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"What's wrong dear?" Mom asked me immediately she saw my puffy face and my red eyes.
"Nothing... I just want to get out of here." I muttered.

"You have..." Mom started to say but I cut her off, "Mom, I just needed a ride home after having a breakdown, is it wrong if I asked my mom? Or am I truly a brat if I don't want to talk about what made me have a breakdown when I'm still shaken up."

Mom smiled a bit, "Always making me sound like the villian. Just know that the villian just picked you up from school and isn't doing the mom thing by asking why you are leaving school before school is actually over. I'm being the 'cool mom' by saying okay to you cutting school. So add it to my list of good deeds." She teased.
I almost smiled 'cause this was the mom I knew and loved before the whole cancer shenanigan.

"I'll definitely add that to the list,  'cool mom' who let me ditch school." I said smiling widely this time.
Mom laughed so hard that I was soon joining her. While we were laughing, I noticed how mom has lost considerable weight and how worry lines were etched in her forehead. So I wasn't the only one who this cancer was taking a huge toll on.
I decided there and then that immediately we get home, we were going to talk. I wasn't the only one hurting and I can't keep pushing my mom away.

Immediately we got inside, mom went to sit at the table. She brought out her laptop to continue working from home.
After much internal debate, I finally got the confidence to walk up to her.

"Mom, can I please speak to you?" I squeaked.
"Yeah... Sure." Mom quickly cleared away her work stuff like she's been waiting for this moment for a really long time.
I quickly settled on the chair in front of her and cleared my throat.

"Mom, I want to apologize for being the worst daughter ever. For pushing you away and for acting like a fool. I never realized who were hurting, even more than I was. I mean your daughter got diagnosed with cancer and then forcefully pushed you away from her side. I understand that you never told me to get surgery for selfish reasons rather you wanted me to take a chance once more in life. I'm sorry for everything and for acting like a spoilt brat." I apologized shakily.
"Oh... Hailey." Mom cried out as she stood up from her chair and came to hug me tightly as tears were running down her cheeks.

"I know you must be really mad at me." I cried.
Mom shook her head vehemently as she withdrew from the hug so she could stare at me in the face "I can never be mad at you. You're my daughter, plus I understand that you are also going through pain. It's just that I saw you become bitter and all that, I just wanted to see you smile again no matter the cost. So when the doctor said that there might be a chance, I wanted you to take it for a chance to smile again. So that's why I kept pushing you to do it, sorry I pushed too hard. It's just that I felt really powerless as your mom. My baby was hurting and I didn't know how to ease the pain. I'm also sorry for retreating." Mom apologized.

"Mom, it's fine. If there's anyone that needs to apologize, it's me."
"It's fine. So we are okay?" Mom asked like she couldn't believe this moment was happening.
"Yes we're okay. So you can wake me up for school like you usually do, or tell me I am being annoying. Also, you can always come to my room and not look climb down and up the stairs everyday in doubt." I smiled.

"You noticed?" Mom asked with a smile on her face.
"Yeah... I did. I never knew that people could be so indecisive about climbing stairs." I teased mom.
"Don't blame me, you actually have a mean stare that can make one cry. You can be in the military cause even the enemies poo on their pants by you merely stating at them."

I laughed hard, I'm so glad my mom and I finally reconciled.
We talked for three hours about everything apart from the surgery or the illness.
"Okay, let me let you get back to work." I said and stood up.
"I'm really glad we had this talk. It feels good to finally have my Hailey back. Thank you for this, it really means a lot to me."
I smiled and said, "It means a lot to me too."

I started advancing towards the stairs, when mom's voice stopped me.
"So does that mean you're getting the surgery?" Mom asked meekly like she didn't want to offend me.
I smiled, "Baby steps mom, baby steps."
"Sorry... Sorry, not pushing you or anything. Any decision you make, I'll definitely support you. No more trying to pressure you to do what you don't want." Mom said, raising her hands in surrender.
I nodded and went upstairs. Honestly, reconciling with my mom actually makes me almost glad that I had that meltdown at school 'cause without having that meltdown, I wouldn't have texted her in the first place.

I removed my clothes, took a shower and slept off. One thing this cancer came with is excess sleep. I slept till daybreak. It when when I woke up that I discovered how famished I was.
I went downstairs and I didn't see anyone. I was also considering apologising to my dad for being a brat, but guess sleep got me.
I saw a note with a tray of food from my mom.

'Left early for work, left you dinner/breakfast 'cause I know you must be really famished. Brittany and Scarlett showed up but I told them you were sleeping in. Mason also asked how you were doing? I told him you were sleeping in, so he said he'll call you later. Know I tried waking you up but you know how impossible it is right now. Would it be un-momly of me to demand payment for acting like a message deliverer? I guess it would be, but it doesn't matter 'cause I'm completely and utterly shameless. My payment is you finish every single dish on this tray, then you relax like a queen for the day. Can you do that for me? Remember I love you more than life itself.
L♥ve,
Your utterly and completely shameless mom.

I kept smiling like a fool throughout the day 'cause of the note. It feels good to be cordial with my mom again.

I decided to text Brit and Scar in the evening on the group chat.
'I'm fine guys.' I texted.
'What happened yesterday? I was like what is going on? Is she joking? Were you joking? It didn't seem like one to me.' Scarlett texted.

Trust Scarlett to ask series of questions and still conclude what she thinks was wrong. Scarlett only came in one deal, there can never be anyone like her.
'No, it wasn't.' I texted back.
'Then what happened?' Brit asked immediately.
It's like they've been waiting online for my message.
'Well, it was stress and some other factors. It's going to be a normal occurence these days. So if I forget something or someone, just let me know till it comes back to me.'

I told them this 'cause my sickness was progressing, I needed to let them know that something was wrong without actually telling them what was wrong.

'Is it like some serious stuff? Do you need anything?' Scarlett replied.
'No...No. I just need you guys to still treat me like I'm normal and all. Okay?' I texted back.
"You know we've got your back even in the pits of hell.' Brit text declared.
'I know. Just know I also feel the same way.' I declared back.
'Bff's forever?' Scarlett asked.
'Forever... Even till the last breath.' Brit and I declared.

It's the saying we made for moments when anyone tells the group of any problem the person is facing. It's to show solidarity.

Immediately I finished chatting with Brie and Scar, Mason's text entered.
'Up for a balcony chat or you still want space? Either one, I'm okay with it. No pressure.'

I smiled and walked to my balcony. I knew Mason would be at his balcony texting me, and he said no pressure.
"I know you've missed my pretty face." I joked.
"You don't know it." Mason denied, but was obviously surprised when he heard my voice. He probably didn't think I'll be up for it.
"Just admit it. Don't be shy Mase-Mase." I cooed as I teased him.
"Okay... Okay. I did, but I'm only admitting so you'll stop calling me Mase-Mase."
"We both know that's a big fat lie." I declared.
"Whatever," He smiled and then looked serious, "But are you alright Hailey?" He asked.
"Don't I look fine?" I said, trying to wriggle my way out of this.

"What happened yesterday?" He asked, ignoring my I am fine speech.
"Some stress stuff okay? The truth is it isn't going to stop, it may get worse. So one day, I can wake up and say 'who in the world is Mason? when I see your name on my phone. So don't take it personal 'cause it isn't." I tried joking about it but Mason was pretty serious today, so he wasn't taking any of my baits today.
"So are you okay? Do I need to do anything?" He asked.
"No... You don't really need to do anything. I just need to be treated like a procelain doll, I can't walk on the floor anymore. I need to be carried on the back everywhere I need to go. Don't forget the special ventilators 'cause I can't breathe without them. Plus I need a designated helicopter for school but I'm not partial to a limousine." I said smiling widely.

Mason rolled his eyes already used to my antics, " No need for the sass young lady. I understand you said you are fine, so no need for sarcasm."
"You know you need a dose of me everyday. It's what your doctor recommended else we know you'll fall sick." I joked.
"Whatever... I need to try to sleep 'cause I'm going to church tomorrow." He said. Yeah, Mason and his mom go to church on Saturday. He hasn't been going 'cause of his insomnia. It's only weekends when he is able to grab a shut eye but since we had a two-day break, he won't be really tired tomorrow.

"Ohh... Okay. Do try your best to sleep, okay?"
"Yes mom." He teased.
"Ohhh... Shut it."
He laughed and started going back inside when he stopped and turned back to me, "You know I have your back right?"

"Yes I know. Now go to bed." I shooed him.
He was about to close the door when on impulse, I called him.
"Mason."
"Yeah?"
"I'll like to follow you to church tomorrow." I said, surprising even myself.

Mason almost fell down, "What? You mean it? You know how church stuff makes you feel. You don't have..." He was saying when I cut him off.
"It's fine... I want to. God and I need to have a talk."
"Well... Okay. If you say so." He smiled widely and closed the door quickly.
Probably to stop me from telling him I've changed my mind. What he didn't know was that my mind is pretty made up.

It's time God and I have a talk 'cause the next relationship I need to fix right now is the one with God and trust me when I say this fixing is long overdue.

If you're a Christian or a believer, has there been anytime when you felt that God has abandoned you?
How did you deal with it?

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