fleur merely shrugged with an unsure expression and that to Armin meant no. Which worried him, to say an extent. This could be a way to help the girl's mind be at ease without having to think about her past troubles and rest peacefully.

"You don't have to do it, Armin. I'm just being a baby." She admitted.

"No- It's fine. If it gets you to drink then I'll do it." The boy says, placing the book in his hands to the side and gently taking the jar from her. Once he opened it the aroma itself was unfamiliar to him, it was unpleasant and different from all the other delicate scented flowers. God, it was awful.

He almost crinkled his nose like Fleur did but he kept his composure, bringing the glass container to his lips and drinking it. It was a moment before Armin gave any sort of tell to the concoction. The bitter, woodsy flavor lingering on his tastebuds made him want to voice loudly just how disgusting it was but he didn't.

He kept a neutral face as he wiped his mouth with his sleeve and glanced at Fleur, who had a really confused expression on her face while watching him show no reaction. She could've sworn by the looks of the jar it would've made him puke ten times over.

"So how was it? Don't tell me you enjoyed it..." She says, eyes slightly widening in shock.

Armin handed the jar back to the girl, quickly shaking his head. "I didn't-! It's not as bad as you imagined, trust me."

Fleur's eyebrows narrowed in suspicion. "Be honest with me. Would Sasha drink it?"

Armin nodded and she took his confidence as a good sign so without thinking twice about it she drank it. While putting the rim of the jar to her lips, her eyes squeezed in the second the taste hit the back of her throat- she shivered. To say it was disgusting was an understatement.

The boy watched feeling his entire face go red matching the faint blush that appeared on Fleur's.

She didn't think she felt embarrassed by any means or even flustered for the matter, but while feeling Armin's eyes on her she grew nervous and for some odd reason her chest began to tighten. The girl immediately removed the jar from her lips and closed it as she set it on the ground beside her knowing the heat rising to her cheeks was noticeable.

Fleur didn't think herself naive. Not enough to fall for Armin's little trick though she didn't mind, it was still a shock. Well, it was more funny than shocking if anything. She trusted him enough not to question him, which was a bit worrying on her end, but she knows he would never do anything to intentionally hurt her. He's been there for her since the day their home got destroyed and he's here now by her side.

She couldn't be more grateful for his presence.

The girl glanced at him noticing something was bothering him by the way he fidgeted with the pages of the book on his lap and before she could ask what was wrong...

"Fleur, I'm not very good at giving advice but I really need you to know that I did mean it when I said the guilt will go away with time. I know it sounds stupid and if you need help getting there I'm here. Always. I don't mind." He said, keeping his gaze on anything that wasn't Fleur.

"Can you at least look at me so I can believe you when you make that sort of promise to me?" She says causing Armin to meet her silver eyes. Her face softened and caused the boy to grow even more nervous under her gaze. Not out of fear though. It was something different.

"I mean it. If you ever need anything-"

"Relax... I believe you." She tells him with a smile on her face. "I'm here for you too. Always."

They both knew making that promise was dangerous considering all the chaos in their lives because neither of them knew if they could always be there when the other needed them and be that shoulder to cry on, or just for comfort. It's not realistic. What happens when one of them doesn't make it back from an expedition? Fleur doesn't want to think about it. She's already lost her father, her squad, Marco, and the thought of possibly losing Armin too was terrifying.

She shouldn't be making promises. She should be shutting people like she said she would and continue this path to freedom on her own but that's realistic either. If Fleur has learned anything these past years and during the battle of Trost it's that you can't accomplish such a goal without help. You need others to guide and aid you throughout times like these.

Though it was hard to admit she liked having people by her side. She preferred it because she knows she wasn't invincible- still, she would do everything in her power to keep those close to her safe. No matter what. That's why promising Armin to be by his side whenever he needed her was easy because even though it was unlikely she knows she'd at least do her best to be there for him when possible. In any way she could.

"Uh that's um- that's good." Armin could hear his own heart racing, he felt dizzy. He cleared his throat in an attempt to collect himself. "How long before the medicine takes effect?"

He was trying to change the conversation. The girl knew this and found it amusing in a way but the hint of sadness wavering in his voice was evident and didn't go unnoticed either. She wondered what could be the cause of it.

Fleur shrugged, "I'm not sure... I think the doctor said thirty minutes to an hour? Why? Are you planning on staying until I fall asleep?"

"Do you- do you want me to?" He queried and she could sense the switch of moods go from sad to excitement. Was that it? He didn't want to leave?

"...I would prefer it if you stayed so yes."

"Okay, then I'll stay and... I could read you this until you fall asleep," Armin offered, showing her a book. The cover was brown with pretty gold flower patterns around the rim of it- very minimalistic and it looked a bit worn out. "It's about a girl who falls asleep in a meadow and dreams that she follows a white rabbit down a rabbit hole!"

Instantly, Fleur's eyes lit up. "I'd like that."

She's not exactly sure what happened or what led to the two sitting so closely but the moment Armin began to read to her she felt herself relax- his voice was gentle and soothing and with each line he read, both of their eyelids became heavier, and drowsiness took over. Fleur was the first to fall asleep. Her head unconsciously fell on Armin's shoulder which made the boy tense up, he glanced down at her and immediately his stomach swarmed with butterflies. Her breathing was steady. She looked peaceful and with that reassurance he let himself doze off laying his head on hers.

This was the first time in so long that no nightmares were plagued Fleur's mind.