i hate my medicine that is helping me with my illness currently

IT TAKES 8 HOURS TO WORK 

AND IT WORKING NOW???????

All day i felt like crap, I took naps in my classes and was visibly ill. A girl even asked if i was ok which i felt happy that someone i dont even know will take time out of their day to ask if a person like me is ok. I lied abiut being ok.

Luckily my math teacher (who has got to be one of the greatest teachers.) let me just rest my head and take a break.

i did feel forced to be happy in two of my classes which i just couldn't do. I  cant always be happy. that impossible. 

then i just felt like a terrible friend. because i just ruin so many friendships

thats just what i do at this point.

ruin things.

and i legit felt myself killing myself

that sounds weird.

i wasnt actually doing so i just

felt

a knife in my throat and stomach. i felt it! just like last night i felt a razor cut at my skin and peel it off.

is this some mutliuniverse thing?

how many times have i died?

uh

anyways.

i had to hide my pens and pencils in fear of hurting myself again.

Again. 

and i just sat in one of my classes.

i did this a lot today. 

i shouldve stayed home to avoid everything wrong with myself.

and i sat in my last class ending up crying because of how much of a terrible person i think i am

and how hopeless ive become

and just terrible things about myslef

BUT LOOK AT ME JUST ANOTHER PERSON COMPLAINING ON THE INTERNET

MY WORDS ALMOST MEAN THE SAME AMOUNT OF THE ATTENTION HOGS OF THIS SPACE.

why do i have to think like this.

why me.

why anyone.