"As you all know this is the second annual twerk-off to help raise money for our impending doom. So anyways whoever drops it low the longest wins and gives us a million dollars because we're all losers here." I say to the crowd of millions of people trying to get a glimpse at the twerk champ. "Up first Slaybitch and his crew Catpiss and Peter. They will be doin I Volunteer As Twerkute. Wow that name is terrible."

They were decent but not what I was looking for. I didn't even give them time to finish because let's face it they'll never be Pros at this sport. So I just bitch slap them to Canada. At least they'll have more time to live with their souls intact.

"Up next. Tenzin Eating." I say sassily into the microphone. Tobias, Tenzin, and I had our last names changed to Eating instead of Eaton so we could always be eating.

Tenzin drops it low and twerks to the beat until he just can't take it anymore. A lot of people boo him off of the stage and some maybe including me. I watch as my son flips off the entire audience and twerks in someone's face. I'm so proud of him. The contestants are finally done when the judges decide who will be in the final twerk-off. Of course it's my son. I'm not saying if I rigged the contest or not. The other two final contestants are Cedric Diggory...wait Edward Cullen. I honestly don't know anymore. The last contestant is...Shrek. I must say I admire his booty work but I hate how he has more views on Youtube than me.

"Okay the final contestants will twerk until the last child, sparkly fairy bitch, or ogre standing or are you Cedric Diggory. Oh Whale. May the odds not be in your favor because ya'll suck. Whoa go mother of potluckers!" I yell into the microphone.

All of them start twerking and some of them add a little flare to their routine. Of course Tenzin drops out and starts shaking from all the exertion. He starts talking about Teletubbies. And that's when everyone sees them. The Teletubbies. *gasp*. Shrek and Cedric/Edward are still so focused on the contest that they don't even notice.

Shrek looks up and sees a Teletubby(idk how to spell that) and is so shocked that he falls to the ground. He shrieks. Shrek keeps on whispering "It's all ogre now" into the microphone he stole from me.

"Wow you just got shreked Shrek. I won you piece of lard." Edward shouts at Shrek.

"How'd you know my mother is half-butter Edric." Shrek says looking dumfounded.

"Edric really Cedric died a long time ago so stop getting me mixed up with him. Anyways good job I shall now congratulate you with a booty five." Edward says as he bumps butts with Shrek.

"So anyways guys I guess it's time to say your goodbyes to each other because all of our souls will be sucked out sooner or later. Unless... We can at least try to defeat the Teletubbies together with our Strong, powerful, united booties. Everyone twerk in that general direction" I demand them as I point at the first Teletubbie. Everyone twerks at it and surprisingly it suffocates from all our bootifulness. The remaining three Teletubbies come at us all at once. We use our twerking power at them but they're smart too smart and they somehow suck our souls through the incoming booty. Well I might as well speak for all of us. We wasn't ready.

"Well that was a fail. Look at all the souls they have sucked through this method." I whisper to Shrek as I feel the last remaining piece of my soul being sucked out.

Shrek nods and says into the microphone, "It's all over now." As everyone's souls gets sucked out. We were the last humans on earth and we all died to some saggy Teletubbies. That was my final thought.

The End.

Wow I only had six parts in this story. Well the end. Kay bye.