i kept telling you it was okay and that i understood.

you used me and i kept saying it was all good.

and then i told you i used you too.

as a rebound for someone i dated not too long ago.

although it was true, i made it seem like i didn't care at all.

but i did, jungkook.

why else would i be writing this letter?

you were my best friend for a few days and it was the best feeling i've ever felt.

coming home to you every single day.

it all felt natural, as if all the years of suffering has been leading me down to this.

i loved you.

i meant it when i said it.

i really did.

and i know people would say i do this all the time.

i idealize people and think i'm in love with them so easily.

but that just isn't true.

because for once, jungkook, i found someone who showed themself to me.

it was you.

if there's anything you didn't lie about, it was yourself.

you were always unapologetic for who you are and i admired that.

and you can argue i couldn't have known you that well in just a few days.

but i know you feel indifferent to the world.

you told me the first night we ever talked.

when everyone else left because they thought you were toxic, i stayed and listened because i truly wanted to understand.

why you were saying what you were saying to us.

why you seemed so mean and why you hated everything.

i wanted to know.

then you let me in.

and told me you hate the world as it is and for everything that it is.

you see no point in a lot of things and it wasn't like you wanted to die.

it's just that you truly didn't care and quite often felt empty.

i now feel the same.