Violet didn't know what she was doing there.

The sacred building loomed over her head as she stood directly in front of it, its lonesome white doors wide open.

She wasn't sure if they beckoned her forward with a promise of resolution and trust or held nothing but pain for her to further sink into. Either way she had come this far, escaped the watchful eyes upon her for weeks, and was risking everyone's exposure and safety so she might as well go inside.

Her heeled boots clicked forward as she crossed the street to enter the church. It had been a long time since she had thought of religion and God, even longer since she had stepped into a place like it. Her mother had been a Catholic before settling down with her father and even in the early stages of Violets childhood she had remember being baptized along with Sam, and shown the way of the religion.

That had been years past and now, as her foot passed the threshold she briefly wondered if the church would come crumbling down around her or if she would explode into a fiery rage as her body was trapped by the holy place, anything at all that indicated she was truly a monster. Something that might truly expose her for what she was, or thought she was.

Her eyes looked around quickly, finding nothing but smiling faces of the Forks citizens who only seemed too happy for the happy day. The only thing Violet felt was fear for them and their safety. She didn't quite know why on earth she had wanted to come to this very place since turning or why she had thought this was a good idea but it had happened and she had gotten her wish. Under the very observant eyes of every Cullen and her boyfriend, Violets every step was monitored and her emotions were kept in check. During the duration of this time all she could think about was a bright sunny day, one of which she would be able to escape into the town where no vampire would be able to follow and she would be free. It had taken over a month but eventually the day had come and she was quick to escape.

As predicted her skin didn't give off the glittery shine that was a trademark to the undead, for the girl was a hybrid and she had every advantage of each kind without a single disadvantage to show.... well known Violet cared to admit. So she had left the Cullen residence spontaneously, and now she took a seat in one of the lonesome pews, whilst she waited for any indication she was forbidden or someone was listening.

Her knee bounced up and down in a steady rhythm as her breathing slowed and she relaxed, her emotions for once overlapping one another. She felt it all, pain, despair, pity, self-loathing, confusion, on and on the list went on as for over a month she hadn't been able to cope properly.

When it seemed the church was void of people she looked up to the statue of Jesus Christ and tearfully smiled.

"Forgive me father for I have sinned? Isn't this how it goes? I don't know honestly.... I haven't been a good catholic you could say. Truth be told I don't know why I'm here, to be completely honest I was hoping this would be like a moment of clarity where I would find the right answers to the hell.... whoops sorry I'm not suppose to curse—oh who am I kidding? I'm a walking sin sir but hey I'm here though and I'm repenting for my sins so I guess it doesn't matter if i do curse or not? I don't think you'll mind much right? It's just I rarely speak without cursing and... I'm getting off track, let me start over."

Her eyes shut for a brief moment, letting in a massive amount of cold air as her newly improved lungs collected it all. Using her newly improved mind to collect her thoughts and scramble for the perfect way to be as she once again began her monologue.

"Basically big J, I live in a fucked up world and no I don't mean all the things around the world and country although we should really have a talk about that because hello the worlds literally going to hell but lets not go down that road now... what I'm trying to say is my personally life is a shitfest and I can't seem to fix it. I take one step forward and get shoved ten back. Don't get me wrong the good is marvelous, its beautiful and something I cling onto for the sake of my sanity but the bad man... its pulling me into a grave. And no I don't mean an actual grave because been there done that, don't worry we will get back to that. I mean that what's been happening with my life as of late has been shit and well... I guess this is where I explain my whole life story.

My dad was a deadbeat... he left as soon as I was born and Sam was old enough to take care of himself. My mother was great and she took care of us but she was sick, really sick and she died. Sam, my older brother, did his best to take care of me but I always felt like a burden to him. I was holding him back from going to college, from really falling in love and just when things couldn't get worse we shifted. He turned into a wolf and it just so happens that came along with the alpha status. Kids around us began shifting and my boyfriend at the time did as well, he fell in love with the new girl and well... that went to hell like everything else. I left La Push for Seattle where hopefully my life could be better but I had barely been able to taste liberation when the newborns... or vampires came after me. And then I met Emmett and for once I thought my life would be better, with him it's always better and things got better with Jake. My brother and boyfriend were able to get along and everything seemed to get better. I actually fooled myself into believing we could be happy and not just okay... I thought we would be fine."

Violets voice paused, her brown eyes tightening as tears threatened to cascade down her angled cheeks. She didn't want to cry... this was humiliating enough without blundering through the rest of her words but dammit... there was no other way to show just how she felt. So she released the waterfalls, letting them quickly droop down her face as she wiped at them. Her lips parted to inhale yet another deep breath as she concentrated.

"I guess things never turn out the way they should huh? I died... and then came back but I haven't felt like me in weeks... I feel gone. Like I really am dead... I don't want to feel emotions so I don't let myself feel... because when I feel I feel too much. I let Jasper keep me neutral because if I felt everything I think I would destroy myself. Even now I'm barely opening my emotions. I really feel dead... I barely talk to anyone or respond to anyone's attention. Emmett looks at me different, I can see the pain behind his eyes when I barely answer his questions. Sam and the pack won't talk to me, no one answers my calls and I'm too scared to get angry about it. Jake is long gone... Bella says he's disappeared for months now although I suppose that's partly my fault and hers but he's gone and there's no one from my past life that I can talk to. It's like I'm actually dead but I'm right here. Im right here but I can't ever be truly free because I fear being a monster."

Her tears were now a constant flow as the pain enveloped her and her shoulders became weak. Her eyes were locked on the crucified Jesus, like he was real and in that moment he did feel real. He felt real to Violet because she was actually talking.

"I'm no longer human... I'm half vampire and half werewolf... I can't die and I can't ever be normal. I don't want to kill anyone but I know I could... I can feel the power surging inside me. I just don't know if this power should have been mine or I took something that wasn't ever suppose to be uncovered. Emmett always said I was meant for greater, that death didn't happen to a person like me because I was too big for death but I don't know if I believed that. I feel like I'm an actual monster now because I can't feel... I don't feel anything not even for him and he was the only reason I use too feel. I can't feel a thing... And for that I might truly be a monster. I just don't want to be a monster... I want to prove to Emmett he was right and I want to rid his eyes of that pain I know is my fault. I want to smile and laugh with him. I want to kiss him like the worlds gonna end and he's the last great promise I'll have. I want to love him the way he loves me but I'm scared...

I guess I'm here because I'm selfish and not because I've suddenly found the light. I think this might be a final cleanse before I try... people say that if your pray for something you hear and you can help. I know I haven't been here as often as I should but I just wanted to say that if Emmett was right and I'm destined for greater than could you maybe give me an idea? I don't want to be a monster and if putting in my own effort is what it will take could you help me out? Whatever I am it has to be good... I want to be good. I want to be more than what my life has prepared me for. I don't know if you can hear me or not but please... I just don't want to be a monster. I want to protect the ones I love. Thanks for hearing me out."

She wiped the tears from her smooth skin, the girl feeling a small weight lift off her shoulders. Quickly she stood from the pew, relieved that no one had heard her. She stared at the statue of Jesus... her chocolate brown eyes mirroring the image in them as she gave the statue a small smile. She had never been a religious person and she didn't know if now she would but something in her told her life would be okay.

As she turned on her heel and her feet hit the steps that left outside her skin felt the raindrops once again commence.

And for the first time since her transition she laughed like madman. The laugh echoed around her as the drops fell and her hands lifted at their own accords as the rain grew heavier and it stained her clothes. She continued to laugh, standing in the lonely street  with no one to judge her as she twirled in the storm.

She didn't know why but she did and fuck did it feel liberating.

There would be many more laughs like that for the brunette... Ones she would share with her family and the love of her life but she would have to fight for them.

Because her life was an eruption of chaos, power, and whirlwind adventures... and human or not that would never change.

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