I really like the word utter and all different forms and meanings of it.

Utter.

Say that out loud.

Utter.

It sounds like otter but with a funny accent.

I also think of cows a lot when I hear utter even in literary words where it has nothing to do with cows. I don't know. It's late and I'm writing this.

Sorry for my craziness.

I'm writing this with a pure lack of sleep, so...

Anyway, that was a weird thought I figured I'd share with you guys.

Anyhoodles,

Enjoy!!

- Nico_Solace

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey! Will! Wait up, man!" I heard Jason call out as I climb the stairs to get to my locker.

Sighing, I stop. "Hey, Jase."

"Hey, man. I feel like I haven't seen you in ages. Where've you been?"

"Here? I haven't gone anywhere."

"Well, yeah. But we never hang out outside of school anymore and when we're here, you're completely absorbed in that di Angelo kid but too afraid to actually say anything to him."

My face colors and I try looking away to hide it, apparently unsuccessful.

"Hey, man, I've got no problem with it. You like who you like. I mean, I am pan, so I can't say shit about who you like. But seriously, he's pretty hot."

"Yeah, well, I think I screwed eveything up." I say, scrubbing a hand over my face.

"How?" He asks in utter moo confusion.

"We were at his house finishing up my essay on Friday, right?" I start with a sigh. "And I showed him what I had written for my conclusion and he was really impressed and kept complimenting it and everything. One thing led to another and then we were kissing. Like, intensely. The 'I-was-having-trouble-breathing-the-whole-time' kind of kissing. And he was on my lap, too. And it was amazing. And he's incredible..."

"But?" Jason asks, eyes earnest and curious.

"But then his sister walked in and freaked. He jumped away really fast like it was bad. And then I freak. And I said I should leave and got up to grab my stuff. But he grabbed my arm to stop me and asked me to stay. I said no. When I was at the door, he stopped me and kissed me one last time before letting me go. So, I don't know what to do or if I screwed everything or what; I'm pretty much flipping the fuck out, dude."

Jason flashes me a sympathetic look. "Bro."

"I know! But I don't know what to do if he got offened or mad or whatever. I just-- don't know what to do."

Sighing, Jason places a gentle hand on my shoulder and sqeezes.

"Just relax, Will, okay? If he was mad, you would know. Trust me, I saw the way he pushed that poor freshman boy when Josie gave you a hickey."

Smiling slightly, I let out a relaxing breath. "Thanks, Jase."

"Anytime, man."

"But, seriously. I've never done this before. I don't know how to do this. I've always dated girls and, in a way, they're so much simpler than this..."

Jason gives me a knowing smile. "It has nothing to do with gender, Will."

"What are you getting at?"

"You didn't just choose any guy to fall for; you fell for Nico di Angelo. He is literally the most difficult guy I've ever met."

"You know Nico?"

"Well, depends on what you mean by 'know'. Lots of people know Nico, but, I mean, I guess you could say I know him."

"... Okay. But, how is he difficult?"

Jason sighs dramatically. "He's the single most confusing person in the planet. Plus, he's far to selfless for his own good."

"How do you know all of this?" I ask skeptically.

"Nico's my ex, Will."

My mouth drops open. "What?"

"Yeah. We dated back in Freshman Year." He shrugs as if this isn't a big deal, or it isn't news to me. "But, here's some advice, he's going to confuse you, a lot. Don't try to understand because 90% of the time, you won't. Just roll with it."

"Okay."

"Oh, and if it comes down to it, he's not going to open up and date you immediately, okay?"

"Alright. Thanks, Jason."

"'Course, man."

---

»»Nico««

Parking my bike in my spot, I pull my helmet off and start looking around for Solace.

"Relax, Neeks. I'm sure he's here." Hazel teases, rubbing at my tense shoulders.

"That's not what I'm looking for, Little Gem." I lie.

"Whatever you say. I'm going to find Frank. See you later, alligator." She releases a light giggle, pecks my cheek, and runs off.

"I won't miss you!" I tease back.

"di Angelo!" A high pitched, annoyingly familiar voice yells.

Groaning and rolling my eyes I turn toward Josie.

"What?" I snap.

"Don't 'what' me!" She barks, giving me a once over. "I told you Will is mine and you don't seem to have listened. So, I've come to offer you a choice."

"And what would that be?" I ask, crossing my arms over my chest and pursing my lips.

"Leave Will alone and have a lovely rest of the school year with no issues, or keep hanging with him and completely ruin his rep by turning him into a fag, thus causing yourself an assload of issues." She says matter-of-factly.

I snort and turn away from her.

"I'm serious! He'll hate you for it!" She shrieks, stomping away on her ridiculous heels.

"Whatever." I mumble.

Turning, I walk aimlessly away from the parkinglot in no particular direction.

"Neeks!" I hear a voice that definitely is not my sister call. "Nico! Hey, stop!"

Sighing, I stop, gluing myself in place. "You know how I feel about that nickname, Solace."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever." He laughs-- no, giggles -- out. "Hey, I wanted to... I don't know, thank you? For, like, Friday, or whatever. You-- that helped me figure some stuff out."

Again, I snort. "What? That you're into guys?"

He turns an angry shade of maroon and kicks his feet on the ground.

"Oh, so I did?" I ask, a proud smirk on my lips, my eyebrow rising.

"Maybe you helped me, like, confirm it, or whatever? I dunno... I mean, I've liked guys before you but it kinda freaked me out and I wasn't... One-hundred percent sure? But, then you kissed me, and I felt, I dunno, alive? God, I sound like a fucking cliché idiot-ass now." He closes him eyes and rubs at them. "Look, I've had a thing for you since Freshman Year. And I didn't know what that meant. Hell, I didn't even know it was a crush until the end of last year. But, yeah. I just don't -- I don't want what happened on Friday to ruin whatever the fuck it is we've got going."

He ends his rant with a nervous smile, tentive hands rubbing at the back of his neck.

Blinking, I stand there in complete shock.

"Freshman Year?" I wonder in a small voice.

Peeking up, he nods nervously.

"Eighth grade."

"What?"

"Eighth grade. We were in Ms. Henasee's class together. We got paired up to do the frog dissection. I was an awkward, quiet, and shy kid then. I didn't say much and being paired up with the kid I had a freaky, weird crush on didn't help anything. I wasn't out yet and when I told my Dad about you, he almost kicked me out. So, I tried to ignore it. But, you were so sweet and nice and -- dammit -- you didn't push me to talk when I didn't, you let me do me. And that made me fall harder. So, when I got older and everything, I started dating other people and fucking around with University guys to try and--"

Before I can finish, Will's lips are crushing onto mine in a violent, sloppy, painful kiss.

Surprise surges through me and I just sit there for a moment, letting him bruise my lips with his. When I don't respond, Will's lips begin to loosen on mine.

He begins backing up, but I chase him. I keep my lips pressed to that impossibly soft pair above me.

He moans. Loud.

"Shit, Will." I fumble, backing up only a mere centimeter. "You need to be quiet. You don't want people finding us, do you?"

"Why would I care?"

"You have a rep to uphold, Solace." I press another gentle kiss to his lips and back up.

"Fuck my reputation, Nico." He replies, rushing forwrd.

He places a careful hand on my hip and leans down until his forehead is on mine.

"I don't care about that."

"Yeah, but... Think about your friends. You-- you can't date me, Solace. It's-- your people don't associate with me. You'll-- you'll lose-- shit, you'll lose everything."

"And? Who gives two fucks, Nico? I sure as hell don't."

"It just... We can't-- we won't work, Will, okay? We won't."

He looks at me in utter moo! shock "I thought-- if we 'won't work', what the hell was that confession? 'Cause I'm pretty sure you only do stuff like that when you want to be with someone. And I want to be with you. More than anything."

He presses forward just an inch more and our lips are reunited once more. This kiss is short, gentle, sweet. Nothing like the others. Like he's trying to prove what he wants through his lips.

I pull back and escape his arms.

"I do, want this that is. But... it won't, we won't happen. I'm-- I'm sorry. I need to... To get to my locker."

Before he can respond, I flee.

Again.

God, I flee from everything, don't I?