THIRTEEN,     CAN YOU GIVE YOUR HEART?

    FLEUR COULDN'T REMEMBER the last time she felt genuinely relaxed. She didn't think it was possible considering the way life had thrown her into a rollercoaster of neverending chaos, it seemed like every time she tried to catch her breath and recollect her thoughts, something else occurred; more problems emerged out of nowhere. Problems she didn't want to deal with just yet or ever but no matter how much she wished they'd solve themselves, they remained present and ready to mercilessly weigh her down.

The minute her eyes closed and she dozed off into peaceful sleep next to Armin, she couldn't think of anything more serene. She realized she had felt safe with him, which was scary to admit out loud and even to herself. She couldn't help but feel at ease with him by her side as he read- he was very soft-spoken, she recalled. He always was with her.

She didn't think she would ever feel comfortable enough to allow anyone to get as close as him. She didn't mind it, in fact, she liked it, though she was scared for plenty of reasons- Scared of the possibility that one day she may never have him to lean on. It was stupid to start assuming the worst so early on, she knows, but she couldn't help her mind. She just didn't want their friendship to crumble at the hands of whatever waited outside those walls. She couldn't let it. They made a promise and she would stick by it for as long as possible.

All she wanted was to rest. To feel relaxed again but, of course, things never did go her way.

The second Sasha loudly knocked on her door scaring her and Armin straight out of the small bed they shared, Fleur knew that something was up just by the urgency in Sasha's voice. At first, she didn't know if it was because her friend missed her and couldn't wait to see her or if it was bad news.

"Apparently, someone murdered the two Titans the scouts captured," Sasha began to explain to Armin and Fleur as they walked side by side to get their gear inspected. "Scary stuff I know and my question is why would the scouts be interested in experimenting on some random Abnormals? They have Eren now, right? Not that I want him to be dissected like some animal or anything!"

It was the latter.

Fleur was confused at the fact that someone would want to kill those Abnormals or even have the guts to do so because if Fleur remembers correctly most cadets have shown everything but bravery. The mere sight of Titans puts fear in their hearts. She gets why it may frighten people or make them angry but never enough to snap at the very thing that has caused them so much misery their whole life. Those Titans were valuable. To some extent. They could've given them answers to many questions about how or why they exist since their existence was all a huge mystery.

"Well, for one I'm sure it's for research, Sasha," Fleur finally speaks, "and yes, while they do have Eren under close supervision he's just as clueless as the rest of us. The poor thing can't even control his abilities. He's no help, unfortunately. Those Titans could've probably explained a lot of things but they're dead now no thanks to... whoever."

"I guess so... Who do you think could've done it?" Sasha asked, pursing her lips.

Fleur's gaze fell to the ground as she thought about the question- who would do something like this? It was an odd way to express their hatred because it's one thing to say you hate something and it's another thing to act on those negative feelings.

"It's hard to say and I don't want to accuse anyone either. Though I can bet it was someone very skilled and maybe-"

"-That could be anyone."

Fleur nodded, agreeing. "You're right... But to pull off that sort of stunt without anyone knowing takes a ton of skill and there aren't many people with that. You have to be quick and stealthy."

"Do we know anyone like that?" Sasha puts a hand to her chin almost like she was digging through her memory trying to remember every person she's ever met who could fit the vague description.

Fleur doesn't even bother to do the same in fear she might have the wrong person. She didn't want to look like an idiot pointing fingers at whoever. Hopefully, with this gear inspection, the one responsible for killing those two Titans is found.

"Quick and stealthy..." Armin mumbled under his breath.

Fleur glanced at the boy. She noticed he seemed to be in deep thought about the topic of their conversation by the way his eyebrows furrowed. Armin was in his own world. He was trying to understand why someone would let their emotions get the better of them and force their people three steps back into being clueless. It didn't make sense. Though he knew that pure hatred alone for the Titans could be all the motivation needed to commit such a crime so the question is: who was capable of that?

"Armin, are you okay?" Fleur's voice pulled the boy out of his thoughts. Her upper body lowered slightly to meet his face as her long red hair, which was tied back into a high ponytail, swung at the rhythm of their pace.

"I'm fine." He replied. "Just thinking about what you said."

"Oh, did someone come to mind already?"

"I was trying to recall if I knew anyone like that... The thing is it wasn't just one person. Turns out I know a few- a lot actually."

"Let's just hope none of those names you're thinking of turn out to be guilty," Fleur says, adjusting her gear as they get closer to their destination.

She couldn't lie and say she wasn't curious to know who Armin was thinking about. The thought of her possibly knowing them was enough to end her curiosity. Whoever they were cut off the only lead to learning more about the Titans, which was selfish in her opinion. But again, she couldn't blame them. Not when they've been terrorizing her people for as long as she can remember.

"I'm most likely wrong," Armin says. "How about you? Did you think of anyone?"

Fleur looked up from her gear. "I don't really want to think about it. Don't want to end up pointing fingers at the wrong person."

"Oh, c'mon I know at least one person came to mind!" Sasha says, joining the conversation again.

"Even if there is someone I'm not telling you."

"Why not?"

"Unnecessary. Pointless. A waste of time. Would you like me to go on?" Fleur listed on her fingers and her bluntness made Armin chuckle.

"But we're the best of friends and you should be able to tell me," Sasha argued, putting her arm around Fleur's shoulders.

"Sasha," Fleur gave her friend a serious look but her tone was far from threatening.

Sasha playfully rolled her eyes while throwing her hands up mocking surrender. "OK! fine. I won't ask again... at least for now. But I'll get it out of you one way or another."

"Is that so?" Fleur chuckled.

"Mhm!" Her friend looked past the girl to Armin with a sly smile. "And he's going to help me isn't that right, Blondie?"

Sasha mocking Fleur's nickname for Armin caught her by surprise and made Fleur a little embarrassed at the fact that her friend even picked up on it. Does everyone know she calls him that? If they did she didn't want to think about it, the thought of it alone was enough to make her hide her face. She noticed Armin's eyes widen which meant he was just as embarrassed as her.

"C'mon don't tease him, Sash," Fleur nudges her. "Or me for the matter."

"But it's funny watching you two get embarrassed! I mean seriously look at you guys." She laughed, pointing at their faces.

Fleur crossed her arms as she looked forward and ignored Sasha even though she could feel herself heat up. How annoying. She was grateful Connie nor Jean were here to participate in this. Maybe if she walked faster she could escape this whole situation.

"Hey, I have a question for you," Sasha says, now walking to Armin's side. "What were you doing with her at the clinic this morning?"

The boy scratches his reddened cheek. "Oh, I was visiting."

"All night?" Sasha asked, continuing to tease.

"Well that wasn't my intention but it was late and we fell asleep-"

"-On the same bed? How scandalous!" Sasha winked at the two.

"It wasn't like that!" Armin tried to deny it, but the tip of his nose was getting red. He's had enough embarrassment today to last him a lifetime.

Fleur could see his timid nature shining through and it was adorable if she was being honest. She sighs pinching the bridge of her nose. "Are you done?"

Sasha paused and actually thought about her friend's question as if she were debating on continuing her playful taunting toward them.

"Yeah okay, I'm done picking on you lovebirds."

Fleur halted and glanced in the direction of the inspection center that they were in front of then back at her friend. She inhaled and began to walk away with a smile. "Just know payback's a bitch, Sasha."

Armin noticed the playfulness in her tone and couldn't help but laugh while following close behind.

"What the hell does that mean? Hey! I was only joking," Sasha frowned, watching her friend walk away.

Once Fleur entered through the doors, all she could see were cadets lined up one by one to get their gear inspected as the loud side conversations filled her ears. The scene made her a bit anxious to take a step forward and join the others but she had to remind herself she wasn't the one who committed the crime. She hasn't used her gear since the Battle of Trost and even if she wanted to she couldn't due to her physical condition these past couple of days. She's been in bed, doing nothing but trying to get better.

It's been miserable but at least she feels good. And Armin was by her side so it wasn't all that terrible.

"I don't think Sasha knows you were only joking."

"Good because I wasn't," Fleur glances down at the boy as her body relaxes. Armin almost believed her if wasn't for that subtle smirk as she tried to keep her tone serious.

"Right." He nodded, playing along.

There was a pause. Silence took over for a moment but it wasn't awkward. Fleur noticed he broke eye contact briefly as if he was hesitant about his next words.

"Something on your mind?" She questioned, a bit worried.

He exhaled. "I- I just wanted to ask if you were feeling better and if you slept well. No nightmares, right?"

"No nightmares." She smiled, expression softening. "I think you chased all of them away so thank you for being there."

Armin's heart began to pound and before he got a chance to respond-

"Move it, Cadets! We don't have all day!" A man yelled at them making them both immediately join a row with Connie and Annie.

As soon as Fleur joined them she could feel the internal conflict happening in Connie's head. The struggle was evident in his face and in the way his fist clenched. It didn't take a genius to understand and she knew he wasn't the only one going through this because after what happened during the battle she noticed that a few minds had been changed.

"Hey, Annie, do you think Jean meant what he said about joining the scouts?" Connie asked, making Fleur's eyes widen.

Jean Kirstein was the last person she'd ever expected to have a change of heart. But considering the death of Marco and if it affected him just as much as it did Fleur then she understood how that could've had a huge influence on his decision. Still, she was shocked to hear the news.

"Jean Kirstein said that? No way." She shook her head in disbelief.

"Huh, Jean is?"

Though Annie seemed to be uninterested in the conversation she still answered. "He did but who cares?"

"So you're sticking with the Military Police? I'm really starting to think I might go that way too."

Fleur worried about this exact moment. She worried for her friends not being able to make a final decision because of time- it was slipping through their hands and she could only imagine how much stress they were under. She would've been in their position if she didn't already know what she wanted out of life. She was well aware that making this choice could cost them their lives so she hoped at the end they chose right.

"Tell me, if someone ordered you to die, would you do it?" Annie asked.

"What? No." Connie replied.

Fleur couldn't help but say something as she spoke up from behind the blonde girl. "That's kind of a loaded question, don't you think?"

"Maybe," Annie shrugged. "But it's a question I advise you- and the others to reflect on before choosing mindlessly."

"Me? I've already made my choice and it's final." She said as if it wasn't obvious by now. Annie gave a look causing Fleur to feel she was making a dumb decision.

Fleur understood not wanting to put your life in danger without knowing if you might live. She understood wanting to look out for your friends and guide them in the right direction during this chaos unfolding before their eyes. Some people needed it. They needed to be told what they wanted but not Fleur. She knew in her heart that fighting was the only way she'd be satisfied with herself. And it wasn't like choosing to stay behind inner barriers was going to help anyone, perhaps it would keep you alive for a while, but what happens when one day the Titans decide to break those barriers too? No one was truly safe behind them.

It was an ignorant mindset to have. To think everything would be okay, to actually believe cowering in fear would benefit anyone. But she knew her personal opinion wouldn't sway the others even if she tried. Fear was an enemy far too powerful and her words alone would be fruitless. They had to find it in themselves to want to fight and not be forced to do so.

She was confused as to why Annie cared so much about where everyone was going. If she remembered correctly, the blonde hadn't shown any interest to get to know her, or the others, during training so this sudden concern for them was unexpected, especially, for Fleur.

With a sigh, she shifted her attention elsewhere, not wanting to be a part of the conversation anymore, and waited for her turn to be inspected.

She couldn't help her eyes from wandering around, and since she was taller than Annie, they landed on the blonde's gear. Fleur's gaze hardened, a frown etched her face as she stared down at it. A strange feeling settled in her stomach.

It was later in the day as Fleur leaned anxiously against the wall in between Sasha and Armin as they waited for the time to make their final decision. Despite the uncertainty that lingered in the back of her mind for what was to come once she joined the Survey Corps, she wouldn't let those doubts influence her choice. She believed it was too late to backtrack. It seemed like a cowardly thing to choose a different, safer regiment after announcing that she'd join the scouts.

A part of her wanted to make her father proud. Follow in his footsteps and avenge him. And the other part had something to prove. Whether it was to herself or others was unknown.

"Hey, Fleur," the soft call of her name brought her back to reality, she turned her head to the right and met Armin's eyes. "I want to talk to you about something."

Her features formed into one of confusion. "Talk about what?"

"It's about what you told me yesterday." He says.

"I said a lot you're going to have to be more specific than that," Fleur tried to recall what she could've said that might have piqued his interest enough to still be thinking about it today.

Armin didn't want to say it out loud. He needed this to be just between them. And everyone was here. "It's important. Trust me."

Without hesitation, she replied, "Okay." Fleur did trust Armin. More than she liked to. So she believed him when he said it was important. Whatever it was.

She looked at Sasha, her face was filled with fear and she was even shaking, avoiding eye contact with everyone. Fleur understood why she was feeling this way, today everyone was going to make a life-changing decision.

"What's on your mind?" Fleur asked, putting her hand on her friend's shoulder to pull her out of her thoughts.

Sasha glanced up, debating if she should be honest or not, before sighing. "I'm scared..."

"Me too," The redhead admitted.

"You don't look it."

"Yeah, but I feel it in here," Fleur said, gesturing a hand to her heart. It was beating fast with apprehension.

Sasha wasn't sure if Fleur was just saying this to make her feel better or if she really was scared. Either way, knowing someone she admired was just as terrified as it comforted her in a way. Especially someone she considered a friend. She wasn't alone.

"You're not the only one who's feeling uneasy about today. We're all dreading it, so it's okay if you feel scared," Fleur got off the wall, hand still on Sasha's shoulder, and stood in front of her. "Just whatever you decide to do, be certain of it, okay?"

Fleur's voice was louder at the last part so those around her could hear. She wanted them to be confident in their choice and not join a regiment they might regret later. She glanced down at Connie briefly, who was in his head, and feeling the same array of emotions as Sasha.

Before Sasha could nod, Armin's voice caused the two girls to turn around to see the tall boy. "Jean! You're really set on the scouts?"

"Yeah." He replied.

Fleur noticed his hesitation.

"Woah, are you serious? I mean, aren't you terrified?" Sasha asked.

"Huh? Of course, I'm scared, I'm not an idiot here," Jean tilted his head.

"Then why are you-"

"Because I am scared of the Titans. And I want to do something about it." He admitted, cutting Connie off, leaving the boy confused by his reasoning. "But listen, I understand that joining the Scouts isn't for everybody. I won't guilt-trip you. Unlike a certain suicidal maniac."

Fleur was still surprised at Jean's change of heart. He was so set on joining the military police but she guessed that after Marco's death, and the horror that took place in Trost, Jean and many other people were having the same realization that change was not going to magically happen without some sort of fight.

"Cadets! Fall in! Head over to the platform! Time to make your choice! Move it!" A man announced loudly, catching everyone's attention.

Fleur and others started to make their way to the platform. Sasha clung to her as if her life depended on it and she didn't mind it. She was glad she could give her friend comfort during these times. Armin stuck close to Mikasa, who hadn't spoken much throughout the day. She must've been preoccupied with Eren's whereabouts.

It was a long walk, and all Fleur could do was get lost in her thoughts. She believed once she joined the Scouts and risked her life for the betterment of humanity, whether she died trying or not, something was bound to change. Pull them closer to freedom because if not, then what's the point in all this? The millions sacrificed deserved to not die in vain. Her father deserved justice. She decided a long time ago that would fight and live for him. To see the outside world like he dreamed of and explore everything he couldn't.

That's why this choice wasn't hard for her. It's the only thing that made sense in her mind. She knew joining any other regiment would drive her crazy. Regret would reside within her for as long as she lived and she didn't want that. She had a choice to fight and was going to take it.

"Fleur?" Sasha softly called her name.

"Yeah?" She replied, still in her thoughts.

"I'll go with you."

Fleur frowned. "Go with me?"

"I mean, join the scouts - with you," Sasha told her.

"Is that what you want to do?" The redhead countered, trying to understand her.

Sasha was quiet for a moment. "Yeah and I know it's the right decision. After what we saw in Trost... I think I'd be really stupid to leave now. I didn't think I'd make any friends when I left my village out of anger but you - you changed that. I don't want you to be alone."

Fleur's eyes widen slightly at the confession. "You're worried about me? Sasha, I don't want you to regret anything but if you're sure then I'm glad to have you by my side."

They hadn't even noticed they made it to the platform. It was dark out now, they were all lined up in rows. Fleur could hear hushed side conversations, the worry and fear in some voices, the shaky breathing. Everything. She could feel her own heartbeat increase. It wasn't long until a man, who she recognized as Commander Erwin Smith from the courthouse, came into view and walked to the center of the stage. His presence called for all eyes on him.

"Good evening." He began, "I am Erwin Smith, Commander of the Survey Corps, also known as the scout regiment. Today, you will choose your regiment. Let's cut to the chase here. The scouts need you. We need all the warm bodies we can get. After the recent Titan attack, you now know first-hand the horrors of which they are capable. As well as the limits of your own skill. However! This battle's aftermath gave humanity a new chance for victory. I refer to Eren Jeager. After selflessly risking life and limb, he has proven beyond a doubt, his unwavering loyalty to our cause. Hope lives in him. Eren didn't just help deter the Titan invasion. He's offered us a means to discern the truth of their origin!"

A gasp slipped from Fleur's mouth.

"Intel suggests that the cellar of Jaeger's home in Shiganshina holds a vital secret regarding our enemy. We will form an expedition to find this secret. Find it. And use it to break free from the Titans' tyrannical hundred-year reign once and for all!"

How did Erwin know Eren wasn't lying? How could the truth possibly be hidden in a cellar after so long? It didn't make sense. And why make this a public announcement? Wouldn't it be safer to keep this confidential? Fleur's eyebrows furrowed in confusion as stared up at the man. Who was he trying to bait?

"Before we can reach the aforementioned cellar in Shiganshina, another problem must be dealt with. We must first retake Wall Maria. Of course, this is much easier said than done." Two more scouts joined Erwin on stage, displaying a map of the Walls. "And now that the gate of Trost has been rendered inaccessible, we'll be forced to stage future operations from the Calanath District, further east. Thus, the battalion route we've spent the last four years establishing is now completely useless to us. Over the course of those four years, we've incurred losses in excess of sixty percent. Sixty percent in four years. That's a horrifying figure."

"One month from now we will conduct a recon mission outside the walls. Recruits from among our ranks will be expected to take part. I estimate a third of them will die. After four years, most will be dead. But those who endure will be amongst the most capable soldiers alive." Erwin paused for a moment. "Now having heard this dismal state of affairs, whoever still wishes to put their life on the line and join us, remain here. But first, ask yourself. Can you give your heart? Can you give everything for humanity? That is all. Those wanting to join other regiments are dismissed."

There was a moment of silence before the shuffling of feet to leave took over. Fleur watched the people around her make their exit one by one without sparing the action a second thought. She would've followed them if she had anything left back at home, but she didn't. It was destroyed and tainted with bad memories. She'd seen it all from the beginning- the way those monsters invade and kill and leave you with nightmares. It was hell. She didn't want to ever go back. This was her only choice. To fight.

The footsteps faded until there was stillness. Out of hundreds, only a small amount of cadets stayed. Most were from the 104th class and that didn't surprise Fleur. If anyone was going to join the scouts, it would be them.

"I ask you, If you were ordered to die, could you do it?" Erwin queried. 

Annie had asked them the same question.

"We don't want to die, sir!"

"Of course. Let us hope that you don't then. You who stayed, you are now one of us. Allow me to welcome you to the Scout Regiment. This is a genuine salute, Soldiers! Together we give our hearts!" Erwin said, putting a fist over his heart, the cadets followed suit.

There was no going back now. Fleur breathed out, a weight lifting off her shoulders. It had taken so long to get to this point, now she had to make her shot worth it.

"Those of you standing here have worked through your fear. You have proven yourselves courageous. Each one of you has my respect."

Fleur imagined the training leading up to the expedition would be more combat-based. Instead, it was focused on Erwin's precise scouting formation. They spent days memorizing it. But one question came to Fleur's mind when reviewing the new information. Where would Eren be? The boy's exact location during the whole expedition was unknown or rather unclear. It confused her. How were she and others supposed to protect him if the situation called for it if they had no idea where he'd be?

It just didn't make sense. But she couldn't dwell on the question any longer. It was the day of their expedition and it was safe to assume that she was nervous. Her knuckles were white as she held on tightly to the reins of her horse. She pictured herself to be more secure in her choice at this moment and not some anxious wreck. She needed to calm down. Her eyes found the large bell ringing signaling that the Titans in the vicinity had been lured away. There were only thirty seconds left until the gate opened.

And time seemed to slow.

Fleur's breathing quickened, everything she'd been learning for the past month to prepare for this came in flashes. She had to remember every single detail. She didn't want to fail or be the reason she or someone else died. Her horse let out a noise, it was getting restless. And then the gate opened, she realized. The stone slid up to reveal nothing but destruction.

At Erwin's signal, everyone moved forward. 

"It's officially begun. The 57th Recon Mission! Scouts move out!"

- AUTHORS NOTE
hello... I know it's been a while since I've updated this story. Specifically, two years. I've taken this book down and republished it a couple of times which I am sorry for. I was indecisive but I promise this time I plan on actually pushing through. We're so close to season two which is where the story finally picks up. I'm excited to write a very specific reunion! Hopefully, there are still some of you who are interested in reading this story... I hope you continue to stick around. I'm so grateful for the love Descent to hell (Devils of Paradis) has received for the last two years! Please continue to support whether it's by commenting or voting and leaving feedback. Thank you :)