Slapping myself so that I can come back into reality, letting it slide with what I just felt earlier, maybe it's not really a big deal, I wish it's not. Soon after I remembered that I don't know where I should stay for the day, since I kinda run away from Guanlin's Mom and Guanlin himself.

I fished my phone in my pocket, getting a hold of it to see some people in mu contacts that I can be with for the mean time, I scroll down to my list seeing Minhyun's number, I guess this one is fine. Immediately pressed the message button and sending what I have typed.

Without any further ado, he replied fast that is very rare for him, My hope was lighten up but goes down easily because he rejected me to come over his place, he even said that he has a very important thing to do today.

"What about Jaewhan?" Muttering to myself, clicking his number, sending him a message quickly, and in my second time around to message someone who's replied fast... I was rejected again, personally why do all of this people have something to do today?

Losing hope bit by bit but suddenly my phone suddenly buzzed up, I rapidly look who the hell is the person messaged me.

Message (1)
Sungwoon Hyung

The contact names popped out, I was jumping with joy, looking at his message after that.

Sungwoon Hyung:
Yah, are you free right now?

Me:
Yeah hyung, I was kinda looking for someone
But everyone has an appointment to day.

Sungwoon Hyung:
They're probably going on a date,
Jihoon it's saturday, a perfect time for a date.

Me:
I don't really care hyung, but where are we going?

Sungwoon Hyung:
I just wanna play with someone today, here in my room.

Me:
OMAYGHA NO HYUNG, IM NOT GOING TO YOUR ROOM
PLAYING SHITS CMSKWKDM STAPH THAT!! NOT HEALTHY!

Sungwoon Hyung:
Not that kind of play, you dummy. Video games, VIDEO GAMES,
And did you forgotten that I have a boyfriend? How can you be so
Forgetful, u pig.

Me:
U calling me pig?

Sungwoon Hyung:
Handsome pig, but still a pig, so yeah you are a pig.

Me:
IM NOT A PIG, JIHOON IS NOT A PIG, U FIGHT ME!

Sungwoon Hyung:
I'm hyung baby!

Me:
Eww, I'll stop, I'll stop hyung, I will come right now.

Sungwoon Hyung:
Yeah sure, Woojin's in here too.

Me:
That's great, bye hyung!

Afterwards, Sungwoon Hyung didn't reply, I started walking with my pajamas on, I forgot about it, oh well just for today.

I walked towards the bus stop waiting it until it arrives, going down to the next stop cause that's where Sungwoon Hyung lives, I climb a little alley turning left to see his apartment already, straightly going inside of it climbing up the stairs since Sungwoon Hyung's room is only in second floor.

Excatly as I stepped foot on the front door, someone already opened the door, seeing Woojin in front of me. I smiled and waved at him at the same time.

"Good Morning." I hreeted him which he take it back to me, he let me go inside of the apartment pointing where Sungwoon is, Woojin is Sungwoon's boyfriend just to let you know.

They're together since we are in First Year, they are goals totally.

"Yah hyung!" Sungwoon hyung looked at me smiling, he offered me to sit on the floor which I obeyed him, he handed me the other control that I accepted then we started playing.

"Are you that excited that you come over here with your pajamas on?" Sungwoon said while focusing in the game.

"Nahh something kinda happened back there, at home." Openly saying it to him, because Sungwoon hyung and Woojin are the only ones I've tell them this kind of things.

"What, Guanlin again?" He kinda hit the mark at there, which is because I'm always telling them when me and Guanlin gets awkward as hell, basically this past days.

"Kinda..." I silently nlty answered him, Letting go of the controller in my hand placing it beside me, I curl up my knees hugging with my arms.

"I don't understand him hyung, he teases me but sometimes he's serious, or he will be avoiding me after that, it's like he's conflicted inside, he didn't what he is doing. That makes me conflicted and confused too." Sighing at the end of my sentence, I felt Sungwoon hyung's hans rotating in my back trying to comfort me.

"Why are you confused too Jihoon? It's not like you should mind Guanlin's thought, right?" I kinda snapped with what Sungwoon Hyung's words, making me looked at him rationally.

"No! Hyung, I should mind his thoughts! I care for Guanlin, what if he's stuggling inside, or he's self-harming himself what's worse maybe he will be suicidal, I downtown want that to happen hyung! I want to help Guanlin." I bursted out my feelings unto my hyung, that he just wanted is to comfort me more than anyone else.

"Why do you get to that extent for Guanlin, Jihoon?"

"W-Why? Isn't it because he saved me back then, he is my best friend!"

"Really? Is that only it? Don't you realize, you were staring at him so lovingly, like he's the only person in your world, you're so concerned about him like now, you care for him so bad, let me ask you Jihoon, Do you like Guanlin?"

His words are slowly processing in my mind, word by word, bit by bit, analyzing what it means, after all this time I never think Guanlin that way, he's always been my Friend, my best buddy, He just likes to tease me, nothing more.

No matter how I wish he could just kissed me back then, or how he holds my hands like it's only for him, but no matter how things can get so happy with Guanlin, I shouldn't because he have Ae Bong right now.. Wait.. Do I like Guanlin?

Do I like him? Do I?

Confusion, vagueness, , or anything on my mind, Right now, I can feel how scared, and terrified I was to face the truth, what have I done? Why do I think that I wish he would Kiss me, or hold hands with me or I like him, this is not right, No matter perspective it could only be seen as a sin!

"No! No! No! Hyung that's not like it, Guanlin is a friend!" I disagreed with Sungwoon Hyung.

"Why are you scared Jihoon?"

I can't answer Sungwoon Hyung's question, because he can read my mind like an open book, he sighed because I can't respond to him.

"You look so confused Jihoon, I'm sorry for pushing you too hard when you're not totally ready for this, you may think you're disgusted by yourself but defied you are not, take your time, don't need to rush. Sometimes only time could tell us." Patting me on my shoulders then he left me in his room all alone. I cried myself out behind my knees, I can feel my tears falling down on my pajamas now it's really wet because of me.

Deep inside I know I liked Guanlin, but I'm just disgusted, and grossed out by my thoughts, I am making a sin, It's scary, I'm scary and scared at the same time, I'm sorry Guanlin.