I feel sick.
Like very sick.
Well not right now but I was earlier.
I had stomach pains so badly this weekend, I felt like throwing up when I did three of normal humans things;
Using the restroom, Eating and drinking.
Yep.
And i might have to stay home tomorrow and be alone in the house tomorrow. Or I might not. I kind of hope not. Like I'll feel better tomorrow, go to school and stuff.
And really I need to go to school to gain social experience and well being and human contact. Family isn't enough.
I could've gone and gotten that today but i was, again, feeling sick.

It's rather funny To me how I've been saying to myself recently that "I don't need people. They don't care. I'm going to screw up talking with them anyways."
No
I need people.
We humans all need people. It's scientifically proven.
I need to talk with other people, face to face.
And i need hugs and stuff because they make people feel better. Again also scientifically proven.

It's so funny how I hate people but need em.

One of my friends, who's is one of the most cutest things ever, will sometimes rest her head on me and then stop and say "You're probably uncomfortable."
No.
I'm not if you're not. You can keep doing it. I'm fine.

People being nervous to touch me is sometimes funny. Not in a mean way. It's just like; oh you're probably uncomfortable with me doing (thing).
No
You're not murdering
Hurting
Making me comfortable
Or harassing me in anyway
By just patting me on the back.
And these types of people know who they are, and it's all fine. You're cool and I'm going to find and hug you. I know who you are too.

That was a bit threatening hahahahahahah

The next thing I gotta say is
Guys
Thanks so much for calling me Echo. Like seriously it makes me super happy. I know it hard
But it brings a smile to my face
And what's hilarious is people at school
WHO DONT REALLY LIKE ME TOO MUCH ARE CALLING ME ECHO
THAT GIRL ON MONDAY IS CALLING ME ECHO.
TWO (and a half.) OF MY TEACHERS ARE.
And I'm so glad that nobody has really said "Do you know how hard this is for me" or "I'm just going to call you Echo as a nickname." Or "I'm not calling you that." To me.
Yea I know it's hard to suddenly change gears and call me something completely different. But you gotta know that it makes me feel happier about myself.
And if you don't want me to be happy
Well fine. Calling me echo will make me treat you better.

And for those who are thinking about "Oh this is super hard for me, listen to how hard it is for me to call you this."
Yea ok I know but let's put something into perspective.
You wake up. You get dressed, brush your teeth, do what you need to get ready. You go downstairs and eat breakfast. As you're  eating breakfast, a family member comes up to you and starts talking to you. Always referring to you as a completely different name than what yours is. You want to correct them so badly. You want to yell to them that you're not that. You're you. But you can't. You finish, wanting to cry, and gather your stuff for school.
You silently ride the bus to school, thinking of ways to tell your family about what you are. Who you are. You get to school, and immediately you hear your name. A smile slowly creeps along your face. It's one of your friends. You talk, laugh and joke with your friend until you have to get to your first class.
You walk in and see your teacher. They greet you with a nice 'good morning' followed by your name. You feel so happy after hearing them say that name.
They day goes by, you have to correct and remind a few people but nothing too serious is happening. Aside from people saying your name.
You want to laugh, cry, and scream the name to everyone. You smile on the inside when someone new calls you your name.
Your friends, teachers, date mate, strangers, everyone is referring to you as your name.
Then after that day of school, you get home. You hear that strange name. You respond slowly to it.
You chat with the speaker, they always referring to you as a different name. After the conversation, you go to your room, muttering and thinking about correcting them. You sit on your bed, saying your name over and over again. Then you say your pronouns over and over again before getting to things you've been meaning to get to.
You hear the name again, its dinner. You sigh and get up and walk to eat dinner. Both reluctantly and forcefully by nature, you react and respond to whatever name your family keeps calling you. After dinner, you go back to your room, as you read/draw/do homework/ anything you Mutter your name, and correct them in your brain.
Later at night, you lay awake, facing the ceiling. You cry a small bit because you don't know how to tell your family. And if you'll ever tell them. and what if you're lying to yourself and your friends.
Just before loosing consciousness, you whisper to yourself your name, and your gender.
And the cycle repeats.

yea well anyways im going to sleep now.
hopefully i can exist tomorrow because i have something funny planned!