two days later, seonghwa still hadn't completed mission two. he was unbelievably nervous, afraid of what hongjoong might say.

i mean... i know he liked me in the past, but there's no guarantee he still likes me now. like, who knows? i was always rude to him... maybe he hates me now, maybe he won't want me. i just don't know...

he was pacing around his room, trying his best to come up with an idea of exactly what to do. he moved to the corner of his room and sat down, pulling at his hair and letting out frustrated moans and groans as he did so.

"mom always has good advice... maybe i should go to her." seonghwa said out loud, standing up quickly and dashing to his mother's room.

he knocked on the door and opened it after she gave him the ok. after seeing how distraught her son looked, seonghwa's mother put her book down and guestered for him to lay next to her on her bed.

"babe, are you ok? what's wrong?" she asked the boy who let out a frustrated sigh in response.

"mom, i'm in a dilemma and i don't know what to do about it." he admitted, shaking his head as he spoke.

"well, unless you tell me what your dilemma is i can't help you. so what is it?" she giggled, moving her son's hair out of his eyes as she asked.

"remember a while back when i was crying about hurting someone, but i never told you who it was?" seonghwa asked and his mother nodded her head yes.

"well, the person i hurt was jongho's brother. the boy i babysit, hongjoong. i hurt him terribly. i said awful things to him, called him names, things you would not be proud of if you knew.

but that's not all. the reason i was so rude to him that one day was because i realized something i didn't want to admit. a while back, i accidentally got hongjoong to admit that he had feelings for me. it didn't honestly bother me much, but i made it clear that i didn't feel the same way back. he seemed ok with it, not bringing it up again after that day.

but then, all of a sudden, i started having weird thoughts about him. thoughts of liking him, being with him, how much i wanted to cuddle him and protect him... thoughts i didn't know i could have for him. i was scared of them, hating everything i was thinking about. so instead of being a mature adult like i should've been, i took it out on him.

i lashed out. i didn't know what else to do. i felt like that was the only right way to go about it, but he broke down. i hurt him so bad. after that night, i admitted to myself that i in fact do like hongjoong. there's nothing i can do about it. i like hongjoong. i like him a lot.

but now, i'm scared to tell him. i don't know how to do it. i did make progress, though. i told jongho about it. i wanted his approval, to make sure i wasn't stepping any boundaries... thankfully, he was ok with it. more than ok, actually. he was happy, he said he wants us together. he thinks i'd be great for hongjoong.

and remember the other night when i told you i was going to that food drive with san and jongho? i lied about that. what really happened was that i found out it was hongjoong's birthday, so i ran to the mall and bought him presents. i went to his house and delivered them to him, i even stayed for dinner.

seeing him so happy made my heart burst. i know i've dated people in the past, but jeez... i don't think i've ever felt this way about anyone else in my entire life." seonghwa finished his rant, tears filling his eyes from his overwhelming emotions quicker than he could stop them.

"well i'm not going to lie, that was a lot to take in." seonghwa's mom laughed a bit, wiping seonghwa's tears off his cheeks, "but i'm kind of disappointed in you. why would you hurt that poor boy's feelings to mask your own? you know that's not the right thing to do."

"i know mom, i know... that's why i said you'd be disappointed in me. but i didn't want to lie to you, you deserve to know what i did, even if it was wrong." seonghwa explained, not meeting his mother's gaze.

"thank you for telling me. it means a lot to me. but now, onto your feelings. tell me, what did i teach you growing up?" she asked the boy with furrowed eyebrows. seonghwa knew exactly what she meant and he chuckled at the memory.

"always be confident, now matter how embarrassing it might be." he answered, earning a nod from his mother.

"you're right. now, even if it backfires... wouldn't you rather hongjoong know how you feel than bottle it up inside of you? you know, hiding your emotions is not the way to go about life." mrs. park shook her head, pointing a finger in seonghwa's face.

"i know it isn't, but i'm scared. like i said, i don't know what it is about hongjoong, but he means so much to me. i don't want to lose him, what if he ends up hating me afterwards?" seonghwa mumbled, beginning to cry again at the thought of hongjoong possibly hating him.

"well, how do you think he felt when you treated him terribly for all that time? he told you how he felt, and you still treated him poorly. but he's still going at it, still talking to you and acting like nothing ever happened. that's the confidence i like! and honestly, he shouldn't be so nice to you. you got lucky with him, most people wouldn't do that." seonghwa nodded his head, agreeing with everything his mom said.

"you know, you're so right. this is why i came to you, i knew you'd guide me in the right direction." seonghwa looked into his mother's eyes with a big smile on his face.

"well of course, what kind of mother would i be if i didn't?" she put a hand on her heart, smiling widely at her son.

"thank you, mom. you're seriously my rock. i love you so much." seonghwa hugged his mother, embracing her tightly.

"anything for my baby. i love you no matter what, and i'll always be here for you. but right now, hongjoong is more important than me! if you don't go to his house right now and tell him how you feel, you will be grounded!" she exclaimed, laughing out loud. seonghwa laughed along with her, wiping the stray tear left on his cheek.

"wow mom, harsh! but you're right, let me text him right now." seonghwa stood up and walked towards the bedroom door, opening it slightly, "again, thank you. you're the best."

"i love you. now get out and text that boy!" she waved her son out as he laughed, taking out his phone to text hongjoong.

seongie 🧚‍♀️
hey joongie, are you home?

strawberry joongie 🍓
yes! why?

seongie 🧚‍♀️
can i stop by? i want to tell you something

strawberry joongie 🍓
but mommy is home, you don't need to watch me!

seongie 🧚‍♀️
didn't i tell you last time that i could come even when jongho doesn't ask me?

strawberry joongie 🍓
you're right... sorry!🤭

seongie 🧚‍♀️
no need to be sorry, baby. but i'll be over in ten minutes. see you then!

strawberry joongie 🍓
i'm excited! bye bye!

and just like that, seonghwa grabbed his keys off the table and walked towards his car, ready to finally admit his true feelings to his favorite boy.

yesterday my ex boyfriend who i ended on BAD TERMS WITH added me on snap and started snapping me out of nowhere... he apologized to me... i was so disgusted.

-vic