▪️B A L D U R▪️

It had been four days since Izara sacrificed her life for mine.

The sound of my raspy mutterings accompanied me while my boots scraped across the smooth stone floor. I paced in front of a large window in the castle's library, my shadow dancing across the walls while I glanced at my reflection in the glass panes.

There was a permanent scowl etched across my brows, darkening my already solemn appearance. The intense glower had been there ever since I returned days earlier, carrying a lifeless Izara.

I had not been prepared to have her death on my hands.

Memories of what had occurred since the great tremor consumed my mind, twisting the relentless grimace that imprinted itself upon my haggard face.

Looking down at my open palms, I observed the pale and calloused skin staring back up at me and my upper lip curled into a snarl. I should have known better than to listen to Izara, but she had such faith in me that I found myself not wanting to disappoint her.

"You bloody fool!" I chastised myself.

I really should have known better, for these hands of mine were only good for one thing, death.

As the Orc King, it was my job to ensure that the inhabitants of the Isle of Wrobel remained safe. Even though I may have been feared because of my magic, I had never once abused my power. I would never kill anyone, at least without a proper reason.

Where the fae were concerned, even though they were our sworn enemy, I applied the same reasoning. If we stumbled upon an encampment in the forest, I would usually leave them with a warning, unless they were causing trouble, which would result in them meeting with the end of my blade.

Keeping peace on the isle was of utmost importance to me and sometimes to maintain such, meant taking a life.

It never felt good to have someone innocent die by my hands, especially when it was something that I should have had control over. Which was why I refrained from using certain aspects of my magic, for it never ended well.

Izara had been confident that I could return her life force.

Why had I not insisted more that she returned to the castle? I knew that her odds for survival without me were very low. However, a chance was a chance, no matter how small, and I should have insisted that she took it.

Over these last four days, I had been trying to come to terms with my feelings for Izara.

It was obvious, even to me, that she had somehow managed to sneak through my emotional defences. Seeing her sacrifice herself for me was something that I had never once considered to be a possibility, especially not after the way I had treated her.

In my mind, I no longer associated her with being that annoying and deceitful human. Now, when I thought about the curly-haired beauty, I could only see her gentle smile and kind eyes and how I wished to see them again.

I clenched my hands into fists, torn between my feelings of relief and utter anguish.

Relief because I did not know how to deal with my sudden attraction to Izara and anguish due to the possibility of never getting to explore it.

Would she have even liked me back? I sourly thought with a cringe.

"Probably not..." I answered myself.

After all, I had treated her horribly up to the morning of our visit to Sigorim's grave. Just thinking of all the times I had lashed out at her made me grunt with shame. By all accounts, Izara should have hated me. However, judging by her facial expressions when we were reunited that night in the forest, I had been inclined to think that she felt something for me.

If I closed my eyes, I could still feel her arms when she had hugged me.

The happy expression that came over her face when she had found me alive had made my heart lurch. Not to mention her adamance about not leaving me behind, surely that had to mean something more than an obligation to her King?

I stopped my pacing to lean against the nearest stone pillar, my eyes closing as I continued to think about that night.

The tips of my fingers tingled, remembering how Izara had pulled my hand to her chest. I could not help the way the corners of my mouth twitched, reminiscing on the way she had commanded me to use my magic on her, magic that made other people afraid to even look at me.

"Fuck, she was so brave..." I said, my voice soft.

To be honest, I was grateful that she had passed out almost immediately after I touched her. This meant that she was spared most of the bone-shattering pain of having her life drained. Unfortunately, the piercing scream she let out before she collapsed on top of me was a sound that would haunt me to the end of my days.

Remembering the way her smooth brown skin had slowly withered before my very eyes made me flinch and my hand reached behind me to anchor myself to the pillar, my knees suddenly feeling weak. Her dark curly hair had thinned out as it turned white, and her face sank in, morphing almost into a hollowed husk.

The thought alone was enough to leave a deep throbbing at the centre of my chest.

I had not meant to take as much energy as I had.

My fingers gripped at the surface of the stone pillar while my mind continued to replay the scenario that had taken place in the forest. I was desperately searching for ways that I could have done things differently.

Yet, they all came to the same conclusion, taking Izara's life force had been the best option.

Of course, rationally, I knew what I had done had been the better decision among the other possibilities, but my heart did not see it that way. Especially whenever I remembered her lifeless body in my arms.

As much as I may have had my grievances with humans, I never went out of my way to harm them and Izara certainly did not deserve to go through what she had at my hands. No, she deserved better and I feared that I may not get the chance to treat her properly.

"Still feeling sorry for yourself?"

The deep tenor of Khagra's voice had my eyes popping open and I almost flinched as he stood right in front of me.

I had not expected him to be so close and the fact that I had not heard him approaching was a testament to how lost in my thoughts I had been. His hazel eyes were narrowed while trailing over the expanse of my body.

"Khagra–"

With a shake of his head, he put his index finger against my lips, silencing me, no doubt tired of my incessant ramblings.

"What's done is done, Baldur. You and I both know that it was the only option. Don't insult Izara's sacrifice by wallowing in self-pity. What do you think she would say if she could see you now, hmm?"

I knew that he was right, but I just could not help the feeling of self-loathing that had been threatening to suffocate me.

Shifting my stance, my back now pressed flat against the stone pillar and I tilted my head to stare up at the ceiling, getting lost in the light of the lanterns that hung above. The feel of my best friend reaching out to hold my hand pulled my gaze back towards his face.

"I'm trying, but it's just so hard," I sighed.

"She'd fucking slap you if she could see you moping about like this and frankly, I'm this close to clobbering you over the head myself."

A muffled chuckle escaped me, "You'd swear I wasn't the King with the way you two speak to me..."

"I wished that I had been there that night to see Izara boss you around. Shit, I'm getting hard just thinking about it," he moved, pressing into me.

Even though I knew that he was just trying to lighten the mood, I still uttered, "I don't even know how you can think about sex at a time like this."

"Says the man who asked her if she wanted to watch us have sex while you were half crushed beneath a piece of mountain," Khagra retorted. "Honestly, I still can't believe you asked her that..."

"Blame it on the blood loss," I replied.

Khagra leaned in with a grin, the tip of his nose gently trailing along the edge of my jaw while he murmured, "Either way, you better get out of this funk that you've been in."

"I'm not–"

"You've barely been tending to your duties and you haven't been eating properly. You can't keep going like this, Baldur, you'll need to keep your strength up for when Izara awakens."

My voice was barely a whisper as I spoke, "How do we know that she will?"

I closed my eyes once more, thoughts of Izara laying in her bed stared back at me. No longer did she look as though she were on the brink of death. The youthful appearance of her brown skin had returned and I felt like there had been a slight glow to it while her long lashes fanned the tops of her cheeks.

Izara looked so peaceful and were it not for the slight rise and fall of her chest, I would have thought her dead. Though given that she had yet to open those beautiful brown eyes of hers, she might as well be.

Dura had called it the sleeping sickness, something that most people never awoke from.

As soon as I had returned to the castle, I carried Izara to her chambers and placed her withered figure on the sheets. Her body had been so frail with wrinkled skin, sunken cheeks and greyed hair, I recoiled, unable to stop thinking about it, wishing that I could purge the images from my mind.

Feeling my body tense, Khagra tightened his hold on my hand, "Stop thinking about it!"

"I can't help it!"

Trying to comfort me, he said, "Baldur, you were able to return her life force, something that you were unsure would even be successfully possible. Hell, judging from the way her skin looks, I'd say you probably added years to her life. Her body's been through a lot, so it makes sense that it's in a deep slumber."

Releasing a sigh, I asked, "Does it though?"

Arching a brow, "Of course it does! I mean, not trying to make you feel any worse, but she did have most of her life drained. Just give her time, our Izara is a fighter, she will wake."

"But–"

"No, enough of this nonsense. You should be focusing on other things right now."

My eyes stared into his, "Like what?"

"Like how are you going to deal with your attraction to Izara and don't even bother lying to me. I might have been convinced that you didn't like her before, but I know seeing her care for Sigorim's remains shifted something within you."

I opened my mouth to refute his claims but he rushed on, not giving me a chance to speak.

"Not to mention the fact that she willingly sacrificed her life for yours, I know that she has proven herself worthy of your respect. Plus, there's the fact that you've been beside yourself these past four days worried sick over her. There's no way you don't have feelings for Izara!"

Taking an opportunity to get a word in, I rushed, "Or perhaps it's just my guilt that you're mistaking for something else?"

"Sure, like I'll ever believe that!" Khagra scoffed before continuing, "Don't think I haven't seen you sneaking into her room at night to watch over her. I might have been jealous if I wasn't so happy for you."

Not wanting to admit that he was right, "Happy about what? You're acting as though once she wakes up everything will be fine, we don't even know if she likes me!"

"Don't make me bite you, and not in the fun way..." Khagra grumbled, his hands moved to dig into my sides as he pinned me to the pillar.

My arms raised to rest on his shoulders, "I was so cruel to her."

"And yet she still willingly risked her life for you–"

Interjecting, I commented, "What if that was out of duty? I mean, she did say that she wasn't going to let my accusations about her trying to kill me come true. As well as the fact that she stated that she took her handmaiden duties to take care of me very seriously."

"Oh please, what Izara did wasn't out of any duty. Sure, she takes her responsibilities seriously but there's no way she would risk her life if she didn't think you were worthy of it. And given what I know about her, she doesn't give out her loyalties that easily. Hell, I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have risked her life like that for me."

Frowning slightly, I countered, "You don't know that."

"No, I don't, but either way, Izara definitely feels something for you and when she wakes up, the both of you can explore it together. Well, unless you fuck it up by being an asshole, which let me tell you now, I won't stand by and allow to happen."

His words had me asking, "So you're choosing her side over mine?"

"Never, but I won't watch you self-sabotage something that I know you don't think you deserve. Izara has proven that she isn't Avilon and I won't let you mess up an opportunity to be with someone who I know could make you happy."

I desperately wanted to ask Khagra about his own feelings for Izara, but I decided that now was not the time to enquire about such things.

Attempting to change the subject, I said, "You make me happy..."

"I know, but I can't be your Queen, nor give you children. In fact, the more I think about everything, one might argue that you and Izara were fated to be together."

A strangled laugh crept up my throat.

"Indeed, the Gods are cruel as for all your intransigence about never allowing yourself to trust another human in such a way. Yet in less than three months, here you are, willing to give your own life to save hers. I know for a fact if you thought she could have made it back to the castle on her own, you would have let her leave you there to die."

Exhaling deeply, I shook my head, "I'm going mad, aren't I? These emotions make no sense!"

"Love never does," Khagra murmured, his right hand lifting to cup the side of my face while his thumb gently stroked over my lower lip.

Choking, I stammered, "Love? Who said anything about love? I can admit to liking her, sure, but–"

"That's usually how it starts."

"Hardly..."

Khagra grinned, "No really, just think about it. You and Izara, former enemies to lovers, would make for an interesting story to tell your children."

Just as I was about to open my mouth and argue, there was a loud knocking on the door before one of the guards rushed into the library. The Orc gasped for breath, clearly having run all the way here, he bowed his head low before speaking.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, Your Majesty, but it's Izara, she's awake!

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A/N: Eek!