🌹Rosalie🌹

"Shots!" someone yells from the kitchen.

Blueridge won tonight, keeping their undefeated season alive. It's got everyone on a high that has me on edge. I don't like parties, I don't like being social. In fact, I'd much prefer the solidarity of the studio right now, finalizing my audition tape that I'll be recording and mailing out in the next two weeks. The thought has my skin crawling, my heart picking up a beat. It's the very feeling that has my stomach spinning, my mind traveling places it shouldn't.

This is one of those moments. A trigger, as my therapist would say. Perfection. Apparently I place too much pressure on myself to achieve something unattainable. She explained that there will always be a next for me. Even if my vision of perfect is reached, the ceiling will just be raised, and I'll be fighting for the next thing.

It feels a bit like swimming upstream, like no matter how hard I try, I'll never reach the shore. She describes it as finding balance. Learning to accept where I am as success, and what's next as a step in the right direction. One small step at a time instead of looking up at the entire staircase.

I'm not there yet. I'm still looking up at the whole thing, drowning in the water below. I glance down the hall, the line to the bathroom shorter than I would have thought at a party like this.

I take a breath, shifting my gaze to the window, seeking a distraction. The flames of the fire pit light up the dark landscape. It's a landscape that I first found awe in here in a home I knew nothing about. Once upon a time this was all new, riddled in fears of the unknown. Now there's solace in that view, the rolling hills like a painting, one meant to smooth the creases. My feet are moving before I've thought of what comes next. But the idea of fresh air and a change of scenery sounds about right.

When Nolan told me we'd be hosting tonight's after party, I wanted to object. But this is his world. I wasn't going to take that away from him. Besides, our parents are out for the night which makes our house the perfect venue. I just wish it weren't, that I could hide away in the quiet for a bit. Maybe sit beside Nolan in that quiet, absorbing the calm he brings, or the heat he showers my chest in.

I'm not supposed to be feeling that heat, I'm not supposed to be craving it. But it seems that every time he's near, I want nothing more than to bathe in that heat. He's doing things to me that I've never felt before, things that feel shadowed in the flames of sin.

I slide open the door, stepping out into the cool night and taking a needed breath. Glancing over at the fire pit, I see Casey draped over Taylor's lap, his arm around her as they cuddle for heat. Beside them is Nolan, his eyes already on me, lighting up behind the fire. I step forward, holding his gaze, thinking about the way he held me in the bed of his truck as we watched the sunset. It was an escape from reality. It always kind of feels like an escape when I'm with him, like the weight of the world doesn't exist anymore.

I take the open seat across from him, the glow of the fire between us. As I sit, we hold one another's gaze, a heat filling my chest, one far warmer than the flames of the fire. Something has shifted between us, or maybe it's been shifting for a long time. Ever since he kissed me. God, I want to kiss him again.

"You're up," Genevieve says beside him, a beer in her hand as she glances over to me then back to Nolan. I shift, sliding my hands down my leggings and tugging on the sleeves of my oversized sweatshirt. "Truth or dare, Nolan."

His eyes leave mine as he takes a breath and rubs his hand through his hair. "Uh, yeah. Truth."

Genevieve sits back, taking a sip of her beer before she looks over at him. "What's the most annoying thing about having a sister?" she asks, her eyes glancing back to me, a conniving smile pulled tight across her lips. "I mean, that's what Rosie is, right? Your sister?"

I want more than anything to sink into the chair, to disappear, to run back inside and find solace in the one place I've always found escape. But I can feel his eyes on me again, the warmth far stronger than any false sense of escape I used to hide behind. I let myself look back at him, and the gentle way his eyes hold mine, wait for mine, has me taking a breath and loosening the grip on my sweatshirt.

"There's nothing annoying about it," he says, his gaze not leaving mine.

"What?" Genevieve blurts out.

"I'll tell you what annoys me about having a sister," Taylor quickly jumps in. "Sharing the damn bathroom. My sister holds that thing hostage. I swear, if I don't get in there first, I'm peeing in the bushes."

"Gross," Casey says, playfully slapping him on the chest. But just as quick, she leans in, cupping his face between her hands and kissing him.

"Well, after this year, you'll be in a whole other state," Nolan says, glancing over to his friend.

"Shit," Taylor says, shaking his head as he grips Casey against him. "I don't know, I can't fucking wait to be playing ball in Oregon next year. With you, of course."

Nolan's eyes drop, examining the bottle of water in his hands before he looks back up. "Yeah, maybe."

"Maybe? Don't tell me those fools in New York have you caving? And don't even think about Ohio, man. Oregon's the dream. You and me."

Nolan nods, but there's a hesitance in his gaze. I don't know what his plans for next year are, or what he's even dreamt of. I guess we've never really talked too much about the future. But the way he's holding back, the way he can't quite look at Taylor, tells me there's something else there.

"Yeah," he finally says. "I just want to keep my options open for a bit."

"Alright," Genevieve jumps back in. "Let's keep playing."

"Actually," Nolan says, standing from his seat. "I want to check on some things inside. Looks like it's getting a bit crazy in there. Rosie, will you help me check there's nothing of your mom's I need to put away? My dad will kill me if they break something of hers."

I glance up at him, about ready to tell him I already checked before everyone came, but the way he looks at me has me nodding. "Yeah, I'll help."

Following him inside, we walk past the kitchen and down the hall. I don't stop as we continue into his room. He closes the door behind me, spinning to face me, a hand in his hair. He runs it back and forth, pacing across his floor.

"Nolan..."

"It's you," he says, blurting out the words like I'm supposed to know what they mean. He takes a step forward, his hands suddenly in mine as he pulls me closer. "You're the most annoying thing about having a sister."

"I'm sorry?"

"You, Red. Because you're all I fucking think about. The way your hair falls in your eyes, the way your freckles scatter around your cheek bones, the way that shade of red tints your cheeks, and the way I feel like for the first time I can open my heart to someone. You're the most annoying thing about having a sister because I want to be with you, and I'm not supposed to want that."

"Nolan," I breathe out at a loss for words.

"I want you. I want you in ways I shouldn't, in ways that make it so incredibly wrong. I want you more than I've ever wanted anything in my life." His hand falls to my cheek, my eyes closed at the heat of his touch.

I want you too. My heart sings the words, but I'm terrified to say them out loud, to give them life. Because he's right. This is wrong in so many ways.

"Look at me," he says, his chest a few inches from mine. Slowly, I let my eyes roll open, to take in the beauty of his. "I want to kiss you, Red. I wanted to kiss you the other night. I wanted to kiss you in the back of my truck watching the sun go down. I want to kiss you right now."

My lips part, a breath pulled between them as my heart hammers within my chest. The heat of his hand on my cheek, the buzz radiating from his chest to mine, the look in his eyes, it completely consumes me. "Then kiss me, Nolan."

His eyes search mine, and his hand slides slightly, cupping the back of my head before he leans down. His lips touch mine, pressed gently together. I push onto my toes, seeking more contact, aching to feel more of him. His arm wraps around my waist, pulling me tighter to him, our chests fused together as his tongue slips past my lips. I open for him, tasting him.

He steps forward, my back against his door as he leans into me, one hand on the door behind us. My hands cling to his back, slowly sliding up to feel the definition of each and every muscle. The low and quiet moan at the back of his throat has me arching into him, one leg sliding up to his waist before he tears me from the door and spins me around. He's laying me on his bed before I can catch my breath. My back hits the comfort of his sheets, his firm body pressed between my legs.

"Nolan," I breathe out, shocked by the way his name comes out as more of a moan than a word.

He pulls back, his breaths heavy as he slides my hair from my face. "I'm sorry," he apologizes, sitting up a bit.

I shake my head. "Don't apologize. I just..."

"I know." He nods, sitting up and holding out a hand to help me. I slide my fingers with his, allowing him to pull me upright as I sit beside him. He leans forward, placing a gentle kiss along my lips.

"This is wrong, Nolan," I say, keeping his hand firm within mine.

His forehead falls to mine, his breath warm against my lips. "Then why does it feel so right?" 

A breath fills my lungs, my heart grasping to the inhale of air. "I don't know," I whisper. "But we can't actually do this, can we?"

He looks up at me, pulling his head from mine. "What do you want, Rosalie? Do you want this? Me?"

I nod without having to think about the answer to that question. He makes my heart feel whole again, like it's okay to breathe. "I do. More than anything."

His smile touches my heart. "Then let's start there. You and me."

"You and me."

~~~

Ah! First real kiss is in the books! What are we thinking so far? I know there were some initial worries about the step brother aspect, but how does it feel? Is it still weird or is it playing out okay?

As always, I love your feedback. Feel free to reach out if something feels off or if you love something! Thank you for being here and for voting/commenting. It means so very much to me.

❤️Amanda