Zia (2010)

Six months ago...

Zia bit her lips and she balled up the paper as she closed her eyes tight. A loosened tear fell down her cheeks and she turned her face towards the window. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes. She tried to remove the image of the letter as it started to shine before her eyes once more. She looked from out of the window and saw that she was getting far and far away from the ground. She felt her face heat up, as the words of the letter rang through her mind once more.

Dearest Zia,

I am so sorry Zia. I know that my excuse is not enough of an apology for you. I know that I was not fair to you. But trust me Zia, I had not planned on what I had done, and also, I am not proud of what I have done. I don't have enough courage to face you tomorrow in the morning, and that is why I am explaining myself in a letter to you. I know you will be hating me already, (which I think is completely fair given the way of how I have behaved), but I think that this method is better than confessing myself face to face for you. So even though you don't want to listen to me, this is what happened. So, here I go...

When I planned this holiday with you, I was the happiest man in the world. I had not hoped to end it a day earlier than what we had planned. But you yourself know that no one is perfect. And from all of those imperfect lists of men, I will stand on the top of the list. So that was what even happened last night.

When you rejected my offer to go to the club, I was too angry. I was really very angry, and I am not even proud of it. I got drunk, and I don't know how but I remember a girl taking me to her car. That's all I remember about last night. When I woke up, two hours ago to be exact, I found myself with some girl closer to me in the bed. I was shocked and confused. I don't know what had happened and what I have even done. But when I saw the state of the girl, I panicked. Not about the unknown girl closer to me, nor about me. I was scared for you. I don't know what I have done, or I don't even know whether I have done some mistake. So, I fled. I left the room and came to our hotel. There when I saw you sleeping peacefully in the bed, I knew that what I have done for you was unforgivable.

Whether I knew or not, I have cheated on you Zia. So, at that moment, I knew that you were not worth of me. You deserve someone better Zia. Please believe me when I say this. There is not anyone in this world who hates me more than myself right now. I wish I could drown myself. But I know that I am too much of a coward to do so. I am so sorry Zia. I could have forgotten everything and continued our relationship as though nothing was wrong. But I knew that it would kill me alive. I am a bad person Zia. But I was never a liar.

Trust me when I say this Zia, I will always love you. Maybe some other time, if I am able to forgive myself, I will come to find you. On that day, if you have forgiven me, maybe you will give me a second chance. But even if you don't, I will accept the punishment you have given me. Once again, I am sorry Zia. I am sorry for cheating on you. I am sorry for leaving you alone. I am sorry for being angry and being a stupid moron that I truly am.

If you find some place in your heart to forgive me, I will be the happiest man alive. Find a better person than me for you, Zia.

With a heavy heart, I will stop now. I am so sorry...

Goodbye Zia...

I will always love you...

Zack

Zia shook her head to the sides as his words echoed inside her mind once more. It had been two days since she had woken up to find the letter beside her, and the room empty of his belongings. When she had first read the letter, she had thought that he might be playing a prank on her, but when she had tried to reach him for more than twenty times that morning, she knew that he had gone for good. Ever since then, Zia had felt as though her life was pulled away from her. She had read the letter for more than a thousand times for the past two days and his words were like stabs on her heart. She had felt her pain to be too overwhelming for her, and the hatred and the anger she had felt for him had not died any time soon.

Zia took a deep breath and pulled her nose up. She knew that the restriction she had put on him had pushed him away from her. She had not been ready to give herself completely for him, and even though she knew that she was sounding as though she was an old lady, she was not ready to take matters to the final stage before her marriage. She had wanted to be sure that the person she would marry was not there for her body. She wanted him to spend her entire life with him, for whom she really was.

But Zack...

She did not even want to remember his name. She hated that name. She hated him. She hated him for what he had done for her. She wished she could have slapped him for what he had done. She wished he had not left her alone. She wished he was there for her. She wished he was there with her...

Zia found her eyes start to well up once more, as she realized that she was not angry with him, and she was just hating herself the most. She knew that her restrictions would any day push him away, but she had not thought that to be done so soon. She shook her head and pulled her sleeve over her cheeks, as she felt someone tap her on her shoulder.

Zia turned her head to the side, and looked at the old woman who was closer to her. She was sunken, and her eyes held wisdom beyond her years. She smiled kindly at Zia, and she took a deep breath and held her quivering lips close. She returned the smile and looked at the woman's hand. She was holding a white handkerchief for her, and Zia smiled once more and took it into her hands.

"Thank you," she whispered, and the woman nodded.

"Don't worry kid. Everything will be alright." the old woman said, and Zia nodded. "You deserve someone better, kid." she said once more.

Zia shook her head and stared at the woman. She wondered how the woman knew what she was feeling. As though she was able to read her mind, the woman smiled.

"I was once like you kid. I have gone through what you are feeling right now." she said, and Zia's eyebrows knotted in confusion as she stared at the woman. She looked as though she was lost in some deep thoughts and was finding herself unable to get out of her long lost memories.

"Ma'am..." Zia whispered and placed her hand softly over the woman's knee. She shook her head sighing and turned towards her.

"Trust me, it will be alright..." the woman added, and her lips went up in a soft smile as she placed her withered hand over Zia's and squeezed it reassuringly. Zia nodded and she continued to stare at the woman, as she turned away from Zia, lost in some far away thoughts.

Shaking her head, Zia turned towards the window once more and stared out at the dark clouds. Her tears were dried now, and she was able to think straight once more. She had known Zack for three long years, and she remembered the first day she had met him, just like it was yesterday.

Zia was just a new intern at the time. She was working at the hospital where she was working for even at that day. She was in the operation theater, studying from the practiced doctor's hands. The operation was being performed on a two year old kid, who was met in an accident. She had not met the special surgeon who was performing the operation, and when she had passed the cotton wool to his out stretched hands, and as her gloved fingers had brushed with his gloved fingers, she had felt an electricity passing through her body. Ever since that moment, she had not been able to concentrate on the session and she had been trying to find to stare at the surgeon. She remembered how eager she had been, and how she had turned here and there waiting for him to look up from his work. At last, when he had done, she was too shocked as she had stared at his light brown eyes. His masked face only made his eyes visible to her, and Zia had felt a thousand butterflies in her stomach. His eyes had just passed over hers, and when it had passed, she had found herself taken aback as his brown eyes came back to find hers once more.

A slight raise of his eyebrows had made Zia feel the heat rise up her cheeks and she had bit her lips. But being the responsible surgeon that he was, he had not even spared a third glance at her and had continued on his work. The split second glance at his eyes had made Zia live a very happy hour in the operation theater. After she had got out of the room, she had found herself trying to catch his eyes for the next few days and finally, she doesn't know whether it was because of her undying effort or by luck, he had found her. They had fallen in love with each other, head over heels in love to be exact, and by a hidden instinct, Zia knew that he was the one with whom she would spend the rest of her life with.

Zia shook her head once more. It was all in the past now. He had cheated on her and had left her. That was the end for their story. Whatever he would do would not take her towards him once more. Zia knew she was too naive sometimes, but she was never stupid.

Zia bit her lips and shook her head to the sides. She had spent enough days thinking about him. Two days had been hell for her, and she had boarded the flight, deciding that coming back home was better than spending the rest of the holidays alone. They had taken a holiday for a month to spend in Paris, as both of them had not been able to have a proper holiday for the past two years, ever since they had started to date. For these two years, never the fact that Zia was ready to take matters further than a hug or a kiss had been a problem for them, but she chuckled as she wondered how that fact had actually caused a division between the two. When the happy holiday had ended horrendously with just ten days of time, Zia knew that she was not ready to stay in Paris anymore. She chuckled once more, as she wondered how the 'City of Love' had actually been the 'City of Hell' for her. Zia shook her head and sighed loudly. She plugged in her head phones and played her soothing playlist as she turned the page of her novel.

*

More than an hour had passed when a loud exclaim pulled Zia out of her world. She hurriedly turned to her left, worried that the old woman was finding herself in an uncomfortable situation. With her eyebrows creased in worry, Zia pulled away the head phones and she leaned closer towards the woman.

She was staring ahead of her, and her eyebrows were hidden behind her flock of white hair. Her lips were shivering, and Zia touched her shoulder.

"Ma'am?" Zia asked worriedly, and her fingers automatically went to check the woman's pulse. She found that her pulse was quickening, and Zia tapped the woman on her knee. But still the woman was too busy staring ahead of her.

"Ma'am, are you alright?" Zia asked hurriedly, and the woman slowly turned towards her. Her eyes were whitened with fear, and she stuttered as she looked at Zia.

"If the pilot is here, who is flying the plane?" she asked. Zia shook her head confused.

"What, ma'am?" she asked worriedly, afraid that the woman was not in her proper state of mind.

"If the pilot is here, who is flying the plane?" the woman repeated once more and this time she pointed a shivering finger towards the front of the aircraft. With confusion clouding her eyes, Zia turned to look where the woman was pointing at.

She had been right. The pilot was standing near the front of the aisle and Zia shook her head as she realized why the woman had been confused. She chuckled as she felt her heart lighten and she turned towards the woman. She saw that the woman was waiting for her explanation, and Zia found herself smiling.

"There is another pilot inside the cockpit, ma'am." she said. The woman did not look convinced. Zia bit her lips.

"There is another pilot in the cockpit, ma'am." she repeated once more. "And if there was anything wrong happening, I will make sure to ask the pilot for you, ma'am." she smiled. "OK?" she asked, and she saw that the woman's face was starting to ease once more.

"OK darling," the woman replied, and she patted Zia's hands. She smiled at the woman and turned towards the front. She saw that the woman was still staring at the pilot, and Zia turned towards the front of the aisle. She smiled as she wondered how the woman had been confused and she wondered whether it was acceptable for a pilot to come out of the cockpit during flying hours.

Wondering whether she would be able to find the answer for her question, Zia shook her head and turned to look down at her book once more as she saw the pilot turn towards her. She was able to recognize the straps on his shoulder and she recognized him to be the first officer. Zia shook her head, and she plugged in her head phones once more.

*

Zia stood up and she collected her bag from the overhead baggage rack, and she helped the woman out of the flight. She walked towards the emigration with the old woman and turned to face her as she reached the exit.

"Thank you for your support, ma'am." Zia thanked as she returned the dried handkerchief to the woman. The woman smiled and looked up. She was hunched down due to her old age and Zia smiled kindly at her.

"You will be alright darling. There is someone better waiting for you." she said once more and Zia smiled, wishing how good would it be if her words were true. Zia did not reply, instead she smiled, and she hunched down closer towards the woman.

"Promise me to come to meet me when you need any help ma'am." she said as she stretched her visiting card towards the woman. "I am a doctor at the General Hospital in London." Zia explained as she saw the woman read the card. She waited until she had read the card and smiled with the woman as she looked up.

"Sure darling. I'll come." the woman smiled. "I am Emma." the woman said, and she stretched her hand towards Zia. Zia smiled and shook her hand.

"I am Zia." she said and smiled kindly at the woman. She nodded and patted Zia on her head. Zia smiled and put her arms across the woman's shoulders. She found her warmth comforting and Zia stood straight after a while. The woman raised her hand bag up to her shoulder and turned away from Zia.

Zia sighed as she stared at Emma. She shuffled her feet towards the front and a smile went up her lips as she saw Emma reach closer to an old man. The old man had identical white flock of hair and he outstretched his shivering hands towards Emma as she reached him. He took the small traveling bag into his hand and stretched his right hand for her to hold. With shaking hands, Emma took his hand in hers and together they shuffled their feet towards the exit of the airport.

Zia sighed. She had always been addicted for good love stories and her difference had been that she had always rooted for love stories that had lasted until the end. She hated break ups and divorces. She wanted the couple to live until the end and that actually made her believe in love. She shook her head to the sides as she remembered that she will never have such a nice love story. Her love had been too weak at the beginning and that itself had made them go in their separate path ways.

Zia switched on her phone and booked an Uber. She saw that the taxi was just twenty meters away from the exit and she pulled her traveling bag closer towards her. She bit her lips as the wheel turned into an odd angle and Zia bent towards the wheel to align it to the proper direction.

It took some of her time for her to get the wheel aligned properly, and it made her feel exhausted. She was tired from the three hour long journey and the jet lag was starting to get to her. She released a long breath from out of her mouth and stood up.

She had stood up too soon, and as she had been staring at the wheel for too long, she had not even heard the footsteps behind her.

BANG

Zia stumbled back as she bumped into someone's hard chest. Stars appeared in front of her eyes, and she rubbed her forehead in pain. She had already felt a headache start to prick her eyes and the stumble had just made things worse for her.

"Hey, are you alright? I am sorry."

She heard the owner of the chest ask her, and she had heard enough of the word 'sorry's for the day. She closed her eyes tight and rubbed her forehead. When she opened her eyes she felt the man's shadow tower over her, but she was not able to look at his face.

"Are you alright, ma'am?" he asked once more, and Zia just nodded.

"Yeah, yeah I am." she said hurriedly, and she turned around her. She had her phone in her hand when she had bumped into the man, and it was nowhere to be found at the moment.

"Here..."

Zia heard the voice once more and without looking up at his face, Zia mumbled a thank you and she pulled the phone from his long fingers. She pulled her coat up along her arm, and pulling her bag closer towards her, she hurried away from the man, walking towards the exit.

"Hi!"

Zia mumbled hurriedly and she opened the passenger's door of the taxi. She heard the man mumble an angry 'hello' in return, and as Zia knew that his anger was because she was late, and not being able to digest anymore apologizes, she leaned her head back and closed her eyes tight.

*

Half an hour later, Zia found herself in her room. She was living with her best friend, and she was actually thankful for her as she was not at home when Zia had returned back home. She knew that she was too tired to go through the events of the holiday and reveal what had happened to her, and she knew that what she needed at that moment was some peaceful night's sleep. It was already in the early hours of the morning, but forgetting the time for the moment, Zia got into her most comfortable t-shirt and bottoms and got into the bed. She hid herself under the covers and closed her eyes tight wishing for sleep to reach her soon.

Zia twisted and turned, but still sleep had not reached her. Zia knew that her mind was too absorbed in the turn of events and scratching her eyes, Zia got out of the bed, and she went towards her book shelf. She moved hundreds of books aside and found the diary she had been searching for. She had come across the diary by an accident and the events of the diary had always proved to soothe down her troubled minds through the years. Removing the marker from where she had marked the page the previous time, Zia turned the pages towards the first page and started to read the diary once more.