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Dedicated to @numinums na nakachat ko sa FB. Salamat sa pagbabasa at masaya ako na nagustuhan mo. Dahil sa mga sinabi mo nainspire akong isulat tong chapter na to at magupdate ng maaga. :)

CHAPTER 7

Everywhere I went, I felt people's eyes watching me.

Okay lang sana yun eh. Lagi naman kaming pinagtitinginan ng mga kaibigan ko dahil sa family namin. One wrong move at malalagay kami sa mga gossip magazines or worse—tabloids. So I was used to it.

Pero iba yung ngayon kasi pagkatapos ng tinginan, may kasama pang bulungan. Sobrang nakakairita yung ganun kasi wala man lang effort maging discreet. So I just held my chin higher and continued walking. Ayokong magmukhang kawawa. Ayokong maging api katulad ng mga sa telenovela. Ayoko din bigyan ang mga chismosa ng bagong bala. Tama na yung sa break-up namin ni Mike na I'm sure iba't ibang version na ng story ang kumakalat ngayon.

I passed by a mirror and took a second to glance at my reflection.

Mukhang okay naman. Nag-effort kasi ako sa pagmake-up. Halos maubos yung tube ng concealer ko kakalagay sa paligid ng mata ko para hindi halata yung pamamaga. Besides, chinita naman ako at talagang maliit na yung mata ko.

Also, I took extra care with my appearance today. Sinuot ko yung black skater skirt ko which reached halfway down my thighs. I also wore my white polka-dot top and black leather bolero with metal studs. I also wore high-heels today instead of my usual boots.

Ewan ko kung bakit pero there's something about wearing heels that boosts my confidence. Sabi nila nakakaimprove kasi ng posture ang heels at nakakahaba tignan ng legs. Pero it does so much more than that for me.

Did I wear this to show Mike what he threw away? Actually, no. I wore this for me. Nice clothes are a woman's armor. It gives a woman confidence and strength to take on anything life can throw at us. And right now, I really needed this.

I heard someone whistle and I turned around.

I smiled when I saw Ellie. "Wow. Nakakatibo naman," Ellie shouted. Then, she laughed and natawa na din ako. "Sorry, I don't swing that way," sagot ko. She laughed harder as she leaned against her locker. "So happy to hear you laughing again. Iiyak ng dugo si Mike pag nakita ka nun. This is the Drei I knew before."

I gave her my sweetest smile. "Bahala siya sa buhay niya. Wala na kong pakialam. Magpakasaya siya kay Valerie."

Biglang dumating si Aubrey. "Bat narinig ko yung pangalan ni Valerie? Sabunutan na ba? Ready na ko."

I rolled my eyes. "I won't stoop down to their level. Hindi ako palengkera. Bahala sila sa buhay nila. They can kiss on every backstage Mike's band goes to and I won't care," sagot ko.

Actually, that was pride talking. Syempre masakit pa kapag nakakita ako ng pictures or makita ko silang magkasama. Tulad nga ng sinabi ng friends ko, parang si Mike yung first love ko. Oo, may mga naging boyfriend ako from before pero si Mike yung unang naging seryoso. Siya lang yung sobrang minahal ko.

Sabi nga nila, first love never dies. I don't think that's right. Love fades. It's the memories of that first love that's never going to fade. Pero yung love and the pain that comes with losing that first love? It would fade. Everything changes and that goes for feelings as well. The love you felt, along with the pain, will fade in time. And speaking of time, tama yung sabi nila na it heals all wounds.

"Kaya mo na bang pumasok ngayon? Will you be okay?" MC asked. Kakadating lang niya and she asked this as she was opening her locker.

"Kaya yan!" I shouted, giving myself an inner pep-talk.

"Uh-oh. Trouble ahead," Ellie whispered.

She motioned behind me with her lips and I slowly turned around. Bumilis yung tibok ng puso ko when I saw Mike. And just like that, everything I felt came crashing down. The band aid was ripped and the wound started bleeding again. Lahat ng sakit biglang parang fresh ulit. Parang hindi ko naiiyak lahat at gusto ko ulit umiyak ng umiyak.

Mike stopped in front of me.

When he did, everything fell silent. Parang ni walang humihinga sa lahat ng mga tao sa hallway para lang marinig nila yung mga susunod na pangyayari.

"Drei, can we talk?" he asked.

"Ano pang pag-uusapan natin Mike?" I hissed.

Again, people started to whisper. Mike looked around uncomfortably. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Wag dito, Drei. You still have thirty minutes before your next class. Can we go somewhere a bit more private?"

"She's not going with you, jerk," Ellie hissed. Mike's eyes flashed when he looked at Ellie. Si Ellie naman, she just glared at him.

"Tama na. Okay, I'll go. But nothing you say will convince me, Mike. Also, kung gusto mo lang ng apology... don't waste your breath. Hindi kita kayang patawarin ngayon. I'll go with you pero this is just for closure."

Sobrang sakit at bigat sa puso sabihin ng mga salitang yon. But they needed to be said. Hindi ko na talaga bibigyan ng isa pang chance si Mike. Minahal ko sya pero he cheated on me. And as they say: once a cheater, always a cheater.

I'll talk to him for closure. I'll say all the things I needed to say. I may cry afterwards pero yun na yun. After that, I'll move on and never look back.

Mike turned around and I followed him to the parking lot. He opened the door of his car and I got in. He went to the other side and started the engine. He turned the aircon to full blast. Some part of me was touched na naalala pa niya na hinihika ako kapag mainit.

He didn't speak for several seconds. I just waited. Alangan namang ako pa mauna magsalita di ba?

Mike slammed his hands on the steering wheel. "Drei, I know I messed up. I'm so sorr—" I stopped what he was saying by holding up my hand. "Mike, sinabi ko na sayo na I don't want to hear an apology from you."

"But what else am I supposed to say? Yun naman talaga yung gusto kong sabihin eh! Gusto kong magsorry kasi gago ako!"

I didn't say anything. Parang ang petty naman kung sasang-ayon pa ko sakanya. At hindi ko din naman idedeny kasi tama naman yung sinabi niya. Biglang may memory na nagflash sa utak ko. Naalala ko si Reeve when he said the words 'gago siya' in his British accent.

"Drei!" Mike hissed.

Just like that, nawala yung ngiti ko. "Look, alam kong ayaw mo na tong marinig but for what it's worth, I'm sorry. I'd do anything just to win you back. Please, Drei... give me another chance. I love you so damned much."

"No." I shook my head.

Mike closed his eyes and sighed.

"I loved you before, Mike. Pinagkatiwalaan din kita ng buong buo pero anong ginawa mo? Tapos ang kapal pa ng mukha mo sabihin sakin na mahal mo ko? Eh anong ginawa mo? Yung pagkakamali Mike would be one drunken kiss—still something that can be forgiven. Pero yung you deliberately hid your relationship from me... that's unforgiveable. Ni hindi ko nga alam gano mo na ko katagal niloloko."

His eyes opened and I saw the tears pooling in them. My heart twisted. Sobrang sakit makita ng ganon. Gusto ko ding umiyak pero I fought to be strong. One side of me wanted to hug him, wipe his tears away, and take him back. The other side of me wanted to fight and be strong. That side was the one that made the most sense.

"Drei... I know na nagkamali ako. Masyado kasi akong nasasaktan sa inyo ni Reeve. I just wanted to make you jealous pero things got out of hand."

I snorted. "Talagang hinila mo pa si Reeve dito eh no? Alam mo, Mike, kung nagseselos ka, the prudent thing would've been to talk to me about it. Hindi yung hahanap ka ng ibang babae para pagselosin ako. Ano tayo, mga bata? Highschool? We're about to graduate, Mike! It's time to be mature!"

"I'm so sorry, Drei. Please... Bigyan mo pa ako ng isang chance."

I shook my head. "It's over, Mike. I'm so sorry."

"Hindi mo na ako mahal?"

I didn't confirm it. I didn't deny it either.

Mahal ko pa sya. Pero sakin na lang yun. Ang mahal ko yung Mike from before. I barely know the guy sitting beside me.

"Love would fade over time, Mike. What I can tell you is you shattered my trust. Walang wala ng natira. And we can't have a relationship without trust."

Again, he slammed his hands on the steering wheel. "Pano na ngayon? Are you going to run to Reeve?"

Dahil sa mga salitang yun, naubos na ang pasensya ko.

"Don't drag Reeve into this. Ikaw ang boyfriend ko dati, Mike. Si Reeve, best friend ko. At ang layo niya sakin. Bakit ka pa maiinsecure sa isang tao na sa phone ko lang nakakausap? Isang taong pinagkukwentuhan ko lang ng problema ko? Eh ikaw ang boyfriend ko na kasama ko araw araw? That's below the belt, Mike. Hindi ako ang nagcheat. Ikaw. So don't point fingers."

"Drei... I can't let you go."

"You have to. There's nothing more for us, Mike."

After saying that, tumulo na yung luha ko. I quickly wiped it away with my hand. Konti na lang, Drei. Be strong for a few more seconds and this is all going to be over.

As far as closures go, okay na ko. Nasabi ko na yung mga gusto kong sabihin. And I'm proud of myself because I was able to keep calm. Hindi ako umiyak at lalong hindi ako nagwala. Lahat ng sakit nailabas ko na without sounding so bitter.

So what's left?

Paano nga ba magpaalam sa isang ex-lover? How do we end this conversation? Do I hug him one last time? Do I just walk away without another word? Do I look back or not at all?

I was still deciding on it when Mike reached over and pulled me close. Naamoy ko yung perfume na binigay ko sakanya before. He never changed his scent and used it always. Dati, tuwing maamoy ko yun tuwing niyayakap niya ko, I felt peaceful...

Now... Wala na yung peace.

Instead, there was this tug on my heart. Yung parang feeling na huling beses mo na mararamdaman ang ganito or mahahawakan ang isang bagay. Yung alam mo na after mo maglet go... wala na.

I closed my eyes and hugged Mike back.

I guess this is how we'll say goodbye.

"Take care of yourself, Mike," I whispered.

He hugged me tighter. "Drei, I won't let you go. Never. I'll win back your trust no matter what it takes. I'll fight for us and show you that I'm worth giving a second chance."

I pulled back and he let me go.

Wala na akong masabi. Hindi ko na din triny sumagot kasi baka umiyak na ko ng tuluyan. Naubos na yung strength ko and the armor I placed around myself was slowly cracking. Oras na para umalis.

I opened the door of his car and got out without another word. With my head bowed, I walked back to our classroom. Wala na akong pakialam dun sa mga walang magawa sa buhay nila kung hindi pagkwentuhan ang buhay ng ibang mga tao.

I told myself I'll look back one last time to check on Mike bago ako tuluyang pumasok. Nagulat na lang ako na malayo na ako sa parking lot. Nasa classroom na ako and I was looking at Ellie, MC and Aubrey's questioning faces.

I realized masyado akong naging preoccupied sa mga chismosa... and I wasn't able to look back.

*********************************************

Hi nga pala sa lahat ng mga nakilala ko nung Pop Fiction Signing sa Market Market last Saturday (June 28) [Kung meron mang nagbabasa sa inyo nito. Haha]

It was super nice meeting you guys and I'm so happy kasi first event yun na pinuntahan ko. And yes, I'm part of the Summit Family already.

TBDMC will be published under Summit next year. :)