ELEVEN,       Mother, you haunt me still

Himari had always been the type to be temperamental, over-emotional, volatile or so her mother used to always say. It was a feeling she was most familiar with. It showed itself more when she was younger in the littlest of things.

She remembered being frustrated by her inability to get the annunciation of a spell correct, how badly it angered her that every other kid could do it so effortlessly without the help of someone else repeating the spell back to them. She remembered being embarrassed at that moment, enough to light her own grimoire, and everyone's on fire. There were times when she would even accuse others of cheating if she lost to them despite it being a fair game. She couldn't handle the bitterness of defeat.

Her younger brother had been there after every tantrum, calming and reassuring her in the best way he could and that was by being there as she calmed herself down.

Her impulsive nature to act or speak without thinking was something her mother despised most. It wasn't a desired trait for a leader. For the next Kitsune. It hindered progress. People would not take her seriously if she behaved like a child every time something didn't go her way. Ama would have to remind her daughter daily to keep it together— that it was unbecoming of a young girl to act as if she didn't have any sense.

You cannot allow your emotions to overrule you.

Her mother's words plagued Himari every day even after her death. It was a reminder to control herself, to keep her guard up, to build a thousand walls if she had to if that's what it took for her to succeed.

If you do, you'll give your enemies a weakness they can manipulate. You cannot let that happen.

Himari believed allowing someone to dictate her emotions was akin to handing her enemies a weapon, a vulnerability they could exploit. It was a lesson she carried with her, and spent centuries learning how to restrain herself and the heightened emotions she gained once she was reborn. She taught herself to stay grounded and not let trivial matters affect the way she reacted to situations.

It took time to perfect like all things.

But she felt it becoming undone in a matter of seconds.

Himari could feel herself unraveling, like the threads of her existence were being stretched beyond their limits, ready to snap at any moment.

There was blood staining the palm of her hand as the other gripped tightly to a small silver dagger until her knuckles turned white. She hung her head low, blankly staring at the ground as the vivid images of a man holding the Kitsune's heart replayed in her head.

A man whom she could not initially recognize, but knew by his energy alone that he was the last person who should have possession of what was rightfully hers. It stroked something within her, a visceral fury she hadn't felt since the night her coven was killed.

She never thought performing a locator spell to find the artifact would turn out like this.

The surge of anger stirred memories of childhood defiance, of stubbornness in the face of adversity. Perhaps if she had someone by her side to distract her from this overwhelming feeling of defeat and hopelessness, she would be able to stop herself from thinking irrationally.

But she stood alone.

(Like always).

That was nothing new.

Despite Elijah spending these last thirty years beside her, helping her, and coming to her rescue when she needed it, there will always be a little voice in her head telling her that he cannot be trusted. And it wasn't like Himari wanted to believe it but she couldn't let go of the suspension that lingered. She wanted to rely on the Original, she wanted to reciprocate his kind words, but she just couldn't.

He could've calmed her down. She knows it and it's probably the reason why she didn't go to him at the moment.

A part of her did not want to be silenced.

So instead... She let herself succumb to the rage boiling underneath her skin, to hand the weapon to her enemy like the foolish child she was. It was an act that felt akin to surrendering pride and autonomy.

...What have you done?

Almost immediately Himari dropped the dagger, squeezing her eyes shut as she brought her hands to her head almost as if her mother's voice brought pain, and she wanted to banish the haunting echoes of disapproval.

She didn't know why she kept the ghost of her mother around— why she allowed Ama to linger, to torment her with words long silenced by death's embrace? Her mother's presence, though intangible, wielded a power that transcended the grave, persisting in the darkest recesses of Himari's mind, waiting to emerge at the slightest hint of vulnerability.

It wasn't fair.

To be cursed to live as long as she has and be burdened by such petty emotions.

It is alright.

That voice was different. It sliced through suffocating turmoils going on in her mind. It was friendly and warm, unlike the chilling feeling Ama's brought.

It is okay to feel angry.

Himari slowly removed her hands from her head, her breath trembling as it escaped her lips. For a moment, she believed she was going crazy. The voices tugged at her sanity, it was as if she was being pulled in two different directions like opposing currents in a relentless sea threatening to engulf her in their turbulent embrace.

Remember anger is good. Use it.

The witch blinked, staring vacantly again into her surroundings, trying to make sense of the advice. She's heard it before from Keiko. It was her words back then that provoked the hunger for vengeance all those years ago, it was then that Himari felt truly validated, it was then she learned that her feelings must be channeled into a potent force like magic rather than letting them continue to roam uncontrollably.

Himari exhaled, feeling herself warm up as her magic coursed through her, her eyes turning into that fiery orange her enemies feared. She bent down to pick up her dagger, unbothered by her blood dripping down from it.

With this new information of the artifact's whereabouts, a question began to haunt her: Why is Klaus so sure she's going to cooperate?

Slater's words echoed in her head.

"He won't be able to break the curse without you..."

"You're the last of your kind..."

"...Klaus is going to want you."

The need for answers gnawed at her, driving her relentless pursuit of the truth. And who better to seek them from than Katherine Pierce, the woman who had kept a wary eye on Klaus for years out of sheer terror?

The tomb remained just as boring as it had been for the past few days. Katherine was sure she'd memorized every crevice and turn this place had to offer, she would lay there awake for hours alone with her thoughts as she waited for something, some savior to come to rescue her. But her faith in being saved was slowly fading, her bones were turning to rust, and she was weaker than ever. She'd never gone this long without blood. She was sure she was starting to lose her mind.

She wondered if the idea she proposed to Stefan and Elena would see the light. The vampire never imagined herself helping them but desperation clawed at her and she needed to do something— strike a deal for her freedom despite the white lie she spun of her being safe in the tomb. She couldn't stay here forever.

She loathed Himari for weakening her, for condemning her to this endless torment and allowing them to put her in this tomb where she was deteriorating. But what else did she expect? She was a threat to Elena's life so naturally she would feel Himari's anger for not only that but also for what happened five centuries ago. Katherine was well aware that wasn't the last of the witch's anger and the thought of facing more punishment at the hands of Himari was enough to keep her on edge.

The hairs on the vampire's neck stood up at the sound of the leaves crunching. The faint smell of blood caused black veins to appear beneath her eyes as they turned dark. Without thinking, she sped to the entrance of the tomb, the bloodlust overtaking any rational thought.

Katherine was stopped by the invisible barrier keeping her trapped, a puddle of crimson liquid taunted her on the opposite side. She grew feral like an animal as she bared her fangs.

"It's funny how easily you vampires are controlled," Himari says, a small chuckle escaping her mouth, finally earning her attention and breaking the vampire out of her trance.

A chill ran up Katherine's spine, registering the familiar voice that belonged to the person who imprisoned her— she slowly glanced up from the pool of blood on the ground, then up the hand, it was dripping from, to meet the glowing eyes of the witch. Something formed at the pit of her stomach, an uneasiness she hadn't felt since Himari first showed up in Mystic Falls.

"Nothing to say?" Himari mocked her silence. "A pity since you had so much to say to Elena."

Elena. Of course.

Katherine bit her lip, retreating cautiously from the barrier, her throat dry and constricted. "What... what do you want?"

Her discomfort only fueled Himari's satisfaction, a wicked grin playing on her lips. "I come bearing questions."

"Questions? About what?" The vampire's voice trembled, her uncertainty palpable.

"About why you believed it was a good idea to suggest that I be handed over to Klaus and go as far as to offer your help in the process," Himari inquired, glaring at her.

There was no initial response from Katherine. Only silence as her breathing grew staggered. She didn't know how to respond or lie her way out of this. She couldn't even if she tried.

Her lack of explanation caused Himari to swiftly cross the barrier and slam the vampire into the cobblestone wall with such force that knocked the wind out of Katherine.

"You know how much I hate having to use force to get answers out of you." The witch hissed, acting as if using force to get what she wanted pained her in any way. "Now, answer me."

"I just... I just want to get out of here. You don't understand how unbearable it is..." Katherine admitted, she couldn't stop the words from leaving her lips.

(It was almost like she was being compelled.)

"Yes, I know this isn't the best place to spend eternity in," Himari looked around briefly, dismissing her words, her grip tightening on the vampire's arms as if to emphasize her next point. "But that is no excuse for your betrayal. I could've killed you— I should've, yet, here you remain still breathing because I showed you mercy like an idiot."

Katherine winced at her vicious tone, her heart sinking as she realized the gravity of her mistake. This wasn't the first time she had underestimated her enemy's wrath.

"I want to know why you suggested handing me over to Klaus in the first place. Desperation to escape can't be the whole story, Katerina. Tell me the truth."

The vampire's eyes widened, her pupils dilating. "Klaus wants you more than he wants Elena."

"Why?" Himari's anger was showing itself in her touch. The hands around Katherine's wrists were warm —no— they were hot, almost scorching causing the vampire to groan. 

"Because you're tied to his curse. You're the only witch who can perform the ritual."

"More unless information." Himari clicked her tongue in frustration, tossing Katherine aside like a rag doll. "I want to know why he thinks I'm going to cooperate. Can you recollect seeing anything in your years of keeping an eye on him? An advantage he might possess over me? You must tell me."

Katherine stared up at her, massaging her wrists to alleviate some of the pain. "I kept my distance... I don't know what he has on you. I swear."

"The loss of blood has tainted your only talent that is lying," Himari looked down, a hint of amusement in her voice as she observed Katherine's discomfort.

Katherine sucked in a breath when the witch sat beside her. A feeling of vulnerability washed over her as they were both on level ground now, quite literally.

"That can't be all... surely there's more you aren't telling me." The Kitsune tilted her head, urging any response from the vampire.

"It is. I don't know anything else. You have to believe me."

Himari scanned her features for a tell, for any sign of deception. But all she could focus on were Katherine's doe eyes, they were sharper, not soft like Elena's. Perhaps, the doppelgänger magic was striking once again, and now Himari has fallen victim to it. A situation she would've never imagined herself to be in. It was hard not to take note of how the vampire's eyes mimicked the same fear Elena had shown in the face of possible death.

But Elena did not look at Himari with fear. No, it was something else she had yet to figure out.

Katherine, on the other hand, did look at Himari with fear— with uneasiness and it showed in the way she waited for the witch's next movement.

"Why did you decide to scare Elena with your story?" Himari asked, breaking the silence.

The vampire frowned, a part of her growing irritated with the topic of her doppelgänger. "She came looking for answers, she wanted to know if Klaus was real."

"And is it true?" Himari's question struck confusion in Katherine. She noticed this so she clarified it. "Did Klaus really kill your family?" 

"He did, because I ran." She confirmed, feeling a stinging in her eyes.

Himari had assumed so. Her gaze bore into the vampire, inscrutable and intense as if she were processing her words, causing Katherine to shrink back. A subtle shift in the witch's expression sent a chill down her spine.

"So, you understand the pain of such loss firsthand, and yet, you led Klaus straight to my coven, and even now, you attempt to sacrifice Elena and her friends to him to save yourself. You use your tale of grief to manipulate Elena into submission, disguising it as mere honesty." Himari remarked, smiling wryly, her eyes narrowing in scrutiny.

"I didn't do it to scare her. I was just telling her what would happen if she and her friends tried to do what I did. I was warning her. She needed to know the truth." Katherine protested, her voice tinged with defensiveness.

"Because you care so deeply for her safety. Or anyone's, for that matter. Is that why you tried to bargain your freedom in the same breath?" The witch scoffed.

Katherine could not sit there for another second and be ridiculed for her actions. Himari wouldn't —or even try to— understand why the vampire did what she did. Katherine wished she could explain the desperation and hopelessness she felt during those years of running from Klaus. The loneliness, the constant fear.

"I'm tired of running. You cannot blame me for trying to survive." Katherine spoke lowly. 

"No one is faulting you for that," Himari shook her head and Katherine frowned before she continued. "It's how you go about it. I can understand you were scared when I first found you in the forest, that you wanted my help, and you used your young naiveness as an excuse for your actions back then, but now you've had time to grow... and still, you remain selfish. That, I cannot understand." 

The vampire looked away, swallowing. "I've lived for so long because I've always put myself first."

"And look where that has led you. Here. Trapped alone with your thoughts." Himari countered.

"Who else am I supposed to rely on?" Katherine's voice rose, her frustration boiling to the surface.

"You could've had me, perhaps even my brother as well, but you ruined that all on your own." Himari watched carefully for any signs of remorse on Katherine's face.

Whatever defiance or anger the vampire had, it quickly vanished at the mention of Junpei. His name alone was enough to silence her— or rather the memories he brought. A reminder of her own cowardice and selfishness.

"Like either of you had good intentions," Katherine retorted with a bitter scoff.

Himari grabbed her chin, forcing the vampire to look her in the eye. "My brother did. Had he not been the first to find you that day, I would've ended you then and there. Consider yourself fortunate for his compassion."

Katherine squirmed against her grip. "Do you know... why he was kind to me?"

Himari furrowed her eyebrows, confused by the question. Her hold relaxed slightly. "What?"

"I asked him once— why he chose to be kind to me but he never gave me a clear answer." The vampire revealed.

At first, Himari was not sure why her brother was a topic of conversation Katherine wanted to have at the moment. She did not understand her curiosity about Junpei's compassion. He was good to her because that was just who he is— was— who he was. She took notice of Katherine's scared demeanor fading into one of calmness, something dark flickering behind her eyes as Himari let the memory of her brother consume her for only a second, and then the witch's gaze hardened.

"Junpei was never one to let hatred guide him or any sort of negative emotions." The witch says before her grip suddenly tightens again. "Unlike you. You are blinded by them and it is the reason why you continue to stoop so low to get your way. Do you think I don't see what you're doing?"

Katherine inhaled sharply, letting out a groan. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Do you take me for a fool, Katerina?"

The vampire shook her head frantically.

"Then you know I'm the last person you should ever try to manipulate. It has failed you before, why must you repeat the same mistake twice?" Himari laughed dryly, giving her one last look over. "You haven't changed."

Realizing she was wasting her time, the witch released Katherine, watching with detached satisfaction as the vampire crumbled to the ground, a soft groan escaping her lips upon impact.

Himari didn't spare her a second glance and made her way to leave the tomb. She thought talking to Katherine would relieve some of the anger and frustration after finding out the worst possible information, but all it did was fuel it even more. She wasn't sure how she was going to tell Elijah or if she would tell him. She'd been going on about knowing how to kill Klaus and now the weapon she needed was at his disposal.

She didn't know what she was going to do. How she was going to fulfill her duty.

This town was not making it any easier, because the minute she stepped into Mystic Falls, she learned very fast that trust was going to be a hard thing to earn and that these people were so connected and refused to accept a helping hand. She knew even after offering her life for Elena's, they would still find something to doubt.

She couldn't win.

Failure seemed more attainable at this point.

Although Himari wouldn't admit it, paranoia had gotten the best of her. She feared the possibility of being betrayed by the people she considered worth trusting and those who didn't trust her. She's noticed the way Damon has kept a close eye on her and Elijah after they revealed themselves to be working together. It did not bother her initially, but if he were to find out that Elena needed to die for her plan to work and that she knew and that it was her idea, she would not hear the end of it.

Also, Bonnie would no longer confide in her.

There was no doubt in Himari's mind that if Damon were given the opportunity he would turn her in instead of Elena. Now more than ever since Katherine suggested it.

"No, wait! Don't leave me in here." Katherine's strained voice desperately called out, grabbing onto the wall for balance as she struggled to get on her feet.

Himari's footsteps faltered, her curiosity piqued by her pleas. "Why shouldn't I?"

"Please. I'll do anything." She begged, and the witch almost felt bad.

"Anything?" Himari hummed in thought, before turning around to face the vampire. She had no intention of freeing her, but what's the harm in playing a little game?

"Anything you want. I'll do it, I promise. Just name it."

"My, my, starvation does not look good on you." The Kitsune taunted, a smirk playing on her lips. "Why should I believe you'd do anything for little old me?"

"Because... I'm desperate. I can't live here another day. Please."

Himari knew it was only the bloodlust making her this desperate and willing to make promises she could not keep. It was quite amusing to watch the vampire squirm for a way out.

"I won't release you." The witch declared, and Katherine's hope wilted at her words. "But I can offer you a deal."

The vampire tilted her head, confused. "A deal?"

Himari nodded, taking a step forward. "One that would ensure you'd have the strength to leave this place once the time called for it."

"Okay. What is it?" Her response came quick and eager.

"I'll give you my blood. It will slowly restore your strength so that when the opportunity arises for you to escape, you'll have the means to take it." The witch explained, now standing in front of her as she waited for an answer.

"What if the opportunity never comes?" The vampire argued.

"Now where's your optimism, Katerina?"

"It's a little hard to be hopeful in these conditions."

"You don't have to accept," Himari simply said. "I'm happy to let you continue to rot here. I lose no sleep."

Whether it was pure hunger or stupidity, Katherine slowly nodded.

"I need you to be verbal."

"Yes. I accept."

Himari extended her wrist, urging the vampire to take a bite and feed. Katherine hesitated for a second, her gaze wary, before succumbing to the irresistible scent of Himari's blood. As her fangs pierced the witch's flesh, Katherine clung to her as if afraid she would vanish at any moment. For the Kistune, the sensation was achingly familiar, reminiscent of the centuries-old bite Katherine had once inflicted upon her neck.

Himari's fingers delicately brushed the strands of hair away from Katherine's face, her touch almost tender against the vampire's skin slowly regaining its color. She watched her continue to feed with a twisted satisfaction, a sick part of her reveling in the sight of the once-proud vampire now dependent on her.

As Katherine drank hungrily, the witch's fingers slowly trailed down the curve of her neck, exerting a subtle pressure to keep her in place. "Now listen," she whispered, her voice a low, menacing purr. "I want you to remember this moment. Remember how weak you were, how you begged me to release you from your suffering, from this wretched place."

Her grip tightened imperceptibly, a silent reminder of Katherine's newfound dependency on her mercy. "From now on, you are in debt to me. And once that opportunity for you to escape shows itself, remember that it was me who extended a helping hand, despite the lack of loyalty you've shown me. And know this, any attempt to betray me will result in immediate death, Katerina. Your life hangs by a thread and I hold the scissors."

The vampire's eyebrows rose, eyes widening at her words.

"It's alright. I trust you're not foolish enough to attempt to deceive me again, especially after the mercy I'm showing you." Himari hushed, urging her to continue.

Katherine wanted to protest but unfortunately, the bloodlust overpowered all her senses.

This was all a ploy to scare Katherine. To put fear in her heart and let her live with it. Himari knew no opportunity would show itself for the vampire to escape and if it somehow did, then she was betting on using Katherine for her gain.

The satisfied smile slowly began to fade from Himari's face, her impassive mask falling with it. Mentally she was elsewhere as she stood there, devoid of any emotions as she let Katherine feed on her. She could feel herself descending into a dangerous mindset, her sanity was deteriorating at the thought of possibly defeat.

It was a reality she could not accept.

She refused to.

Himari left the tomb and decided a walk was what she needed to clear her mind of all the haunting memories the night had brought along with it. She needed this anger to subside or she would have to let out it somehow. But she did not want to result to hurting anyone, it would feel reminiscent of her childhood. It was supposed to be a cycle she had long broken by now. A mindset that has been reprogrammed to avoid unnecessary deaths.

Amid her thoughts, her phone beeped interrupting her inner turmoil. This was indeed weird because it was only ever Elijah who contacted her, and when he did, he usually called.

Looking down at her screen, she furrowed her eyebrows.

From Elena: I need your help. Caroline's in danger.

It took a moment to remember when she had given the doppelgänger her number. Then it clicked— It was the night she had showed up at Elena's house. She didn't expect to hear from her but she had made a promise: if there was anything Elena needed she could call and Himari would be there.

She guessed this was one of those times.

Distant noises caught her attention, and then the foul smell of dogs, of wolves, filled her nose. She hadn't particularly cared for the werewolves that roamed the town, she instead kept her distance. They weren't her main priority but it seemed that she'd be dragged into their business anyway. She decided to follow the scent as she put her phone away. She was not sure what to expect when she arrived. She didn't know if this was the danger Elena spoke of.

Though she wasn't sure how Caroline would end up in such a situation. Himari assumed the young girl was smart and would know to stay away from werewolves considering the threat they pose to vampires with their venomous bite.

There had to be more to the story.

As she approached, it became clear that it was an unfair fight. The sound of a gun being fired echoed throughout the forest, Damon fell to the ground, and then silence followed.

Himari's eyes scanned around and tried to register the scene. Two injured Salvatores on the ground and Caroline was being held hostage against her will by someone she couldn't recognize.

A warmth flooded toward the witch's fingertips as she got closer. Close enough to where they could notice her presence if they were paying attention. She dared any of them to make a move and one did, the werewolf was about to strike Damon with a wooden stake in an attempt to kill him.

She could've let it happen and rid herself of the nuisance the vampire was, but she thought of Elena and how much she stressed that none of her friends would be harmed so she decided to help.

The werewolves began to wither in pain as they held their heads in their hands until they collapsed onto the ground and whatever weapons they had. Himari got even closer and watched them fall into complete silence.

Her gaze met Stefan's, a silent understanding passing between them as the Salvatores struggled to regain their footing after their fight. She could feel the confused stares from Caroline and Tyler.

"I am here on Elena's behalf and uphold the deal between her and I," Himari stated, "Take Caroline and leave."

She left no room for a reply. Stefan only nodded and the three of them began to retreat together as told. She didn't miss the dirty look Damon gave her as he walked by.

Only one remained standing amongst the wolves. Tyler Lockwood. The witch observed him briefly before deciding he was no threat to her. If anything she felt pity for the boy.

"Tell your have friends they're not welcomed in Mystic Falls." That was all she said before turning around and walking away.

To Elena: I hope Caroline arrived home safely.

From Elena: Thanks to you.

AUTHOR's note:
idk how to feel about this chapter... oh well! Anyway, as you can see Himari is descending into madness so that's fun!

I don't usually leave notes on my chapters but I just wanted to express how thankful I am for the support this book has gotten. If you've been keeping up and commenting and voting, thank you so much!!! It means a lot and it lets me know you're enjoying the story <3 If you have any questions about the story, Himari or Junpei, certain relationships, abilities, ect. Please ask away, I'm happy to answer!