I was currently in my bedroom laying on my bed staring at the ceiling once again. I felt drained, and I just wanted to sleep-- but I can't, and I know that. The never-ending list of supernatural problems I have is extremely overwhelming and I wish I could push it off to someone else. Unfortunately, there aren't any other Admonere/Werewolf hybrids in the area to take my place. 

My head was pounding and my fingers were tugging at the chain of the anchor necklace that Stiles had gotten me. I wanted to take it off and throw it away after he said those terrible things to me, but I just couldn't find it within myself to do it. I want to hate him, it would make this whole "taking a break" thing so much easier. I want him to understand that I didn't cheat on him with Derek and that I only want to be with him, and that the only reason why I kept the kiss to myself for as long as I did was because we just had too much going on at the time.

I don't know why he can't just see past that and try to work through things with me, I know that's what I would be doing if the situations were reversed. To be completely honest, Stiles could probably murder someone and I would stand by his side, because I love him so damn much. 

Scott and Liam were downstairs, I could hear them talking about how Liam isn't ready to live our lifestyle yet, and I completely understand. Hell, I should go down there and tell him to run for the hills because as soon as he starts to involve himself with us, he's only going to get hurt and wore down in the process. For some reason, we just can't seem to keep ourselves together. The back door was slammed, and I figured that it was Scott and Liam leaving. 

I began to twirl the charm around my fingers and let out a sigh as I released my hold on it and sat up. I don't want to take it off, but maybe I should... as soon as Stiles' sees that the necklace is gone, maybe then he'll realize how badly he hurt me.

My cell phone began to ring and I glanced at the screen before answering. It was my mom. 

"Hello?" I answered drly. 

She chuckled, "Well hello to you too, grumpy." 

"I'm sorry, I'm just tired. What's up?" I asked as I stood from my bed and began to walk around my bedroom aimlessly. 

I could hear her coworkers chattering amongst themselves around her, "Nothing really... are you busy?"

"No. Scott left and I'm here alone." I responded flatly. 

I could practically hear her smiling through the phone, "Awesome! Would you mind bringing me something to eat? I'm dying over here." 

"I guess, seeing as how I'm your favorite kid and everything." I said with a laugh. 

She scoffed, "Yeah, let's go with that."

"I'll be there in ten," I muttered before ending the call.

▴▵▴

I had no idea what my mom wanted to eat exactly, so I just kind go winged it and ended up getting Chinese.  I had no appetite due to the anxiety and depression I've been feeling the past few days thanks Beacon Hills' finest; Stiles Stilinski. I had gotten my mom twenty dollars worth of food, so hopefully that's enough to hold her over for the rest of her shift. It should be, I mean how much can she eat?

Once my car was parked, I grabbed the brown paper bag and made my way into the hospital. I really do hate it here, I'm probably here almost as much as my mom-- which is pathetic. I had no idea where she was working at tonight, so I just approached the service desk so they could page her to me. 

The man sitting in the chair smiled warmly at me, "Hello, what can I do for you?"

"Uh, my mom works here... I brought her some food, could you page her here for me? Her name is Melissa McCall." I answered slowly, making sure that he was able to hear my mother's name correctly. 

He nodded and picked up the phone, "Melissa McCall please come to the main service desk, please. Melissa McCall to the main service desk, thank you." 

"Thanks," I stated before walking over towards the wall to wait for my mom. 

The hospital didn't seem all that busy at the moment, in fact I haven't had a single doctor or nurse rush past me the entire time I've been here, I usually have at least two in the first five minutes of my entrance. 

"Hey sweetheart," 

I glanced up from the floor to smile at my mom. Her hair was pulled up into a ponytail and her cheeks were flushed. I quirked an eyebrow, "Did you run here?" I chuckled.

She nodded, "I'm starving. Oh shit. I left my phone back in the patient room... will you walk back with me?" 

I shrugged, "I guess. I have nothing better to do, I got you Chinese by the way." 

"Thanks, honey. Have you talked to Stiles?" she asked inquisitively. 

My eyes narrowed slightly, "No, why?"

"Oh, I just didn't know if he had told you that he is here, apparently he got hit in the head and has a concussion. An orderly at Eichen house had him and Lydia tied up and was about to kill them with a lethal injection and Parrish happened to get to them in time." she explained, shoving her hands in her pockets of her pants. 

I felt like my heart stopped and I nearly smacked myself for not thinking to call and check in with Lydia after I got home from the bonfire, "What? How did that even happen?" 

"Not sure, he's here if you want to talk to him..." she said with a shrug. 

I swallowed thickly, "We aren't exactly speaking at the moment."

"I'm aware, that's why I think you need to ask him... talk to him, do something other than ignore each other." she dead-panned. 

Normally, I would argue with her because I'm stubborn and hate being told what to do, but I don't have the energy to argue with her, too. She's right, anyway. I do need to talk to Stiles, we need to try and work through everything, but he's refusing to do so. I can't do it all on my own, we both have to be willing to move past things. 

"Here give me the food and just ran in there and grab it, it should be on the table by the bathroom." she instructed as she took the bag out of my hands. 

I nodded and she practically shoved me into the room, my eyes widened when I saw Stiles standing in front of me. I turned around to run out of the room, but my mom slammed the door shut and locked us in. I started hitting the door with force, "Mom! This is not funny! Let me out!" 

"Not until you two work this out! Text me when you're done." she smirked before walking away.

Bitch. She didn't even leave her phone in here. I was highly considering using my strength to just break through the door and get out, but I knew that would cause a scene and end up with a lot of explaining on my end to the board of directors here. Plus, we would more than likely have to pay for it, and my mom doesn't have any extra money for that. 

I could feel the tension in the room and I pressed my forehead against the door, heaving out a sigh. I don't have the energy to fight with him right now nor do I have the strength to take what he says to me and not cry and breakdown in front of him, because I already know that he has an arsenal of insults to use against me, waiting for the right time to use them. I could feel my heartbeat in my throat and I really just wanted to be anywhere but in this room right now. 

Okay, I have to do this. I can't just to talk to him, right? I mean, he already called me an emotional train wreck so it's not like he hasn't seen me cry before. He knows that I'm hopeless and immature and have abandonment issues. He knows all of my flaws and has seen me at my worst, so what do I have to lose here? The only thing that I could possibly lose is him, but I'm really hoping that it doesn't come to that.

I turned around slowly, to find that Stiles was still watching me intently. I swallowed down my fears and folded my arms over my chest, "My mom said that you and Lydia got attacked... what happened?"

"Do we have to do this right now?" he asked, his voice slicing through me. 

My eyes widened slightly, "Do what? I'm just asking what happened--"

"I don't want to talk to you, Kasey. So please, get your mom to come back here and let me out." he stated evenly. 

This attitude is something that I've never witnessed from him. Stiles has not once given me the cold shoulder, nor has he ever been this rude to me... so experiencing this firsthand is a total shock and I still can't comprehend why he's so mad at me. I understand why would be mad about the situation, or hell even be mad at Derek, but I didn't kiss Derek. All I did was keep it from Stiles because there had been a lot going on at the time. 

"Stiles, she won't let us out... we need to talk about this." I said slowly, fearful of what his reaction would be. I was praying that it wouldn't be a venomous outburst. 

He glanced at me and if looks could kill, I'd be six feet under right now, "Apparently, talking isn't exactly our strong suit so it's probably best that we don't." 

"Are you serious?" I sighed in exhaustion. Not once have we ever had communication issues, if anything we communicate too much. This is one damn secret. It's not like I've lived a double life and he is just now finding out about it. I didn't tell him one god damn thing and he's blowing this out of proportion. 

His eyes narrowed even further, "Yes, I'm serious." 

"I'm not going to argue with you. If you don't want to try and fix this, then that's on you." I said as I walked over to the bed and sat down. My mom would more than likely check back in within the hour if I don't text her, and when she does I'm having her let me out of this prison. 

I could feel him watching me and I could tell that he was getting ready to explode. He had so many things that he wanted to say to me in this moment, and he's having a hard time deciding how he was going to say them. I took a deep breath and attempted to prepare myself for the onslaught of emotional trauma I was about to have thrown at me. My hands were shaking slightly, so I clasped them together in my lap to keep them still. My breathing was starting to become uneven and I squeezed my eyes shut briefly to take a deep breath and calm myself down.

Hesitantly, I opened my eyes and glanced at Stiles. He was now looking at the wall and his arms were folded across his chest. He licked his lips and glanced at me, "You didn't even apologize." 

"You haven't given me the chance." I responded flatly.

I meant what I had said, I don't have the energy to fight with him anymore. I don't have the energy to do anything anymore. I guess I'm going to have to use what little bit I have left on him.

Stiles rolled his eyes, "I can't stop you from talking, you've had plenty of opportunities to say that you're sorry." 

"Is that what this is about?!" I snapped feverishly, "You want a damn apology? Stiles, I'm sorry, okay! I don't know what else to say or do. I didn't want him to kiss me and I didn't want to lie to you." 

"Then why did you, Kasey?! Why didn't you just tell me when it happened!" he shouted, it was so loud that my eardrums began to ring and my heart lurched in my chest. 

My eyes were burning and I knew that tears were threatening to spill, "I couldn't! Don't you get that? Liam had just been bitten and I had just completed my transition. Not to mention, the deadpool had just been issued. There was just too much."

"That's bullshit, you don't have a problem coming to me any other time!" he yelled, his cheeks were flushed bright red now. 

The temperature in the room was rising drastically and I was highly considering breaking down the door and leaving, because this was not a good situation to be in. I don't want to snap and end up hurting him... I guess he doesn't care about that possibly happening. 

"Are you really this mad about a kiss that I didn't even initiate? Stiles, you're acting like I killed somebody! I said I was sorry and I said that I didn't like it and that I wish it never happened, I don't know what else to say." I sighed in exhaustion. 

He blinked rapidly and glanced at me oddly, "You think I'm mad about the kiss?"

"Yes," I dead-panned, "I do, and I told you that I was sorry but I didn't know it was going to happen, if I had a warning I would have stopped him, I swear."

Stiles shook his head from side to side, "I'm mad because you lied to me. I mean, I don't like the fact that Derek kissed you and I'll be sure to tell him that next time I see him. But I'm not mad about the kiss." 

He wasn't yelling anymore and I could feel the mood shift in the room. He actually had calmed down immensely and I was able to breathe a little easier knowing that he wasn't going to continue screaming at me for the remainder of the time that we are locked in this room together. 

"Technically, I didn't lie..." I stated awkwardly, it was true... I never said that Derek didn't kiss me, I just omitted certain truths for a lengthy amount of time. 

He rolled his eyes, "Kasey, I invented that line, don't try to use it on me." 

"Stiles, I'm sorry. I just felt like I couldn't tell you at the time, and I realize now that it was the wrong choice and I'm sorry. Just because I'm a supernatural creature, doesn't mean I'm still not human okay? I still make mistakes, and I'm sorry that I don't have the kind of judgement that Scott does, but I can promise you that this will never happen again." I explained softly, praying that he would believe me. That's all I need to hear is that he believes me. 

He blinked rapidly, "Kasey, it's not just this lie... you've gotten into the habit of lying to me and keeping things from me because you think it'll protect me, and I can't take it anymore, alright?" 

"What's so bad about me wanting to protect you, Stiles?" I snapped defensively. He was right though, after the alpha back infiltrated Beacon Hills and we had to deal with the Darach, I began keeping things from Stiles in order to protect him... most of the lies had occurred during the Nogitsune's reign of terror. 

Stiles scrunched his face up in confusion, "You're not supposed to put your life on the line for me, okay? You know how I feel about death, yet you continue to throw yourself into situations where you die or almost die and it's breaking me down. I don't know how many times I have to tell you that if you die, I'm going to lose my mind." 

I sighed and glanced at him unsurely. This is a topic that we are never going to agree on. Apparently, it's perfectly fine for Scott and Stiles to risk their lives for me, but when I try to do it for them, it's wrong. Love goes both ways, meaning that both people want to protect one another... I don't understand why they can't grasp the concept. If I have the opportunity to save them and offer myself up in their place, I'll do it every single time. 

The room was too silent and I bit down on my lip, "I'm allowed to want to protect you, too." 

Stiles silent-- and I don't know why. Any other time he never stops talking, but now that I want him to talk, he isn't going to do it. I so tired of being made out to be the bad guy because I wanted to keep him safe. 

I threw my hands up in the air in frustration, "Will you say something?!"

"What do you want me to say?!" he snapped at me, the volume and ferocity coming back. 

My blood was rushing to my cheeks and the back of my neck, I could feel the heat and the tiny pricks on my skin from the temperature change, "I want you to say that you believe in me! I want you to say that you trust me enough to make a god damn judgement call! I understand that I hurt you when I put myself at risk--"

"No," he shouted as he narrowed his eyes, "no you don't understand. You don't understand because you've never had to sit there powerless, watching me die. You haven't had to hold me in your lap while I wasn't breathing and my skin was cold and my heart wasn't beating. You haven't had to deal with the heart shattering pain that stabs you in every place imaginable because I was gone and there was no way that I could come back. You haven't had to do any of the things that I have done, Kasey. You don't understand how hard it is to do that over and over again."

I swallowed thickly, "Stiles... I'm allowed to protect you, too. I'm allowed to put you first. I'm allowed to want to keep you safe. I'm allowed to do all of the things that you do for me, too. I'm sorry that you feel like I'm doing this without thinking of you, but you couldn't be more wrong. The only reason I do those things is because I'm thinking about you. I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe, even if it means I end up having to die."

"That's not fair to me, and it's really stupid of you." he stated shakily. 

I nodded once, "Yeah well, even the smartest people do stupid things sometimes because they think it's the right thing to do at the time. I don't think it's fair to hold that against someone for the rest of their life, though. Especially when all they wanted to do was keep someone that means the world to them safe." 

"Well, those people really need to start thinking about the person they're trying to save... because maybe they want to be the ones doing the saving." he responded. 

My chest was burning in a good way and I took a step towards him, "Well those people are sorry and they're asking for forgiveness and for the other person to believe that they only want to keep them safe."

Stiles was moving closer to me and he let out a sigh, "They are forgiven and they do believe you." 

"Good." I chuckled.

He smiled, "Great." 

"Can I kiss you now?" I asked.

He nodded, "Please."

Stiles' hands were on either side of my face in an instant and his lips were pressed against mine feverishly. I sighed blissfully as he pushed me back, I hit the wall with a thud, but paid it no mind. My arms wove around the base of his neck and his slid down to my lower back, where he then pulled me closer, if that had been possible. 

My heart was hammering in my chest and I was relishing in the familiarity of his kiss. All of my fear and sadness melted away and he made me feel so damn safe. I wasn't scared of losing him anymore, if anything I was scared that he would stop kissing me. I never wanted this to end-- because when he kisses me I can finally get inside of his head. I don't even think twice anymore, I just connect myself to him and I can hear his thoughts and feelings. I get to catch a glimpse of what it's like to be him and it's so amazing.  

He pulled out of the kiss and frowned, "I'm sorry about what I said--"

"It's okay," I cut him off softly, "it's okay. We both said things that we didn't mean, it's okay." 

Stiles shook his head from side to side, "No, it's not okay... I shouldn't have thrown your dad in your face like that. I'm sorry." 

"I'm okay, Stiles. I didn't even think twice about it, I promise." 

He nodded and pulled me against him tightly. I bit down on my lip and swallowed down my guilt, because ladies and gentleman... I just told another lie.

▴▵▴

Eventually, my mom came back to the room and released us after Stiles got his concussion checked out. I thanked her for forcing us to have the talk that we needed, and I'm really glad that it worked out the way that it did. I think that Stiles and I both know that we aren't going to be the same as we were before... but that's okay, because sometimes even the best things need changed. So, after we left the hospital Stiles took me back to his house. 

Apparently, while I was almost burned alive at the school... Brunski had got the upper hand on Stiles and Lydia. He tied them up and forced Lydia to listen to a cassette tape of her grandmother's death... apparently Brunski was behind all of the "suicides" from the list that Lorraine had left us. Somehow Parrish managed to show up at the exact moment that Brunski was about to shoot Lydia up with some sort of sedative (knowing him, I would say it was Haldol), and he ended up having to shoot Brunski. Stiles and Lydia had thought that he was the Benefactor... but they were wrong.

The Benefactor was Meredith freaking Walker.

Yeah, apparently she isn't dead. 

Which leads us to now... sitting in Stiles' bedroom with his radio on his desk as he prepared to put the tape in. He glanced at me hesitantly, "I know that I don't know much about you abilities, but I know that you can connect to memories... so please don't connect to Lorraine during this, okay?"

"I'll try to stay focussed on you." I responded and he nodded his head before popping the tape in. 

I heard static before Brunski's voice played through the speakers, "Let's go, Lorraine."

Hearing his voice sent chills down my spine and I winced as I felt the prick in my leg from the Haldol he had injected me with back during my stay at Eichen. The memory is still so vivid and his voice triggered the feeling. I don't feel the slightest bit bad that he is dead, he was a terrible person and he deserved to die a very long time ago. 

"Listen to me. Please listen. There's something I have to do, something I have to stop." Lorraine spoke, her voice sounded so faint. I could only imagine how much hearing her voice had impacted Lydia.

Brunski cleared his throat, "I have to take you back to Eichen, Lorraine."

Why did he say he was taking her back to Eichen? Didn't he kill all of the patients at Eichen House? Where the hell are they if they aren't there? I reached for the volume as the static on the tape began to slightly overpower his voice. I don't know why he felt the need to record these things, but it just goes to show how monumentally messed up he was in the head. He should have been a patient at Eichen, not an orderly. 

"No. No. I don't think you're going to be taking me anywhere. I can hear the recorder in your pocket. It's on now, isn't it? You're making a tape... just like you taped the others." Lorraine stated, and my stomach dropped. I wonder how she knew about him taping the others? 

Stiles reached for the radio and hit the pause button, "This didn't happen at Eichen House."

"I was thinking the same thing," I agreed, "but where would they go?"

He sighed, "That's what he need to find out." 

I watched as he rewound the tape and let it play through from the beginning. I let out a sigh and cocked my head to the side when I heard Stiles' front door opened. I glanced at him, "Somebody just walked in your house." 

"What?" he asked in confusion, once again hitting the pause button. 

I could tell right away by the smell of the perfume that it was Malia. I waited patiently as she ascended the stairs and she waltzed into the bedroom. She smiled when she saw the two of us, "You two made up?" 

Stiles nodded, "Yeah. Where have you been?" 

"Out. What are you guys doing?" she asked as she walked over towards the radio and glanced at it oddly. 

I sighed, "Listening to Lydia's grandmother's tape... trying to figure out where she was, because she wasn't in Eichen." 

"Do you hear anything in the tape that Stiles can't?" Malia asked curiously. 

My eyes widened considerably, "I didn't even think to listen in the background for stuff. Stiles rewind it and turn it up." 

Stiles did as I instructed and as the tape began to play through, just as Lorraine said I don't think you're going to be taking me anywhere I heard an odd sound. I don't think I've ever heard it before, but the look on Malia's face told me that she has. 

"Malia, what is it? What do you hear?" I asked quickly. 

She nodded her head rapidly, "It's the record player." 

"What record player?" Stiles echoed in confusion.

Malia glanced at us both, "The one at the lake house, in the study."

"So... she escaped from Eichen House to go back to the lake house to listen to a record player?" he asked, making sure that he had heard her correctly. 

She nodded, "She was like Lydia, right? Like, a Banshee?"

"Yeah... but only once. She predicted Maddy's death and then just spent decades trying to predict something else." he explained. 

I stood from the chair, "Stiles, what if she did end up predicting something else... like a lot of something else." 

"Like the dead pool?" he asked, nodding along to what I was saying. 

Malia gasped, "What if she predicted it all those years ago, and she knew there was something in the study that could stop it?"

"Well... I guess that means we're going to the lake house to find that something." I stated as Stiles snatched his keys and the three of us ran out to the jeep. 

_________________________________________________________________

this chapter took so freaking long for me to get through. i'm so sorry. idk what is up with me today but i just can't focus worth shit. it took me a running total of 5 and 1/2 hours to write this shitty chapter. also, stasey made up because it had to be done for the last chapter to flow smoothly. plus, they aren't exactly 100% again either. i just want to watch season five because my sisters have told me so much about theo and i'm so pumped to write about him and kasey and stiles. and about the whole donovan thing, (my sisters spoiled it for me) but i already have that entire thing planned out in terms of scott, kasey, and stiles. i'm looking forward too it, because season five will bring you guys a totally new Kasey ( this is not an exaggeration... when this book ends, kasey will be TOTALLY different *hint hint*) and I'm really excited for it... so yeah. be sure to fan vote and comment. xx