T H I R T Y - O N E
There was a distant silence between the two strong women, one tirelessly winding and binding a thin twine, soft colors contrasting to the deep color of her black dress while the other seemed to do the same with her hands, unable to form words that would satisfy the mourning Queen mother.
"You can say it, I won't be angry," Catelyn Stark said after a drawled out-breath, her sea-green eyes finally looking up towards the younger women.
Victoria blinked at the women, finding her words caught in the base of her throat and the ability to even cope became nonexistent. She had no words of vengeance or fury for the women she had once considered as close as a mother, merely a subtle glance of remorse and sorrow. Her anger had subsided long enough for the thunderstorms of sadness to creep into view.
She pushed past the dryness in her throat and spoke, "I am so sorry... there are no words for what has happened to you as of late. I wish there was a way for me to say these circumstances will become better or even that eventual it subsides but it never will. With every loved one we lose our sorrow does not lessen, instead, it becomes a bit harder to cope."
Catelyn had stopped her rapid twists and turns into the basis of her only coping mechanism to look up, eyes set on the brunette whose gaze had turned glassy and lips pressed together. Her hands had too stopped their movement to slow and painfully fist together, cradled in her lap.
Victoria took a soft breath, "forgive me, I have let my emotions escape."
"It's quite alright," Catelyn spoke in a much gentler tone, her hands lifted the circular object she held in her hands. Victoria had seen weaving them before and each time the pit in her stomach had dropped, a sort of fear creeping through her, she knew they were meant for a better outcome then their current situation but it felt wrong for her. There was something sinister about the ability a simple weaved ornament could bestow on the life of someone.
Catelyn looked her way and stated, "mothers were meant to make these for their children, to keep them safe from any harm, do you remember?"
Victoria offered her a tender smile, "I do, it almost feels like a different life but I do."
"Would you like to make one for..." Catelyn drifted off and her gaze dropped to her belly, her grandchild that had been yet another casualty in war. Victoria was strong to have loved and lost a child, she wondered if she too could be the same if the worst came to her feet.
Victoria felt horrible but when her words began to allude to weaving one of her own she felt disgusted, there was no use in protecting a child of hers that was now being guarded by her father and mother, and a something kept together by twine and sticks would not help her growing child, not when she was there to do everything. "Forgive me, but I never had faith in them as much as you have."
Catelyn almost seemed indifferent to her words, she went back to continue her work, eyes away from the women, "I suppose your family in Dorne does not mourn like us."
"We hardly mourn the dead, we celebrate their life, the achievements they had, the glory their name has further brought to our families. Death is not the end for us, its merely a continuation. We had never mourned anyone until my aunt Elia and then my mother..." Victoria left the conversation there, refusing to tear up because now she was remembering her father's death. He had been greatly loved by their people and despite the clash between her uncles and father they two had gotten along well years after, would they have given him a grand funeral? Would it have been like everything she had imagined? Her heart suddenly yearned, finding that without her presence safe and tucked away back home her father would not rest well.
Catelyn did not allow for the pause to last long, "I imagine you have found out about our detour to Riverrun?"
"Yes," Victoria responded softly, "and it's not my place to judge what your family now does. I imagine some of the other lords are not happy about it but they will just have to deal with it all. We must all find some peace in this war, even if it is as a macabre situation like a funeral."
"And what is your peace in this war?" Catelyn looked up, her dry glare penetrating as her tone became suspicious.
Victoria could only smile, a small part of her wished to tell her child's grandmother the truth, to allow her another peace in their dark times but she had promised this child safety and with Catelyn knowing the child would find itself stuck in the north. No, as needy as Catelyn was for safety in this chaos, her child needed it more than she ever would.
Victoria would leave the conversation not as it is, but in what could be considered guilt-free. Catelyn would one day hate her, perhaps as much as her son would the day they discovered a Stark heir was so far south winter would never come for it. She thought of her child, would they hate their mother for concealing their true nature? The wolves of winter were a fierce kind but so were the panthers of the south, perhaps the two identities would clash until the poor child would be so confused he would be forced to give up.
Her eyes closed and she sighed deeply, there had to be a way to tell the queen mother without exposing her true nature, something that would leave her with a sense of peace before she departed. Catelyn had noted how silent she'd gone and once more set down her twine to await her response, what could it be that kept the brave panther silent.
When victoria looked her way she made sure to not allow her eyes to give her away, "my peace in this war will come the day I sit in my home once more, knowing that everything and everyone I love will find their safety behind strong walls with no hungry lions to come and rip it away. I don't want to win this war anymore, I just want it to be over, I want to go on with my families legacy and make my father proud."
Catelyn says nothing else if anything she is slightly baffled by her bold response. Victoria had always been slightly wary, although outspoken there had always been something ill worded when she spoke her mind but now this child had grown into a woman and this woman was as intricate with her words as a smart king was in battle.
Victoria began to make her exit, nodding her head at the queen mother and bowing respectfully, "I must make my men aware of our departure, I shall see you on the road to Riverrun, your grace."
Catelyn took note of the way her mouth seemed to twitch at the end of her words and she once more gazed at the girl in intrigue, "yes I do hope we see one another, Lady Valiente."
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"Lady Valiente, I had hoped we'd speak under better conditions."
Victoria almost ignored the words coming from Lord Karstark, her entire focus had been on her fair mare and his slow and steady trot through the backwoods of the river lands. Her skin was growing cold and Ser Trout continued to look her way in disapproval of her mount but she did not care, being stuffed in the back of a carriage with only her thoughts to give her a headache was not ideal, here she would be able to breath fresh air, even if the scenery could be less than pleasant.
her eyes were set on Talisa, riding ahead with only two guards following her, she seemed to have a hard time controlling the northern horse, perhaps she had never properly learned to ride. Most northerners did but proper ladies, one of her caliber, never were given the option, all they knew was carriages. Victoria had never thought twice of horseback riding, the Dornes all rode horses as well, and in Winterfell, it was necessary when the climate could be harsh on foot.
"Lord Karstark," she addressed him, turning her eyes away from the new queen to the man who's bitter expression seemed almost permanent as of late. "Do you refer to the chilly conditions or the fact we retreat away from our enemies instead of towards them."
Victoria had no fear of someone overhearing them, let them, she thought, Robb knew better than anyone she would not be holding her tongue any longer. Lord Karstark almost seemed to regret speaking to her as his eyes looked back to note if anyone had caught on. Victoria smiled, "come now, my lord, you better then anyone should know I no longer hold my tongue."
He cleared his throat and seemed to either agree or not care as well, "this will cost us greatly one day."
"Agreed, but despite this setback, Lady Catelyn deserves to see her father off to another world, I truly wish we all had that luxury." She responded and tightened her hold on the reigns to keep from spewing too much of her emotion.
"You were to be his queen one day and he did not grant you the same luxury, and my poor son..."
"I know, but what will we do, my lord, the King has made his decision and he must now choose to live with it. With any luck, he may find the answer to our victory." She had no clue why she tried to reassure this man now, perhaps they had grown on each other with their common likes and dislikes of Robb's decision but whatever the case was she found herself a little stunned.
"You sound almost like the queen, better than the foreigner whore." this he said lower than all the others although he did spit at the ground.
"I'm not a queen," she corrected him, "I just want this goddamn war over and for us to survive."
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