"The only questions that matter are the ones that you ask yourself."

*******

🔸🔸🔸

' I love you.'

Was it a dream? Samuel wasn't sure about it, but the words kept on ringing inside his head as he stared at Justin who was still sleeping beside him on the bed.

He didn't remember much, but Samuel was sure that it was Victor whom he was thinking about last night. That's why it was odd, because the voice in his head— that same warm voice who said those words, definitely sounded like Justin.

"Was it you? Did you say it? Hmm?— Do you mean it?" Samuel gently brushed the stray hair off of Justin's face who was sleeping so peacefully. Like this, he looked like an angel, really— and at this point, Samuel believed that he was.

The angel who's always saving him.

They say that one should fight the urge of falling for someone after heartbreak because that is when the heart is in its most vulnerable form— but what if you can't fight it? What if it's tempting you to stay? What if it's everything you ever wanted? Should you not go for it?

Should you miss the opportunity?

Should you let go?

What if it's for the better?

What if it turns out well?

"Fool," Samuel mumbled under his breath, unsure whether he was talking about Justin or himself. Then he leaned in and placed a soft kiss on Justin's forehead before getting out of bed, to see if he could cook anything for his patient this morning.

_________________

"It's raw. Why would I touch it if it's raw? What if I get salmonella? What if—"

"That's beef, Sammy. It's clean. You need to touch it so you can slice it! Pfft. You're the one who wanted beef strips in your ramen, right?" Justin couldn't help but laugh. Samuel decided to cook ramen since it was the only easy-to-cook meal he could find in Justin's kitchen. However, the noodles were soggy now, they'd been boiling for the past six minutes and Samuel was still arguing with him, refusing to slice the beef he, himself wanted to eat.

"We can just add this like this, no? Like steak! I can just slice it once it's cooked!" Samuel was poking the raw beef with his fork while holding a knife with his other hand, which honestly made Justin nervous.

"Easy on the knife, babe. Pfft. You look extra scary holding that. C'mon, hand it to me. I'll show you okay?" Justin carefully took the kitchen knife from Samuel's hand as he squirmed on the counter, lifting one of his thighs, so he could grab the board and slice the damn beef once and for all.

Samuel then watched as Justin placed his palm over the beef, carefully running the knife to cut the meat into thin slices, not minding the fact that his hands were now dirty, stained red and sticky.

"See? It's easy, right? You can just dump it in the pot then we're good," Justin said, grinning with his nose scrunching cutely at Samuel.

"Tch. You have a hero complex, don't you?" Samuel took the whole chopping board, sliding the now sliced beef on the boiling pot with his fork before taking Justin's hands and bringing it towards the sink to wash out the dirt.

"Pfft. Hero what?" Justin laughed watching as Samuel lathered soap all over his hands.

"You always come to the rescue. D'you get off from that?" Samuel asked, rubbing each of Justin's fingers one by one, then he glanced up, breath hitching upon meeting Justin's gaze.

"You. I'll always come to rescue you. Now, do I get off from that, is also— up to you. I'm all at your mercy here, princess." Justin's voice dropped a few octaves lower than usual as he intertwined their fingers together, letting the water wash out the suds, staring deeply into each other's eyes before Samuel found the strength to pull back.

"C'mon let's eat." Samuel coughed, cheeks heating up with a flush as he pulled his hand off of Justin's hold, averting the latter's gaze before turning off the stove.

"Right... Feed me, your highness. Spare this humble servant, your grace," Justin said in a rather teasing tone, pushing a tongue on his cheek with a smirk when Samuel choked out a scoff.

__________________

A brat.

Not even twenty-four hours had passed since Samuel volunteered to take care of Justin and he was already convinced that the latter was a huge brat— and that he was so damn good at playing Mario Kart.

"Fuck! You're cheating aren't you?" Samuel hissed as he angrily dropped the controller down, making Justin gasp, catching his precious controller before it hit the floor.

"Woah, woah. Easy on my babies— baby? Let's not throw a tantrum, okay? Wanna play another round? Pfft." Justin said, teasing Samuel more as the latter groaned, letting himself collapse down the floor where both of them were sitting, facing the small television, still in Justin's room.

"Another round my ass—"

"Yes... Very round. Your ass is indeed very round. I can vouch for that— ouch! Hey! That hurts!" Justin then laughed as Samuel suddenly threw a pillow straight to his face, lips quivering as he held back his laugh.

"Tch, I hope you're aware that your humor is rather outdated." Samuel was aiming to get up, only to be stopped when Justin rolled over him, pinning him down. 

"But you laughed!" Justin said, now hovering over Samuel down on the floor.

"I did not?" Samuel said in a matter-of-fact tone, raising a brow tauntingly at Justin.

"Are you sure? Mhm?" Justin was grinning slyly as he ran his palm down Samuel's chest, making the latter flush red, swatting his hand away.

"S-stop! Tch. I wasn't aware that being injured makes you horny. I'm pretty sure that wasn't a side effect... Get off." Samuel pushed Justin off of him, chewing on his lower lip, suppressing a smile when the latter groaned in defeat.

"C'mon! I'm bored and—"

"Bored!" Samuel choked out an offended scoff as he got on his feet with his hands on his waist. "Bored? How dare you get bored? I cooked for you, fed you, washed the dishes for you, played with you—"

"Like the perfect wife— yes, yes, I'm grateful. Now c'mere... It's a good opportunity don't you think?" Justin reached up to grab Samuel's hand, pulling the latter down so he'd land on his lap. "We can play house... It's just us two, here— the kids are sleeping." Justin continued to tease, enjoying the sight of Samuel's flushed cheeks. Well, he can't really blame himself. It's been a while, and having Samuel so close to him in his room, did things to his mind.

It'd only been a day, but Samuel was taking care of him so well— So well, that he even helped him wash his face, brush his teeth, and change his clothes and honestly, Justin didn't mind getting used to this. It made him forget about his injury or the fact that they were already missing out on practice.

With Dr Eric's help, they were able to hide his sprained ankle from Hamilton and Ms Allen. Using the excuse of being down with a fever, both he and Samuel were allowed to skip practice for a few days. All they did now was hope that Justin's ankle would heal by then.

"Quit your cheap porn play, Wong. I'm not doing shit with you until you can walk on your own." Samuel slightly pushed Justin's face back to create a bit of distance between them, still, the latter refused to budge, playfully pecking his lips instead.

"Do I walk with my dick? I think not." Justin grinned, nuzzling his face against Samuel's cheeks.

"I'm serious, bun. I need you to heal so you'll be in top shape. Don't you want to join me in the Nationals? Because I do... I want to skate with you." Samuel kept his voice tender and warm as he ran his palms at the sides of Justin's face, pushing his hair back, looking into each other's eyes, and from there Justin found himself in trance.

Continue doing that and I'll think you're mine, Justin thought, as he reached up cupping Samuel's cheeks. "Say that again," he said.

"I want to skate with you. So stop being a brat and be good, okay?" Samuel's lips curled up to a smirk when Justin absentmindedly nodded his head. "Okay."

"Good," Samuel said before he got up from Justin's lap; and as he turned and bent down to reach for the remote, Justin let out a groan. "Fuck."

"What?" Samuel looked back at Justin, still with his back arched, choking out a giggle upon realizing his position.

"You'll be the death of me." Justin lightly kicked Samuel behind with his working foot, leaning his head back and shutting his eyes off of the tempting view.

"Pfft... Behave and I might give you a prize," Samuel said, grabbing the opportunity to tease Justin back.

________________

It was now Saturday. Three days since Justin's sprain had a relapse. Dr Eric already had Justin go through several tests to determine the severity of his injury, fearing that it might come as recurring. He'd ordered Justin to have an x-ray, stress x-ray and even an ultrasound, and after all the tests it was ruled out that he at least has no broken bones. Unfortunately, Justin still couldn't undergo MRI to check any severe injury to his ligaments, because his ankle was still swelling so they'd have to wait until that resolved before the doctor could check it any further.

For now, Justin relied on pain relievers to manage the pain when it became unbearable. He was also wearing an ankle support brace to help him be stable. Crutches were also there, as well as Samuel who was graciously nursing him back to health— which, according to Justin, was the only good thing about him having to suffer from this injury.

Oh, and did Justin love to tease Samuel for it.

During the past few days since Samuel started 'babysitting' Justin, he somehow managed to assist the latter in almost everything, but anything that involved the bathroom had always been a challenge for him.

For some reason, Justin took every opportunity he could get to get undressed in front of him, and every time, Samuel found it harder and harder to resist.

Just like now, right after their appointment with the doctor, where the latter put on the ankle support brace on Justin; and somehow Justin thought it was a good idea for him to take a shower just as soon as they got back to their room.

"It's six p.m., Justin. Isn't it too early for your nighttime bath?" Samuel said, massaging the bridge of his nose, trying to ignore how Justin kept on tapping the tip of his crutches on the floor.

"But we went outside... C'mon, y'know I'm a clean freak. I hate getting back to bed with clothes I wore out—"

"We can just change your clothes, no?" Samuel choked on a scoff when Justin immediately pouted in response.

"Pfft... You're not giving up, huh?" Samuel couldn't help but break into a laugh. It'd been days and Justin was still trying so hard— shamelessly attempting to get into his pants.

"W-what? I've been good, haven't I? I just needed a bath. You can just leave me in the shower room like you normally do and then I'll figure it out from there," Justin said, still talking in a pout, making Samuel laugh more at that.

"Pfft. You're not subtle, y'know? Why? D'you like stripping in front of me that much? Thought I made it clear that I'm not easily swayed? You're wasting your effort here, bun," Samuel said in a rather teasing tone, resting his chin over his palm as he raised a taunting brow at the other man.

"You're thinking way too much about it. I just needed a bath... 's all." Justin averted Samuel's gaze, getting a bit embarrassed at being called out like this. Well, it'd been days and having Samuel so intimately close had been pure torture for Justin's poor soul. Sure, they'd kiss— sure he sometimes managed to touch; then again, he'd always end up getting blue balls, which was starting to make him regret having Samuel as his— well, personal nurse.

"Fine, you big baby. Bath time it is." Samuel pulled himself out of the couch with a deep sigh as he guided the now grinning Justin towards the shower as requested.

_______________

"There you go.— Good? Take your damn bath now, alright?" Samuel handed Justin the showerhead after helping the latter sit down on the stool they placed in the shower to aid Justin whenever he needed to use the bathroom.

"Wait! You're really gonna leave?" Justin was tugging at the hem of Samuel's shirt, stopping him from heading out the door.

"Well, of course? Didn't you say I can leave you here like I always do? You can just call me once you're done—"

"But I'm wearing a brace now, Sammy. C'mon...." Justin continued to whine like a child making Samuel be torn between getting annoyed or finding the former's antics rather adorable.

"So? That's water resistant, mind you." Samuel licked his lips, holding back another laugh as he waited to see if Justin would give up.

"Tch. Stingy... Fine, fine. I can manage. Go on now." Justin looked away, pouting again.

Suddenly, Samuel didn't feel like leaving.

"Huh? Are you upset? Why are you so insistent about me bathing you anyway? Is this a kink—"

"No!— No?" Justin said, a bit intense at first before he started questioning himself. Is it? Or is it not? That's something he couldn't be sure of until they try that out.

"I mean— you can't take it against me alright? I'm a healthy young man who—" Justin paused at that, realizing how desperate and ridiculous he probably looked right now.

"Who?" Samuel asked, smirking as he took the hem of Justin's shirt, pulling it off while the latter absentmindedly raised both his hands.

"W-who... who needs a bath. Yeah... I need a bath." Justin instinctively crossed his arms in front of him as Samuel teasingly eyed his naked chest.

"Look at you being shy! That's so out of character y'know? Considering how you've been pestering me for this-"

"I'm not shy?" Justin immediately removed his arms as he puffed out his chest, presenting himself proudly as if his cheeks were not flushing deep red.

"Will you shut up if I bathe you just this once? Hmm?" Samuel started thinking that maybe he could give in to what Justin wanted and have the guy shut up once and for all; besides, he was a bit relieved now, after the doctor assured them that Justin had no bone fracture.

Well... Fine— can't blame him. When Justin here looked like an absolute treat in front of him.

It was just a bath anyway. Nothing more, nothing less.

Just a harmless charity work he was doing for an injured 'friend.'

"Yeah? I— I think I will," Justin replied avidly, hating how enthusiastic he sounded just now.

"Pfft... Fine— since you're so persistent." Samuel bent forward, taking the waistband of Justin's shorts, watching the way the doe-eyed boy gulped nervously at him before lifting his hips, just enough for Samuel to pull down his clothes.

"T-thanks." Justin felt like he just dug his own grave now that Samuel was openly granting his request.

"Mhm... And this?" Samuel asked, pointing at Justin's tight black boxers, making the latter immediately swing his arms up front, covering 'that' part between his legs as he shook his head. "No. No... Let's leave this on— for safety purposes." Justin panicked, now mentally contemplating his life choices.

"My, my... Pick a side— but alright. Let's give the baby his bath." Samuel continued to tease as he took the showerhead from Justin's hand, snorting out a giggle when the latter flinched at his touch.

"Why? You're the one who wanted this, right?" Samuel asked as he moved behind Justin, gently running the shower, ruffling his fingers against the latter's wet hair.

"W-well, that doesn't mean, I can't be surprised, no? I mean... What made you change your mind?" Justin was leaning his head back towards Samuel with his eyes closed, feeling the warm water drench him from head to toe.

"I don't know. Maybe I'm tired of hearing your whines?" Samuel said, pausing as he lathered shampoo over Justin's hair. "Maybe because you're trying so hard, and I don't want to look like the bad guy?" Samuel said again, tone dropping a bit lower this time.

"Just that?" Justin asked, eyes fluttering open, heart skipping a beat upon seeing Samuel's face hovering on top of his.

"Mhm... Or maybe I'm glad you're doing well and that Dr Eric said your injury may not be that serious after all." Samuel gently massaged Justin's scalp, watching as the latter sucked in a deep breath.

"And?" Justin asked again, not sure of the exact answer he wanted to hear from Samuel's mouth.

"And?" Samuel's tone was laced with mischief, with a smirk plastered on his face as he washed the suds off of Justin's hair.

"C'mon... Tell me more— like maybe you finally found me charming? Sexy? Irresistible?—"

"Pfft... You're aware that you're ruining the mood, right?" Samuel giggled as he grabbed the bottle of body wash, pouring an adequate amount into his palm.

"Well, I've been feeling kinda useless lately... Thought I need to hear some words of affirmation to boost a bit of my ego or something." Justin's eyes followed Samuel as the latter moved in front of him, cupping his neck with his gentle hands filled with vanilla lavender-scented soap, softly lathering it all over his shoulders.

"And here I am thinking you're enjoying your little break." Samuel looked down at Justin with half-lidded eyes, now feeling the tension building up in the air.

"I am... But with a foot like this, I sometimes feel like I can't do anything... 's a bit frustrating." Justin placed his hands on the dips of Samuel's waist, leaning down, resting his forehead against the latter's stomach as Samuel lathered soap on his back.

"Mhm... understandable, but we can't help it alright? We skaters are bound to be prone to injuries like this. We just have to let it heal— have it run its course, then we'll be good to go." Samuel slightly tapped Justin's shoulder to let him know he was done washing his back, yet the latter refused to budge, still keeping his head down as if hiding his face from Samuel's sight. "Why?" Samuel asked, wondering why Justin didn't want to sit back up.

"I... I miss skating with you, Sammy— and me... I'm scared." Justin was not sure why he was saying this at all possible times, but here under Samuel's warm and gentle touch, he felt like it was okay to be vulnerable and spill it all out.

"Scared?"

"Yeah... W-what if I don't heal on time? What if I can't skate? Y-you'll not need me anymore once I can't skate." Justin unconsciously tightened his grip on Samuel's hips, staring at the tiled floor, watching the suds lose their little bubbles one after another.

Samuel then stiffened at his feet upon hearing what his skating partner just said to him. Thinking about it now, this may be the first time he'd seen Justin like this— allowing himself to appear weak.

"You... I think you've got it all wrong." Samuel took a step back so he could cup Justin's cheeks, tilting the latter's face up towards him. "I never needed you, Justin. I've been fine alone all this time. When I said I wanted to skate with you, I meant it just like that. I don't need you, to begin with. Whether I break or am crushed, I've always survived. I don't need you— I want you. There's a thin line differentiating that." Samuel looked straight into Justin's eyes, watching the dark orbs sparkle as they reflected the light.

A damn whole galaxy in his eyes.

"D'you mean it?" Justin asked as if caught in a trance, taking in and processing each of Samuel's words, breath hitching as the latter leaned in, placing a soft kiss on his mouth.

"You terrify me, Justin. I've always been fine with leftovers. Then you came in like a damn wild storm, foolishly— foolishly offering me your all, making me crave to have more. So if it'll make you feel better, you're not the only one who's scared here. I'm scared too. You scare the shit out of me." Samuel admitted, letting the words flow out of his mouth with ease, watching how Justin's eyes lightened up in front of him.

"Don't be... Told you I'm here to stay." Justin gently pulled Samuel down, making the latter straddle his lap, kissing him again, going deeper this time.

"I'm a walking hazard, y'know?" Samuel said in heavy takes of breath, tilting his head to the side, giving Justin more access to kiss his neck.

"Ah... I know," Justin whispered against Samuel's skin, sliding his hands inside the latter's now damp shirt, softly caressing his bare waist. "And you never deserve to settle for leftovers, by the way," Justin said again, letting his mouth travel up to Samuel's jaw, tracing the sharp line before capturing his lips again.

As Justin continued to kiss Samuel, the more deluded he became by the idea of claiming the latter as his. Samuel kissed him back, making him feel like they have the same amount of want— need, and the more they continue, the more Justin wanted to believe it.

He hated it.

Justin hated having to feel this way because he knew full well that the root of all evil is greed. The more he loved, the deeper he fell into the pit; thus filling up his head with thoughts he'd been trying so hard to suppress.

Samuel was now crawling off of his lap, sitting on the floor between his parted legs, holding his hands tight as he placed soft kisses all over his thighs.

"S-Sammy..." That's all Justin managed to say as Samuel glanced up at him with hooded eyes.

"Need to wash you here too, no?" Samuel said, letting his mind be clouded with nothing but Justin's warmth, urging him to do more and give back at least a bit of what he's been receiving from the other.

"Y-yeah... I think so too." Justin slowly released a lungful of air as he raised his hips, letting Samuel strip him off his boxers, throwing them somewhere down the wet floor; watched as Samuel grabbed the bottle of body wash, pouring a good amount over his palm, before rubbing it on his thighs, crawling up— further up, all while keeping their eye contact.

"Mhm... Yes, since you're such a clean freak." Samuel nodded his head as if he hadn't already had Justin under his spell, wrapping his hand around the latter's shaft, which made Justin swear he could come right there and then.

"R-right... Nngh... T-that's right." Justin clenched his jaws as he spoke, reaching down to grab the showerhead from the floor, aiming the running water between his legs to wash out all the soap so he could get something more.

"Already? Hmm?" Samuel asked, teasingly stroking Justin's cock, until all the soap had been washed out.

"Please..." Justin ran his fingertips under Samuel's jaw, before capturing his chin, slightly pulling it down to part the latter's mouth.

"Eager aren't we?" Samuel's words were coming out deep and breathless as he flattened his tongue against Justin's now hard shaft, licking a stripe from base to tip, making Justin shut his eyes off of the sight, struggling to hold himself back.

"Spare me... I've been holding it in for the past three days already. F-fuck! Nngh... Show me some mercy..." Justin grunted, seeing Samuel teasingly suckling on his tip as soon as he opened his eyes. "Shit— c'mon. Do I have to beg? Nngh... Because I will." Justin made Samuel smirk as he parted his mouth, glancing up at him with those sharp seductive eyes of his before finally taking Justin's cock inside his mouth— and from there, Justin swore he saw stars.

Hollowing his cheeks, Samuel swirled his tongue around Justin's cock, letting it stuff his mouth so full as he bobbed his head back and forth, indulging himself in the sound of Justin's pleasured moans. He might've been the one who'd been rejecting Justin's advances before this, but that doesn't mean that he wasn't tempted to give in.

Justin's touch, as always, burned past his skin; it left a kind of heat that lingered all over him as if Samuel was still under his fingertips. His eyes drowned Samuel in warmth, making him want to believe in such futile things as dreams and love.

Love.

Samuel wondered if this was love— or if he was even capable of falling in love.

The kind of love Samuel knew was far from what he'd been feeling for Justin. Samuel's kind of love hurts and breaks— it destroys everything until nothing's left but scattered debris of pain and grief.

Though, with Justin it was different.

It was warm and bright and sweet— it felt surreal, like one only sees in movies, or books filled with dream-like love stories.

It saves.

It builds.

It keeps on making Samuel forget the damaged man that he was.

And it scared him. It scared him because it was happening so fast, coming at him like a flash, next thing he knew, he was falling hard. And for every bit more he fell for Justin, the more he had to lose.

Justin's voice sounded like music to his ears, blurring his mind and filling it with thoughts of only him. He was looking at him as if they were the only people in the world— he looked at him as if he was his world, and it kept on shaking Samuel down to his core.

Mine, Samuel thought, unconsciously staring back at Justin with eyes that screamed the words he couldn't dare speak.

Mine, Justin thought, watching as Samuel did his damn best just for him. His eyes brimming with tears, cheeks flushed all pretty and pink, spit dripping down his chin, and Justin hated how the sight made him boil with both want and greed, making him remember the name he so wanted to dodge at this time.

Victor Owens.

With that, red then flashed in Justin's eyes, making his lips quiver at each breath that escaped his mouth as he felt his head get tainted with thoughts of Victor, having Samuel like this— on his knees, seeing the latter like this.

Did he?

Did they?

How?

When?

Why?

What about me?

Am I just a replacement?

Right now... Is it really me who he's thinking?

Is it me?

Tell me it's me.

Such thoughts then clouded Justin's mind, making him grab the back of Samuel's hair, pulling the latter up, so he could cup his face with his trembling hands.

"My name... Samuel, say my name. Please— please." Justin was now close to tears, begging Samuel to say what he wanted to hear.

"Justin..." Samuel said in heavy takes of breath, hating the fact that he could tell what was running inside Justin's head, thus making him feel both guilt and regret.

"A-again." Justin's voice sounded like a whisper, completely letting himself be vulnerable.

"Justin... my Justin," Samuel said with a small but genuine smile, and with that, Justin sobbed.

He sobbed like he never cried before in his life. He sobbed, feeling his walls crumbling down to his feet— walls he built around him to prevent himself from hurting and falling too deep.

But he was already in deep.

So deep that sometimes he even forgot how to breathe. Samuel Jeon owned the air he breathes.

"Y-You..."

"Shh... C'mere, look at me." Samuel tenderly cupped Justin's face, brushing the latter's tears with his thumb as he pushed his hair back, now looking straight into Justin's deep doe eyes.

"You're butt naked, hard and wet, crying like a damn baby and me— I should probably be laughing by now, but I'm not. I see you now, Justin... I'm looking at you now,' Samuel said, breathing out a chuckle with tears in his eyes as well.

"A-about damn time, don't you think?" Justin managed in between his sobs, smiling back at Samuel as the latter settled himself over his lap, leaning in— kissing him hard.

It felt like a fever dream.

Bliss.

Samuel had yet to experience the feeling, but right now felt like it was the closest he could come to it.