It's better to be held
than holding on

-She's in the rain,
the rose

Somehow it had all happened. My brain had juggled up all the pieces of my memories to the bakery store from Gangnam to the hospital in Gaphae but all throughout the journey only one prominent memory stayed, Shownu holding my hand and caressing my palm, continuously saying it was going to be okay.

I held on to that, and only to that. My heart thudding inside my chest and my vision unfocused, only dark thoughts could come into my mind. I could not push them away, it was always my fear to lose the only family I had, my mom.

No matter how lonely it got throughout the years, my mom was there. And I could not lose her.

"Daisy, I need you to calm down," Shownu's voice reached me again. Belatedly I recognized this was the hospital, not the car we were in. The plain white walls, a distinct yet vehement scent of medicine and floor cleaner, nurses and doctors in grey, made my head start to spin.

So I held onto Shownu's arm for support. "Your mom is okay. Listen to me, Daisy," I stared up to his expressive eyes looking down on me. "Breathe in and out, breathe."

Haphazardly I exhaled and inhaled the nauseating air of the hospital and I looked at him again for the next instruction, but my vision kept getting blurry no matter how many times I wiped them with my sleeves. Shownu's face mere looking like a silhouette of someone I knew.

"It's a mild stroke, Daisy... Your mother will be okay. Can you stand still for one second. So I can talk to the doctors and make arrangements for her, or do you want to go with me?"

I shook my head left and right vigorously, clearly not wanting to see my mom at that state. I was not ready. Not ready to speak to the doctor too. All I wanted was to deny this reality.

"The others will be here soon. Oh, look," Shownu's small voice made me look up to find some men approaching us from a few feet away, though I could hardly make it out I could tell who was who.

And among them the pink hair still shined so brightly. It was seconds until Wonho ran up to me and engulfed me in his arms.

I was met with his broad chest, his arms completely wrapped around me and his hand on my back. Shock dissolved into something else, I did not know why but that was certainly my breaking point. Loud sobs filled the air and I realized they were coming from me.

No words came out of my mouth, only whimpers and bellows. I wanted to tell him, tell them, something at least. And I wanted to stop crying but as if a dam filled with waters had burst, a dam that had been tightly sewn shut for years until it could hold no more.

"You will be all right," Wonho's soothing voice said but it only made the tears flow more, as if his voice had reached somewhere where I had hidden all my sorrows perfectly in a box. Even though it's origin became unbeknownst to me Wonho had opened the lid.

Another pair of arms hugged me from the side and a smell of fresh chocolate and baked bread washed over me, it was Shownu.

Then another joined from my left, a scent that had become overly familiar to me when I joined in the bike ride, Minhyuk.

I looked up from Wonho's chest to confirm and with my vision clearer this time I found that it was really him, the platinum blonde peering down on me as his arms wrapped me around in a circle from the side.

"Look at our badass femme fatale crying," his familiar voice made me force out a smile even when my eyes were full of tears.

"Hyungwon, come here," close by the lanky lad stood with his long hair brushing down his handsome face

Upon hearing Wonho's commanding tone Hyungwon groaned a little before joining in the hug as he squished his lean body between Wonho and Minhyuk to reach me.

Then I saw Jooheon coming up there with the biggest smile on his face and dimples adorning his cheeks, his arms wide before he snaked them up around Shownu and Wonho. "Why should I be left behind from this?" his chirpy voice even made the rest giggle but here I was, squished in the middle.

"I'm not joining in the sentiment," A voice said, I did not have to see to know it was Kihyun.

"Me neither," Another sighed loudly, the accent gave away it was Chankgyun.

"I'm okay, I really am," slowly I detached myself from Wonho but I was met with five pairs of eyes looking down on me with worry and concern.

The first invasion of the desolation was fading away slowly, but tears still rolled down my cheeks. When Kihyun and Changkyun joined in the rest to look out for me I could somehow feel that all their hearts were beating in the same rhythm, and somehow they aligned with mine.

As if we were all connected and part of each other, their scents still lingered over me and their worried face mirrored mine. For the first time in my life, I felt stronger. Not alone, but with these seven boys.

"I'm okay, I will be okay," I started with my voice strong, and face determined. "Thank you," and then my voice broke again a little.

The boys sighed and looked at each other but Kihyun's eyes rested on mine. "Are you sure? Will you be spending the night here in the hospital?"

"Your mother can be discharged in two days. We prepared a VIP room for her. And you don't need to worry about the medical expenses," Shownu said and all eyes averted back to him.

"You didn't have to-" I could merely croak out before a hand met my head, gently Shownu placed it on me.

"You're our employee, co worker and friend. That's mere courtesy," his hand stroked my head once before he retreaded it back, but the warmth lingered there.

"One of us could stay here for her," Wonho announced to the group.

"I can," Minhyuk instantly shot up but was stopped by Changkyun.

"We have the English club activities tomorrow," he reminded in which Jooheon groaned.

"I can't believe it's Monday already." Then the short haired turned to me, pouting. "I really want to stay with you."

While both Minhyuk and Jooheon looked defeated, and visibly deflated from their tall position Hyungwon opened his mouth. "I have an important class tomorrow since my final exams are almost nearing..."

"Mine as well," Wonho retorted, his hand scratching the back of his pink head.

"And I have a paper to submit," Shownu sighed exasperatedly as he looked down on the tiled floor.

"I will stay," Kihyun stepped out from the rest of the boys, but one step closer to me. "I don't have important classes tomorrow."

"Aren't you a fourth year?" Minhyuk scrunched up his eyes at him, Hyumgwon also giving questioning looks.

"So are you," Kihyun replied and soon turned to Hyungwon. "And you," then to wonho. "And you too," lastly Kihyun turned to Shownu. "And you're on your masters. But gladly I have better results from all of you combined."

A loud groan came from all of them except Shownu. "You can rest in your mom's room, Daisy," he told me but I looked away biting the corner of my lower lip.

"I will sit and wait outside," truthfully, I was not ready to see my mom at her current state.

"If you need something, call me," Minhyuk put a hand on my shoulder, nudging me lightly. He distracted me with his smile. "Call any of us."

"You don't need to worry about your classes or job in the meantime. Just look after your mom until she gets better." Wonho squeezed my hand but ever so softly. "Minhyuk can take the class notes for you. And we will cover up here in the club."

Not like they ever needed me in the club, but they made me feel important anyway.

When the boys wanted to stay the night I wanted to put on my strong facade and say, no, because I was okay with staying alone like I had all my life, but this time, I wasn't.

When they hugged me I realized how much I needed that sort of closeness, where you can count on someone in your hard days. Rest your head on their shoulder and you wouldn't have to do anything else, just by seeing their face you would know it would all be fine.

This was something I'd been deprived of all my life yet I only realized today.

Soon they all left except for Kihyun who sat in the waiting lounge beside me, the big clock on the white wall showing it was one o'clock in the morning yet I was here, fidgeting.

My left leg going up and down on its own. A big tv also on the wall that showed a soap opera but I could not focus elsewhere.

Elsewhere but my mind darting back to those dark thoughts revolving around my mom, it was hard convincing myself that she would heal, when in reality I knew she would. Just unable to take it in.

And another vision entrapped me inside that my mom was all alone in the house when it happened to her, sick and fallen with no one by her side. What if the landlord did not-

"Do you want to listen to some music?" Kihyun's voice brought me down from wandering around in my brain to see he had a piece of his earphone held towards me, the other one on his ear.

Without thinking much I took it in, when plugged with my ear a sound of melancholia wrapped its tunes around me. A soft melody, with even a softer voice singing, it was a Japanese song. Though I could hardly understand, some instances sounded familiar.

"I-is that your voice?" hearing me, Kihyun showed a strange expression.

Slowly he nodded his head. "Yeah, I did not think you would recognize. The song is composed by Wonho and he wanted me to sing. For his major he had made several projects of making songs."

I remembered that Wonho was a music major. The distant tunes, the unfamiliar language with a very familiar voice somehow made me calm down, my heartbeat tuning down until it matched the rhythm of the song.

"It's mesmerizing. Your voice sounds beautiful too."

Kihyun shifted beside me, probably a little uncomfortable for the compliment, especially because it came from someone pessimistic like me.

"This song is called polaroid. It's about making beautiful memories with someone, loving someone just like it would be in the movies," he stared up at me from his phone.

"I learned how to play piano, guitar and several other instruments growing up. Singing too."

"You did a good job," I said and at that moment I could see a faint smile adorning the corner of his lips.

My brain searched for the last time I'd seen him smile, but could find nothing. Maybe that's why my heart went out of rhythm for once, I was seeing Kihyun smiling for the first time.

"There's another song called if only. Do you want to listen to it?" he suggested with his voice tentative.

"Yeah," the hospital did not feel as suffocating and my dark thoughts were not clawing and scratching on the back of my mind anymore, at that moment, I really felt like everything would be okay.

Just like in the movies.

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A/n: I wrote 2k words and missed my shower time so now I smell but it's already midnight here. The only thing hope is that you'd like this chapter.

Also I'm v excited as for some reason I believe there might be a doja cat x wonho collab coming someday 👀