The Crank Who Hated Valentine's Day

Once upon a time

There was a lonely crank

Who hated Valentine's day

He thought it was a lousy prank

A darn big fat cliché

The dumbest way to celebrate

Losing your hard-earned money

"It's like bees tossing honey

To make you overweight.

Idiots, they spend their bucks

On flowers and a chocolate box

They rush into the fantasy

Of romance like an ox.

Who needs all this cheesy waste

That goes right to your waist

Neither chocolates...

Nor candy hearts...

Will make us to their taste

I'm happy with myself

My sane heart on the shelf

No stinky Valentine for me

I would rather be

A lonely cranky elf."