"trapped in the maze of choices, worn out in the chaos with only dead ends, though we wandered around looking for the answer, lost in the maze, in the darkness"

*****

🔶🔶🔶

Boston University's skating club had four main halls with ice rinks. A and B were next to each other, C in front of A and Hall D just next to it. Now Kate, in Hall C, didn't know if it was a good or a bad thing; because at that moment she could clearly see the two skaters in Hall A— yeah, Rose with her new partner Nathan, practicing their rather intimate routine.

Don't get her wrong, of course she knew that all this was just because of the upcoming competition, but it didn't mean that she had no right to be annoyed— or did she?

You see, Kate and Rose had been skating partners for as long as she could remember; and that is if neither of them were asked to skate solo. Usually Kate was the one who had to skate with a different partner. However, things took a different turn this season because of Rose's small mistake on their routine during one of last year's competition, which then made room for Kate's solo debut for the Nationals this year.

Kate was happy, alright? She was grateful and honored that she'd be representing their university in one of the country's most prestigious skating competitions as a soloist; but the thing is, it didn't quite feel the same without Rose skating beside her.

"You're gonna break the glass if you continue to stare at them for too long, y'know? Pfft. Chill, they're just skating," Kim Yuna, the other solo participant who was practicing besides Kate said, noticing that the pair in the other room had been keeping the latter rather too distracted.

"Tch, shut it. They've been trying that overhead for the last fifteen minutes and that son of a bitch still can't get the right timing. I feel bad for Rose, honestly." Kate rolled her eyes, looking away from Hall A.

"Do you? Or are you just jealous? Why? Aren't you two dating already?" Yuna asked again as Kate sat down to stretch out her legs.

"Me and Rose? Dating? Says who?" Kate replied, feigning innocence, despite her already knowing the fact that probably the whole university already knew that she and Rose were in some sort of a relationship with each other— except Rose and Kate themselves. As far as they were concerned, they still didn't have any labels.

"C'mon, none of you needed to say anything? It's obvious!— Like way too obvious, for years. I even saw you two making out during lunch break at the pantry-"

"Oh, shut up, will ya? That was one time! One time—"

"And of course you did more behind closed doors. Pfft." Yuna giggled, cutting Kate off, making the latter roll her eyes again before going back to practice.

They say practice what you preach, and Kate just swallowed her own advice to Samuel this morning.

Yeah, love, feelings and labels are all expensive— and sadly none of them were rich enough to afford it.

_____________

"You're leaving?— I mean already?" Justin asked, wiping the sweat off his face using the hem of his shirt, noticing that Samuel was already grabbing his bags as soon as he heard the bell go off at five, when the latter usually insist that they practice for another two hours after that.

"Yeah. Don't be late tomorrow, Wong." Samuel rushed out, looking a little distracted than usual.

"Uh? What's wrong with him?" Justin asked their mentor Hamilton, who was now reviewing the videos they took of their practice earlier.

"Shush, and don't bother me. I'm busy." Hamilton flicked his hand back and forth, shooing Justin away with his eyes still glued on his phone screen while taking down notes about what the two skaters were still lacking.

"Tch, what am I supposed to do now?" Justin asked again, feeling a bit bummed since he was actually in the mood to get exhausted today.

"Do I look like your dad? The bell already rang, leave or stay if you want." Hamilton raised a brow as he glanced up at Justin, before going back to the video he was watching.

"Hah. Fine! I'll go then!" Justin grabbed his bags, stomping his feet as he left; murmuring inaudible complaints under his breath, like how everyone was asking him to exert more effort when he was slacking, then leaving him alone when he was in the actual mood to do anything.

_______________

Air.

Samuel left early because as much as he wanted to skate and practice more— he needed air.

Spending around six hours with just a few minutes of breaks in between with Justin seemed to have tire him up a little bit more than the usual today, not to mention Hamilton who kept on screaming at them to skate while making it look like there's love in the air—Air.

The damned air.

"This is driving me nuts." Samuel sighed when he finally reached the back of their building, hands shaking as he pulled out the half spent box of cigarettes from his bag, lighting a stick up with a deep drag. He physically felt the nicotine flow through his veins up to his brain, calming him down a bit.

He knew that he shouldn't really be smoking and his mother will most definitely kill him if she ever finds out about this bad habit of his, but he couldn't help it. Why? Well, smoking is bad, but the demons that had been swimming inside his head were definitely worse, and if anything— this bad habit was probably the only thing that Samuel could claim as something he did with his own choice.

His stomach then grumbled, making him crouch down on the ground, still holding the stick of cigarette in his hand. Samuel then looked around, hoping that nobody could see him because he definitely looked like a mess right now.

There were still a couple of students walking from a distance, which made Samuel curse under his breath, pulling the hood of his jacket over his head, hiding himself as he took another drag of his cigarette.

The nearby sound of the flint hitting steel then made Samuel flinch, only for him to breathe out a sigh of relief upon finding out who it was.

"I'm seeing you quite often these days. That's odd." Samuel glanced up at Victor who was now standing beside him with his back leaned against the wall, releasing his own mint flavored smoke.

"Is it? Mhm... well, I was passing by. Guess it's just a coincidence," Victor said in a calm voice, eyes on the orange sky before closing his eyes, then opening one to peek at Samuel who was still crouched down on the ground.

"Today sucks, y'know? Had to listen to Hamilton's speech about love the whole day while skating with that insufferable friend of yours." Samuel gulped, feeling his heart skip a beat when he caught a glimpse of Victor's face; pale skin sparkling under the sky, dark hair flowing like the wind, as if he just got out from someone's dream. 'Hah, this fucker, really!' Samuel thought as a low chuckle escaped his lips.

"Uh? What's funny? Thought you're having a bad day?" Victor watched as Samuel got on his feet after putting out his cigarette.

"You always look so perfect, 's so unfair." Samuel brushed the dust of his sweatpants before tucking both his hands inside the pockets of the jacket he was wearing.

"Pfft... is that your way of asking me to suck you off? Eat you?— Y'know I'm good at both." Victor showed off that gummy smile of his, perfect teeth on display, making Samuel bite his lips, suppressing a grin.

"That sounds tempting, but I'm really tired today. Then, see you when I see you, Vic." Samuel playfully flicked Victor's chin under his fingertips as he started to walk away.

"The gala's coming up... I-" Victor paused at that, making Samuel halt his steps, already aware of what he'd say.

"It's okay... we never went together anyway." Samuel gave Victor a small wave, not even bothering to look back as he started to walk again.

"Yeah... I know that much." Victor sighed, scratching his brow with a bitter smile on his face, watching Samuel walk further away.

_______________

'But you do love— I mean, at least have feelings for each other, right? Why not make it official?' Kate's words this morning for some reason, kept on ringing at the back of Samuel's head. It was now three in the morning and Samuel couldn't sleep again.

Love.

It's just one word; still it holds a thousand different meanings behind it— but Samuel liked to keep it simple by summing it up into two. Love is either body or words— if you're lucky then you may have both.

Words are the ones that lure you in, starting with a simple 'hi', 'hello' or 'how have you been?' Then there comes the dream, the promises of happiness and freedom with no prejudice— that until the said promises crack like a fragile glass, stabbing you with it's sharp edges, making you bleed as you continue to fight for something that could be nothing but a sham— an illusion. A nightmare dressed like a dream.

That's why Samuel was having a hard time with his and Justin's skating routine— because love is something he didn't really believe in.

The love of a parent towards their own child— they say that it's unconditional, but Samuel grew up following such strict conditions just to feel a little bit loved. His father stopped paying attention towards his children from the moment their mother left him. His mother never said the words out loud, nor did she show that he or his sister were loved— but at least, she told them when they made her proud, and somewhere along the road, Samuel forgot if there was any difference between those two words.

Then there comes the passionate— romantic kind of love. It arrived like a dashing prince in the night. Playing him music and writing him songs that only both of them were allowed to hear, once again luring Samuel into believing that he could have something exclusively his.

Something real.

But again, it was all a sham— an illusion. A nightmare dressed like a dream, when he found out that the prince was already bound to marry a queen.

Yeah... he had a fiance chosen by his family— that damn Victor Owens. Thus the reason why the two surely couldn't be anything else but a cheap fling.

Samuel then found himself rushing out of his house, moving his legs on impulse till he reached his university campus. The lights were still out, and Samuel was sure that the guards on duty were sleeping, yet he somehow found his way in. He rushed with silent footsteps closing each door behind him as he made his way up to the rooftop where he could dance freely, feeling the cold air hit his skin.

*Now playing: Waves : Dean Lewis*

With the moon and the stars serving as his only source of light, Samuel started to dance on his bare feet. Eyes closed, he let his body float in nothing but pure adrenaline; doing rather crazy leaps and spins, while his sweat flickered like diamonds in the wind. He didn't want to think. He wanted to bury those demons that keep on drowning him, and he could only do that while he was dancing freely.

The cold he was feeling all over his body warmed up from the friction at the soles of his feet, adding up more skin over his already calloused skin. New blisters would probably bloom red by tomorrow, but it didn't mean anything, for he could always just cover it up with his skates, so he continued to dance.

Then, as the beat dropped, Samuel's eyes shot open upon hearing another sound, another take of heavy breath, feet stomping hard on the solid ground, dancing along with the steps Samuel just created from his head.

"Sorry, I tried to stay quiet but you look so into it, I had to join," Justin said as he circled around Samuel with the usual smug expression on his face.

"You're here again? This is my spot, y'know?" Samuel asked as he kept on dancing as well.

"Yours? I ain't seeing no name here, let alone yours." Justin grabbed Samuel's hand as he guided him to a spin, then letting go to place both his hands under the latter's rib cage, hoisting him up to a straight lift. The move was too sudden to anticipate that Samuel found himself going along with it.

"The fuck are you doing?" Samuel asked when Justin put him down.

"Pfft. Dancing, obviously?" Justin said, a wide grin painted on his lips.

"Hah! Very funny. I don't remember inviting you to dance with me." Samuel rolled his eyes at Justin as he stopped dancing, aiming to turn around, only for the latter to pull him back again by the arm.

"And I don't remember inviting you up here to give me a show. I'm just supposed to relax and drink a few cans of beer to help me sleep, y'know?— Now, c'mon. Don't stop now, it's a good song. Finish what you started, Samuel," Justin said, fingertips crawling down from Samuel's arm to his hand, holding it tight before pushing him back, launching him for another spin, which Samuel instinctively did, doing a beautiful round of fouetté, extending his leg as he whipped it on the side, doing around five full turns before Justin joined in and did the same; smile growing wider on his face.

From there, Samuel found himself closing his eyes again, not really having enough energy to deal with Justin's antics, so he decided to just let him be, allowing the latter to dance with him. Little did he know, with his eyes still closed, he and Justin were now moving in perfect sync, dancing an imperfect, but still beautiful random ballet routine. Blame it on the beer, but Justin's eyes were fixed on Samuel now. He was mimicking the way Samuel moved as best as he could, adding a few little details of his own, jumping, spinning and curling his body gracefully like his partner.

Then Samuel unconsciously moved with his back in front of Justin, and the boy found his hands moving as if they had a mind of their own: one landing on Samuel's waist, the other supported Samuel just below the nape. Justin then bent his knees down before lifting Samuel up over his head, while the other skater extended one of his legs, then bending his back to a beautiful arch, head hanging freely on air.

Hah! He was flying again.

That, until the song came to an end, and he was now back with both feet on the ground, then Justin turned him around, dark doe eyes meeting his gaze as soon as Samuel opened his.

"Nice," Justin said, hands still placed on Samuel's waist, and suddenly, a crazy idea popped up in the latter's head.

"Hey... wanna go to the gala with me?" Samuel asked while catching his breath, while Justin stood still, processing what the former just asked him. He then choked out a soft chuckle as he stepped back, tearing his gaze off of Samuel before turning around and grabbing his bag.

"Mhm... okay— make yourself pretty then," Justin said as he left the rooftop, hiding a rather unreadable smile on his face.

_____________

"So you're leaving, huh?" Victor asked knowing full well why Samuel was knocking on his door first thing in the morning.

"For three days, yeah... I just dropped by to ask if you could send me some-"

"New songs? Pfft... I know. You hate traveling in silence after all." Victor opened his door wider with that gummy smile of his as he pulled Samuel inside.

____________

It had been two weeks since Samuel and Justin started practicing and it was safe to say that they were getting a hang of it. Somehow they managed to master their first choreography enough to keep Mark Hamilton from talking and enough to make the man teach them their second one.

The choreography meant for the second round was a lot harder than the first, that's why Samuel was a bit bummed that their practice was going to be interrupted by the other activities that they were set to do.

The gala this weekend was one thing, but for now, they were on their way to The Skating Academy (TSA), Beverly campus in Massachusetts for the annual skating workshop that was scheduled to gather all the official participants for the upcoming skating competitions this season.

TSA workshop was to last for three days, which meant Samuel would lose three days to practice their routine. For some, that may not be a big deal since they still had more than two months to perfect their choreography. However, Samuel knew that the competition was crucial for his career. It was the last one he was yet to have a trophy on; say he lost, then not much would change, but if he— they won, then everything would. He'd be set to stardom as it is, and that's what Samuel wanted to achieve.

He wanted everything and more than what his mother did.

"For someone who's going on a vacation— well technically, you look way too unhappy to be here," Kate said, noticing Samuel's silence as soon as they stepped inside the bus, sitting beside each other. Samuel was there with his earbuds plugged in, hands crossed against his chest, frowning as if he didn't get enough sleep.

"I don't need a vacation, Kate. Me and that mad clown nearly injured each other yesterday while practicing our second routine. Each day counts, so if you'd ask me, this shit is just a waste of time. What are we even gonna do there? Act chummy with the enemies? Pretend that we're not having a hard time practicing when we're all breaking our backs and legs in reality? That's so not my thing, sorry." Samuel huffed out a lungful of air as he leaned his head back on the seat.

"Pfft, well that's true. But a little break wouldn't hurt, Sammy. Who knows? You might have fun while we're there— look at your partner, he's already enjoying himself. Pfft." Kate pointed at Justin who was standing on his seat; grinding his hips with one of the girls there while whipping his shirt off proudly, silly dancing to the song the bus driver picked to play on speakers, together with his friends on the front row.

"Ugh... Seriously? I can't believe him, really." Samuel rolled his eyes away from the scene, deciding to just get himself some sleep; while Kate just laughed beside him.

Well, the next three days weren't going to be so boring now, isn't it?