Chapter thirty-three – Cut And Bleed

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-Michael's Point of View-

Now it's past midnight, but I don't really care. Citria is sleeping in bed, whilst I'm sitting in the front garden – alone. I've come downstairs on my own so that I didn't have to wake Citria up; she needs the sleep after the day we've had because of Marco. After our argument, I felt so guilty about what I'd said and how I'd acted – I'm glad we're okay again, now.

The reason I'm down here at the moment is so that I can look at the stars. Since Citria and I did it on the night we scattered the ashes, it's become more of a habit for me. The stars are beautiful; they represent every person who has gained their wings and gone to Heaven. Or, at least, that's what I hope it represents.

The Autumn breeze is allowing my curls to float gently on the air. Speaking of my curls – the reason I'm so protective of them isn't because I'm a prude or anything – it's because of something a little more serious than that. I've yet to tell Citria that reason. And besides, when I complain at someone for touching them, it's more of a joke than being serious.

I'm sat against the tree trunk in the garden right now; it's the place I come to most when I'm out here. It gives me a gorgeous view of the sky, as well as something to rest my back against. I suppose I could just lie down on the grass, but oh well.

Inhaling a deep breath, I begin to talk to my family. "Hey guys. Um ... how've you been? I hope you've been good. A lot has happened since I last properly spoke to you: Reiss moved in with Clover and Citria's father, and ... Citria and I are together too. Uh ... Marco has been trying to locate Clover, and that's not good at all." Pausing to think, I furrow my brows subtly. "But ... recently I've started to miss you guys more and more. Is it because it's getting gradually closer to Christmas? There's only a couple months left, now. You guys didn't celebrate Christmas, but it was nice for us all to spend the time together. I wish I could have that back ... "

The fight within me starts to show, as I battle with myself not to cry. Unfortunately, the fight isn't strong, because a single tear rolls down my cheek. Shaking my head, I continue. "Um ... " I clear my throat. "But there's a lot more happiness than there was, of course. Citria and I are getting closer and closer as a couple, and I just know that you would approve of her. She's like a real-life Angel; you don't see them very often." Then, I feel the need to change the subject a little. "Mother ... I hope you're proud of me, and how I'm going along. You too Father ... "

As I look up at the stars, one star in particular begins to shine brighter than the rest. I'd like to think that's my mother, or maybe even my father. Or both ... because maybe they're one in the same. Anyhow, I know they've both gotten their wings from Heaven.

A thought then comes to my mind: has Citria had this talk with her mother about me? Maybe she's spoken to her mother about the fact we're together, and perhaps she believes her mother would approve of me. I'd like to think that she does approve of me, especially since I know my family would approve of Citria.

"So ... Earth is still just average. Nothing's changed. In fact, I think it's gotten worse since you left. The only brightness I have now is Citria and Uncle Reiss ... "

As I speak these words, a numb, almost-painful feeling rises up from my stomach, to my heart. It forces me to take a deep breath in, and still doesn't stop. The thought of having no family apart from two people in all existence is overwhelming me – and not in a good way. Tears sting my eyes as my thoughts suddenly snap back to reality – everybody I've ever loved has gone; I have almost nobody. They're never, ever coming back.

"Oh, my God," I breathe painfully, feeling my breath turn shallow.

My breathing increases rapidly, almost as if I'm having a panic attack, which is unusual for me. What's happening?

"No ... " I protest out loud, to no-one in particular. "No, no-no ... "

I find myself clutching tightly to the tree trunk, but then I feel a sharp pain in the palm of my hand, causing me to pull away from the trunk in reaction. In the darkness, I see splinters in my skin, but before I can properly acknowledge that fact, I start to shake violently. In a delayed reaction to the splinters, I groan loudly in pain, tears falling from my eyes, and down my cheeks.

"N-No ... " I repeat once more. "Come back guys ... this isn't funny any more ... come back now ... the joke's over now ... I'm done with it ... come back ... " Then, my voice becomes a shout. "Just come back already!" Despite the cold weather tonight, I feel sweat dripping on my forehead, because of how heated my emotions have become.

Standing up from the bottom of the tree trunk, I run across the garden, feeling the urge to destroy everything in sight. However, because it's not my house, I can't do that, so I have to control myself. In anger, I kick the grass under my feet, crying out in emotional agony over my misfortune.

"Come back!" I demand furiously, desperation present in my tone.

Why did they have to leave me? Why did Astrix have to do this to me? If he were still alive, I would kill him myself, no exaggeration. He's torn my world apart; taken my heart out my body and stomped on it without even thinking of how I'll feel afterwards. I've barely got any of my heart left; it's all been broken by my cousin. So what if I said I forgave him? He's dead now, so what can I do? Absolutely nothing.

After abusing the grass, I run across the garden again, but the grief I'm feeling causes me to collapse to my knees before I'm even halfway to the tree. The palms of my splintered hands meet the ground harshly, my curls drooping over my sweating face from the impact. I feel dizzy; I feel light-headed; I feel as if I could throw up at any moment ...

Why am I now reacting this way? I've never felt so terrible in my entire life. I want to cry, and scream, and yell words of high profanity; I want to destroy everything that's in my path.

Finally getting up on my feet, I close the small gap between myself, and the tree trunk, but once I'm there, I collapse to my feet once again. This time, the force of the fall causes me to slash my wrist against the bark of the trunk – the same wrist that I cut at Citria's father's house. Feeling the pain right away, I scream out, tears rolling relentlessly down my face by now. The pain is horrible; there was already a cut there, but now it's way worse.

"Why!" I cry out, grasping my arm tightly, where it's been cut. The moonlight is shining onto the blood that's dripping from my wrist, but also giving me a clearer picture of the condition of it – and that condition is not good at all.

Unsure on what to do, I curl up into a ball where I am, burying my head into my embrace with my legs. It's then that I begin sobbing uncontrollably, my hot-yet-cold body shivering.

"Michael?" A concerned voice calls my name from the front doorway, causing me to look up and see Citria. When her eyes meet mine, she runs over to me, hugging me tight. "Oh gosh; tell me what's happened Michael!"

Even though I want to tell her everything, I can't find the words right now. Instead, I simply fall into her arms, letting her console me. It comforts me when she does that, because it makes me feel protected. Typically, however, it would be the boy's job to protect, not the girl – so how useless do I feel right now?

Her fingers comb gently through my curls, soothing me slowly. My breathing starts to calm itself down a little now, and my shaking reduces dramatically. That doesn't stop her from whispering reassuring words to me, though. That's exactly why I love her.

Once I'm silent again, she pulls away from me. "Now tell me what happened, okay?" she instructs softly, lightly caressing my cheek.

With a small nod of my head, I start to explain. "I came out here to talk to my family. But then it all got too much, and I started shaking, and crying, and ... I got splinters, and I cut my wrist against the bark of the tree. And ... it really hurts ... "

She gives me a look of sympathy. "Oh, Michael. We need to sort that out, okay? It looks nasty. I'll need to get the splinters out too, alright?"

"But it'll hurt more," I protest, much like a little child.

"But once they're out, it'll be okay again. You know how it works Michael." A reassuring smile forms on her face, which instantly makes me put all my trust in her and her words. With a nod of my head in response, she stands up, looking down on me. "Let me help you up."

She takes a hold of my arm, as not to hurt the splinters by touching them, before hauling me up from the floor. Initially, I'm a little shaky because of what's happened, but I manage to get up successfully. She guides me into the house again, heading straight for the kitchen where the first aid kit is.

"Sit at the table Michael," she instructs politely, grabbing the kit from the cupboard. I sit myself down, still shaking a little, then she arrives at the table too, setting the kit on the surface. She sits down by my side, opening the box to reveal some bandages and band-aids, as well as other medical things. "This won't hurt if you let me do it quickly, alright?"

With an apprehensive nod of the head, I let her go ahead and do it. First of all, she stops the bleeding of the cut by soaking it with a damp cloth. At first it stings, which causes me to hiss in pain, but then it becomes more soothing, so I remain silent. Once the bleeding is minimal, she makes sure there's no splinters in the cut, then places a bandage over it.

"See? Not so bad, was it?" she smiles warmly.

Then, she takes some tweezers out, and that in itself scares me for some reason. My eyes subtly widen, and panic starts to take over me, but I try to assure myself that it's not so bad.

I feel like such a weak person for being scared.

"Relax," Citria says, as if she's reading my mind. "This won't hurt you."

She then begins to remove the splinters, but because of my pathetic fear, I'm forced to look away the entire time. It's not painful, but it's slightly uncomfortable feeling the tweezers nipping at my skin every couple seconds.

"Is it done yet?" My tone is still fearful, but not as bad as it was a moment ago.

"Nearly. You're doing a great job." With a few seconds more, she stops. "Done. That was okay, wasn't it?"

"It feels sore," I say. "But thanks ... "

She takes a hold of my hand, kissing my knuckles lovingly. "It'll take a short amount of time before it's okay again. Just be patient."

"I'm sorry," I find myself apologising.

"For what?" Her brows furrow in confusion.

"For all this," I frown, keeping my head down to avoid eye contact.

"Don't be sorry. You seem to forget how much of a big deal losing everyone you love is. Let me tell you Michael – it's a very big deal. What you did tonight? That's the least I thought you would do whilst I've known you. If I were you, I would have gone crazier ... but that's not an invitation for you to be. I'm just saying ... I don't blame you for anything you do. Okay?" She rests her hand under my chin, lifting my head up so we make eye contact. She then repeats. "Okay?"

I nod my head hopelessly. "Okay."

"You look tired Michael." Her fingers touch lightly upon my cheek bones, close to my eyes. "Why don't we go to bed?"

"I'm not ready yet," I answer quickly.

"Then what do you want to do?" She flashes an inviting smile.

My lips part slightly to speak, but because I'm unsure, no words come out, causing me to press them together once again. Instead, my eyes avert their gaze downwards, and I remain silent.

"Michael, is there anything you want to do?" she repeats her question. It's easy to tell that she's still looking at me, even if I'm not looking at her.

"The f—" I cut myself off, shaking my head to dismiss it.

Looking up, I notice the expression on her face. It's an expression that gives away that she heard me start to answer. "The what, Michael?"

"Doesn't matter. It's too late now anyway." My voice is quiet and vulnerable-sounding, despite feeling less vulnerable than I previously did.

"It's never too late to make you happy, you know." Her eyebrows raise in sympathy, a frown on her face aimed at me.

From this statement, I find myself leaning forward and falling into her arms in a hug. Her selflessness never ceases to amaze me; I'll never know anyone like her again as long as I live. Because I've done this, she chuckles a little, hugging me in return.

"Aww," she coos gently. "So, what did you say you wanted to do?"

Giving in, I answer honestly. "I wanted to go to the fields ... but I know it's too late at night, now. It must be past 1:00am."

She separates herself from me, shaking her head in disagreement. "It's never too late to make you happy ... remember? But I'll need to change first, and I think you should, too. You got blood on your clothes from the cut."

Looking down at my clothing, I realise she's right. There's blood on my torso, arms, and a little on my legs. It's understandable – I bled a lot outside, just from that one cut. It wasn't serious, just painful, so there's no need to go to the hospital – because I figured that's what you'd be thinking.

"Okay," I mutter quietly, standing myself up. Because of the fact I'm still a little shaken up, I wobble a little, almost falling once again. However, with Citria catching me, and my support on the table, I manage to remain standing.

"I'll help you upstairs if you want," she offers sweetly.

"No, no; it's okay, honestly. I'll do it myself," I answer politely, my voice still quiet.

Cautiously, she lets go of me, allowing me to go by myself to the stairs. She follows after, but lets me remain independent as I reach the top of the steps. We both head into our room, before getting changed. Citria was previously wearing her pyjamas, so now she's in normal clothing. I, on the other hand, was already wearing them; I just had blood on them.

Once we're both changed, Citria gives another smile. "Ready?"

I nod my head. "Yeah, I'm ready."

With that, we both make our way downstairs, and to the fields.

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Ending kinda sucked, but poor Michael! This chapter took me so long to write for some reason. It's definitely a side of Michael that hasn't fully been seen in the story so far. What will happen next? I hope you enjoyed this chapter! :)