𝗙𝗢𝗢𝗟𝗜𝗦𝗛 𝗛𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗧 ♱ ─────
000.     Balancing Life and Death.
word count: 2100

❝ Do you think one day the world will be right again?
Somedays I wish our parents weren't so crazy. ❞
— Recovered Correspondence from
Joanna Harrigan to Garrick Tavis

THE DAY HER mother was killed, was the same day Joanna Harrigan's heart broke for eternity.

She blamed her father—whose crazed ideas, working alongside Fen Riorson's, tore their family apart forever.

Growing up she had expected the worst outcome when it came to the rebellion; with how involved her father had gotten, she knew it wouldn't end as he'd hoped. While she and most of the separatist children feared for the worst, others remained loyal to their families, hopeful for the greater good.

She wished she had their optimism.

Two years after the apostasy she had driven herself mad. The thoughts in her head a spiraling mess of loneliness and self-loathing.

She couldn't bear to see her father's eyes as her own. Her mother's hair atop her head. The rest of her genetics a perfect pairing of the two.

It was sickening.

It was his fault. He killed her mother, and in turn killed Jodi all the same.

She had tried running to her mother as she died, wanting to be with her for eternity. Her soul breaking in half as she watched the woman burn— but Garrick Tavis had dragged her back to the others, against her screaming wishes.

She had to deal with the sound everyday. Her pleas of wanting him to let go, him claiming it was better this way. The feel of several pairs of arms dragging her back. Xaden Riorson and Bodhi Durran weren't any higher on her list. Imogen Cardulo couldn't look at her.

And after everything was said and done, it was only going to get worse. Xaden may have made the deal to save her life and the others, but she didn't see it that way. She knew it for the death sentence it had to be.

She didn't want to bond a dragon, she would've rather not seen one for the rest of her life.

After five years, Jodi had grown numb to the sadness she'd once felt. Numb to the loss of her heart, knowing it would never be the same. For five years she sat in an empty room, dreaming of what could've been, what would've been, what should've been.

She eventually stopped answering the letters she'd received from her friends. She knew it wasn't a good idea, but once Garrick and Xaden entered the riders quadrant, she knew it was better that way. She couldn't bear the idea of them not making it out alive, so she decided this was easier. If they did die, she wouldn't have to know.

They started piling up on her desk, all opened but unanswered.

It got worse once Imogen had entered the quadrant. Her oldest friend, her best friend, she didn't want to think about it. She knew how tough her friends were, but she had convinced herself it was easier this way.

As she entered the foot of the steps to parapet, nausea crept up her throat, causing her to swallow hard as she landed on the first step to her — hopefully — better future, as dull as it may seem on the outside.

She was not the same person she had been before. She was now simply a shell of her old self, with a beating heart meant for mere survival.

She wondered if her old friends would notice the change — or if they'd even want to speak to her. The once happy-go-lucky preteen, whose main priority at the time was thinking about boys, was now a grown woman used to life of solitude and loss.

She was sure Imogen would be proud of the change. She had always sworn Jodi needed to be tougher, less of a people pleaser. As she counted the steps, landing on number one hundred and eighty nine, she thought of her checklist, going over everything one last time. ( even if she couldn't go back for anything. )

She had three daggers strapped to her left thigh, all of which her mother had made for her when she was young. For a fighting chance, she'd said.

On her right thumb was a thick silver ring, she had spent countless hours over the years spinning it to pass the time. She'd stolen it from her father's room the day before she left for her foster home. Despite any loathing, she wanted something that was his to remember what to fight for.

Her father once dreamed of peace, but he had been his own demise. Jodi didn't want to live that way.

Whispers echoed through the walls of the tunnel, not helping the never ending nausea. Violet Sorrengail has entered the rider's quadrant.

This year just couldn't get any worse.

The light enveloped her as she stepped into the entrance, her eyes temporarily blinded as everything came back into focus. "Next."

As she stepped forward, a familiar pair of onyx eyes fell into her gaze, a short wave of relief and shock flashed in his eyes, before masking themselves into complete boredom.

Xaden Riorson, the ever so enthused.

Her eyes widened as she realized it was truly him, his own relic peaking through his sleeves and the neckline. Despite her efforts, it was clear everything she tried to cover had become exposed. Her neck started to itch, her fingers twitching to cover it with her collar.

He sent a short nod, and elbowed the man beside him. Jodi's stomach felt as if it had fallen out of line at the sight of him.

The harsh wind blew his curls over his forehead. His eyebrows were furrowed, as if he was deep in thought. He didn't look like himself, but she knew he was still in there.

     "Name?" He asked, still looking at the clipboard. His voice was quiet, his eyes never meeting hers.

     "Well one would hope you wouldn't forget it after five years, but you can write down Joanna Harrigan if it helps." She smirked in her response, causing the man's head to jump up at her voice.

     "Jodi..?"

     "The one and only," she smiled. He flashed a grin before jotting down her name, his shoulders relaxing.

"Nice to see you, Harrigan." Xaden nodded, eyeing the others in line behind her. "Arms out, keep your eyes on the stones in front of you. There's someone waiting for you on the other side." He gestured toward the parapet, meaning it was time for her to move on.

Jodi returned the nod, eying both of them one last time to ensure everything was truly real, and then she turned on her heel. She took a deep breath before stepping onto the parapet, her stomach sinking to her toes as she made it the first three feet.

With any anger she had once felt about Conscription Day, it was now muted by her own need for survival. Her footing was uneven over the damp stones. She could smell the rain coming, her senses at an all time high.

She could still hear the whispers that echoed through the tunnel as she made her way up, whispers about her. While it was true she had gone mad in her state of isolation at Lord Dealy's, it was a shock to hear other people had known about it.

She'd been angry the first three days, that was all she had allowed herself. She'd stripped the walls of its wallpaper, broken a few pieces of furniture, and screamed at the top of her lungs at Navarre and her father for ruining her life within less than a week.

Her throat tingled at the memory— all that screaming had driven her mute for the next week. She'd stripped refused to step foot outside of her room while she stayed there, knowing it wouldn't have made much of a difference.

Dealy seemed to like it better that way, so she kept to herself. She sighed as she thought about seeing her friends again.

She hadn't expected to see either of them so soon, she wanted a quiet place to explain herself, but at the entrance to parapet was the last thing she expected. She wanted time to apologize, she wanted to ask them how they were, what their signets were, she wanted to know everything.

She just hoped Imogen wasn't going to yell at her.

The farther she got, the harsher the wind seemed to whip her body around. She wasn't frail by any means, her curves had filled out through puberty, and she had grown at least two inches since the last time she saw anyone in Aretia. Her hair was tight in a braid down her back, she'd tried everything to keep the unruly curls out of her eyes.

The sight of two of her oldest friends, the whispers of her last name behind her, the idea of slipping and embarrassing not only herself, but all of the Marked ones. She stumbled, and stopped in her tracks.

She inhaled and stopped for a moment, turning slightly to see how far she'd gotten. She was barely past the halfway point now, Garrick's large frame barely visible in the humid fog. His eyes were on her, the clipboard he once held was in the hands of the third man standing beside him. Jodi hadn't noticed anyone else was at the entrance other than her two friends.

All of her thoughts had been enveloped by Garrick when their eyes met, a feeling she hadn't known for the last five years. His eyes, his voice, his smile. It was all the same as it had once been, he was still her Garrick.

Nothing had changed.

Garrick Tavis was awestruck. There she was, standing in front of him again. A sight he'd wished to see again for the last five years, he almost felt as if he was dreaming.

He had been just as speechless when he saw her, his mind as entranced as her own at the sight of her. She was real. He had been aware she'd be joining the quadrant, but he wished he had more time to prepare before seeing her. He had read over the list of everyone he'd seen so far just in case he'd missed her. The last five years without her had been agonizing, both of them had wished to see each other before he left for the Quadrant.

She had gone completely silent the year before he left for the Quadrant. She didn't respond to anyone's letters for three years, and Garrick wanted to know why. Imogen had cornered him the moment she stepped off of parapet, but no one knew what happened.

He wanted to tell her everything about his new life. How he bonded Chradh, about his signet, how Xaden was, how Bodhi was, the new secret missions, it had been on the tip of his tongue when he saw her. He wanted to spill everything that very minute, but all he could say was her name.

He'd written a few letters once his first-year was over, but when he still got no response, he'd given up.

He felt foolish the moment he met the silver eyes of Jodi Harrigan.

To be totally entranced by one girl seemed embarrassing, he had to ignore Xaden's taunts as a boy— but now, it seemed worse somehow.

He watched every step she took on the parapet, his heart almost stopping as she slipped only slightly, but managed to catch herself before making it to the end. Jodi was as stubborn as he remembered, and wasn't going to let something as childish as a stone bridge bring her down.

As Jodi made the final steps off the parapet, her nerves settled as she took a breath.

She made it.

"Name?" A red headed woman asked.

"Joanna Harrigan."

Her eyes flashed as she wrote the name down, stumbling as if she wanted to react. Before Jodi could say anything, her stomach lurched as she felt someone coming up from behind her. Before she could turn around, she felt their arms wrapping around her, and turning her in a circle.

"What the —"

"I was hoping it was you, Harrigan." They said, their grasp loosening as the blonde whipped around. Her hair was chopped short, and freshly dyed since the last time Jodi had seen her.

"Imogen?" Jodi's feet stumbled beneath her, but she wrapped her arms around the girl.

"The one and only," she winked, her grip tightening once more. "You have some explaining to do."

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sorry i just can't bring myself to
write in first person. </3

also Imogen and Jodi !!! :')