I am going to die, much sooner than I want to.

I haven't left the training room since I invaded Ben's head. Snippets of his version of events of that night still haunt my brain. I've got a headache that won't go away. Is that a side effect of pulling answers from someone's mind?

My stomach growls, begging for food. I'm too upset to want to eat. If I step out of this room, who's to say there aren't troopers outside waiting to arrest me or kill me on sight? Who's to say Ben isn't waiting out there to kill me himself? The look he gave me...

I don't want to believe Ben Solo would murder me, but if he killed fellow Padawans at the Academy, I might not be so safe.

I did move myself from the center of the room, propped against the same wall the rods are against. Across the room lays the door, a door which I don't want to go out of. I sense fleeting presences walk by, none have lingered close enough for me to worry.

In theory, prying into Ben's mind was revenge. A good idea at the time. Now, I believe I've royally screwed this whole thing up. Any trust he's claimed to have given me is now gone, and I may never get it back.

In that one move alone, I've sentenced myself to lethal punishment.

When the door opens, I stand up, grabbing my normal practice rods in warning. I swallow. His cold presence drops the room's temperature. But it's not a cold anger...it's just cold.

He steps into the room, an unreadable expression on his features. I inhale sharply, ready for the worst. I can't even hope for the best, that's how much I know I've screwed this up.

"Have you been in here all this time?" he asks me quietly, though with the vast space in this room, his voice echoes loudly in my ears.

I merely nod, still wary of his intentions of confronting me.

"Don't do the silent treatment with me, Amara. It's been a long day for us both. Come, get some food, and get some rest."

I cock my head, confused. "What's your play, Ren?"

"No play." He looks almost...defeated. Like when I peeked into his head, I stole something from him. "I sort of saw the preview my mind gave you. Tell me, what did you see?"

I keep my lips pursed.

"Amara," he says tiredly.

"What will happen to me if I tell you?"

"Nothing."

I squint. "I don't believe that."

"Tell me what you saw."

I exhale loudly. "I think...I think it was the night the Academy was destroyed." I feel my throat close up. "I think...it was from your eyes, what I was seeing. But what I saw...it doesn't seem true. Did...did Master Skywalker try to kill you?"

"You weren't privy to that information."

"You weren't privy to any of mine, so I'd say it was fair game. Besides, it didn't seem as though you had intentions to stop me."

"Now you see the truth. Luke Skywalker isn't as virtuous as you thought. He's not the hero he's been painted."

"You can call him your uncle," I suggest carefully. I'm fully aware of Ben Solo's lineage. Son of Han Solo and Leia Organa, two famed heroes in the time the Rebel Alliance fought against the Emperor. Nephew to Luke Skywalker, whose father was Darth Vader, a prominent figure in the Empire.

It seems that Ben didn't want to walk down his parents' or his uncle's path, but rather his grandfather's.

"I don't look back to the past."

I shake my head. "You...you didn't have to tear the Academy apart. You didn't have to kill people. You...you overreacted."

"I overreacted? He was going to kill me if I didn't do something! It...you weren't there, Amara."

"Um, I was there. Did you forget?"

"You weren't there. You weren't there, with him over you, about to slay you. You could never understand the betrayal and heartbreak that I felt when I saw him poised to kill."

"Did he actually harm you?" That was one thing I did not see. I'm not sure I saw everything from that night, but that was certainly for the best.

"No."

"Then he could have realized what he was about to do and stopped himself. You can't assume he wanted to kill you."

"He was willing to murder me as I slept, Amara. I...I reacted on instinct."

"So your instinct is to harm and murder?"

"My instinct is to protect myself, to survive. Sometimes survival gets messy."

I can't believe this. He's trying to justify murder to me. He's trying to justify his snap. I'm not sure what I should say as a rebuttal.

"Come with me," he says. It's not a barked order, more like a cautious suggestion.

"Why should I?"

"Just...please. Drop the rods, and follow me."

My heart begins to race. He waits for me by the door. Very wary of his intentions, I drop the rods back against their wall and follow him. I expect we're going to the Supreme Leader so I can hear the words "kill her". Maybe I'll be put before a firing squad. I can't see why he's taking this so...calmly. I was expecting a harsher reaction, like one when I had called him "Ben" to his face.

I don't recognize the path we take until a pair of doors open. The cold air is a shock to my system, as well as the white earth.

"We're taking a walk," he tells me.

I don't step into his footprints in the snow as I follow him. The air is bitter, and I'm chilled through my clothes. "Is anyone going to notice we're gone?"

"They'll get over it."

I'm not sure what planet I'm on. All I know is that I dislike the cold. The snow is pretty to look at, though. Currently, no snowfall occurs.

"Are you leading me off base to my execution grounds?"

"Stop that," he scolds me. "We don't get much privacy, even when we are training. Here, we can."

"What's this about, Ren?"

"What happened in our last session...I've never had my own trick turned against me. As I told you, no one has had the privilege to get inside my mind. You invaded. But, as you said, I suppose I had it coming. I dug through your mind first. I let your intrusion get the better of me, and in that I almost hurt you. I could have done a lot worse had I not...I'm sorry, it was not my intention." He looks away woefully. "You must see me as the monster who destroyed the Jedi Temple."

I don't want to say that he's right, but right now, he's a wounded animal. He's in self-loathe mode.

"I don't want you to fear me, Amara. I want you to trust me. If I have made you afraid, it's understandable. My temper is not the best."

I regard him with a calm look. "I don't fear you, Ren. I fear failure, if you want me to name one."

"Since I turned my back on the Light, I was able to put the past behind me. And then, you find your way in, a walking, haunting reminder. It's why I struggle."

"I...I didn't know." Truthfully, Ben is a walking reminder of my failure as his friend. If I were better, he wouldn't go under the name Kylo Ren. He'd still remain Ben Solo to this day. The thought builds in my throat, but I hold it in. "Wait...you struggle?"

"As I said, you're a reminder of the past. Of...of who I used to be. I always told you to forget the past...sometimes I think I was saying it more for myself so I could believe it. I was so sure that this is my path, but now...you're making me question it."

"And what does that mean, exactly?"

"It means...it means that I am at a crossroads that I never thought I'd be in the middle of. I'm in the Dark, but you...you ignite the smallest pull towards the Light."

I don't want to be fooled if this is an act. But I don't want to consider it an act if this is, in fact, real. "Snoke wouldn't like your words," I tell him neutrally.

"Which is why he will never hear me utter them. You won't run off to tell him...will you?"

The fact that his tone suggests he's afraid that I will run to tattle on him solidifies my answer all the more. "No. Never."

"That's not the answer I was expecting."

"You think I'd tell Snoke about this conversation? I'm...though I'm learning, I'm on that fence, the one you find yourself on now. I'm sure you've realized it from the beginning. Saying you want to be something is one thing but the commitment to become...it's difficult. We can figure out which path we take, together. But...we must keep up our routine and training. If we decide to go down the path that Snoke does not want us to be on, we can't let suspicion rise."

"You continue to shock me, Mar."

I choke up at hearing my nickname. Does this mean...? I tempt fate: "As do you, Ben."

I don't get flung into snow. I don't get a sneer, or a threat from him. Compared to the first time, this is the first sign of genuine progress.

I can't consider this a sure victory just yet, as I have yet to verify if this is true or if this is some mind game he's playing with me, whether it's a personal thing for him or if it's by Snoke's orders. For now, I'll take anything I can get.

**You know I gotta ask y'all if you think Ben is being legit with Amara or if he's just screwing around her.

If any of you have read Wayward, my first Kylo fic, you may be inclined to be believe one thing. If you haven't, truthfully I'm not sure where you may stand on this.**