Chapter 11

Guilt
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Her skin was white, like some marble he could peel off with his chisel. Against that waxen complexion, the curly patterns of her mehendi looked as dark as blood. Laying there under the brilliant hospital lights, her lips pursed to restrain a silent scream, Ri looked so small, young and vulnerable.
"Stop it," he snapped at the doctor. "Stop her pain." He didn't dare speak more, worried that his voice would give away his panic, the pain twisting around his soul. Her wide, teary eyes were still fixed upon him, Omkara knew without turning his head to see. He didn't want to scare her more.
"We believe her body can complete the process on its own," the doctor spoke cautiously, eyeing his clutched jaw wearily. "Your wife will be alright Mr. Oberoi."
"But she is in pain," he repeated slowly wondering if the doctor understood his concern or not. "It's hurting her."
"Omkara?" She called him, her tone weaker than the weakest of whispers. She held out a shaking hand at him, beckoning him towards her. He was beside her in a moment, grasping that tiny, cold hand like a drowning man trying to stay afloat. She tried to smile at him, that hauntingly beautiful sadness glistering in her eyes and her lips twisting in to a painful smile. "Hum - teek - hai, don't worry."
"Don't lie," he reprimanded her, stroking her hair tenderly. "Kuch nahi honga okay? Main tumhe kuch hone nahi dunga.."
"I was too selfish nahi?" She turned her face away, silent tears tickling down her nose. "I just wanted someone of my own..."
Omkara gulped, suddenly finding it hard to breathe. The old doctor gripped one of his shoulders, holding his gaze with a comforting one of his own. After all he had seen so many young couples fight through this loss.
"We'll medicate her to help her sleep through it." He offered as his parting words, Omkara nodded, not sure what his reply should be. He walked out with the doctor, unable to stand there watching her suffering. His hand unconsciously reached in for his mobile, dialing Shivay on a whim.
"I need you Bhai," was all he had said.
**
Even if he had run, Shivay could not have reached him faster. He felt so defeated himself, as his eyes found his brother collapsed against one of the walls on the hospital corridor, his hands clasped together and pressed against his lips, bloodshot eyes staring unfocusedly ahead. That vision of Omkara was proof that he had failed as a brother; he couldn't be the wall that repelled any pain before it hit his brothers. Omkara had called him Bhai; Bhai, not Shivay. That was enough to know how broken he was. Dropping to knees in front of him, Shivay lend a hand on his brother's shoulder and Omkara jerked awake from his agonizing thoughts.
He pressed his forehead against Shivay's shoulder, leaning in to his brother's embrace and let out a painful groan, his frame shaking.
"Yeh maine kya kiya Shivay?"
"It's not your fault," Shivay's tone was mild and composed. His gray eyes were insistent as they bored into Omkara's darker ones, pulling his brother away from his embrace he forced him to look into that gaze. "You did nothing, okay?"
"Miscarriage," he muttered distractedly. "She lost a child - her child. She was so stressed - so exhausted that she lost her child!"
"Om.." Shivay tried to stop his rumbling, but he wasn't relenting.
"God - she tried so much, she tried her best. Kitni koshish ki ussne - and I was such a fool I never realized. She was doing everything for her baby, so that her baby could get his family - the love he deserved." His tone was so bitter that the words burned his tongue. It all made sense now, why she was so cheerful that day when they met at the hospital - she might have found out about her pregnancy. That's why she planned to elope - a plan he had crushed so brutally. He recalled every one of their encounters since then and her words made an agonizing sense now. Do you have any idea that you ruined me? She had said and now he knew why. Please don't hate me...she had begged him once. Are you sure you won't end up hating me?
"She should have told you," Shivay shook his head, trying to make him see a different, less ugly picture.
"She tried to," Omkara mused aloud. "That night before the wedding. It was her father who stopped her. He must have known - damnit - that's why she was driving so fast that night. He must have told her to abort the baby, she was muttering about not taking lives." As the pieces of the puzzle fit together, guilt twisted around his heart tighter, cutting into his conscious until he burned in its fire. "She couldn't let her child go," his voice broke. "And I - I caused this."
Shivay didn't say anymore, he simply hugged his brother close, running a hand through his long mane of hair.
"When did I turn into this monster Shivay?" Some acidic tears escaped his eye, he did not care anymore. The pain was too much. "What is the difference left between Mr. Oberoi and me?"
"Mera achcha bhai hai tu," Shivay muttered against his hair, trying to calm him down. "Mera Om sab se achcha hai. He is a fighter, he will survive this. I know that okay? Trust me, I know that."
"I'm not going to listen to him anymore," Omkara said finally. "Mr. Oberoi had done enough, he had made me commit enough crimes. I'm not going to play his lapdog anymore." He broke the hug and moved away to look into his brother's eyes. "I've hurt her too much Shivay, I've snatched too much. I'm going to repent though I don't deserve her forgiveness."
He took a deep breath, and stood up wiping his face with his hands.
"I will do everything I can."
**