~ Tsukishima ~

Laying there in bed, I directed my gaze up to the paintings on the ceiling as a heavy sigh escaped my mouth. It was bad enough that this whole mates thing had put my entire life into chaos but now it was making Shinya murderous for some reason. 

Granted I hated both Akiteru and his garbage can of a mate, but I had the sense to wish other things to take them out, not try to murder them myself. Then Shinya went all out on a growl/screeching match in my head when I told him off for his irrational anger. 

Sighing again, I closed my eyes and sucked in a deep breath to try and relax myself. It was then that the curling waves of the lingering scents of my mates came crashing down over me. 

The three smells combined into a mouth watering array that leeched the tension right out of my body as I breathed in their leftover essence. Opening my eyes, I turned to look at the beanbag chairs where they'd sat for over two hours as we worked on the project.

With that in mind, I slid off the bed and dragged myself over to the beanbag closest to me. As I sank down into it, the wave of soft rain and jasmine that ran over my senses was like inhaling a drug. My muscles went limp and my mind cleared like the seas after a harsh storm.

It was like euphoria. 

I could no longer deny the affect they had on me as I utterly relaxed in the beanbag that had Iwaizumi's scent clinging to it. 

Calm as I now was, I also felt lost on so many levels. 

On one hand, I calmed in their presence and was willing to engage and conversate with these three strangers who were to be my mates for life. But on the other hand, my mind conjured up images of them doing unspeakable things to me as my past swirled into my mind like toxic gas; threatening to choke me dead. 

The separation of the past to my current present was impossible.

No matter how calm they made me, what happened just wouldn't go away. Not while I remained in this house with the memories to haunt me forever, like a broken record on replay till the end of time.

Shinya wasn't there to pull me from my thoughts this time as I wallowed in the past. The images ran through my mind on loop and I couldn't do anything but relive it over and over again, but this time my memories had three new stars. 

Kuroo sneered at me, while Oikawa shot me a sleazy grin from the corner of my mind, and Iwaizumi's usually calm expression was now twisted with disdain and disgust. 

Suddenly, the scent swirling around me didn't feel so comforting, nor did I feel that safe calm I had been experiencing. 

Now it felt like a disgusting betrayal to sit there any longer. 

I forced myself to get up, and immediately the waves of disgust at myself and my own wretched thoughts hit me like a speeding train. There was nothing left to do but head to the bathroom, where I turned the shower on to the hottest setting available. 

Stripping my now sweat stained clothing off, I stepped into the streaming water and let it pelt me like burning droplets of punishment as it fried my sensitive skin. 

The heat made me shiver and despite its temperature, I just felt cold and lifeless as I stood there and took the self inflicted punishment for the way I had villainized these people I didn't even know yet. 

'How can I be their mate.... I cannot even love myself, so how should I love three other people?' 

My thoughts were all over the place as the water continued to pelt my skin with its torturous heat. Not knowing what else to do to erase the sins of my past, I just stood there and took it.

This went on for at least an hour. It wasn't until my skin had essentially gone numb to the sensation of the water pouring over me that I realized I should get out.

Turning off the water, I stepped out of the shower and instantly my gaze met my reflection in the mirror. I hadn't even known I was crying until I saw it in the mirror. 

My eyes were red and puffing as the tears went down my cheeks in never ending streams. Though it was blurred without my glasses to guide me I could see the redness of my body from the neck down from being beneath the burning water, yet I didn't bother concerning myself with it.

This had been necessary, I needed to be cleansed or I can never move forward.

Making myself move from the bathroom I flopped onto the bed without bothering to towel myself dry. Nothing really mattered to me right now.

Not the wetness seeping into my bedsheets.

Not the tears making their escape from my eyes. 

Not the disgusting images of my past that kept rolling like the ending credits to a movie whenever I closed my eyes, and definitely not the worries of what my future held when I was essentially rejected by those three when they realized just how shitty of a person I was. 

No... None of that mattered in the end.

.

.

. 

~ The Next Day ~ 

I awoke to my back and legs freezing as they were still exposed to the open air, and that told me all I needed to know about the depressing hole I had allowed myself to sink into yesterday. 

Lifting myself up onto my forearms, I reached out and tapped around the surface of my bed until the familiar cold sensation of my glasses reached my fingertips. Pulling them on, I blinked to clear my blurred vision before making myself get out of the bed.

It was a slow process because my limbs needed to crack themselves back to reality as I was stiff from the position I made myself sleep in last night after my melodramatics.

Still feeling cold, I went to my closet to grab a white oversized hoodie and a black shirt to go underneath it. Pulling it on, I instantly felt warmer and moved on to pull on some silky underwear before sliding my legs into a pair of black jeans. 

My body warmed up as the clothes slid over my skin and I finally relaxed. Heading into the bathroom I handled all my business in there while heavily avoiding my reflection as much as I could.

After a night of torturing myself it was only right that I be nice to my abused body when the sun came up.

So with that in mind, I sat on the bed and slipped on a pair of socks so I could head downstairs.

Today was a school day but I wasn't too worried about being on time so I didn't move any faster than I needed too. As I reached the kitchen to grab a bottle of water and an apple since my stomach didn't feel ready to eat any more than that, I was met with the sight of Akiteru and Arashi sucking face at the kitchen table.

Rolling my eyes with a heavy sigh, I didn't bother saying a word nor reacting in any way when they pulled away liked they'd burned one another at my sigh. 

Before they could say anything to annoy me further I held up a finger in pause, and I saw the way Akiteru's expression fell but ignored it. 

'If he had something to say, he shouldn't have started being disgusting in the first place,' I thought to myself before pulling my headphones on and clicking the play button on my phone as I walked to the front door. 

Tugging my shoes on, I walked out the door without a word.

Truthfully, it was exhausting having to deal with those two idiots anymore than necessary so I simply chose to ignore them.

It took me a total of twenty minutes to make it to the school but with the music blasting in my eardrums it didn't bother me much. Walking into the office I noticed I was a whole hour late, so I'd missed first period.

'Good, I don't have to see them this early in the day', was my first thought which made the tension in my shoulders dissolve.

The woman in the office gave me a look of what I assumed was disappointment at my lateness but I said nothing as I gave her a completely blank expression in return. After I signed in and got the late slip, I made my way to the class I actually liked at this school. 

Art.

I walked in and gave the teacher the slip without a word and sat in my seat at the back where a blank easel was sitting. 

Surprisingly, Bokuto was sitting back there with a sad expression that brightened just a bit when he saw me coming. I tugged my headphones off and let them hang around my neck before looking his way.

"Good morning Tsukki, how are you? I didn't see you in first period," his voice wasn't as happy as it usually was either making me curious as I watched him.

"Hey Bokuto, I feel like shit if we're being honest and I just got here that's why I didn't see you," I didn't feel like there was a need to act better than I was feeling when Bokuto himself seemed to be off today.

Instead I just waited to see if he'd mention his problem on his own.

"Oh... I see. To be honest I don't feel all that great myself," Bokuto swiped his paint brush across the canvas that was covered in all kinds of splotches of color already.

"Why is that? Did something happen," I typically don't care about how other people feel so I kind of surprised myself when those words escaped my mouth. 

But it was too late now so I focused on covering my own canvas in paint as I awaited Bokuto's response since he was silent for at least an entire minute after my question.

"Actually... My mate came down with an extremely bad fever last night... I didn't know until I'd gotten home. My mom told me he called her and said he was in the hospital but he didn't want me to come see him until school was over today... I'm worried for him," I turned my head in shock at the pain I could clearly hear in Bokuto's voice as he slowly told me that. 

It also surprised me that he even bothered opening up to me in this kind of way, so I took a minute to think over what to say. Deep down I knew this wasn't something to respond sarcastically to despite my usual snarky attitude when it came to the topic of mates.

Saying something mean to this man who was like the sun himself just felt wrong, so I waited until I could say something meaningful to him. 

"I'm sorry to hear that Bokuto... I'm sure he'll be alright though. If it was me, I wouldn't want you to come see me while I'm passed out with fever either. I'm sure you would just worry over him more, right?" I asked as I gently added some final details to the painting in front of me.

"Yeah, you're probably right Tsukki... I'm sure he's fine. Akaashi is strong!" Bokuto's voice grew happier as he finished his words.

I unconsciously smiled as I watched Bokuto straighten his back and smile lightly my way from the corner of my eye. 

Surprisingly, Bokuto wasn't as hard to talk to as I had imagined he'd be. I was also surprised at myself for handling that with more care than I did anything else, but then again Bokuto reminded me of a child sometimes. Like how else could you really respond to a tiny ray of sunshine when they were obviously feeling down. 

"Mhm, now focus on that disaster you've made on the canvas," I shot back with a little grin and Bokuto instantly gave me a look of mock hurt.

"How dare you disrespect my masterpiece- It is glorious," he turned the easel my way, fully exposing the mess of a painting he'd created to me.

Looking it over, I shook my head with a sigh. 

"Master disaster sure, but masterpiece? Yeah maybe you should crack open a dictionary, I don't think you know what that means. This is a masterpiece," I turned my easel his way and smirked when Bokuto's jaw dropped open, while his owl-like eyes scanned over my painting.

"Damn. Okay I can't even argue with you on that one Tsukki. That's not even fair comparison," Bokuto whined as he stared at my painting.

Bokuto's was a mess of circles that were all types of colors, some of them where dripping down into the others making an array of messy colors. Mine was of a little boy in a raincoat, he was staring into a mirror that exposed the soul rather than the reflection, meaning he was looking at a demon who smirked in the mirror. It was a piece to express how I was feeling right now, but it was indeed a masterpiece in its simplicity.

"At least you know how inferior yours is to mine," I said with a smirk stretching across my lips. 

Oddly enough, this interaction with Bokuto made feel better and that depth of emptiness in my chest that had been following me since I woke up was slowly filling itself.

"Meanie," Bokuto pouted and I rolled my eyes.

The bell rung before I could say anything and Bokuto stood up with me as the classroom slowly emptied. 

"What class do you have next?" Bokuto asked me as we headed towards the door.

"Economics," I said with a roll of my eyes. 

"Oh, I have science now," Bokuto said with a heavy sigh.

"Damn, have fun with that," I said with a tiny chuckle at how distraught he looked at the mention of science.

"Yeah no it won't be fun at all. Well I guess I'll see you at lunch then Tsukki," Bokuto said as we walked down the hallway.

"Sure," was all I said as I turned to the left and Bokuto went to the right.

Making my way to the classroom, I was hit by the intense scent of melted milk chocolate and salted caramel as I entered it.

It didn't take long for my eyes to lock on Oikawa who sat in the back beside my usual seat. His gaze met mine like he too had smelled me, and we kept that eye contact as I made my way over to sit down.

"Well hello there Tsukki~"