Y/n was at an end.

An entire day's worth of scrubbing, cleaning, crust, roaches, mice and Eren's antics left her with sore legs, dark circles framing her eyes and a raging headache that pounded stronger than ever.

Surprisingly, she and Eren got quite a lot done in a single day: Their room divider was up and Y/n had scrubbed nearly all the walls about five shades lighter, the vinegar and water becoming her lifelong companions.

She even offered to throw away the trash and debris off the floor in exchange for Eren to take care of the mice and roach-problem — though it was more so she forced him to.

Even if it was far from over, that basement looked less like a clusterfucked brothel after closing time and more like a somewhat decent place to sleep in, which was something Y/n never thought possible. It was a miracle sent from God.

Even Levi had thought so when he had come down to inspect. Despite his usual stoicism, Y/n swore she had caught the faintest hint of awe on his face that she and Eren had actually managed to pull it off.

And as much as she hated to admit it, deep down, the tiniest part of her was thankful that he made them clean their room on the first day, so they could be done with it from early on. Only a little though.

But now, she wanted nothing more than to crawl into her bed to shut off. Her exhaustion overshadowed even the hunger that gnawed at her stomach, and if she could've, she would've even traded Eren for at least a lick of sleep.

Soon. After dinner. Just one dinner and she could finally turn off her brain.

The first thing she had done after the end of day was take a long, much needed bath. Y/n had nearly cried out of joy, finally being able to wash away the grime, dirt and filth that had accumulated over the past five days. And she sure as hell had taken her sweet time with it, scrubbing her body at least seven times over — even if Eren was banging on the door for her to get out faster.

After washing up, Y/n went up to the mess hall for her last task of the day, which was none other than setting the table with Captain Levi.

Great, as if it couldn't get any more awkward between them.

It's not like she hated him. She understood full well why he did what he did to her brother, it hadn't slipped her logically.

Yet the way he so unhesitatingly went about it just didn't sit right with her. Not even the crushing sound of Eren's own skull gauged a single ounce of expression from his face. What else could he have been capable of?

In all honesty, Y/n felt a little fearful of the Captain. And was she one to blame when his mission was to literally take their lives, should they slip up once, even outside of their will?

To top it off, she had called someone like that an asshole. Why was she such an idiot sometimes?

Enough. She refused to let his opinion of her deteriorate further. Whether she wanted to or not, she would have to apologize. It's not like she would be leaving the Survey Corps any time soon — and not being on Levi's good side wouldn't help her one bit.

Sucking it up, Y/n took in a deep breath to mentally prepare herself, before finally stepping inside the mess hall.

The space stood tall and still with rustic wooden beams arching overhead. From the warm glow of lanterns, a golden hue was casted on the long, sturdy rows of tables and benches that stretched across the room.

The stone floor echoed with the soft thud of footsteps as a solitary, dark-haired figure moved around a table, accompanied by the clinking of plates; Levi.

He looked up as Y/n advanced, saying nothing — neither pleased in particular nor bothered to see her. He was just... his usual self? Indifferent and stoic like always. Maybe he wasn't so angry with her after all?

Regardless, Y/n was content with it, maybe even finding it somewhat inviting. It just made things a hell of a lot easier.

She made her way over, deciding to go for the cutlery on the side opposite from him. Fortunately, they would only have to set one or two tables, as the rest of the Scouts hadn't arrived at Headquarters yet.

As Y/n placed the dinner knife and fork next to the plate Levi had already laid out, she couldn't help but sense his presence like a weight, heavy and unyielding. It felt as though his eyes were piercing right through her, leaving her unnerved.

Y/n tried to keep her gaze low, and focused instead on aligning a napkin beneath the dinner fork, thinking the clattering of silverware would fill the quiet the best.

There went all her hopes of apologising. The ice was so thick, she didn't even know where to start breaking at. Her fingers trembled slightly around the spoon when she put it next to the knife, trying to come up with a way to start a conversation. Something that came so naturally to her suddenly felt like she was holding her breath underwater. Did Levi always have such an effect on people?

When she reached for a glass, Y/n stole a glance at him without meaning to. She noted the way he methodically arranged the plates and soup bowls, his movements precise and deliberate.

"Y/n," Levi broke through the silence, causing her to jump slightly. His eyes narrowed.

"About earlier..."

A knot tightened in her stomach. This was it — her chance to address her outburst. "I-"

But he interrupted her, his tone cutting through her words. "You don't need to explain. It was a mistake you'll learn from. But understand this: insubordination in my squad won't be tolerated."

"I understand, Captain," she nodded as a lump formed in her throat. "I shouldn't have disobeyed your order."

"Exactly, you shouldn't have. If you couldn't obey just that one, simple order from me, how would you have reacted with other, more dire ones?" Levi's brows furrowed deeper. "I had heard from your old instructor that between you and your brother, you were the more rational one. So you can imagine my disappointment when I saw you couldn't keep your emotions in check for something as trivial as cleaning."

Y/n averted her gaze to the table, a bit of shame rising to her cheeks as her hand fiddled with the napkin. "I know that now, I should've done better. I let my personal feelings get the better of me, and for that I'm sorry."

"Good. Apology accepted. Just remember, everyone's lives are at stake, including your own. There are still too many unknowns with you newly being Titans, so get it together. We can't afford any recklessness."

Still not daring to look up, Y/n said nothing to take in his words. She didn't know what stung more: being brought to Eren's level or letting someone down.

Damnit, if only she wasn't so sensitive to such a thing.

Levi's expression softened imperceptibly, speaking with a subtle shift in his voice: "Eren's beating was necessary, but it doesn't mean I enjoyed it."

Y/n finally met his eyes, feeling her heart clench at the memory. "I get that, you needed to convince the Military Police — I know. But I just don't understand why it had to be so brutal."

"Brutality can be a form of training, I won't sugarcoat the reality of our situation." Levi continued. "And, yes, I'm aware you've already seen it first hand yourself in Trost, I'm aware of how much you two have been through. But you need learn how to control yourselves even after everything you've experienced."

"Control — yes," Y/n echoed, her mind drifting back to the court trial. "It's hard to think about control when everyone is just waiting for us to fail. No one sees us as allies."

"Thinking isn't your strong suit, is it? Prove them wrong," Levi replied, his voice firm. "You have the chance to redefine what it means to be on humanity's side. It starts with discipline."

Y/n paused a moment, allowing his words to settle into her mind. They were like a splash of cold water to the face.

"I will. I promise."

A brief silence stretched between them as Y/n lit the table candles — awkward but somehow reassuring. It felt as if a layer of tension had lifted, as if all the unease in her body was starting to dissipate.

Though the block of ice between them was thicker than her eyes could reach, it seemed like a good chunk of it had broken off after all.

"Why did you really want to join the Survey Corps?"

"Hm?" Y/n looked up at the sudden question, setting the matches down.

"Back in the cell, your answer didn't seem genuine. It looked like you were just copying what Eren was saying. Why did you want to join?"

She took in a deep breath, thinking of a way to form her answer. It was no surprise why her original one came off as disingenuous, when it was literally 'same thing.'

"Well, because I have some experience in medicine, I thought it might've been useful to bring that with me into battle." Y/n began. "I was hoping I could reduce mortality rates — however small it may be."

Yet she left out how miserably she failed to do so. And the one person she might've saved was most likely dead.

"You were hoping?"

Y/n swallowed, arranging the butter knives on the bread plates as the memories weighed her down.

"I tried."

Knowing exactly what she meant, Levi didn't reply. He paused a beat to lay out the shakers, before asking: "And where did you learn this medical expertise?"

She looked up, a little taken aback. Was he trying to make conversation with her?... He sure was asking a lot more questions than she expected of him. But she didn't complain.

"My Dad taught me. He was a doctor."

She recounted the many nights she stayed up, eager to learn about remedies and special surgical techniques from him; the piles and piles of books she kept. It was all gone now though, along with their old life. Y/n forgot the last time she opened a medicine book — as if her hobby had never existed. And a part of her missed it greatly. Maybe one day, she could buy herself new ones.

As Levi laid out the last of the napkins on the table, he turned to Y/n, his expression the usual coldness. "Go sound the bell for them to come. Dinner should be served now."

Y/n nodded, setting a soup spoon down to turn around. But before she could walk away...

"Hey, brat."

Immediately, she snapped back — not offended, but a little surprised at the sudden nickname.

Levi raised a brow. "What? You called me an asshole. I get to give you a name too, no?"

"Fair point," Y/n pressed her lips together, nodding in understanding. She nearly smiled.

"You like to read?"

"Yes, why?"

"Eren told me." Levi dug something out of his pocket before tossing it to her from across the table.

She caught it, feeling the weight of it in her hands. When she looked down to inspect, in her palms, she cradled a bronze key, blackened with time.

Perplexed, she turned to Levi, unsure of what he meant by it.

"It's the key to the castle's library."

"Oh."

What was she supposed to do? She hadn't expected such a thing from him at all.

When Levi had added nothing else, Y/n wanted to kick herself for her reaction, looking like she wasn't appreciative of it one bit.

"Uh... What I meant was-" she cleared her throat. "I just would've never thought  — no, that sounded rude-"

Levi l watched in pain as Y/n fumbled for words, the corner of his mouth twitching as if to suppress a grimace.

"I'm — thanks," she finally managed to stammer out.

"Just go."

"Right."

Y/n turned around within a split second, pocketing the key and nearly running to the bell at the door. She had to bite her tongue to force back a scream, feeling a heat rise to her cheeks in embarrassment.

Just as she composed herself, she was more than happy to pull on the rope, ringing the dinner bell to notify of the meal that was to be served.

As she walked back to take a seat, she replayed the moments of the conversation from before.

Had she and Levi really come to an understanding? Moreover, he was actually kind and someone she could somewhat converse with? Now, Y/n didn't agree with all of his ways. It was still very much awkward and not exactly the best between them, but even so, she would still take it; it wasn't so bad after all.

Y/n watched as the Scouts, including Eren, Petra and the rest of the squad, filtered through the doors. The room gradually grew louder as they filled it with laughter, immersed in their own banter and conversations.

Eren slid through the gap between the bench and table to sit beside her, rambling about something she couldn't remember, as she had completely tuned out the sound of his voice.

The only thing that was currently on her mind, front and center, was food. Her stomach was practically growling at her, the sandwich and water from before being her only meal that day.

She felt restless, surveying the kitchen as it brought out their first dinner to the tables. Had it not been for the public setting, she would have most definitely lunged at the trays of food as they were still being carried.

It felt strange, like she couldn't stop herself. And yet, this sensation had been going on persistently for days whenever it was mealtime. Maybe it was somehow linked with her newly gained Titan powers? But it could also have just been caused by the terrible conditions she was in as of late.

Regardless, it didn't matter now when the food was presented before her. Tonight's meal was a hearty vegetable stew, consisting of turnips, carrots, beans and celery — served alongside butter, baskets of bread and berry juice as a beverage.

Before anyone else had seen it coming, Y/n guzzled it all down within the blink of an eye. She gorged in servings upon servings of the stew, wolfed down about six bread rolls one after the other, shoved the butter into her mouth by itself and inhaled the berry juice in her cup.

A part of her, buried deep beneath the ravenous urge, felt a flicker of shame. But that too was drowned out by the richness and warmth of the stew that settled in her stomach.

She didn't give a single shit. And she didn't care about table manners and etiquette; she didn't care about the judgy and disgusted faces, the whispered remarks or their discomfort.

It didn't matter. All other thoughts had vanished from her mind, because she wasn't in control anymore.

And that bread especially, she couldn't get enough of it. When Y/n reached for her seventh piece, that was when Eren finally decided to kick her under the table, jolting her back to reality.

"Holy shit, Y/n..." he whispered, grimacing in horror. "For God's sake, slow it down..."

It seemed like she had finally just awoken from her trance, still holding the bread in her hand as she glanced around. There was no way she alone had just cleared out almost the entire table on her side.

Y/n's eyes darted between her seat mates, seeing the look of shock on everyone's faces. Petra looked concerned, while Levi held his cup in distaste.

But she simply set the roll down, took a napkin and patted at her mouth, excusing herself. Never more in her life had she wanted to disappear than in that moment, but it would've been even more rude of her to just up and leave like that.

And dinner went on as usual; the Scouts hesitantly turned away and the focus slowly shifted back to prior conversations. They didn't have much of a choice, hoping to restore some semblance of normalcy — to which Y/n was grateful for. She thought it best to keep quiet.

Truth be told, she herself didn't know what had just happened. It'd all went by so fast; one moment the plates were all full, and then the next she was elbow-deep in food. All she remembered was a fear that it might've run out within a second, and her body freaked out, not satisfied until her stomach was filled to the brim.

But the one thing she knew was that the headache that had pestered her for days was almost completely gone — like the food had cleared out all the pain and her thoughts became clearer. It was as if a fog had lifted, colors appeared brighter and sounds became sharper; as if her senses were recalibrating.

Y/n's train of thought suddenly broke when plates in front of her were being taken away. Dinner was coming to an end? That was fast. Or maybe it just felt like it, since she was barely present.

As the table was being cleared out, most of the Scouts rose from their seats, leaving only Levi's Squad in the mess hall. Levi had even ordered tea for them as they began discussing the details of the upcoming mission beyond the Walls.

Y/n didn't know what Commander Erwin had planned out — neither did any of the Scouts really except for maybe Levi. All they knew was that it would be to set up resupply points for the troops, and that her and Eren's Titans would greatly facilitate this amidst a hoard of cannibalistic Ti — wait. Why was everyone staring at her?

The room suddenly fell silent as the Scouts surveyed Y/n and Eren with tense gazes. The darkness that shrouded them, coupled with the faint glow of the candles, only added to their daunting expressions. She hadn't caught much of what they were saying — only hearing something along the lines of 'situation has changed' and 'new hope.' Even Eren looked unsettled, unsure of what to say.

Finally, Eld was the first to speak, a hint of fear flickering in his eyes: "It's still hard for me to believe. But how does this 'Titan transformation' thing work for you two anyway?"

"I'm not sure," Eren set his cup down in deep thought. "Before me and my friends were hit by the cannon shot, I just had this urge to bite through my hand — I don't know why or where it came from. But I never got to actually try it, because, well..." he glanced at Y/n.

A silence stretched as she hadn't caught on yet. Y/n only realized when everyone was staring at her again.

"Oh — uh... Yeah, it's just as weird for me too. I don't remember much, but, before I transformed, I was picking at dead skin around my fingers and all I could think about was how much I wanted to protect Eren and the rest. Then, I pulled too hard, felt the sting — and that's when it started."

"Exactly. I think it's set off by self-inflicted pain," Eren added.

"Why? How? Where does the Titan body even come from?" Gunther asked, frowning.

"You guys do know you can't get out any more info out of them than what's in the reports," Levi took a sip from his cup. "Not that a certain someone won't try, of course. Better hope you two don't end up dead in her hands."

"Huh? What do you mean by 'her?!'" Eren shifted in his seat.

Just then, Y/n heard faint, rapid thudding that grew louder and louder, as if someone was running down a hall at full speed. She jumped when the doors behind Levi flew open with a bang, yet he remained unfazed,
like it was completely normal.

"Good evening, Squad Levi!" Hanji waved, stepping inside with a big, wide smile on her face. "How's the castle life treating you?"

"You're early," Levi murmured, taking another sip.

"There's my favorite Titan sibling duo! Sorry for the wait," she walked up to the twins.

"Glad to see you ma'am," Y/n couldn't help but smile. Hanji's oddly cheery persona seemed to just rub off on anyone like chalk on a blackboard. Infectious. Chaotic. But warm.

"Ahh, drop the formalities," she waved a dismissive hand. "Just call me Hanji... Anyway, tomorrow, I'm in charge of two Titans we caught in town. I'd love for you guys to help with my experiments, so I came to get your permission."

Oh, goodie. This was their chance to finally figure out what was wrong with them. And better yet, more information on the Titans — Y/n was always dying to understand them better.

"Yes, yes, I'm all for it," she nodded repeatedly.

But Eren was a bit more hesitant, inching further away from Hanji's looming presence. "Experiments? What exactly would I have to do?..."

"Why, only the most exhilarating, most exciting stuff of all, of course!" Hanji exclaimed, her grin widening from ear-to-ear.

Concern all over his face, Eren only leaned back in his chair. "Um... I'm not in a position to give myself permission..."

Y/n shot him a glare. "Pussy."

"Levi!" Hanji turned to face him. "What are their plans for tomorrow?"

He let out a small sigh, before setting his cup down. "Cleaning the garden."

"Well, great! It's decided," Hanji took Y/n's hand in her own. "I really look forward to working with you guys!"

"Uhh... yeah, sure. But what kind of Titan experiments are we talking about here-"

"Hm?"

"Huh?"

Y/n glanced around behind Hanji's face, unsure why everyone was profusely shaking their head and mouthing 'no.'

"Um — as I said, what kind of Titan experiments-"

"Psst! Kid, stop that!" Oluo whisper-yelled from behind his hand.

"Ahhh, I knew it... I know the look of curiosity in someone's eyes when I see it," Hanji said with utmost bliss — almost prideful. "We are like souls, Y/n... like souls..."

Y/n gave a nervous laugh, watching as everyone pushed back their chair to up and leave out the door. She turned to Eren for help, yet he only shook his head in disapproval. What had she gotten herself into?

Hanji let go of her hand and took a seat at their table, alone with the twins now. "Well if you insist to know, I'll just have to tell you," her mouth curved into a devilish smile as she folded her hands in front of her face. "Let me start by introducing the little ones we recently caught..."

Before Y/n could respond, Hanji launched headfirst into a fervent explanation, her entire body vibrating with excitement. It was as if a dam had burst — everything she'd observed, hypothesized, questioned and gleefully misinterpreted came flooding out in a breathless rush.

She began with the Titans themselves; two specimens she'd affectionately called Sawney and Bean, who, according to her, nearly bit her entire head off on multiple occasions. Thank God for Moblit, the assistant she'd mentioned in her frenzied rambling. He was the sole reason she was still alive right now.

And just when Y/n thought there would be an end, Hanji went on and on about all her findings; how Titans needed nothing but sunlight to function — and completely shut down without it, how communication with them wasn't viable, and even about their lighter bone density and pain tolerance.

It was maddening. How did she have so much energy to keep going? Y/n felt exhausted just watching her go.
But it was strange; despite how horrific the Titans were, Hanji spoke of them so lovingly like they were her own children.

While Eren could barely flutter his eyes open, slipping in and out of consciousness, Y/n propped an elbow on the table to rest her face in her palm.

She knew they'd be in for a long night.

୨﹒˖˚──﹕♡﹕──˚˖﹒୧

"And that's about everything I've gathered!" Hanji announced, throwing her hands up giddily.

Y/n was sat upright on the bench, eyes half lidded with bags darker than soot. They screamed to fall shut, held up by a single thread of will power to stay awake.

Eren on the other hand, had blacked out a long while ago with his face planted on the table, muffling his snores.

Even the candles ceased to burn, reduced to uneven puddles of wax at the base with a charred, lifeless wick. That was no issue, however, as the sun was already high in the sky, brightening the entirety of the room.

But Hanji wasn't done yet.

"So now I'll explain things further by going over everything again with my own theories! Then my opinions of those theories!"

"Huh?!" Y/n had never woken up so quick. "I, uh, don't think that's necess-"

Suddenly, the doors exploded open as a man rushed inside. "Is Squad Leader Hanji Zoë here?!"

Eren shot up faster than Y/n had seen in her life.

"Yes, I'm here, Moblit. What's wrong?" Hanji's smile dropped within an instant.

Moblit's forehead glistened with a sheen of sweat as his jaw tightened, struggling to steady his breath.

"The test subjects... Both of the Titans have been killed!"

✼ •• ┈┈┈┈๑⋅⋯ ୨˚୧ ⋯⋅๑┈┈┈┈ •• ✼

A/N: Hey yall, sorry if the ending for this one felt rushed or unsatisfying, I got sick of it and just wanted to get it out if I have to be honest.

On another note, I need your help 😭🙏 I've been reading that the Y/n abbreviation in reader stories really breaks immersion and ruins the story for some people, so I wanted to ask you guys how was it for you. Do you find it distracting? Can you go along with it well, or do you feel like I could change it for an alternative like writing in second person or using another place holder for Y/n (i.e "Yona" which readers could still replace with their name if they want to)

But what do you think? Should I change it or keep the Y/n abbreviation? I'm lowkey so confused.