Verse six

6 months later

After a tiring day of promotional events for his upcoming movie, Sanjay leaned against the backrest of his limousine. And softly shut his eyes.

Ranjavati wasn't picking up calls. He had missed hers during the events and now was guilty about that.

Sanjay wondered, in these long six months, how integral a part she had become of his life. He knew extremely well he was in love with her. There was no choice. She would drag him to herself, each and every moment. And he could not help but reach out to her.

For the first two months, she was stubborn. She acted indifferent. She protested when he snatched her vials, hid her liquors, threw the cigars off her lips. Then, slowly, she started giving in. She stopped doing drugs, for the whole of a day, then for two long days at a stretch, following which, a week.
And then, it happened.

She hadn't touched the vials for the last three months.

Sanjay knew she was growingly dependant on him. And did he not enjoy that? He did. Extremely well. Because he too would love to have her in his life.

But..... 
Was he still ready to tag her along as a girlfriend?
Her presence was soothing.
He knew she was all he wanted.
He knew she needed him and he needed her too.

But why was he not stable enough with that to get into this seriously?

No. She never asked her if he loved her. Mostly she was afraid of everything life had done to her.
And he too, did not like to face that. He prayed she didn't raise the question anytime soon.

Mostly he still needed time to settle down with someone in life. Mostly, he was still not ready to bear someone's complete emotional burden. Specially someone as vulnerable, yet as valuable as Ranjavati.

He would stay along, just as he did. But it was difficult for him to name a relationship. He was, not just made for that it seemed. Or maybe, he needed to cross a particular age, reach a particular height in his career which had to be even more than where he already was.
His soul mostly needed to be calmer, and more prepared to accept that he was deeply in love, with Ranjavati Sinha.

Ranjavati was still a child at heart.
She would hold anyone who would hold her. And Sanjay was her resort now. Yet, she was afraid of revealing the emotion she held for him.
So was he.

For completely different reasons, yet the same.

She was not sure of him maybe, or wasn't ready to lose him.
On the other hand, he was completely aware of everything, yet not ready to give in, because he didn't like to lose her in the mainstreamness of love and marriage. At least, not now.

The limousine swifted through the entrance into the farmhouse.

Verse seven

She leaned against the railing. Her white dupatta swayed in the wind.

She had seen his car get in through the gate. And her heart paced. Yet, a tremendous sadness gripped her soul. She didn't know....why..

His presence vibed behind. She didn't turn. He silently walked upto and stood beside her.

" I'm glad you came. " , he uttered after a long moment.
" I am very sorry, I could not pick up your calls. My phone was dumped with Rohan. And he's mostly tensed about everything, but doesn't end up doing anything fruitfully. "

Ranjavati laughed without noise.
" You need not be sorry.
Also, I hardly feel like calling someone on duty. How would you know I would do that today...

There was a sudden surge of crisis in the OT. Two patients expired on table.

I cannot take all these much...

I ran out, was out of my mind. Did not remember anyone except you. Reached for the phone. But the timing went wrong. Later when I was more composed, I remembered you were breathlessly busy today. I was guilty then. "

Sanjay slowly turned her towards her, holding her shoulder. The lights that twinkled along the ceiling in a row, produced a strange glow on her face.
She stared deeply into his eyes.

" You need not be guilty, or anything of sorts. You have complete rights to look for me whenever you wish. You know that! " , he spoke..

She freed herself from his grip, and moved apart.
Stayed silent for another long moment.

" I stopped doing drugs for you. " , she suddenly uttered.

Sanjay smiled.
" I was just an aid Ranjavati. You had to stop doing that for yourself. "

" Why did you help me? " , she looked at him.

Sanjay, suddenly, was out of words.
He could not frame the correct sentence it seemed. Though, it was was much easy a question...

" I....just.... " , why was he stammering? Was this the way even?

Ranjavati smirked.
" Are you afraid of me Sanjay? "

" Afraid of you? Why even? " , he was not completely surprised, but was quick with the reply.

" Okay fine.
Are we friends? " , she asked.

Sanjay felt uneasy in her presence, for the first time.
They weren't just friends. And he was not a tinge bit confused about his feeling. He could not lie. But could he tell the truth even?
Was he ready for that?

He chose silence again.

Ranjavati was growingly restless. She scratched the railings with her nails.

" I'm....sorry...

I must be making you uncomfortable with this sudden questionarre. " , she spoke softly.

Sanjay knew he had to intervene. Because she was vulnerable.

" Ranjavati, you know I care for you.
You know it, you know everything... Don't you? " , he felt his voice was cracking.

She looked through him again. This time, the corner of her eyes glittered.
" Is there a name to your care? Or am I being fooled by life, once again?
Or maybe, I'm being too demanding owing to my insecurities? "

He wanted to reach out to her. But something stopped him in between. He could not even gather what!!
He remained helplessly silent again.

" I think, I'm being idiotic. What a bad day it was!!

I'll just leave now. " , she said. And immediately turned.

" Ranjavati!! " , he guarded her path.
" You know I... I like... I.. I love you...
You know that!! " , he blurted.

Surprisingly, not a crease appeared on her face.
" I pressed you to say that. I know. "

" You didn't. " , his voice was inaudible.

But she drifted away.
" Half of the world thinks you are romantically involved with your new co-star.
Why don't you clear the air? "

Sanjay had not been so helpless till date. The production had decided, like everytime, with his fans constantly creating equations of his with any actress he worked with, they'd take complete advantage of that to ensure a box office blockbuster. He had no say on that though he disliked the fact for the umpteenth time.

" Ranjavati.... That's just.... "

" You did not even take me to meet your mother, all these while. The farmhouse is where we meet, not your home.

I've seen these before.
If there's nothing new in this 'love', should I even consider it to be one? " , her voice trembled.

" Ranjavati... I'm not sure if... " , the ever eloquent Sanjay Mehta turned dumb tonight.

" I know you ain't sure.
But I'm sure of one thing. I deserve whatever I've received till date. Nothing better. " , she smirked.

" Listen to me.
Quiet. " , he held her hand.
" I'm extremely sure of whatever I feel about you. But.... "

" But.... ?

Fine. Can you just do this for me?
Tweet,
' I'm in love. And no, she doesn't belong to showbiz. '

This much. Can you? "
She was firm.

Sanjay felt as if a storm was building just behind, and would blow him away anytime.

He could, never do that.
He wasn't prepared.
His work commitments, plus trillions of speculations and questions that would follow, would be devastating.
He could not ignore them this time. Because, he himself was truly involved. Media was dangerous.

" Why can't it be between us? " , he suddenly shouted.

She kept staring for a long moment.
As if, sucking in his vital force.

" Sure. " , she uttered, at the end of it.

She walked away,
" Ranjavati....

Listen to me...
You got me wrong!! "

She stopped, turned and smiled.
The smile that could turn multiple heads, and rend multiple hearts.
" I'm fine Sanjay.
And I got everything very right. Trust me. "

Sanjay could not say a word after this.
Nor could he follow her.
He just stood still, watching her scooty speed past the gate.

He shut his eyes tight.

And reflected for a long half an hour.

Was she demanding a huge much from him?
What did she ask even?
A little bit of a security, at the end of a loveless life....

Things would have been different, if he really did not care for her. If he really, was only playing with her emotions.
But was he? 

He would equally be at peace seeing her lovely face, everyday.
He would be equally relieved, when she did not touch the self destructive means for months now.

Did she not have the right to ask this much from him? 

Why was he being so selfish?
Why even?
What exactly was his problem?
Were responsibilities of a girl he loved, too much for him to handle? 

He knew he needed to reach her. Yet, kept standing like a fool.

The phone buzzed.
His sister.

" Bhaiyaa, where are you?
Mom is having breathing problems again. A huge much. She's asking for you. Please come home ASAP! "

Sanjay Mehta whooshed out of the farmhouse, with dozens of emotions buzzing in his brains.

Verse eight

Ranjavati parked the scooty before her small apartment.
Her head was hurting hard.

Suddenly, little fingers gripped her hand.

A girl, not more than five, stood with a smile. Beside her stood the mother, smiling.

" Baby Sumaiyaa, how are you? " , Ranjavati picked her up in arms.

" You know I have seen a shnake yesterday. It was green and shmol. " , Sumaiyaa explained.

" Oh my god, what did you do then? "

" I ran away. Bholu wash shouting. "

" Bholu is a good dog. He'll protect us. " , Ranjavati pecked her cheeks.

" Tonight we all going to pond bath. " , the baby chuckled. " You come? "

Ranjavati rolled her eyes.
" Who goes to the pond at night? "

The mother smiled,
" Family tradition. With respect to the moon. "

" Stay safe. " , she handed over the kid to the her.

Sumaiyaa's mother worked as a maid in the apartment. They lived in a chawl next to the building, separated by a long bring wall.

She loved the kid. Because kids loved unconditionally. And their love could not be doubted, neither did it end, till they grew up.

11:30 pm

She let her tired body crash on the rocking chair. Her body ached, her heart thumped faster, her head burst in pain. She felt like puking.

She gulped in glasses and glasses of water. Ran out into the balcony to inhale.
Tried to remember no one, nothing.

The parrot was shouting something. She pressed her ears. What seemed music to her all these while, seemed nothing more than incoherent noise.

" Stop!! Stop!! Stopp!!!!  " , she screamed.

And ran back into the house.

Why did her maid have to take a leave for this day itself? It was unbearable.
Loneliness was unbearable now!!!
The maid, Ratna didi, would always be with her, even in her worst.

She swung on the rocking chair vigorously...

Her stomach cramped. Her head banged.

She could not hold herself anymore.

Running inside, she opened the shelf, and in a split second, thrashed a the syringe filled with a liquid into her vein.

After three long months.

Within moments, she dissociated from herself. Her soul, as if, found its way out of her body, and she could see herself walking away, mostly into a better world. A brighter world.

______

One more chapter. Will update ASAP.
THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT.