ᅳ i'm so sorry for not publishing this sooner, but y'all should know by now that when i say "next week", i actually mean "the next fucking year lmao" +++++ also major time skip on this chapter ; a/n ᅳ

|    23;27    |
saturday

♞

❝ remind me why you invited him again? ❞

i hear yoongi say as soon as i walk over to him and hoseok. we're having a party to celebrate our collab since we just finished it a week ago. it's a modern house with a huge ass pool and all those lights. quite normal, if you ask me.

i ignore the obvious attempt of yoongi's to insult me, but hoseok immediately comes to my rescue.

❝ it's called a "collab" for a reason, yoongs. the party is for both of you and the whole team. ❞

yoongi gives him a look that clearly screams, "fuck off, traitor," and i take this as the time to add,

❝ i gotta say, i never hosted a party for a single song before. it was always for an entire comeback album. ❞

❝ you didn't host one. hoseok and your bitchy manager did all the stupid work. ❞

❝ okay, yoongs. okay. ❞

hoseok answers him in my stead. honestly, at this point, i don't wanna argue with him anymore. i intend to spend this whole night celebrating. if i have to spend another fucking second stuck in those small four walls with min yoongi, i might actually kill myself.

❝ alright, hobi. i need a drink. i'll catch up with you later. ❞

❝ it's fine, fam. everyone always needs a drink when they talk to yoongs. ❞

yoongi shoots hoseok a murdering glare which the latter completely ignores by giving me a brief hug like he always does and urging me to get a move on.

when i do leave, i hear yoongi's petty complaints slowly die down as the distance between us grows larger.

❝ since when did you guys get so close that he calls you by that name now? like what a . . . ❞

i go to the bar and expect to see namjoon hyung, but much to my demise, he's out in the dance floor with jin hyung. g r e a t.

taehyung should be here so i'd feel less alone. now i kinda regret urging him to go on another date with jae. this time, alone. because as much as i see tae trying so hard to push the pitiful kid away, he obviously needs and deserves someone to take care of him like jae seems to want to.

i then walk to sit on one of the wooden outdoor chaise lounges, drinking the daiquiri i got from mark, the bartender. props to hoseok and namjoon for being able to hire the best bartender in the city. that's what happens when you mix charm with brains.

i sit there for a while, staring into the pool. it puts a little distance between me and the crowdᅳnot too much to make me lonely, but just enough to let me breathe. there's only about two people swimming in the pool as most of them are more interested in the dance floor.

on the opposite side of the dance crazies, are the game lunatics. one of them is jimin whom i spot with four other men laughing at a blonde dude trying to balance an apple on a bottle of beer on top of his head. i would normally say this is ridiculous, but the man's actually succeeding.

❝ oh dear lord, are we doing this again?  ❞ 

yoongi asks in his usual sassy tone as he walks over to them with arms crossed over his chest.

❝ come on, yoongi! you gotta admit, taeyong's still got the talent. ❞

❝ oh, shut up, ten. i can do better. ❞

yoongi takes the apple and the beer from the so-called-taeyong-dude with a swift move of his left hand. and so starts the challenge. yoongi holds them on his head for like five seconds before they fall, then the bottle shatters and the apple rolls on the ground. jimin laughs along with the rest of them as yoongi pretends to cry out in defeat, trying his best not to show his own amusement. but for some reason, as jimin laughs, he finds me staring at him from a distance. i get caught off-guard, and immediately turn away. i look back at the pool and take another shot of my drink.

soon, i hear footsteps approaching me and then the sound of someone sitting their ass on the lounge right next to mine. and suddenly the waves of the water become the most interesting shit i've ever seen in my life. or the sound of me and yoongi's collab being played over and over again by wendy the dj. damn, i could listen to this all day.

❝ beautiful, isn't it? ❞

wow, i wonder what it would feel like to swim right now. it's late at night, so i'll probably catch a cold but i'd honestly love to do just anything to get out of this situation.

❝ i'm talking to you, jungkook. ❞

oh no.

❝ you're ignoring me . . . are you still mad at me, jungkook? ❞

❝ no. ❞

funny, we both know that's a lie.

i leave my glass on the floor and stand up, walking closer to the edge of the pool.

❝ what are you doing? ❞

❝ swimming. that's what swimming pools are for, right? ❞

❝ you don't swim. ❞

❝ i can fucking walk inside the pool though. i'm not short. ❞

ignoring my attempt of an insult, he insisted.

❝ you'll catch a cold. ❞

❝ why do you care? ❞

❝ why would i not? ❞

❝ because you don't love me? ❞

there are times when i really just wanna stab myself. and i'm not kidding when i say this. i just really, really, fucking hate how stupidly emotional i get over the smallest things sometimes.

❝ jungkook. ❞

he stands up and walks over to me, but i take a few steps away to keep a proper distance between the two of us.

❝ i get it. i won't. ❞

❝ what? ❞

❝ i won't dive in. ❞

❝ okay. ❞

we stay like that for a good few minutes, me staring off into the city lights and him staring up at the starless nightsky.

❝ the sky is beautiful. ❞

❝ really, hyung? that's the best you could think of? ❞

❝ i mean . . . there are no stars but . . . ❞

❝ just stop trying. ❞

❝ jungkook, can we at least talk about it? ❞

❝ there's nothing left to say. ❞

❝ i could think of a thousand things to say to you. ❞

❝ no thanks. ❞

❝ jungkook, if i don't get it off my chest, i'm afraid we'll never go back to the way we used to be. ❞

to this, i laugh.

❝ ah, there's the jimin hyung i know. always thinking about himself. ❞

and to this, a response i never expected.

❝ did you just say i'm selfish? are you fucking kidding me, jungkook? i was always there when you needed meᅳthough virtuallyᅳi was there. i don't know how many times i have to say this but i never meant to hurt you and i will never want to hurt you. whether it's about my sexual orientation or the fact that i became your ex's personal assistant without knowing he was your ex. i am not the type of person to waste my time trying to make someone happy just for the sole purpose of breaking their spirit in the end. ❞

❝ okay. ❞

❝ okay? that's all you have to say? ❞

❝ i'm really . . . tired. ❞

❝ are you serious right now, jungkook? i pour my heart out to you and this is the type of response i get? ❞

❝ well, now you know how that feels. ❞

❝ if anything, you're the selfish one here, jungkook. you'd rather throw away a potential friendship instead of accepting the fact that it's as far as it can get. ❞

❝ sure, rub it in my face, won't you? ❞

❝ that's not what i'm trying to do! ❞

❝ don't scream. you're attracting too much attention. ❞

he does calm down and becomes silent for a few seconds before he speaks again.

❝ i don't . . . i don't even understand why you feel that way about me. ❞

❝ it doesn't matter. ❞

❝ is it because i make you happy? ❞

❝ what? ❞

❝ if anyone else were to make you as happy as i doᅳor didᅳthen would you like them? ❞

i shake my head and laugh in bitter disbelief.

❝ i don't love you because you make me happy, jimin. i love you no matter what. ❞

my voice cracks at the end of it and i try to keep the tears from falling but it's just too late. no matter how much i stare at the water of the pool or the trees surrounding the mansion or the sky lacking of stars, i can't think of anything else but him.

fuck. i hate it. i hate how much of a crybaby jimin makes me.

it's silent for a few seconds before he turns me around to face him.

❝ look at me, jungkook. is this the man you want? really? ❞

❝ what? ❞

he wipes my tears away and the mere touch of his thumbs sends me abliss. but the next words that come out of his mouth kills the fire inside of me just as easily.

❝ do you even know who you claim to love? ❞