*a person in a commercial*

HEY, YOU THERE! YES YOU LOOKING ALL LONELY AND CRAP

HAVE YOU EVER WANTED TO FUCK YOURSELF BUT NOT GOTTEN THE PLEASURE YOU WANT?!

WELL LUCKY FOR YOU THAT YOUR SEEKNG THIS

BUY A VIBRATOR, A DILDO AND GET A PIN FREE READING, "i fucked myself today :D" ALL FOR JUST .99¢

BUY IT NOW BEFORE ALL SALES ARE TAKEN

YOU NEVER KNOW HOW IT FEELS UNTIL YOU FUCK YOURSELF