He continues browsing around for a while, drifting from website to website, eagerly soaking up all this new information until he comes across a site that says 'gay sex, everything you need to know' and his breath hitches.

Palms beginning to sweat, he clicked on the website and waited for it to load, butterflies in his stomach.

The site loaded and he was welcomed by a very graphic picture. He stiffened as the picture sent a rush of blood straight down to his penis, shifting uncomfortably, the feeling of getting hard this fast from just a picture, unfamiliar to him.

He scanned the page, absorbing in as much information he could, learning more in one day than he had in his entire school life.

He put the pieces together, trying to assemble all the information he had read so far on the site. So apparently, there was a top and a bottom, aka the giver and the receiver. Idly, he wondered which one he'd be, there was also something called verse which he think suited him best. From what he could make out of it, bottoming seemed painful in the start but he was sure Harry would take good care of him.

Harry. Fuck. His subconscious had been picturing Harry and him all this while and he just realised it. Fuck. He was in too deep.

Eyes wide and cock throbbing he scrolled through rimming, fingering, palming, grinding, frotting, prepping and the whole prostate concept.

He found out that the bottle of goo that Hary had dropped out out of his ' ;) ' box was called lube and that it was pretty necessary to avoid pain.

He reached the end of the article and there was a gif this time that involved a lot of thrusting and Louis had to exercise extreme self control to stop himself from orgasming then and there.

After a considering it for a moment, he closed all the other tabs down and hesitantly opened a new incognito window, needle like prickles of anticipation mingled with nervousness running down the back of his neck as he types gay porn, feeling as inexperienced as a 12 year old with a newly acquired internet connection and a boner.

When he did stuff with girls, it hadn't exactly been bad as such,and except for the part where he would have to stroke himself discreetly to get hard, he wouldn't say it wasn't unenjoyable, but now that he thought it over more carefully, he always felt like something was missing, like he wanted something more. Something a bit more...filling. The thought sends another warm rush of pleasure funnelling straight to his groin. This was it. This was what he'd been missing out on. Fuck.

He fumbles for the notepad beside the bed, ready to take notes if required but that didn't work out too well considering he wasn't able to keep his hands off himself for too long.

Three earth shattering orgasms later, he accepts defeat, sprawled naked on Harry's bed, sticky and dazed but no longer confused.

Somehow, and he wonders how, Harry had unknowingly managed to unlock some kind of hidden chest that lay buried deep within him and now it's open he's unable to put anything back in, not that he wants to anyway.

There were still a few tiny doubts floating around in his mind, but the big question, of whether he was into guys or not or if it was only a Harry thing had finally been answered.

He was gay, he had little to no doubts when it came to that.

For all the times he had freaked out on Harry and Niall when it was even remotely implied that he was gay, he seemed to be handling the actual realisation that he was indeed gay, pretty well.

"I'm gay." He whispered softly to himself.

The moment he said it, he felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off his chest, as though something he didn't even knew he had been struggling to hide all these years was now out in the open and words couldn't describe how liberating that felt.

He felt like he couldn't have been more lucky when it came to being supported with his coming out. Niall had been an absolute gem and he was sure his mother wouldn't freak out too much either. It had been ages since he had visited his house back at Doncaster, maybe he should go and pay everyone a visit and come out to his friends and family and get it over with.

His mom would definitely be a little worried in the beginning but she'd get used to it, he was sure. His mom had always been the chill type having a very open mind.

He wondered how he'd break the news to Harry though. At this point all he wanted was to tell Harry and kiss him and see how that felt, see how it felt to kiss someone you actually cared about because in all the 21 years of his life, he had never had that. He wanted to be the ideal boyfriend to Harry, to always ensure that he was smiling, to pamper him and shower him with the love he lacked and deserved from his family. He wanted him to realise how amazing he was, he wanted to hold him tight through his nightmares and make him feel safe and happy in his arms.

Was this love?

But Louis wasn't ready to tell Harry this just as yet. No. This whole concept was overwhelmingly new to him and he didn't want to say or do something that he'd end up regretting. He needed a few days to himself, to settle into his newly discovered self.

But when the time was right, he'd tell him, he definitely would.

Author's Note

I know a lot of you were expecting smut, but that wasn't the point of the chapter, this chapter was about Louis finally admitting to himself that he's gay and clearing any doubts that he had related to that matter and I feel like smut would have shifted the central focus point away from that, so I hope you guys understand why I didn't include it here.

I would say this was one of the most important chapters so far and I was so worried I'd mess it up, I hope I did it justice.

Happy reading xx