PROLOGUE
PAST LIVES

JANUARY 8, 2016

IN HER 24 YEARS OF LIVING, Tabitha Young learned that taking a leap of faith could either make or break you. She tried her best to abide by the strict path she'd set for herself after grad school, but when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. And when your career gives you the choice to either continue working in America or succeed further at the Tokyo headquarters, you make that leap of faith.

Leaving her family and friends wasn't an easy choice. But without their encouragement, she probably would've hesitated and declined the offer. Tabitha has always had a habit of hesitating, and she desperately wanted to break out of it. This had to be the first step. But it was a big decision. When her boss approached her about it, she almost didn't believe him. She had been working as an Engineering Project Manager at a top software development company even during grad school, but the last thing she expected was for him to hand her an opportunity like this. "Miss Young," he had said, in that booming voice of his, "I believe you are destined for success and I want to help you. Would you rather stick to your path here, or take a chance at our Tokyo headquarters?"

It was a big ask. A ginormous ask, one that she had to sit on for a while.

Growing up as a Chinese American, Tabitha had never ventured outside of California, let alone America. So when she took that leap of faith, when she listened to her family's support, when she finally said, "Yes," instead of hesitating like usual – she was terrified to be in a new place that she wasn't familiar with. As any person would be. Sure, she ended up finding her footing, and then befriended some of her coworkers at the Tokyo HQ, but there were days that she missed the comfort of her mother's arm laced through hers while walking down a busy street. Or she missed having a friend sleep over her apartment to watch rom-coms all night. She missed the familiarity of someone, something constant.

Enter: Kento Nanami.

It's January 8th, 2016 – a rather busy Friday night in Shinjuku. Tabitha rested her chin in her hand and scrolled through her work emails, waiting for her friend from work to show. Hina had the tendency to leave her office late. And then consequently, made Tabitha sit alone while she waited for her friend to arrive at their favorite local bar for a drink at the end of the work week.

Kento Nanami found himself at the same bar that night, having a casual beer with his close colleagues. He didn't do this often – actually, he regularly tried not to be around coworkers after 6 PM – but something about today felt different. Being a young, 26-year-old salaryman, he cared about his work and success a lot. He was at the height of his career as a stockbroker for a popular investment firm, and he made sure to follow every company rule and regulation.

And then, Kento's eyes found hers: the girl at the bar with dark blue eyes that reminded him of the night sky, her soft, chestnut-brown hair pulled back into a ponytail. For the first time ever, he wanted to break a rule and not look away. And he didn't; he held her stare until she gave him a toothy grin and turned away. This was when Kento broke another one of his rules: he excused himself from his colleagues and approached her at the bar. He introduced himself with a firm handshake and a shy smile. She was hardly able to make eye contact with him, but she managed to finally get out her name.

Tabitha Young. He didn't know it then, but that would become his favorite name.

At first, Tabitha expected they were going to be friends – even though she was widely attracted to him – because Kento was almost too much of a gentleman. Their first date was simple: a meet-up at his favorite coffee shop on a lazy Sunday afternoon. He learned she was from America, what she did for a living, her love for crochet and how her great-grandmother was still living (and one of her closest confidants). She learned about his career, his fears that he might be subconsciously running away from something, how part of his family came from Denmark, his hobbies of cooking and reading books he missed out on over the years. And when he walked her to her taxi, he gave her a kind smile and a hug she almost ignored.

As you can see, it was pretty easy to confuse that for friendship.

But then, he asked her out on more dates. He took her out for a drink at a dive bar that reminded her of home, and finally kissed her on the cheek in front of her apartment door. He brought her to his favorite sushi spot in all of Tokyo, then bought her a loaf of bread from his preferred bakery, which was coincidentally right near her apartment. He even cooked dinner for her, and Tabitha was shocked at how good he was. No one had ever cooked for her. No one had treated her with so much kindness and respect like Kento did. She was a little caught off guard by him, not knowing what his next move would be. He only gave her a little bit of himself with each date. Her past relationships, whether it be in undergrad or grad school, had all started with intimacy, with feeling her skin burn against another's. With Kento ... he took the time to get to know her, relishing in her thoughts and feelings, before learning how to touch her.

It was only on their 7th date – after he had taken her to one of the most expensive restaurants she had been to in her entire life and walked her back to her apartment – that he accepted her invitation to come inside for a coffee. But that was the last thing on both their minds. To her credit, they did start in the kitchen, with Tabitha leaning against the counter and pulling him close by his loosened tie. Kento knew how to kiss her by that point, knowing exactly how to make her whimper into his mouth. He always kissed her slowly to savor the taste of her coconut-flavored lip gloss. It reminded him of a beach – she reminded him of warmth, of sand, of sun-kissed skin. He wondered if the small amount of faint freckles on her nose came out more in the hot sun.

Tabitha was always vulnerable around Kento, but somehow, he knew instinctively where to touch her, which spots would have her coming undone beneath him. And she liked it, she liked him. God, did she like him more than she expected. Even before she knew he could make her cum just about 3 times in a single night, she really, really liked Kento Nanami. And only after he finally climaxed, when she felt him go soft inside her, did he say, "I only want to be with you, Tab."

━━━━━━

It had been almost 3 long years with her salaryman, and Tabitha was happy. More than happy. She received a promotion at work, finding the success her boss back in America always wanted for her. Her friendship with her coworker, Hina, deepened, and she found a special kind of loyalty and care with her that she didn't expect. She moved in with Kento. A former bachelor pad became the homey, decorated condo that fit both their tastes. Her family came to visit her, and despite her old age, her great-grandmother finally got to meet Kento in person. Her father loved him. Everyone loved him. She loved him, more than anything.

But around October 2018, something changed.

More like, he changed.

Kento had started working overtime at the office, which wouldn't have been strange if he never told her in their first year of dating how much he hated working past 6 in the evening. But it was busy season for him. And he was tired more often because of it, coming home with his eyes hardly open and practically falling into bed. Tabitha chalked it up to just work problems. Like her, he cared about his career and had a strong drive for success.

Then came the incident on October 19.

Tabitha returned to their condo around 6 PM that Friday night, knowing that Kento would arrive an hour or so later. She took her typical shower and pulled on her favorite cozy PJs. Friday nights became their movie nights: she would pick out the film, and he would bring their favorite takeout. As she blowdried her wet hair, she noticed her phone ring with Kento's number flash across the screen. With a furrowed brow, she picked up the phone, "Hi, Ken."

"Tab," his voice was muffled in the speaker, but he almost sounded out of breath, "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I'm gonna be home late, so I have to miss movie night. A lot going on at ... the office, and my boss wants me to stay to work through an issue with a big client. Use my other credit card on the nightstand to buy yourself some dinner, okay?"

She shifted from one foot to the other, and then nodded. "Okay, are you sure it's gonna be late? I just ... don't want to order food and then you come home hungry." She tried to keep her tone even. "But I can order something extra for when you get back. Do you know when you'll be coming home?"

"I ... no, not really," his voice was glitching out, as if he was losing service. "Gotta go, sweetheart. I love you."

"Love you too," she replied, hearing the call click as soon as the words left her mouth.

That was the last time she heard his voice until Sunday.

Tabitha went to bed on Friday night worried. She wasn't typically an anxious person, but something about the sound of his voice was weird. He was just being overworked though, and hopefully it would pay off. She tried staying up for him, but when she started getting droopy-eyed on the couch, she retired to bed. Saturday morning came around, and Kento wasn't in bed beside her. She checked her phone. No calls. No texts. She chewed on her nail but pushed her panic down. He had done this once 6 months into dating: he worked far too late, ended up staying over at his colleague, Ren's, place, and Tabitha called a cab to pick him up. This had to be happening again, so she called him. No answer. She attempted to keep herself busy by grocery shopping – called him again, no answer – and then going out to see Hina at a cafe. She confessed her worry to Hina, who informed Tabitha that a missing person's report could be filed tomorrow, but that was the last thing anyone wanted to do. He couldn't be missing. Why would Kento be missing? Called again. No answer. Texted him at least 10 times. No answer.

She tossed and turned in her bed on Saturday night, thinking of the inevitable. She'd have to call the authorities tomorrow. The clock on the wall ticked loudly, and somehow, the sun started to rise. She hardly got a wink of sleep. Jolting from the bed, she ran out to the main area of the condo, hoping to God that he slipped in during the middle of the night. Empty. She rubbed at her face and walked to the kitchen, leaning against the counter with her phone in hand.

Her finger hovered over the emergency line.

A key in the lock clicked. The door opened.

Whoever walked through the door was not her salaryman.

This man looked like him, talked like him, but it couldn't be him. He was incredibly disheveled. His hair stuck up at odd angles and dust coated part of his face. His pretty brown eyes were almost completely bloodshot, dark circles forming underneath them. His shirt – the same shirt she liked to iron when he was running late – wrinkled, stained, and hanging out of his trousers.

They had little arguments before, but nothing compared to Tabitha's explosion that Sunday morning. She screamed at him, beat her fists on her broad chest, and he let her, as if he were too tired to fight her off. Tears streamed down her face from both relief and anger. "I thought you were fucking dead, Ken," she cried out, knotting her hands into his shirt, until he wrapped his fingers around her wrists. "You didn't tell me where you were! I haven't spoken to you since Friday. You disappeared without a fucking trace. You disappear and then come home looking like ... like this? Where were you? Why aren't you saying anything?"

"I ..." His voice is hoarse and cracked. "I am ... so tired. And I'm sorry."

Tabitha blinked away her tears and slipped her wrists out of his gentle hold. She let him walk slowly to the bedroom, watching every careful step. She heard the shower turn on a minute later, and after that, she checked the bedroom and found him sleeping on top of the comforter with only a towel wrapped around his waist.

She was mad. Actually, she was furious. The whole situation made her so outraged that she refused to speak to him for the whole day, but it wasn't like he was waking up anyway. On Monday morning, they finally spoke, and he apologized while holding her so close that she could feel the warmth of his skin. He kissed her ear, then her cheek, before burying his face in her neck. And she held onto him, whispering, "I'm still angry with you. I want to know what happened that made you not able to contact me for almost two days."

"I know," he said, his voice as soft as silk, and pressed a kiss on her jawline. "Please, can we let this all go? I just ... I can't."

When he lifted his head, looked into her sapphire irises – she knew the fight was over. Something bad had happened, and she realized from the expression on his face that it was better she didn't know. She nodded and finally, melted into him.

━━━━━━

After that fateful Sunday morning, things went from bad to worse.

Tabitha knew that Kento was keeping something big, but she couldn't figure it out for the life of her. She wondered if she wanted to know, if she should just brush it off like she did after he disappeared for a day, but his habits were becoming too strange to ignore. It was as if something shifted in his life after that weekend in October. He began coming home later, tired and disheveled – but not the same level of unkempt as that Sunday morning. Little things were out of place, like his glasses, his tie, or even his hair. Kento had always been very meticulous about his appearance, and he also never forgot anything asked of him. But he started to forget to pick up takeout on Friday nights, or his briefcase at the office.

With a troubled expression, Tabitha finally asked him if something was wrong. She desperately hoped that whatever came out of his mouth would dispel her worry, whether it be a lie or truth. But all he did was smile from his spot beside her in bed and said, "I've just been working overtime a lot at the office. Hopefully, they'll promote me soon."

Their love language had always been doing things for each other. Tabitha liked to help him with his laundry, and Kento cooked dinner every night beside Fridays. As she stuffed his clothes in the wash, she started to notice his shirts having odd-colored stains on them. But that could be anything, and again, she wasn't typically an anxious person. One Thursday night, he didn't come home with the milk she asked him to pick up and for some strange reason, he wasn't wearing the button-up he wore to work this morning. Tabitha questioned him instantly, and he brushed it off before apologizing for not picking up the milk.

She let it go. She had to let it go, or else she would go crazy. Kento had never lied, so why start now?

And then, she saw that button-up again, the one he didn't wear home.

After agreeing to meet him during their free lunch hour, Tabitha waited at his favorite bakery and sipped on a steaming cup of coffee. She was excited, and her heart skipped a beat when she looked through the window, spotting him across the street. Instead of crossing, though, he was talking to a woman with long, deep brown hair, and dark eyes with heavy eye bags. She wore a lab coat, but it was the clothing in her hands that concerned Tabitha the most: she was handing Kento his clean, white button-up. Kento folded the shirt tighter and slipped it inside his briefcase.

Hellbent on not ruining their lunch, Tabitha simply cataloged this interaction in her brain. But it seemed that the universe was intent on her going insane, because the next week, when she called Kento to tell him about a meeting that was going to make her get home late, a woman answered. And Tabitha did not doubt that it was the woman in the lab coat. Before she could question who it was, the call ended within seconds.

Kento was now coming home late almost 3 times a week, looking not like himself. He didn't kiss her like he used to, and they were hardly intimate because he was too tired all the time. He had a smoking habit, pulling out a cigarette every once in a while, but he was starting to buy a pack every week. Tabitha knew she was overthinking now when she started examining his laundry, looking for something that she wasn't sure of. One time, she found a few long strands of brown hair, but she wondered if it was just hers.

She couldn't stop herself. She began broaching the topic more often about something being wrong, either with him or with work. But Kento knew exactly how to make her forget and with his lips brushing over hers, he told her not to worry. The worst part was that she believed him, because there was no malicious intent in those eyes – just a desperation for her to stay with him.

Finally, Tabitha felt the final straw. The final nail in the coffin. This was the 10th Friday night in a row that he forgot their takeout order after work. And normally, she wouldn't fuss over something so juvenile, except for the fact that this was Kento Nanami, who remembered everything but had been prone to forgetfulness for some time now. It was midnight, and Kento had gotten home about 2 hours ago, knowing what he had done wrong when he saw the meal she had left him on the counter. Tabitha lay in their bed, the cover pulled up to her shoulders, and watched her boyfriend finish brushing his teeth.

"Ken," she muttered, just loud enough for him to hear, "you've been off for the past four months."

Her words must've stirred something in him, because he instantly stood upright. He wiped his mouth with a towel and went to stand in the doorway of the bathroom, only his silhouette visible. Though she couldn't see it, she could feel his eyes on her.

"I know something is very wrong," she began, unable to stop herself. "And if you don't want to talk about it, that's okay. You don't like to burden other people with your problems. But I think we've known each other for long enough that we can trust each other with anything. I'm just ... really worried and I feel like I'm going crazy, because you keep telling me everything is fine. I know you, Ken. You're not fine."

And god help him, Kento looked just so exhausted. His shoulders sagged a little, and she watched his silhouette run a hand through his hair. He sighed heavily and replied, "Tab, sweetheart, I told you this before: it's just work. I'm very tired, and I just don't want to talk about this so late at night. Please, don't worry."

He closed the door, shutting down the conversation once and for all.

━━━━━━

That next morning, Kento woke up with a heavy weight on his chest. Guilt was clawing at him like a rabid animal. He knew he was fucking up. Big time. But their conversation last night finally struck a cord in him. Tabitha was too smart for her own good, and she had known something was up for a while now. It wasn't like he could tell her though, so the least he could do was make it up to her.

He had known he wanted to marry her for a year, but things had become complicated in October. He never wanted to be married while having this new job, but he was desperate for her. He didn't want a life without her, despite how dangerous it was. So he would propose. That will keep her safe and let her know that she would always be his, even if he couldn't tell her the truth.

He left their apartment early in the morning, before she woke up. Ring shopping took him most of the day, seeing as he had to inspect every jewelry store in the area, and he made sure to text her throughout the day. It was weird that she wasn't replying, but he had more pressing matters. When he finally found the ring, he slipped it into the pocket of his coat, and made sure to pick up her favorite takeout as a surprise.

Kento didn't smile very often, except when he thought of her, and he couldn't contain his excitement as he walked back to their condo. As he walked through the door, he called out for her and set the bag of greasy food on their dining table.

When he found her in their bedroom, his smile finally broke.

She was packing a second suitcase, the first sitting by where he stood in the doorway. Frantically, she was shoving clothes and essentials into the luggage, not bothering to acknowledge him. But she knew he was there. She could sense his presence like a superpower. She just continued packing, even as he said, "What's going on?"

The ring box in his pocket suddenly felt heavy.

"I can't do this anymore," she said irritably, running to the bathroom to grab her shampoo and conditioner before shoving them in a plastic bag. "I'm done, Ken."

He couldn't even think. His voice was hardly his own as he asked, "You're done?"

"Yes," she huffed and zipped the second suitcase closed. "Done. I'm tired of the lies. I can't take it. Do you think I'm an idiot?"

"Tab," he shook his head, "what? No, I –"

"Because it sure feels like it," she interrupted, hauling the heavy suitcase off the bed and next to the other one. "I wasted three years on this. Three long, long years, Ken. And they were good for a while. Until you started lying. Despite that, I still love you. I don't think I've ever loved someone like the way I love you. But if I don't leave now, I'll be stuck here because I don't think I'll be strong enough to leave again."

Kento couldn't move. He felt completely frozen as she pushed past him with her two big suitcases. She muttered something about staying with Hina, but he couldn't bear to turn and watch her walk out. He heard the cling of her key on the dining table before the door opened and closed.

It took him almost 10 minutes to finally move. He ran a hand down his face, and then pulled out the box from his pocket. He admired the ring with tired eyes, realizing that he might've been intuitively hoping she'd do this the whole time. Even though he loved her. He loved her more than words, but he'd have to face that reality he feared: a life without her in it.

Kento crossed the room and with a deep sigh, he closed the ring box, placing it in his bedside drawer. At least now, he knew she'd be safer farther away from him.

A/N: ok. yes. I realize this prologue is very SAD, but I promise it'll pick up! y'all know how much I love angst and drama, and this fic will be CHALK FULLLLLL 🤭🤭 hope you guys enjoyed!! I'm so excited to post the next chapter! chapter 1 will be a time skip — 2 years after the breakup, at a certain friend's wedding 🤫