Josie's set up was meeting me at the wing bar. I knew very little of this Laurence, other than the fact that Josie had met them at an LGBTQ+ convention and their pronouns were they/them. Josie was clearly excited, but so had all my other friends been with their set ups.

     Laurence had made reservations in a corner booth. I was to find them there, instructed to look for the person with a blue blazer and jet-black hair. It wasn't much of a description, but I found them easily.

     Choppy black hair falling just below their ears, Laurence seemed at complete ease, looking patiently out the window, crossed legs under the table completely still. Their evident ease helped subside some of my jitters. Those last few steps towards the booth, suddenly weren't so difficult.

     "You must be Yasmine," they greeted me with a stunning smile and a polite side hug.

     "Nice to meet you, Laurence." I smiled back, taking Oliver's advice of not catastrophizing. I would not set anything on fire with the candle that was lit in our table's center piece. I was perfectly capable of entertaining a normal evening.

     We started with brief introductions, both sharing stories of how we met Josie. Laurence was easy to talk to, an attentive listener and great at prompting more responses.

     I hated to be that person, but when the waitress left with our orders, I placed my phone on the table with an apologetic smile.

     "I hope you don't mind," I said. "I usually wouldn't bring my phone on a date, but I left the intern alone with a particularly grumpy American Foxhound."

     They waved the matter off, not the slightest bit concerned by the phone. "Josie told me you were a vet." They spoke with genuine interest. "You just recently opened your clinic, right? Must be busy."

     I nodded appreciatingly. "Very. But we've got a great team."

     "I used to want to work in that field. I've been horse racing since I was six. Loved everything about horses, but I saw my mare give birth and immediately rejected the medical part of it all."

     I laughed, falling into the story of my first horse birth, which had been considerably better than the cow birth. I asked them more about their mare named Bailey, chatting easily. I was enjoying their story about the time Bailey sprained her ankles and Laurence had to borrow their cousin's half blind mare when my phone started buzzing. Subtly I looked at the screen. Mom lit up and I hung up immediately.

     Laurence wasn't perturbed, they kept talking, until the device started shaking again. I hung up again.

     "You can get that if you want."

     "It's my mom," I said. "It's probably not important."

     "Are you sure?"

     "Oh yeah. She's probably calling to criticize the new flowers I had put in front of my clinic."

     Laurence laughed lightly, until the phone rang a third time. "I'd feel better if you answered that," they admitted. "Just in case it is an emergency."

     I nodded dejectedly. "Sorry about this. I'll make it quick."

     Reaching for the phone, I readied myself mentally as I always did before facing my mother. "Hello?"

     "I need your recommendation." She didn't bother with returned greetings. "Collies or French Bulldog?"

     "What?"

     "Sean and I are getting a dog."

     "That's great," I answered absurdly. She had called unceasingly for this? "I'd love to continue this discussion, but I'm kind of busy right now."

     "Busy doing what?"

     "I'm on a date. I'll call you back tonight."

     "A date?" She questioned. The quick change in her tone made me pause. Uh oh. She went from cheerful to suspicious. "Elias said that you and Arty weren't hanging out tonight."

     "How would he know that?"

     "The map on the yellow ghost app," she said. "Elias said your locations aren't together."

     Pinching the bridge of my nose, I swallowed a groan. "He forgot his phone at home," I covered.

     "Oh, ok." She fell for it, tone immediately changing. She was giddy again. "Put him on the phone, I want his opinion too."

      "Date, mom," I reminded. "We'll do this later."

     "Come on, it's Arty. He won't mind."

     "He's in the bathroom."

     "I'll wait."

      "Why is it so important to do this now?"

     "Why not?" she retorted. "Unless you're hiding something."

     Of course, I was hiding something! "Of course, I'm not hiding anything. Give me a minute."

     Putting down the phone and placing it on mute, I dragged my hands down my face, almost forgetting about Laurence.

      "Everything alright?" They asked.

      I startled at their voice, sitting up straight to look at them only to let my head fall back in my hands. How was I going to explain this? Taking a moment to compose myself, I doubled checked that my phone was muted and launched into the fake boyfriend story. They were trying to be understanding, but I could tell Laurence was put off. The entire date atmosphere was a bust, earlier mood completely flipped.

     "Are you down to do me a favor?" I asked warily.

      "What's the favor?"

     "Would you make a phone call for me? Just so Oliver can say hello and then we can pretend this never happened."

     Chuckling lightly, Laurence retrieved the phone from their blazer pocket. "Josie did say this date would be interesting." I couldn't tell if they were trying to reassure me or themself.

     "Glad, I didn't disappoint."

     Taking Laurence's phone, I punched in Oliver's number.

     He didn't answer on the first ring, surely not recognizing the number. I left a short message, pleading him to return the call. A few seconds later Laurence's phone rang, and I almost jumped for joy. He was always coming to my rescue.

      "Thank god," I sighed into the phone that I put on speaker phone.

      "Yasmine?" Oliver asked over the sound of clinging dishes. I forgot he was working tonight.

     "I'm so sorry to bother you."

     "You weren't joking when you said that you had bad date karma. It can't have been that bad?" Oliver was clearly amused.

      Remind me why I thought the speaker phone was a good idea. I coughed nervously. "Actually, I'm still on the date."

     "Hello," Laurence greeted awkwardly.

     There was a pause on the other end of the line.

      "I hate to be the bearer of bad news," Oliver finally started. "But if you thought calling me on a date was a good idea, then I don't think it's bad karma. You're just a bad date."

     Laurence choked on their water, failing to stifle their laughter. I groaned, once again hiding my face in my hair.

     "I can assure you that this isn't what I had in mind," I said, continuing to tell him about my mother's call and Eli's snooping. "So, I just need you to say hello and we'll find an excuse to end the call."

     "I got it," Oliver answered confidently.

     "You already have a cover story?"

     "No, but I'll think of something. I work well under pressure. Unmute your phone."

     Only hesitating a few seconds, I did as he asked. I held the two phones close together.

     "What took you so long, Yasmine? I—"

     "Sorry, Zaina," Oliver cut in politely, his usual charming self. "The bathroom line-up was crazy. Seems like the volcano wings didn't settle well with most people."

     "Arty!" mom replied enthusiastically. "No worries. I don't get why Yasmine couldn't stay on the line, though."

     "She was checking up on me," he answered smoothly. "Yasmine was telling me about the dog. That's exciting!"

     "Isn't it?"

     "I definitely want to hear more about it, maybe Yaz and I can come over after work sometime this week," he said. That wasn't part of the plan. Then again, we never made a plan. A part of me wondered if I ought to worry about how close he was coming to be with my family. Even Quinn didn't offer to hang out with my mother. "I hate to end the call so quick but my buddy's a chef here and he's letting me use part of the kitchen. I thought it would be romantic for Yaz and I to have our own private supper."

      Some called it romantic, others called it cheesy. My mother was the former.

     "Oh, absolutely." She may as well have squealed. "That's a great idea!"

      With a promise to arrange plans to talk about dogs, mom hung up. I couldn't see Oliver, but I could imagine he was sporting a satisfied grin. The same grin that painted his face when he won a round of Just Dance.

      "Oliver Mattie, heroic, mother whisperer, I owe you big time," I said.

     "It was nothing," he laughed. "But I do have to go now. Wouldn't want to overcook the Lemieux' lobsters."

     I returned Laurence's phone warily. They rightfully looked baffled. I'm sure of all the ways they had envisioned this date going, this wasn't anywhere near one of the envisaged scenarios.

     "Have you known Oliver a long time?" Laurence approached the conversation with equal wariness.

      I filled them in on the few weeks I'd known the chef, minorly distracted by three old men at a nearby table. They kept looking over in our corner, straining their necks to study our semi-secluded booth. They looked away every time I caught them looking, but though I only saw their faces briefly, there was something familiar about the group. Maybe they were part of great aunt Maggie's bingo group... Aunt Maggie's friends were well known flirts, but they were never this creepy.

      "Everything alright?" Laurence interrupted my thoughts.

     "Sorry." I spun back towards them, eyes still flickering towards the peering men. "We're being watched by three old guys. It's kind of creeping me out."

     "Happens a lot here." Laurence didn't even bother turning to look at them. "So, there's no feelings with this Oliver guy? No complications? Not an ex?"

     "God no," I said immediately. "Oliver's a friend. And no exes here."

      Laurence hummed. Still frowning at our stalkers, I just barely caught sight of my date shifting uncomfortably.

      "Oh, Josie did mention that," they replied. "That's why you're letting your friends set you up, right? To get your mom off your back?"

      I nodded absentmindedly. They were trying so hard to keep the conversation going, and usually I would have made an effort as well, but there was something about those men...

     "Definitely because of my mother's expectations," I started distractedly. "And the dying grandmother thing—" I recognised those glasses. Even the blue eyes they framed were familiar. And something was poking through the second man's white hair... Hair that looked very much like a wig. The third one's mustache was definitely falling off. "Oh my god!" The words slipped my mouth before I could stop them, loud enough for half the restaurant to hear.

     Those creepy old men were my pain in the ass friends! Quinn, Josie, and Bella had disguised themselves as old men to spy on me. My friends were always extra. But this? This went above and beyond their usual curiosity.

      Laurence shrank in their seat at my reaction as if embarrassed to be seen with me. They had every reason to be.

     "Are you sure nothing's bothering you?" They asked politely. I don't think there was genuine curiosity to the question. They were probably counting down the minutes until the date was over. I was sure they'd call for the checks the moment we swallowed the last bites of our meals.

     "I'm fine," I said swiftly, torn between making things right with Laurence and cursing out my friends. "I just realized that I'm being rude. Enough about me. What about you. Any exes?"

     "A few," they started slowly, gaze flickering between me and the people in the nearby booths. "Nothing worth mentioning."

     I nodded too eagerly, hoping they'd keep talking while I gathered my thoughts. Josie had the decency to look apologetic, hiding her face in her worn-out sweater vest. Bella was still pretending that she hadn't been caught and Quinn was unashamedly miming something I didn't understand. I scowled at the girl with the freshly died green hair, a desire to grumble at her antics.

      "Yasmine?" Laurence's voice rose higher than it had all night, immediately earning my attention. They were watching me expectantly, waiting for something.

     I grimaced. "I think I missed what you said."

     Something flashed in their eyes, something I didn't recognize, but they remained polite. As much as Laurence tried to act as though everything was swell, their smile was clearly strained.

     "I'm just going to run to the bathroom," Laurence repeated.

      "Oh, of course," I said quickly. "Have fun." Have fun? I resisted the urge to bring my palm to my forehead.

      Almost apologetically they got up and headed towards the nearest bathroom. Laurence out of sight, I glared at my friends. Poking their heads out of the booth, they made sure the coast was clear before heading my way. The closer they came, the more ridiculous their costumes became. The wrinkles looked like they had been drawn on with eyeliner; not natural whatsoever. I could only assume their server had been highly amused.

     "What are you guys doing here?" I demanded when they were within earshot.

     "We were curious." Josie shrugged sheepishly.

     "We're studying you," Bella reasoned. "We're trying to see where the dates go wrong."

     "Who did you call to make Laurence so uncomfortable?" Quinn accused. "The date was going so well!"

     "Oliver. But only because I had to. I would have blown the Arty cover."

     Quinn didn't react the way I expected her too, her brows shot up with interest. "Oliver, huh?"

     I sighed. "Not today, Quinn."

     "Fine." She crossed her arms. "But what about Laurence? It's going well, right?"

     Josie perked up, ears practically twitching to hear better. She wanted to be crowned the winner.

     "Laurence is really nice," I said. "And I enjoyed our conversation."

     "So, you're interested?" Bella asked surprised.

     "I mean... I don't know."

     "No attraction?" Quinn asked.

     "I—I don't think so." I shifted uncomfortably. Why did we have to go through this every time? Laurence was stunning, no doubt about it, but... I couldn't put to word my hesitation.

     Quinn pursed her lips thoughtfully. "I think we need to have a proper chat."

     "This isn't a proper chat?"

     Quinn shook her head. "Are you free tomorrow night? You can sleepover."

     I hesitated. I was free, but did I really want to be free?

      "I just want to understand this," she said gently. "I'm sorry if I was being pushy, I get a little eager when I'm excited... I just want to figure out what you really want. Even if that means abolishing the competition. We don't want to force you to come out, if coming out is even necessary."

      I smiled appreciatively. "Yeah, okay. I can't promise we'll figure anything out, but we can try."

     "Great!" she tried to contain her excitement. "But... you're going to finish this date, right?"

     "Of course," I said. Glancing down at my watch, I frowned. "They've been gone a while."

     Agreeing, Quinn, and Bella looked around. Josie wasn't looking for Laurence, she was grimacing down at her phone. I didn't take a genius to understand the look on her face.

     "They're gone, aren't they?" I guessed sullenly.

     "I didn't open the message yet," the blonde admitted. "All I see is Tell Yasmine I'm sorry."

     I banged my head on the table. Of course, they hadn't wanted to stay. "Just read the full message," I requested. Get it over with.

     Josie passed the phone to Quinn, requesting that she be the one to deliver the news.

     "Tell Yasmine, I'm sorry," Quinn read out loud. "She seemed nice, but the date was really weird. I mean she called her mom and a guy who totally seems hung-up on her. She's tangled up in this fake relationship with said guy. She was barely paying attention to me, and she was acting weird because of some old men. So... I bailed. Tell her I had—" Quinn stopped, grimacing as if she regretted reading it.

      "Just keep going," I requested exasperatedly.

     "Tell her I had an emergency. My dad is in the hospital or something. I'll e-transfer you 30$ for my part of the meal."

     Quinn returned Josie's phone, the three girls watching me with sympathy.

     "At least this one isn't entirely my fault," I finally said, earning a soft chuckle from Bella. "You may as well have a seat. Someone needs to help me finish all the food."

     Three old men dropped into my booth, finally letting themselves laugh at the situation.

      "You know how ridiculous this is, right?" I gestured towards their disguises.

      Features only briefly apologetic, they studied each other before falling into another fit of giggles. They were idiots, but they were my idiots. And thinking of the effort placed into making this happen, I couldn't help but be amused. I wouldn't let them live this down. It was a story I'd tell for ages.