The events from two nights ago were weighing heavy on my mind as I lay in Stiles' bed. He had gotten up to get some breakfast a few moments ago and Malia jumped out the window to go hunt her morning deer briefly after his departure. I didn't want to get out of bed today. To be honest, I would much rather lay here and forget about everything that's going on in my life. This year was supposed to be different. We were supposed to be able to live relatively normal lives without some type of catastrophic even taking place. 

I should have known that was just too much to hope for.

The conversation between Stiles, Malia and myself was currently swirling about in my head. After the kiss from Malia, which I still need to address with her, and the fact that my eyes were purple was pointed out... Malia began to ask questions that I just couldn't give her the answers to.

"What do you mean they're purple?" 

Panic was seeping into my bloodstream as I pulled my phone out of my pocket and turned the front facing camera on. I was met with my eyes glowing a rich and luminous violet. I had seen blue, yellow and red eyes before... but never purple. This was new, this was my hybrid form showing itself to the world. 

Stiles let out an uneven sigh, "Okay, so I guess you have finished your transition now."

"What transition?" Malia asked immediately, taking a step towards me protectively. She was unsure and nervous about the situation, I can feel the emotions emitting from her like heat from a space heater. 

I blinked rapidly and rubbed at my eyes, attempting to make the purple glowsticks go away. I can't go back upstairs looking like this. I still have to find Lydia and pay the guy for the beer. I glanced at myself in my camera again and let out a sigh of relief when my chocolate brown irises were staring back at me. 

"Are you going to answer me?" Malia demanded as she folded her arms over her chest, "What transition?" 

How am I supposed to explain this to Malia? She doesn't know much about my abilities as an Admonere but she should be able to fully comprehend the werewolf side of it... maybe she will understand, I don't know. To be honest, I don't think I even understand the situation myself. 

"Scott bit me when I was possessed by the Nogitsune, and when he did it began my transition into becoming a werewolf." I stated as I took in her surprised look and wide eyes. 

She looked me up and down curiously, "But you're an Admonere?"

"Now she's both," Stiles piped up, joining the conversation. 

"How's that even possible?" she inquired.

I blinked once, "I don't know." 

And it was true... I don't know how it's possible to be a hybrid of two supernatural creatures. I guess anything is possible, but this... this is just too much for me to handle. It was hard enough being an Admonere, now I have to be a werewolf too? I don't want to be anything. I didn't want to get bitten by Peter that night. I didn't want to get bitten by Scott either. I was fully prepared to die and end everything that night, but that would have been just too damn easy.

Apparently, nothing is easy for Kasey McCall.

Stiles appeared in the doorway with a mug of something that was steaming. I already knew what it was. I could smell the coffee the minute he opened the package downstairs. French Vanilla. And he put whipped cream on top of it and it was in a cute little red mug. He smiled as he sat it on the bedside table and plopped down beside me, "Morning beautiful. How'd you sleep?"

"As well as to be expected." I responded as I grabbed a pillow and covered my face with it. I didn't want to get up and seize the day. 

Not only do I have my hybrid issues to deal with, but apparently that code Lydia had written wasn't just a bunch of non-sense. While I was downstairs dealing with Malia, Lydia had been upstairs in her grandmothers study. She had found out the room was soundproof and somehow a record player allowed her to hear the key for the code. 

The keyword? 

Allison.

The code? 

A dead pool of all the supernatural  creatures in Beacon Hills.

The person with the largest number next to their name?

Kasey McCall. 

I was worth 35 million dollars. Scott was worth 25 million. The two of us together? 60 million dollars. Which meant that we were the two most valuable supernatural creatures in Beacon Hills. Braeden had been right, we were worth a fortune.

"Well, you gotta get up. We got some work to do." he said as he kissed my forehead and then made his way over to his new board. It was essentially a clear dry erase board. He was tired of having the stuff on his wall, so he took it down and found a new way to organize everything.

I watched in amusement as he began his recap of everything we knew, "So the Walcott's were first. At least the first that we know about. Four murders. Sean, his brother and his parents. They were killed by a professional assassin called The Mute. Weapon of choice, a military tomahawk. But then The Mute was killed by Peter Hale after he tried to blow up Derek with a claymore mine. Next was Demarco, he delivered the keg to Lydia's lake house. And he got decapitated outside by his car. And then last night, 23 year old Carrie Hudson." 

"So, is it time to tell your dad?" I asked as I watched him tape the pictures and newspaper clippings he had collected onto his board.

He nodded, "It's time to tell my dad."

▴▵▴ 

"It's a dead pool. A hit list of supernatural creatures. This is only part of it. The rest still has to be decoded." Scott explained as he handed Sheriff Stilinski the printout of the dead pool that we had.

Sheriff Stilinski glanced over it, "Who found the list?"

"Lydia." I said quickly.

He glanced at me, "How?"

"Well she wrote it, like unintentionally.. and somehow managed to crack it." I explained awkwardly. 

He sighed, "Banshee?"

"Banshee." Stiles nodded in agreement.

"Beautiful," Sheriff Stilinski sighed, "all right what are these numbers next to the names?"

Stiles gestured to the paper, "We're getting to that. First, you need to know that the code was broken with a cipher key."

"What do you mean like a key word?" he asked, clearly using what knowledge he has to try and break this down into a way that he could understand it. 

I nodded, "It's actually a name."

The room fell silent as Scott glanced at Sheriff Stilinski, "Allison."

I glanced at my brother worriedly, knowing that when Lydia had broken the news to him, it had hit him hard. Scott has been handling the loss of Allison as well as to be expected. He's happy with Kira, don't get me wrong, and she knows that she can't replaced Allison in any way, shape or form, but Allison was his first love and he's always going to love her. With her being gone, a part of him is gone, and he's trying really hard to put the pieces of himself back together.

Scott, unknowingly, reached for my hand and grabbed it tightly. I bit down on my lip as I took a step closer to him, he sighed softly and leaned his head on my shoulder. Stiles didn't say a word as he watched the scene unfold, and Sheriff Stilinski's face revealed the guilt he felt about the situation. There wasn't anything he could have done to save Allison. I'm the one who Killed her. I'm the one who was controlling the Oni. I'm the one who wrecked everyone's lives that night. 

It's all on me. 

It's all my fault. 

"Her name broke a third of the list." Stiles stated, breaking the tension filled and guilt ridden silence. I wanted to crawl in a hole and never come out. My brother is relying on the person who killed his first love for support. I can't help but feel like I'm the one that should have died that night, not Allison. 

Scott lifted his head, but didn't release my hand, "And now we think that there are two other cipher keys."

"Which will give us the rest of the names," Sheriff Stilinski nodded, "okay. How do we get the other two keys?"

I swallowed thickly, "The same way we got the code in the first place. Lydia's gonna have to try and find them, she's the only one that can. She's been at the lake house trying to find the other two keywords."

He glanced at me in confusion, "You can't help her?"

"No, dad. She's the Banshee, remember?" Stiles spoke up, thinking that his dad had confused me with being the Banshee... but he hadn't.

Sheriff Stilinski had shed some light onto the situation that, for some unknown reason, we hadn't thought of. Lydia and I have a connection, we're always in sync and I can sometimes hear her thoughts or feel her emotions. I should be able to find the cipher keys too, if Lydia and I really are as in sync as we have been in the past, I should have no problems getting the names.

"I know," he said as he began to explain himself, "but I remember Kasey telling me that her and Lydia are connected... that she can feel and hear what Lydia feels and hears. Maybe Kasey can help Lydia find the other two ciphers? Two heads are better than one, ya know?"

I was going to have to open that door in my head again; the door that allowed me to be with Lydia in as many possible ways. Which meant I was going to have to tell everyone about the small detail of me being a werewolf now. So, the question is... how am I going to do that?

▴▵▴ 

The next morning I had one mission; avoid Scott at all cost.

Why?

Well, because apparently he was bringing Derek to meet Liam and do some sort of exercise and I was so not prepared to see Derek again. The last time I saw him, he was a teenager talking about being in love with me and let Kate shock me and complete my transition.

I'm not angry at him, I get that he was scared and he was mad that I had lied to him and Kate was someone he trusted at that age. I get that he panicked and did what he had to in order to get the answers he wanted. I get that he was scared and worried about his family. And most importantly, I get that he was blinded by the love he had for Kate Argent. 

Anger is not what I feel when I think of seeing Derek Hale again. 

Fear is what I feel.

I know he's going to somehow sense that I'm a werewolf and he's going to either force me to tell Scott, or he's going to tell Scott against my will. I still haven't figured out how I'm going to explain this to my brother yet, I just need a little bit more time.

As I was maneuvering through the hallway to Music Appreciation 101, I realized that I forgot my notebook in my locker. I needed that notebook because 90% of my grade in that class relies on the fact that I take notes and "appreciate" the beautiful art and rich history in music.

I knew I was going to be late at this point, the bell was ringing and I was now having to turn back around and head back to my locker. I was doing exceptionally well with avoiding tardy's this semester. My record was now tainted because of a damn notebook. 

Once I got back to my locker and retrieved my notebook, I slammed it shut and spun around to get to class. Only, instead of going to class I ran into someone. Or, rather... a chest of someone. A chest that I was all too familiar with. A chest clad in a dark gray shirt and black leather jacket. 

I sighed as I glanced up and locked my gaze with Derek's. He offered me a sarcastic smirk as he folded his arms over his chest and quirked an eyebrow, "Been avoiding me?"

"That requires too much effort on my end," I scoffed as I adjusted my backpack, "more like not finding the time to see or contact you."

He rolled his eyes, "Ouch."

"I'm gonna be late for class, it was nice talking to you though." I muttered as I attempted to move around him. My attempt fell short as he snatched up my wrist and pulled me into one of the janitor's closets. He slammed the door shut and locked us in, leaving me with no other choice other than to stay here and talk to him. 

Great.

Derek blinked once, "I'm not going to say this twice, so listen carefully. I could smell you from outside of the building. I know that you are a werewolf and I also know that you haven't told Scott. He's got way too much on his plate right now to even notice that you're different, which means you need to tell him."

"Since when are you so concerned with Scott's feelings?" I asked in annoyance. I knew this was going to happen. I knew as soon as he saw me he was going to know about the transition and he was going to force me to tell Scott.

He clenched his jaw, "I don't like keeping secrets, Kasey."

"Oh, really?" I chuckled, "Then would you care to share about you being in love with me?"

Derek's entire demeanor changed as his eyes widened and his jaw went slack. I didn't think he was in love with me, there's no way that Derek Hale was in love with me. I just thought it was odd that the only thing he could remember as a teen was me saying that I loved him. Which happened to be a joke.

"What did you just say?" he hissed, immediately the confusion was washed away and replaced with anger. 

I smirked, "I mean, not that I blame you I am quite the catch-"

I let out a shriek as he shoved me up against the wall, his hand wrapping around my throat forcefully. This was so not  the outcome I had imagined when confronting him about this. I thought maybe he would laugh it off or tell me I was stupid, I sure as hell didn't think he would get this mad.

"Don't you ever say that again," he snarled hatefully. His eyes didn't change color, so the wolf hadn't come out, but he was pissed enough to where he was using inhuman strength on me. 

"Say what?" I choked out, squirming in his hold, "that you love me?"

Derek released me and instantly my hands went up to my neck, rubbing the sore spots. I don't know what his damn problem with me is. He's so hot and cold it's not even funny anymore. I can't keep up with his exponential mood swings. 

He was silent as he turned his back to me, readying himself to leave the closet. It then hit me that if Derek didn't love me, he wouldn't have gotten as fired up as he did. If Derek didn't love me, he wouldn't have protected me from the Nogitsune when we went into his loft. If Derek didn't love me, he wouldn't have held me in his arms, taking my pain and enduring the excruciating mental anguish for himself. If Derek didn't love me, he wouldn't have forced himself to remember me when Kate wiped his memory. If Derek didn't love me, he wouldn't have given me the opportunity to tell Scott myself about my transition, he would have done it himself. If Derek didn't love me, he wouldn't have fought to protect Stiles through everything with the Nogitsune. 

Derek Hale was in love with me. 

As if he read my thoughts as the realization hit me, he turned around to face me. I was panicking. I didn't know what to say or do at this point. I didn't want Derek to be in love with me. I didn't want anyone but Stiles to be in love with me. I didn't want this. 

Why do I keep having things thrown at me that I don't want?

"That obvious, huh?" he sighed as he ran his hand through his hair awkwardly. 

I swallowed thickly, "Derek, I'm sorry... I-I didn't mean to.."

"It's okay," he cut me off with a half smile, "it really is, because at least you're not a psychotic bitch trying to kill people, you know? You're good, and smart and kind and you care... you're the best person I've ever loved and I don't regret it and I know that it's not ever going to happen... that we're never going to happen and I'm okay with that. I don't want to ruin you, Kasey. I'm not good for you and Stiles is, he's great for you and you're great for him and I wouldn't want to mess that up for you. I want the best for you and I'm not it."

His words were hitting me hard and I felt the room spinning. I never thought I would hear Derek Hale say these things to me, not ever in a million years. Derek isn't sweet and loving and says things that make your heart shatter. He's not the type of guy you would want to bring home to your parents and show off because he puts you first and does whatever he can to make you happy and protect you. He's not the guy you hold hands with because he can't let you go, not even for a second. He's not the type of guy that admires you from afar because he knows that he's dangerous and he wouldn't want to put you in harms way. 

But, apparently he is all of those things. He is a guy like Stiles, just a little more rough around the edges.

I feel awful for doing this to him. I'm not leaving Stiles for him. I'm not going to choose him and he's not going to get to be with me, ever. Stiles is the love of my life and I can't imagine myself with anyone else but him. 

"There's just one thing that I want," he added, drawing my attention back to him standing in front of me. When did he get so close? I don't remember him being this close?

I swallowed thickly, the ability to speak escaping me as he began to get closer and closer and my voice was getting farther and farther. I needed to move because he's going to kiss me and I can't kiss him because it's going to come back and bite me in the ass and I can't hurt Stiles again, I can't do it. But for some reason I can't move, I'm frozen and Derek is going to kiss me and I can't stop it. 

"Derek-"

My voice decided to make itself appear as soon as his lips touched mine and it disappeared into the void of nothing that was surrounding us as I closed my eyes and let him kiss me. I could feel my switch flip in my head and suddenly I was being hit with images of myself that Derek had locked away in his head. My voice was swirling around us and I was hearing myself say his name, or laugh or say something completely irrelevant to the situation that he felt wonderful enough to remember. I could feel myself pressed against his chest as he held me close the day I was in pain, the day he took it. I could feel the satisfaction and warmth radiating off of him as he helped me. He loved me and he was so sure of his feelings and it was something totally different from anything I had ever felt before. 

He pulled back and placed his hands on my cheeks adoringly, "I just wanted to do it once." 

"I can't," was all I managed to get out.

Derek nodded once, "I know and it's okay."

"I'm sorry," I stated as he made his way to the door. 

"Me too."

________________________________________________________________________________

Yeah.... so that just happened.

Are you Team #Dasey or #Stasey ?

I just really wanted to show that Derek does love her and he knows that they can't be together and he's been such a good boy to Kasey in the last 20 or so chapters written (including the ones from Degeneracy) so it was finally revealed to everyone how he felt. 

What did you think? lol

I promised an update today because I hit 7k followers and I was really excited and I'm just astounded that so many of you actually like what I write and want to support me and it's just amazing, thank you all so much it means so much to me. 

I'm on vacation from work next week so there will be some major writing time then, who knows I might get a solid 10 chapters written ahahah, one can hope right?

Be sure to fan, vote and comment everything you're feeling because I need to know if your hearts are as broken for Derek as mine because he's so cute and poor Stiles doesn't even know that his bae has another admirer which means #jealousStiles will be back and I'm so excited for that so yay! xx