Ch. 36: Our End

Song For This Chapter: Dark Paradise -- Lana Del Rey

     My whole body was alight in flames of pain, my head pounding and aching and bursting as my life seemed to seep from me. I couldn't feel anything but the ache, not my fingers or toes, nor the air around me.

     And, all at once, it was gone.

     No pain. No fear.

     It was like time had stopped. Then, I could feel everything. My skin, my toes, my hair splayed out against my chest.

     I unfolded my eyes and squinted at the brightness around me, everything rushing at me at once, flooding my senses.

     Laying on the ground, I found that I was no longer in the Hogwarts Castle. No longer was I buried under a heap of rubble with Fred trying to protect me as I had tried to protect him, to change his fate.

     Rolling onto my side, I took in my surroundings. Just ahead of me, there was a white park bench in the middle of the white landscape. It stretched on for miles, and though it was a vast space, I felt as if the world was closing in on me. It was surprising, and slightly lonely as I picked myself off the ground, looking around to see any sign of life. Nothing and no one was around.

     I was completely alone in this colourless world.

     And, inexplicably naked.

     "Seriously, what the hell," I groaned, using my hands to cover myself as best as I could. Annoyed, I quickly hobbled over to the park bench, glad that I was alone in this moment of embarrassment, noticing that a small pile of cloth was draped over the back of it.

     A white dress. 'It just had to be white'. The same dress I'd worn the day Fred and I had gotten married.

      Fred. My heart lurched in my chest as a surprising sob racked my body, sending my emotions through the roof.

      'Where the hell am I? Did I succeed? Was I dead?'

     My breathing hitched erratically as I slipped the dress over my head and smoothed out the material, hands shaking. "Hello?" My voice quaked, breaking with the thought of me dying in Fred's place; I had done it. I had saved him. Hadn't I?

     I didn't anything, and the fear of the unknown made me more scared than anything.

     I knew where I was, I realised as I looked around myself, taking a closer look. It was Hogsmeade. A completely empty Hogsmeade where the only shop that seemed to have any real personality was The Three Broomsticks, but it was still Hogsmeade.

      But, why was I all alone, if I surely was dead? Wouldn't I be with other people? Was this my own personal hell?

     I shivered with convulsions of fear as I lowered myself down onto the bench, trying not to cry as my vision blurred with unfallen tears. I clamped my hands over my mouth, trying to think.

     Dying in Fred's place seemed like the right thing, and since he wasn't here with me, it felt like I'd won. I'd beat Fate. It was what Fred deserved. The Weasley's didn't deserve to suffer that much pain. Fred deserved to live a long and happy life, and... I could learn to be okay with not being in it.

     "You," a tender voice called towards me, the owner sitting down beside me and laying a comforting hand on my back, rubbing circle patterns against my skin. It didn't comfort me, and, instead, it released the damn of tears I had been holding back, unable to look into his eyes. "You idiot, Letter." Fred frowned, eyes shining as tears welled up in his eyes.

      Roughly, I pulled away from him, wiping at the tears in my eyes as I shook my head.

     "N-no." My voice was coarse through the pain escaping down my cheeks, scooting away from him, angry at him. "No. You aren't s-supposed t-o be here!" Hot, wet tears streamed down my face as Fred smiled sweetly at me, scooting closer and taking my hand. "Is this even real?"

      "It is." Sighing, he looked out on the horizon, taking in the white world and how much we contrasted the place around us. I noticed that he was wearing the same clothes he'd worn the day of the Battle. Except, these were clean and not riddled with holes from the explosion. "What were you thinking?" He barked, his anger matching mine and surpassing it as I yanked my hand from his, defensive and disbelieving. "How could you do that to me?!"

      "You were going to die!" I snapped back, using the back of my hand on my face to remove the tear stains, rubbing vigorously. "I had to do something!" Bottom lip quivering, I eyed him with remorse. "What are you doing here?"

      Fred glowered as he lowered his gaze onto his hands, the image of a beaten down man. "You can't change a person's fate, even with a Time-Turner, Letter."

     "How did yo--"

     "How did I know?" He gave me a morbid smile. "I saw it swinging from your neck when we fell to the ground. I pieced it together after a little while here,... waiting for you." Fred chuckled wryly and bumped my shoulder with his own, sporting a small, morbid smile. "I'm not as dumb as you'd like to think I am."

       I scoffed and slumped in my spot on the bench, all the information trying to connect in my brain, but nothing quite made sense. I met Fred's brown eyes, expecting a lightness in them, only to be greeted with disappointment and confusion. I quickly broke our stare and watched my hands instead.

      "How could you give up everything, just like that?!" He snapped, rubbing his hands together. A firm line burrowed deep into his brow and I could tell he was mad; it didn't feel too great.

       My heart jolted in my chest as the full force of everything hit me. I'd killed myself. You couldn't really bring someone back from the dead, not when they're already gone. No amount of magic could do that. Every fibre in my bones had told me that, but I had refused to listen.

      "I did it because I love you," I whispered, voice breaking.

     He was silent for a moment, tugging at his hair before giving me the most thoughtful look I'd ever seen. "And, I love you, Elizabeth Rose Weasley." A slow, dawning smile cracked onto his face, lighting up his eyes and the world around us. His famous smile, the one I loved, sparked colour into our white world and suddenly there were blues and greens, purples and oranges, blacks and yellows.

      "And, I'm guessing you'd like to be with me forever?" He smirked, intertwining his fingers with mine as we watched the world blossom in front of our eyes, warmth seeming to seep out from our pores and soak into the very ground of this place. Whether it be Heaven or Purgatory, I didn't know.

      Eyes glimmering with a new hope for eternity, I squeezed his hand tight and offered him a beaming smile, tears no longer running from my eyes. "Forever, Fred."

     He smiled at that, the corners of his eyes crinkling into the grin that I loved. Fred lowered his head and raised our combined hands to his lips, kissing the top of my hand. "I love you Elle, but," his voice trailed off as my stomach froze, sinking inside me, "but, I want you to live."

      "What?" I frowned, confused once more. Nothing really made sense, but Fred was acting as if this was all normal. "Aren't we dead already?"

      "Not exactly," Fred said. "L, want you to live the best-damned life you can. I want you to have everything; I wanted to give you everything and anything you ever wanted."

      Shaking my head, I yanked my hand from his grip once again and took his face, both hands cradling his cheeks as I tried to figure out what he was getting at. "I only ever wanted you."

      "You can't know that; you've got so much more time."

     I protested, pushing his face so that his eyes would meet mine. "No. I don't want time."

      "Don't say that," he sighed, placing his hands on mine and removing them from his cheeks, holding them in his two palms.

      "Why not?" I quipped, getting mad again. It was as if he purposely was pushing me away and it was pissing me off. "Why can't I be happy?"

      "You can be," Fred assured me.

     "Not without you, damn it." Running a free hand through my hair, I wasn't sure what was going on. The world was getting hazy, like a thick fog had come along to snuff me out, to snuff us out. "What are you saying? I'm confused."

     "I love you, you know that."

     My breathing hitched at the sadness hidden behind his words, calloused and cold. "Why does it sound like you're saying this for the last time?"

      Fred's face crumpled, and my heart broke with it. "Not the last time. Just,..." I wanted to cry, to yell, to scream, but the smoke was getting suffocatingly thick, "the first one in eternity."

      "Maybe an eternity of just you and me will be alright. All right?"

      Fred brushed the few tears off of my cheeks with his thumbs, resting his forehead on mine, breathing me in. "All right."

It's too bad that sometimes, you just don't get what you want.

       "I can't wait for you to get here."

      Gasping for air, I choked on a sheet that had been placed over my face, breathing in dirt and dust and being bombarded by a thousand aches and pains all at once.

[still not over, more to come]

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