"One day, when you don't love me anymore, I will erase all my traces and disappear as if I never existed in your life", she told me with a strange attitude.

"Why do you have to erase traces?", I was surprised and confused.

"I don't want your next lover to be hurt when she finds our mementos", she said.

I vaguely understood what she meant. The mementos from my ex-girlfriend often annoyed her. Whenever she discovered those things, she asked me to throw them away but I just took them to a secret place. From the stuffed bear to the old photos, things I once considered treasures now had to nestle in dusty dark corners. I did not want to treat my mementos like that. I wanted to cherish the past and hoped that she would understand. But I also understood that my past hurt her. Although it was not my fault as she was the latter, she was still angry with me for not being the integrity when I came to her life. She was often jealous of me as I was the first one to make her heart flutter. First love was something sacred and flawless to her. Deep inside, she admired me like a god on Mount Olympus and wanted me to be willing to sacrifice anything for love like her. That sometimes made me tired. After a reckless and troublesome youth, I just wanted a simple love. I did not require anything from her but being honest, accepting weakness of each other and not betraying. In short, the difference between us was that I loved with the mind while she loved with the heart. I wanted a sustainable relationship while she wanted a passionate love. That difference sometimes brought us troubles. She was disappointed as I did not love her passionately and I was hurt when she got intimate with other guys and excused that whatever happen, she only loved me.

Once she asked me with a mysterious smile:

"Have you loved Linh Phuong before?"

"How do you know that?", I asked her.

"I know everything", she said.

"You read my diary, didn't you? Do you know that it's a violation of other's privacy?"

"There's nothing between us to hide"

"Although you are my girlfriend, there are my private things which you don't have the right to touch. I always respect you and never touch your private things while you always do the opposite."

"I just want to know more about you"

"Knowing more about my past only hurt you"

"I know but I can't stop myself from discovering everything about you".

Since then, she kept rummaging my past: yahoo conversation, my posts on forums and blog, etc. everything keep traces of my soul. I had to ignore that as I can't stop the curiosity of women. They are willing to do unreasonable things in the name of love.

Although we had gone through many storms, love also brought us much sweetness. I had held her hands going on countless streets and visiting countless restaurants. Once we traveled to Da Nang city without making any plans. We just bought tickets and got on the trains. After getting off the train, we lost and had to stay at a gloomy hostel room which looked like a restroom. Next morning, we walked halfway around the city to find a small beautiful hotel on the romantic Bach Dang Road. For a several days in Da Nang, we held hands through a lot of streets, visiting many places. We seemed to be the only couple to hold hands on the streets. I hadn't seen any couples like us. I told her that Da Nang would miss us when we leave. In the morning, we always went to Lu Coffee for fried egg bread and coffee. We went to meet friends in the afternoon and took a walk along the Han River. Every evening the riverside walking path was as cheerful and bustling as in the Sword Lake of Hanoi. Couples took a stroll, teenagers learned to ride on roller skates and old people did exercise, while I and her walked through the cool breeze together, talking about little things and sightseeing the Han River. She told me a poem of a Russian poetess which I just remembered the sentence "I want to kiss you on the old bridge". It was one of the reasons why I loved her. Her melodious voice took me to the childhood when I sometimes listened to storytelling on radio. After she finished the poem, I asked her:

"Do you want me to kiss you on the Han River Bridge?"

She nodded shyly.

We went to the Han River Bridge.

There I gave her a passionate kiss.

Winds blew coolly and street lights sparkled.

Those were our greatest moments.

If our life only had such trips, the whole things between us would be perfect. However, life is full of worries. While I tried to balance between career and love, she required me to pay so much attention to her. If I failed to do that, she would have started to make trouble and ask me to break up. I was tired of fighting.

"Do you still love me?", she asked me.

"Yes, of course."

"When will you stop loving me?"

"Never"

"Please tell me when you don't love me anymore. I don't want you to stay with me only because of responsibility."

"Why do you often have weird thoughts?"

"Recently I've felt that you haven't loved me like before"

"You know, I have many things to do."

"Yeah, I know, but you made me have that feeling"

Her words made me confused. I knew that I still loved her but it was not the foolish love of teenagers. I loved her with a simple love. Sometimes I wonder if it was love or something else. I just wanted a tender love. I no longer wanted a bustling life, no longer wanted my heart to suffer. I just wanted to love and live as normally as everyone else.

The contradictions in our love had still existed until the day she suddenly disappeared. I was not be able to contact her for a few days. Her mobile phone was off, so was her Yahoo Messenger nickname, and her Facebook account was deactivated. Then one day, her friend came and gave me her letter. The delicate words were like knives stabbing to my heart.

"Darling,

When you read this letter, you will not see me again. I will disappear from your life as if I have never existed. I deleted all photos of mine in your laptop and took all the things that could remind of me from your rooms. You will forget me and love someone else. I don't want her to suffer like I used to do. I still love you and will love you forever. But I feel that it's time to step out of your life. I don't want you to endure a difficult and erratic girl like me. I want you to love someone beautiful and gentle. I want you to be happy. I love you."

A year has passed since the day she disappeared. She left me with the memories of our love. I saw her silhouette in the roads, the restaurants and the cafe we used to come. I missed her melodious voice and lovely smile. I was not ready to start a new love. I found it difficult to start again. I was afraid that everything would come to an end someday. When it happens, love will bring us so many hurts and losses. I was no longer the one who rush into any love affair. Love now reminded me of worry more than excitement. Thus, I continued to live the single life. I kept working and waiting. I was waiting for the day she reappears and tell me:

"Darling, I'm back!"