༄彡፨֍༄彡፨༄彡፨֍

ETERI'S POINT OF VIEW

TELL ME, WHAT IS real beauty? Is it based simply on appearance? According to your personality? What is the essence of beauty? Unfortunately, in this society, appearance is everything.

They all have beauty standards in place to ensure your acceptance. To everyone, you're only pretty if you have the perfect looks and are the cutest female on campus.

Mas madaling mapansin talaga kapag maganda ka, at kadalasan ikaw agad ang napapansin ng mga tao. Na daig mo pa nga ang atensyon ng isang artista dahil sa kagandahang taglay mo.

But for the woman, someone like myself, Eteri Rylnn Magallanes. It fails to work that way for me. I don't have the looks, and I've always taken the nasty insults that everyone has directed at me ever since I endured the greatest bullying in my life.

I settled into the chair, the soft cushions enveloping me in a comforting embrace. Before me lay an impressive array of books, their stacks reaching high on the table, each page slightly curled as if eager to be explored. I picked one up, flipping it open, and let my eyes glide over the lines, my fingers tracing the margins as if following a secret path hidden within the text.

A hush enveloped the room, only interrupted by the soft rustling of pages turning. There was no urgency in the air—just me, lost in the solace of countless stories, where the world faded away within the comforting embrace of books. Sa dami ko ba namang research projects, 'no? And now I have to perform each study on how people perceive libraries. 

As I gently opened the book to place it on the scanner, the spine let out a soft, age-old creak. The pages, already kissed by time, bore a yellowed hue, speckled with the marks of years gone by.

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Along the margins, the scrawl of ink suggested a life once lived—notes and annotations that hinted at a diligent student's efforts, perhaps someone deeply engrossed in the pursuit of memorizing Latin names. Ang hirap naman nito ah! T'wing binabasa ko ang ganitong topic, inaabot ako ng ilang oras. 

Tulad ng dati, nag-scan ako. As I flipped through the pages guided by the professor's instructions, I found myself in Chapter 14, aptly titled "Personal Pronouns; Reflexive Pronouns."

With care and precision, I prepared to scan the Latin verbs, ensuring they were neatly arranged and easy to decipher. But first, I took a moment to glance at the preview, confirming that everything was clear enough for a seamless scanning experience.

My professor required this specific edition, which is why I found myself in this chaotic setting. Books were strewn about me in a massive, disorderly heap. Parang sinasadya rin talaga ng prof ko na damihan ang requirements ko considering that I'm the top of our class.

Plus, that's all I was good at anyway. That I'm smart, hindi man ako maganda pero mapagmamalaki ko naman ang talino na meron ako.

I'm currently on the second floor of the St. Mary's Library. It's quite large, and the windows are open, allowing sunlight to stream through. Shelves are well-maintained, with each book and division separated. The air was filled with the smell of books! Oh! I wouldn't mind staying here forever. All you could hear was the soft sound of pages moving.

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The library was more than just a book collection; it was also a community. Since I was assigned to the events, workshops such as author readings, educational programs, and other topics. That's why I enjoy this course so much.

La Villa del Rios, a prestigious enclave renowned for its exclusivity, I make my home. My presence here is largely shaped by the influence of my parents, and to be honest, my initial feelings were indifferent. What truly matters to me is the freedom I've carved out for myself—once I secured that, everything else fell into place.

Nakatira ako sa Guiguinto, Bulacan.

Hindi madaling makapasok sa St. Mary's Private College. I owe my journey to my mom's influence, and truthfully, it was one of the best decisions I've made. Limang minuto lang naman ang layo papunta sa arko, pero kailangan mo talagang maaga dahil mahirap makakuha ng tricyle. Parang 'yon na ang araw-araw na hamon ko.

Grabe, sana lang talaga 'di ka ma-traffic, kasi nakakawindang 'yun! Lalo na't sobrang mahal na yata ng pamasahe ngayon.

Pero kailangan kong magtiis. Nasa third year na rin ako sa kursong Bachelor of Library and Information Science. Or BLIS in short!

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Bakit ko nga ba 'to kinuha? Kasi talagang gusto kong pumunta sa library. I simply wanted to immerse myself in the sanctuary of books, without any other thoughts. Kapag nasa kurso ko talaga na 'to, wala ka talagang ibang ka-date kung hindi ang mag-scan at kasama mo ang library ng buong taon. 

Saglit akong napailing, tapos napa-kunot noo at napahawak sa baba ko. I closed my eyes, then my lips slightly parted slightly, attempting to push my thoughts away, and let out an audible sigh. Kung anu-ano na naman ang naiisip ko! Grabe naman!

Wala ka talagang takas sa dami ng mga librong kailangang basahin, lalo na kung may kinalaman sa mga subjects mo sa library management, cataloging, information retrieval, digital libraries, at research methods. You must pay close attention to details, even when it's challenging. Conducting thorough research and gathering information from relevant sources are crucial aspects of this course.

Sa praktikal naman ibang usapan na 'yon. Dito mo mararamdaman ang bigat ng trabaho. Kailangan mong maging pamilyar sa technology at matutong gumamit ng mga library systems.  Mahalaga ring makatulong sa mga tao na makahanap ng right information at sa pag-aarchive ng mga documents.

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The journey ahead is far from simple, but I felt compelled to demonstrate the significance of recognizing our educational professionals. I wanted to illustrate just how vital education really is for the future of our nation.

I yawned slightly and my head would drop loose for a second. One. Two. It was pointing down and down as I moved my hands up to stretch both of my arms.

I proceeded slowly, slouching my back and took off my glasses. I opened my eyes, closed them briefly, and then arranged all of the books neatly to the side. Pagkatapos nun, pinagpatong-patong ko ang mga papel at isa-isa ko silang niligpit. Dahan-dahan kong inurong ang upuan at tahimik akong tumayo. At tsaka ko nilagay ko ang mga libro sa shelves nito at nagsimulang maglakad.  

I blinked when I observed the girls staring at me, their lips curving and their hands resting on their hips. Then they twisted their jaws, and their laughter echoed throughout the library, like a siren that you couldn't ignore. Oh, I completely understand the kind of statements they're making about me. That's exactly how my life goes. It's not something new.

"That's her. The Cereal monster!"

"Kadiri! Hindi ba siya nahihiya sa sarili niya at pumasok pa talaga siya rito?"

"She should see herself in the mirror, 'di siya bagay rito! Kung ako sa babaeng 'yan, dapat mag-drop na lang siya."

Inayos ko ang suot kong facemask at tahimik ko silang pinagmasdan, pero bigla akong napaubo sandali at saka lumapit. "Is there anything you wish to say to me?" 

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Pagkakita nila sa itsura ko, isa-isa silang naghiyawan—parang nakakita ng multo! They began to widen their eyes dramatically, contorting their faces in exaggerated displays of terror. Their hands trembled as they gestured wildly, all to emphasize just how afraid I could make them feel and they don't even treat me like an ordinary person. They consider me a monster because of how ugly I am.

Para sa iba, katatawan ang ginagawa nila, kahit wala namang talagang nakakatawa sa ginagawa nila. Some people would pull faces and act as if it was perfectly okay to cancel someone just because they found them ugly.

They treated me like a monster just because I have Vitiligo, as if being different from them made me dangerous, like a virus. But that's where they're wrong.

Vitiligo is a disease that causes loss of skin color in patches. The discolored areas usually get bigger with time. The condition can affect the skin on any part of the body. It can also affect hair and the inside of the mouth.

Normally, the color of hair and skin is determined by melanin. Vitiligo occurs when cells that produce melanin die or stop functioning. Vitiligo affects people of all skin types, but it may be more noticeable in people with brown or Black skin. The condition is not life-threatening or contagious.

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At ang dahilan kung bakit madalas akong naka-mask ay hindi dahil sa tsismis na may virus ako, o sa sabi-sabing magkakasakit ang mga lumalapit sa'kin. Sila lang naman ang gumawa ng kwentong 'yon dahil ayaw nila sa 'kin dito. Hindi ko alam kung ano'ng nagawa ko sa kanila para i-trato nila ako nang ganito. 

As if they completely convinced themselves na isa akong halimaw. Even if I'm not. They just convinced themselves that I was that kind of monster.

Halos ganito na ang takbo ng buhay ko sa araw-araw. Lait sa umaga hanggang gabi ang tanging natatanggap ko.

Sanay na akong marinig ang mga pang-iinsulto nila, kaya mas pinili ko nang huwag nang makipagtalo dahil alam kong wala akong karapatan sa mundong 'to. Wala na akong magawa kundi tiisin na lang ang mga masasakit nilang salita, kasi pakiramdam ko, wala na talagang makakarinig sa nararamdaman ko. Pinipilit kong h'wag nang intindihin ang nararamdaman ko kasi tanggap ko nang pangit ako.

Para sa'n pa?

When people are just good enough to prove themselves while repeatedly invading on the feelings of others as if it makes no difference. It's hard to have to prove yourself to someone because you know they're always right, even when they're not.

And I'm not here to please anyone, so why should I care about their opinions? People will not always like you, which I guess that's fine. The fact that you're still here and standing is more important.

Kinuha ko na lang ang libro ko, saka lumapit ako sa kanila, tapos umiling sandali. Tumabi ako sa isang sulok at napahawak sa batok, at sandaling yumuko bago ko sila hinarap. Tapos napabuntong-hininga na lang ako. "Habang tuwang-tuwa kayo kakalait sa 'kin, ipapaalala ko lang na may recitation mamaya about sa Basic Microeconomics."

"We'll talk about Library and Information Management, and if you don't want to be caught off guard by the teacher later, you should start studying now."

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The girl just responded with a grimace, crossing her arms and narrowing her eyes at me. She tapped her fingers on the table and leaned forward, indicating that she was not pleased with what I had said.

Her frown deepened as she turned to face me, her eyes blazing with intensity. In an instant, she snapped her gaze toward me and seized my shirt, pulling me closer. I felt my heart race as I struggled to find the right words, the startled expression on my face only deepening her resolve. "Nanay ba kita? So, what the heck!? What exactly do you want me to say, freak?"

"It's not that," I murmured.

Wala naman talaga akong gusto na ipamukha sa kanila or anything. That has not crossed my mind either. Pero kung makatingin sila parang ako pa ang may kasalanan dito.

Nung isang araw sinisi nila ako dahil hindi sila nakasagot sa quiz at galit na galit sila sa 'kin. Kaya sinubukan ko silang paalalahanan tungkol sa recitation namin, pero ako pa rin ang lumabas na mali.  Is this how society actually works?

Na 'yung magaganda lang ang may karapatan na mabuhay? Why? Ginusto ko ba na maging ganito ako? Problema ko ba talaga at pangit ako? I never even wanted this!

I never wished for any of this.

Parang mali pa kapag ako na ang humihiling ng kahit kaunting respeto. 'Yun lang naman ang hinihingi ko, pero hindi pa rin nila maibigay. Kahit ano'ng gawin ko, pakiramdam ko wala akong lugar — dahil ganito ako. Because this was how I appeared.

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May isang babae na biglang umirap, tapos ngumiti pa. Pinisil-pisil niya sandali ang ilong niya, tapos lumapit siya sa'kin. Bigla niyang tinadyakan 'yung pader sa gilid ko, parang nang-aasar. Tapos tiningnan niya ako nang masama, diretsong-diretso. Dahan-dahan siyang lumapit, parang lang hilahin ang buhok ko.

"Aba sumasagot ka pa! Pwede ba Eteri h'wag ka nga mag-feeling d'yan! You may be smart as hell but look at your face in the mirror."

She gave my face a light touch, then lifted her brows, scoffed, and cocked her head, and her lips opened slightly. She began giggling while pointing her finger directly at me. "Hindi ka nababagay dito at kahit kelan walang lugar ang isang tulad mong pangit! Face the reality, you freak!"

Kinagat ko ang labi ko, halos gusto ko nang sumuko sandali. Napakagat na lang ako sa labi ko, at ang mga titig ko sa kanila ay parang naging maliit na lang, sinusundan ko na lang ang tawanan nila. Naramdaman kong napakabigat na ng lahat, kaya halos mapaiyak na ako pero umiling lang ako. 

Hinawakan ko na lang ang ulo ko habang tuloy-tuloy ang pagdaloy ng luha ko. Hanggang kailan ko mararanasan 'to? Ano raw ang punto niya? Face the reality?

FYI, ang tagal ko nang tinanggap ang lahat tungkol sa pagkatao ko! Hindi nila maintindihan kung gaano kahirap ang buhay ko sa araw-araw para lang ipamukha nila ang insulto nila sa 'kin. 

Dahan-dahan kong isinara ang mga kamao ko at tumingala na lang ako sa malayo. Naluluha na ako, ramdam ko ang bigat ng aking damdamin, at 'di ko na kinaya ang mga panlalait nila sa 'kin, kaya tinulak ko sila palayo sa 'kin.

"Face the reality? I already did! Matagal ko nang tinanggap ang totoo, pero wala pa rin akong nakikitang taong tatanggap sa 'kin. You want me to face reality? Ang tagal na sa akin ipinamukha sa akin ng lahat na ganito lang akong klaseng tao."

My face contorted with the effort to keep everything bottled up inside. My eyes were swollen and red, and soon, tears began to stream down my cheeks—fast and relentless, as if they had been waiting for a moment to break free. I blinked once, then twice, but it became impossible to hold back any longer. 

A weight settled in my chest, making it hard to breathe, and before I knew it, the floodgates had opened. The tears flowed freely, overwhelming me, as I lost the battle to contain my sorrow.

Pinunasan ko ang mukha ko pero taksil ang mga luha ko—patuloy pa rin 'to tumutulo. Sobra lang ako nabastos! Ano'ng gusto mong gawin ko ha? Sabihin niyo nga sa'kin para maintindihan ko kung bakit nagagalit sa akin ang iba, hindi 'yung ganito. 

Kinagat ko na lang ang labi ko at pinisil ang kamao, at may kung ano'ng pumipigil sa'kin na magsalita. Mabilis ang tibok ng puso ko, kasabay ng panginginig ng kamay at paa, kaya napapikit na lang talaga ako. Unti-unti akong lumapit sa kanila at saka ko lang sila tiningnan. Wala akong magawa sa mga masasakit na sinabi nila, kaya halos pulang-pula na ang mukha ko  sa kakaiyak ko.

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"My entire life has been a cycle of insults hurled at me because of my Vitiligo. Yet, despite all of that, I strive every day to make the most of my life, regardless of the judgment from people like you. So tell me, what did I ever do to deserve this?"

Tama na, please. 

Ano pa ba dapat kong marinig?

Because I know.

Damn, I already knew I was a monster because of my Vitiligo!

Kahit ganun, sinusubukan ko pa ring mamuhay ng normal! Kahit na Ilang beses pa man ipamukha sa 'kin na wala akong lugar dito. 

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Maraming beses na akong pinaalalahanan ng mga tao na wala akong karapatang mabuhay sa mundong 'to dahil pangit ako, kaya kahit masakit na ang mga sinasabi nila at kahit gusto kong sumuko, pinipilit kong mabuhay nang 'di nakikinig sa masasakit na sinabi nila. Kahit alam kong pagod na ako, lumalaban pa rin ako.

Kahit sa dami ng pinagdadaanan ko, nagagawa ko pa ring mamuhay na parang normal na estudyante na nakangiti pa rin. Kahit na alam kong walang magmamahal sa 'kin. I still do my best to accept myself.  Kahit ako na lang. Mararamdaman ko rin na may halaga pa rin ako.

Self love is the most important thing in the world. Mahirap ibigay sa sarili ko ang bagay na 'yon pero pinipilit kong ibigay sa sarili ko 'yon kahit alam kong walang magmamahal sa 'kin.

Come on, they don't need to point out the obvious here. Alam ko naman na, alam ko na 'di ako maganda. That's why I never considered myself a beautiful girl. I was nothing but an average, ugly girl.

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I sensed a rhythm building in my footsteps, accompanied by a soft murmur that floated gently into my ears. "If you really hate this kind of life, then do your best to make yourself pretty then."

That voice. I recognize who it is.

He must be the one.

Steele Ridge Sasaki.

Why did he?

Bakit ba naman sa lahat ng tao na makakakita ng katangahan ko, siya pa!?

I never wanted to see my ex-boyfriend again. Yes, him. He's a Japanese exchange student who also attended one of Bulacan's universities, too. He's a Chemical Engineering student at Redvalley Private University.

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We met up last summer, but our relationship didn't work out since he dumped me. We were best friends at first, but as we grew closer, we realized our real feelings for each other and started to date. But things didn't work out between us. Because his dreams become the root of our problems.

Sobrang saya ng mga babae, pati mga bibig nila tinakpan pero tinitingnan muna nila ako mula ulo hanggang paa. Tumawa ulit sila at pinalobo pa ang mga labi nila habang ngumunguso, tapos tuloy-tuloy ang pagtawa na parang talaga namang nakakatuwa ang mga sinasabi nila. Itinaas nila ang mga kamay nila, itinaas ang mga baba, tapos nagsihampasan, at lalo pa akong pinagtawanan. 

"Right! Dapat kasi manalamin na lang siya at lumayas na sa university natin. Tignan mo nga, even your ex tells you that you're ugly." 

Magaling ba talaga sila sa ganyan? Sa tingin ba nila kaya nilang husgahan ang iba? Gaano katagal ko kailangang harapin 'to? Dapat ko na lang bang balewalain ang nararamdaman ko dahil sa tingin ko'y hindi ako maganda?

Dapat ba lumaban ako? Pagod na talaga ako sa lahat ng 'to! Sabi nila hindi ko dapat nararamdaman 'to dahil wala ako sa level nila! Sobrang sawa na ako sa pagiging mabait na ang dali lang nilang apakan!

Inayos naman ni Steele ang camera niya at napailing na lang ako sa paligid ko. I see, he's not lying on a single matter. That he really enjoyed taking pictures, which is why he became a member of the photography club, and he mostly assists in one of the pageants in most colleges. Kaya ba siya nandito?

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Tama na Eteri, What you had with him was nothing but a lie. Stop lying to yourself.

"And I gathered some evidence. Some three witches teasing a beautiful girl. That's bad. Do you want me to tell this to the dean, hmm? Just make your call ladies," He lifted the camera, skillfully adjusting the angle until it was perfect, and then—snap! A bright flash illuminated the moment.

The girls jumped at the sudden noise, their hands restless and voices rising in a chaotic chorus. It felt as though they had stumbled into a moment they were never meant to witness. One of them frowned deeply, her makeup smudged across her cheeks as she shot a glare in his direction. Steele. The name still felt strange on her tongue after all these years, a lingering reminder of the past that was hard to shake off.

Halos namutla na lang ang mga babaeng nangaasar sa akin kanina at agad silang nagtakbuhan, "We'll remember this! Humanda ka sa amin sa susunod Eteri Rylnn Magallanes, humanda ka sa 'min pangit!"

"Freaks," Steele chuckled and he rolled his eyes.

Inayos ko na ang buhok ko at sinisikap na iwasan ang pagtitig sa kanya. Dinampi ko na lang ang mga kamay ko sa buhok ko, habang ramdam ko ang panghihina ng mga tuhod ko, parang nawawala na ang lakas dahil sa presensya niya. Huminga na lang ako nang malalim, kinuha ang gamit ko, at kaagad umalis.

I didn't want this to be so uncomfortable for the two of us. At wala kaming dapat na pag-usapan pa. Because we've already broken up that summer. Tapos na 'yon.

"Eteri," Hinigit naman ni Steele 'yung kamay ko at agad ko na lang inalis 'yon sa kanya. Bakit ba!?

"We have nothing to talk about."Seryoso ko na lang na sinabi

This is reality. And I should accept the context of this reality.

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Na kahit na kailan, walang tao ang may kakayahang tumanggap sa isang katulad ko. As I already mentioned, appearance is everything in this society. And I don't have it in any of the attractive faces around here.

Kahit ano'ng gawin ko, kahit tanggap ko na 'yung vitiligo ko, parang palaging sinisira ng iba 'yung confidence ko. Parang kasalanan pa nga maging iba o pangit. Tapos kapag hindi ka maganda, dapat mo na lang daw asahan na huhusgahan ka nila, lalo na kung pangit ka, parang bawal pa sa'yo na magmahal o mahalin.

The only people who can love are those with attractive faces. That's the harsh truth that I must face.   

𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐏𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐘

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Glow up Series #12

❀ This is the latest and most refined version of the novel. However, please be aware that there may still be some inconsistencies and grammatical errors. I appreciate your understanding as I continue to make progress and complete the proofreading process.

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