* beware this shit makes no sense IMO *

[ third person ]

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"[y/n], Shidou-kun's here to play." Her mother called out to her daughter who was perched on the armrest of the couch to watch the movie her mom had put on before she left to do something in the room. The [h/c] girl turned away from the TV, sighing loudly when the words processed in her mind.

"Mom, we're not seven anymore. Stop saying play." She shot back, walking over to the kitchen to find the tall, tanned boy standing beside her mother at the stove with a spatula in his hand as he licked the left over batter from the cake her mother was making. He looked like a deer in headlights when he made eye contact with the girl who shot him a flat look before he broke out into a small grin.

"Thank you for the batter, Ma." Shidou said as he patted her mother on the head lightly, brushing past her to place the spatula in the sink before following [y/n] up to her room.

The girl snickered, "you're still calling her Mom?" The habit of calling that woman Mom was something Shidou could never give up, even after he had entered high school.

A smirk danced on his lips as he shrugged carelessly. "Of course. What's yours is mine."

"Okay then, big brother." [y/n] taunted, earning a curt shake of the head from the boy who blatantly displayed that he was against the use of that name.

The boy had no idea where the source of his dislike for that name came from, but it seriously did not sit well with him to be called that.

"Don't fucking call me that shit. I am not your big brother, got it?" He demanded, huffing exaggeratedly when the girl threw her head back with laughter, obviously amused with the reaction she spurred. "Laugh it up. I'll crack your skull soon enough."

His threat was soft, no hint of malice or anger in it whatsoever. Nothing about it could even be considered a threat with the way he said it. It was a stark contrast to the threat he served his classmate the day before.

"Okayy." She drawled out teasingly, swaying with each step, disappearing into the bathroom to change into different clothes. The sound of the bathroom door shutting behind her made the blond finally move from his spot near the door.

Plopping on her bed, Shidou sighed loudly and stretched his legs along the silk sheets that were still messy from this morning. The scent of her rosy shampoo filled his senses, almost coaxing him into a docile state that was soon interrupted by the bathroom door opening. His pink eyes darted in her direction, narrowing when he saw a familiar looking shirt. "Is that my fucking Hide shirt that I lost two months ago?"

She looked down at the shirt that had Hide written on it. "Uh... Nope." Her blank expression turned into a look of sheer panic when she saw Shidou jump up, dashing at her to rip the shirt off her instantly.

"You told me it was lost, you fucking hippo!" He shouted, picking the girl up by her waist and slamming her onto the bed lightly. Her body bounced as she screamed, laughing in between each joyful squeal. "You think this is funny? Let's see if you'll be laughing when I strangle you with this shirt!"

The threat was empty, and she knew that. If it wasn't for his playful smirk and the way his calloused hands carefully yet roughly grabbed her arms, she surely would have been dead by his brute strength.

"Wait! Don't lift it up!" The girl squeaked as she forcibly pushed the shirt down, shooting the blond a glare that made him reluctantly retreat. "I don't have a bra underneath, dumbass."

"Why would you go without a bra?" He asked, plopping on the bed beside her when he suddenly ran out of the adrenaline that kept him going. He picked up the book that was conspicuously tucked under her pillow when his hand accidentally grazed the cold object. "What's this? Your diary with my name scribbled in it a thousand times with hearts all over?"

His joke fell on deaf ears when the girl chose to roll her eyes and walk away from him to grab her cup of iced tea that was sat on her desk across the room.

Checking the cover and the contents, Shidou quickly snapped the book shut and sat up abruptly, waving the notebook around crazily. "This is the friggin' death note, you psycho!"

"That's the point." A smirk was fixed on her pink lips as she turned around, mimicking Light Yagami as she snatched the book out of his hand. "I am Kira."

Shidou fell onto her bed with a flat look on his face. "You're fucking insane." He had to bite back the grin that dared crawl onto his lips as he kept up his act.

"I learned from the best," she shot back sweetly, throwing herself on the bed where he wasn't laying. It was stupid but she could faintly feel her heart racing in her chest. As much as she tried to ignore it, she couldn't stop the butterflies in her stomach from fluttering repeatedly over the lack of space between her and Shidou.

After spending majority of her life side by side with Shidou, it was a no brainer as to why she had come to like him throughout the years. I mean, he was the only male who had stood by her side through everything and treated her like she was normal no matter what. Even if it meant that he wasn't viewing her in a romantic aspect, it still felt exhilarating to be viewed as someone special in his life. [y/n] was okay with it at first, being the only person he had never dared lay his hands on, but that was until they reached high school and he began doing things with other girls in class that should have been something reserved only for his lover. The first time she found he had spent the night with another girl, it was more devastating than it should have been, but with time, she grew used to it.

Shidou Ryusei was a violent, rough guy who never really listened to what others say. He had his own agenda and his own set of ideals that he would follow regardless of who tried to push their propaganda onto him. Despite all that, he was just a boy—a boy that would seek the same level of ego he had. Even when he was young, Shidou had never been the type to let someone go if they picked a fight with him, which resulted in a lot of trips to the principal's office. His constant search for that ego led to a constant flux in his social group with the only person remaining after all this time being [y/n].

She knew she was stupid to think she was special, considering the amount of girls he had hooked up with the past month while she was fully aware of each of them, but it was hard to accept the reality of things.

Which is why, she truly felt stupidest when she had let the words she always held back slip past her lips once he was walking out the door at the end of the night. The impatience had gotten to her.

As Shidou put on his shoes by the door way, he ranted about how unfortunate it was to try playing sports with her. "You're so short. I can't even bother playing sports with you because you're no fun. Imagine playing basketball against a mushroom. Borin-"

"If I said I liked you, how would you react?"

[y/n]'s eyes widened slightly as her mouth flopped open and closed for a second before shutting in defeat, knowing she hadn't intended to spew those words at a time like this. It clearly wasn't the right time to say it since he was busy practically bashing her for her height, and it was completely off topic. Her mind had been racing with the thought of what he might say, and she never expected herself to actually become brave enough to speak it aloud.

Originally, she had intended to send him off with the usual smile, pretending she didn't unconditionally love him as he jogged off to his house next door with another girl mind. Shit. How am I gonna get myself out of this now?

Shidou raised at eyebrow before snickering. "I'd say I like you too, you little elf. Maybe if your trash ass grows and explodes a little then we can be on the same level."

She could have left it alone. Things wouldn't change if she had kept her mouth shut right now, but her heart was inclined to speak the truth she had held back for too damn long. It was much too tiring to pretend that her feelings were nonexistent when he had no sense of personal space.

"No, Ryusei," she murmured through slightly parted lips. She shrugged, "I meant I like you. Romantically, you know?"

Shidou paused in the doorway to process the words that fell from her lips. The look on her face was something he had never seen before; cheeks flushed bright rosy red, glistening eyes that looked almost alluring in this light with pretty pink lips that were parted to allow shaky breaths to seep out. She looked different.

But he didn't want to hear it. [y/n] liking me? That's insane. He thought as he shook his head with a small careless laugh. "I don't like you like that. That's just weird."

Anyone could practically feel the air get colder once the words slipped past his lips, but he was a little too oblivious to read the expression on her face.

A small smile graced her lips as she grabbed the handle of the door. "You should hurry up before it gets too late. Good night, Ryusei. I'll see you at school tomorrow."

The farewell sounded normal, so normal that he almost thought he had imagined that confession. Smiling and sending him off with a wave was all she could do before she shut the door and grit her teeth when the tears began to pool in her eyes.

[y/n] chuckled bitterly, blinking away the tears before they could spill down her cheeks. Rejection at its finest.

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[ a/n : this chapter makes no fucking sense but it's okay bcoz my brain is dead asf rn ]

published : 5/31/21
edited : 8/23/21