"Perfection is not just about control. It's also about letting go"

*****

🔸🔸🔸

Water kept running from the tap as Samuel's gaze remained at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. Kate tried to check up on him twice since they all left for home but he still couldn't seem to calm down—still couldn't steady his breath.

It had been decided for months that Jeon Hye-Jin will be one of the judges for the U.S. National Figure Skating Championship this year, and since then Samuel had made it his goal to prove to his mother that he was worthy of her recognition. But now because of Justin Wong, Samuel's position was definitely in danger.

Truth be told, he was not doubting Justin's talent. He knew that Justin was capable of putting a great performance. Yes, he could do very well, maybe just not with Samuel—they surely mixed like oil and water.

Their styles were polar opposites of each other. If anything, duets were more of Justin's forte than Samuel's. That alone made Samuel nervous; not to mention the fact that they both hated each other's guts. So to say that they'd perform Ice Dance in front of Samuel's mother made his gut twist and throat dry.

"Three rounds... I just need to make it to the finals. I don't even need to win the gold. I can do this. I won't fail—I won't. I promise," Samuel chanted to himself, feeling the pressure suck him whole.

_______________

Samuel couldn't remember the exact time when it started, but he knew he didn't need to be told. He was going to be a skater, and soon both he and his sister would take their mother's role. But at some point, Lisa made a turn and left them— Samuel, their mother, and skating altogether.

Lisa had told Samuel countless times that she wanted to be somebody else— someone who wasn't walking, following someone else's shadows. Samuel got the nub of it, but he never really understood what made Lisa want it— freedom, that is.

He didn't understand because, for Samuel, skating and freedom were always the same.

Every time he was on the ice, Samuel felt like he had no control of anything— he let everything go. His body took over his soul, his mind went blank; the demons that keep on screaming at the back of his head calmed down. Everything went silent and at peace— and that was freedom for him.

So why did he feel restricted now when he was just supposed to skate as usual?

___________________

They had roughly three months to prepare for the Nationals; three months to master the choreographies and execute them well enough. That should have been easy for anyone in their class, especially since they had both Rose and Kate to help them with it; then again skating is one thing—building chemistry with someone you don't get along with is another.

But Samuel wasn't a quitter, and he most certainly wouldn't let his mother call him a failure.

"Fine, I'll skate with you, Justin Wong," Samuel said, now back in Arena C with Justin, first thing in the morning.

"Great! Should I say it's an honor, then?" Justin extended his hand towards the boy.

"Yeah, you better." Samuel glared sharply as he finally shook Justin's hand. The wayward boy bowed dramatically, placing a kiss at the back of Samuel's palm with a mocking expression on his face.

"Fuck you, asshole." Samuel hissed, gritting his teeth, knowing full well that he can't tap out now.

"Mhm... same here, princess," Justin replied, a smirk curling upon his lips.

Ceasefire.

________________

"No, I won't dance to that song, Wong. It's for the Nationals and you want what, fucking W.A.P?" Samuel said, groaning all frustrated. He was declining the eleventh song that Justin had suggested for their first performance.

"What's wrong with it? It's fun! I bet no one has seen anyone skate with that song in the background! C'mon, it's modern contemporary in case you have forgotten already! Give the classical Orchestra a rest, for God's sake!" Justin got on his feet, ruffling his own hair, feeling frustrated as well after getting his ideas rejected like that in a row.

"So? It's about the dance, not the song! You know I'm more comfortable skating along with the classics. Besides, what do you want us to do, fucking twerk?" Samuel retaliated, still refusing to back down.

"If it suits the choreography, then why not? You see, that's the problem with you..."

"Shut it! The problem is, you two just can't back down and compromise!" Rose got in between the two who were about to get into another heated conversation. "Sammy, you want to go with the classics, am I right?" Rose turned towards Samuel this time.

"Y-yes," Samuel replied, a bit taken aback since he rarely saw Rose get riled up like that.

"Then no. I mean, sans any bias, Justin has a point. Your entry will be in the Ice dance division. It's about time you step up and out of your comfort zone for once. You said it yourself, it's about the dance, not the song; still, you can't possibly choose anything that suits the competition!" Rose said, making Justin grin proudly. Just when he thought he had already won, Rose turned towards him with the same frown she gave to Samuel.

"W-what?" Justin rose both his hands up, feigning surrender as he stepped back.

"You! Can you be serious for once? If you want to suggest something, can't you pick a song that isn't about sex, drugs, or gambling? Damn! Your song choices fucking suck, Jus! You surely know better, right?" Rose said, now making Samuel smirk on the side, glaring mockingly at Justin who just subtly raised his middle finger at him to fight back.

"Let's just meet here after you get the songs done, alright? Hamilton asked us to choose three songs for our performances, probably to have an idea of what kind of music we want to perform to—so here." Rose paused, sending both Samuel and Justin her playlist from her phone. "Justin, stay with Sammy on the campus." The fuming blonde announced, making both Samuel and Justin's eyes turn wide.

"What?" Both of them exclaimed at the same time.

"In case you have forgotten already, Kate and I have our own performances to think about, and we can't possibly focus on that while you two keep on trying to kill each other at the same time. I sent you my playlist. I don't care if you take the whole night, but make sure to decide on something by tomorrow morning. Sammy, please pick something within our generation, and Jus, pick something decent, please." Rose waved them goodbye, both her and Kate pushing the two sworn enemies inside their skating arena; locking it before they could even move. "Good luck my boys!"

"Fuck, Rose! Open up!" Both Samuel and Justin yelled as they kept banging the door. They went for it for around a minute before realizing that Rose had no plans of letting them out anymore.

"Fuck!" Justin hissed, slamming his fist against the door again before stepping back, running his fingers through his hair.

"Shit... I can't believe this is happening right now." Samuel then let out a groan, leaning all defeated against the wall.

"Now what?" Justin turned to Samuel.

"You heard her. So unless you want to stand here and punch the door all night like the barbarian that you are, then follow me," Samuel said, ignoring Justin's not so silent protests.

______________

It is said that Ice dance is a discipline of figure skating that historically draws from ballroom dancing. Ice dance has required elements that the skaters must perform during a competition to make up a well-balanced skating program, including the dance lifts and spins, the step and turn sequences, and choreographic elements. It's the type of skating where the skaters could explore the freedom of their movements; letting their own bodies express their feelings to tell a story. Now Samuel and Justin needed to find songs where they could fully maximize their potential as skaters without sacrificing the technique and without silting what their performance meant.

If you'd ask Samuel, of course, he'd pick the solo performance in a heartbeat, but he knew why Hamilton put him in this division. His mother was to be one of the judges in solos this season, so naturally, Samuel couldn't be in the same category. Though people just didn't know that his mother would never dare think of being biased towards him. If anything, Jeon Hye-Jin was more critical when it came to her own son's way of skating.

That's why Samuel was eager to win. Jeon Hye-Jin might not be judging in the category that he was in, still, she was to be there. She was to see him dance in front of an audience for the first time in years.

With Justin being his partner, Samuel had already accepted the fact that he might not get the gold, but silver sounded good. Surely, he wouldn't get praised by his mother if he didn't come in first, but if he won second or third at least, she won't be too disappointed either.

Just until finals. This was Samuel's new goal.

______________

"No. Not that one— next. Next... nope... next... no, that's too dull. Next-"

"Seriously, Samuel? It's now two in the fucking morning and we still haven't selected a song." Justin let out a deep sigh. "At this point, I won't even argue. Just pick what you like. I don't care."

It had been hours already since they sat in peace; playing random songs to get the vibes of it, but still, Samuel couldn't see himself skating to any of it.

"I... I can't," Samuel mumbled under his breath. He wouldn't admit this out loud, but he felt a bit guilty, seeing the dark bags that were now evident under Justin's eyes.

"God! What do you mean, you can't? Can't what, exactly?" Justin let out another groan. He was already feeling sleepy and tired from practicing all day, making him unable to deal with Samuel's indecisiveness.

"I don't have any experience in Ice dance, Justin. I don't know what to do." Samuel admitted as he released a deep sigh.

"Huh? You're kidding me, right?" Justin scoffed in disbelief at the distressed boy who just looked away from him.

"Do I look like I'm joking right now? I'm really screwed. I was hoping to be paired up with Kate or Rose since I know they can help me... but look who's my partner now? Fuck this." Samuel groaned, leaning his head back as he massaged the bridge of his nose.

"Tch, you're underestimating me too much, princess. Just sleep. You'll have your songs by tomorrow morning." Justin clenched his jaws as he spoke. He didn't understand why, but he felt annoyed for some reason.

Samuel had always been so pompous and proud, so hearing him admit his flaws felt a little bit off for Justin.

It didn't sound right.

Didn't look right.

"And what? Let you make a fool out of me by your ridiculous songs? Give me a break, Wong, and just play—" Samuel hissed when Justin suddenly shoved his palm over his face, pushing him down on the bench. "—what the fuck!"

"I said sleep. I know you have no time to pay attention to me, but newsflash— I've been doing Ice dance longer than both Rose and Kate. That's basically my forte before Reese Parker insisted that I focus on solos. Trust me for once, yeah? I won't fuck myself over because of you." Justin spoke a bit more firmly this time because it's the truth. Whether he liked it or not, Samuel was his partner now, so if he went down, Justin would go down with him for sure.

"Trust you, huh? You wish... but fine, I'll take a nap. I seriously can't tolerate you right now," Samuel replied, laying on the bench as he wrapped his hoodie over his frame.

"Tch. Yeah, yeah... whatever. G'night, princess." Justin took his earbuds from his pockets before going through the whole playlist again.

_______________

For someone made to sleep on the uncomfortable bleachers in the hot summer night without the AC, Samuel surely slept rather comfortably— that is until his alarm went off, making his eyes shoot open. He saw Justin sleeping soundly beside him; arms around his waist, face less than an inch away from his, snoring with his morning breath hitting Samuel's skin.

"Oh God, fuck!" Samuel groaned, pushing his whole palm on Justin's face, making the latter fall out of his seat, jolting up with a horror-filled expression on his face.

"W-what? What happened?!" Justin asked, waking up on pure adrenaline, posing like Bruce lee.

"Ugh! What the hell is your problem now, Samuel?" Justin asked, annoyed at being woken up harshly, glaring at Samuel who was looking at him with a disgusted look on his face.

"Who the fuck told you to sleep with me?" Samuel pulled the hoodie over his chest as if he wasn't fully clothed underneath.

"Sleep with you? Hah! Excuse me, I did not! I slept beside you, not with you! Mind the difference there, you're giving me a fright!" Justin retorted, picking up his shirt from the floor; making Samuel breathe out another offended scoff. "See? You even took off your shirt! Pervert."

Justin lazily rolled his eyes at the grousing boy as he got dressed. "It was hot! And just so you know, I did not want to sleep on these damn bleachers beside you, alright? I was planning to wake you up and let you hear the songs I've picked, but then I fell asleep. Why? Because I was tired, okay? I stayed up late, unlike someone here who slept early," Justin said with a mocking tone as he tossed Samuel's phone towards him.

"Check it. I made another playlist. You can add or change some later if you want. Mark Hamilton said that we should give him at least three, he never told us that it'll be our final pick," Justin said, now walking towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Samuel asked, stopping Justin from his tracks.

"Tch, don't be clingy, princess. Someone opened the door in the morning and I need to take a shower." Justin smirked rather menacingly at Samuel before heading out. "See you back here in about half an hour."

"Hah...Asshole!" Samuel rolled his eyes at the now closed door, before getting up himself.

_______________

It was now ten in the morning and both Samuel and Justin were here in Arena C with the rest of their class. Mark Hamilton was reviewing the songs the other participants had submitted so far.

"How're the songs? Did you listen to it?" Justin whispered as he nudged Samuel on his side.

"Yeah... I did. They were fine," Samuel flatly said, and it was true. Justin really had picked some decent songs to skate to this time.

"Mhm, see? Do you trust me now?" Justin asked, and judging by the look on his face, Samuel could clearly see that his chest was swelling with pride.

"Don't let it get to your head. It's about the songs you picked; skating with you is a different story," Samuel said, making Justin scrunch his nose in annoyance before turning towards the center where Hamilton was.

"Hmm... alright. I get it now." Hamilton flicked his wrists towards the side, signalling the participants to line up; so they did.

"Katherine and Yuna, stay here in Arena C. Rosalina and Nathan, take Arena A; Samuel and Justin, you two in Arena B. I'll meet you there in a bit. Now scram," Hamilton said again, making the skaters glance at each other in slight confusion before doing what he just said.

________________

Now what?" Justin dropped his bags on the floor just as he and Samuel arrived at the Arena B as per Hamilton's instruction.

"Now, we wait," Samuel replied nonchalantly. He already saw his mother do this to her past apprentices; isolating them in a room where they could focus on their routine until they're worthy to be seen. So he wasn't really surprised that their mentor adapted this.

For Jeon Hye-Jin, no one should see the ugly parts of skating. No one should see the struggle of learning a new routine. A figure skater must always be flawless in front of the audience, and that made Samuel believe the same.

"Did he come up with a choreography already? Is he going to teach us that? Like right now?" Justin asked, completely clueless as to what was to happen. During their past performances, whether it was a solo, group, or duet, their previous instructors usually had them watch a couple of videos for inspiration, then go from there. So being isolated here with his partner was totally a new experience for Justin.

"Who knows? But what I do know is that we'll be spending the next couple of weeks training here. Away from the others, that is." Samuel dropped his things as he sat on the bench, staring at Justin before sighing in defeat.

"What?" Justin asked in total disbelief.

"You heard me. Besides, didn't you say it yourself? Now, I'll say it back... Suck it up, Wong. You're stuck with me," Samuel said, using Justin's own words against the latter.

_______________

After exactly fifteen minutes, Mark Hamilton arrived in Arena B. The area was small as compared to their previous one; a large rectangular rink in the middle enclosed by a board, with a couple of chairs around it. Both and Justin were ready with their skates, standing all silent in front of him.

"You, what's your weight?" Hamilton pointed at Justin with the pen that he was holding.

"Around seventy kg, I guess?" Justin replied.

"Good. And Samuel, how about you?" He turned towards the apprehensive boy this time.

"Me? Uhm... I may be around sixty six." Samuel avoided the older man's gaze with his fists balled tightly on his sides; something that Justin didn't fail to notice, without understanding what it meant.

"Hmm, I see. So I guess that settles who'll be lifting who." Hamilton was writing down something on the notepad he was holding; while Samuel felt his blood run cold. Sure, if he swallowed a bit of his pride, skating with Justin might really be possible, but letting the latter lift him again after his failed attempt before was a different thing.

He couldn't and most certainly wouldn't do it.

He couldn't take a risk like that again.

"No! I can lift him. I may be lighter, but I swear I can manage. I can do the lifting, sir," Samuel said firmly, making Justin furrow his brows at him.

"No you can't?" Justin barged in, with an 'are you serious?' look written all over his face.

"Yes, I can! C'mere." Samuel moved towards Justin's back, slightly bending his knees down before wrapping both of his arms around the latter's waist. His face turned red as he tried to lift the heavier boy—instantly failing on his first attempt.

"See?"

"Shut up."

"Oh God! Fine, do what you want." Justin scratched the back of his ears; letting Samuel try again. He held him tighter this time, grunting as he pulled out every fiber of strength that he had left, now managing to lift Justin, with the latter's feet floating awkwardly, barely an inch from the floor.

"Stop, stop. I've seen enough, Samuel. Thank you." Hamilton shook his head as he spoke, making Samuel rush towards him, instinctively grabbing the man's arm to plead.

"I did it. I lifted him. Please... just let me do the lifting-"

"Dance lifts, are you sure you can do those without injuring your fellow dancer?" Hamilton asked, cutting Samuel off.

"I'm sure I can learn it! Look, I know this sounds silly, but I seriously can't trust this guy! He injured me-"

"Oh, not that again! We were twelve, Samuel! I made a mistake-"

"And you never apologized for it! You never said sorry to me!" Samuel lashed out, charging towards Justin with his angry eyes, digging his index finger against the latter's chest.

"Woah, woah. Cut it out you two! I didn't come all the way here just to watch you guys act like damn kids! Lift him, Justin. Nothing fancy, just your level one Stationary lift," Hamilton said, watching as Samuel and Justin stared at each other. Samuel shook his head, looking completely terrified and lost.

"Justin Wong, I... I swear to God!" Samuel's voice trembled as he spoke, sweat dripping on his back as he moved away in cold feet. Just then Justin pulled him by the hand towards the ice, placing both his palms on Samuel's shoulders. He held him still, looking at Samuel straight in the eyes.

"Leave if you really don't want this. I'll count to three, princess," Justin whispered under his breath, feeling his own guilt swallow him whole. For the first time since it happened, he was seeing the fear in Samuel's eyes due to the accident his one clumsy mistake caused.

"I don't want to quit... I-"

"One."

"Fuck..."

"Two." Justin continued to count, still not breaking their eye contact.

'I won't raise a failure in my house.'

'You're supposed to be perfect.'

His mother's own words rang inside of Samuel's head as he then released a deep breath. Justin was still looking at him with such determination; once again luring him to believe in those dark doe eyes, and Samuel should've known better. He should've learned his lesson, but he already came this far.

He still couldn't trust Justin, but he also couldn't afford to quit and back down.

"Oh God..." Samuel then took another deep breath, skating along with Justin. He held his center strong while Justin supported him by gripping his hand.

"Just so you wait... I got you, Samuel Jeon," Justin mumbled, determined to prove himself.

"Three," The doe-eyed boy said, letting go of Samuel's hand once he felt that the latter was already on his balance. Then he moved towards Samuel's back, holding his waist. "Close your eyes... I promise I won't drop you this time," Justin whispered, lifting Samuel up over his head— and from there, Samuel then held his breath.

"They say that we skaters don't need wings to fly... lucky for you, you have me. I'll make you fly. Open your eyes, princess," Justin said with a proud smile, lifting Samuel with much ease than the last time when he failed at doing just this.

"O-oh, fuck." Samuel then cursed out loud, heart pounding fast inside his chest upon seeing himself floating almost six feet above the ice. It had been a while since he felt like flying this high. He had almost forgotten about it— but he was here again now, feeling the cold air coming from the coolant below hit his skin. Then he gasped as Justin tossed him up, catching him perfectly on time, finishing it up in a beautiful pose that Samuel acted on. Both the skaters moved their arms and hands as gracefully as ever, impressing Mark Hamilton who was watching them with a satisfied smile.

"See? I caught you this time." Justin brought Samuel down, his skating blades now steady on the ice. For some odd reason, Samuel suddenly felt that maybe it was fine to put his trust again in this man.

"Yeah... and you better do it all the time," Samuel said before tearing his gaze off of Justin.

"Well, that's more like it. Now we can start," Hamilton said, marking the beginning of Samuel and Justin's official training as partners for the upcoming Skating competition.