(F/C) - favorite color
(F/F) - favorite flower ♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧
CIA SAFEHOUSE E9, "DIE LANDEBAHN"
(Y/F/N) "Bell" (Y/L/N), (MI16, CIA, ETC.)
52.5200 N, 13.4050 E, West Berlin
March 20, 1981

☆☆☆☆

I huffed, closing my eyes as I leaned back onto Park. "It's going to be okay, I'm sure you just caught the Flu or something is all." Park pat and wiped my mouth with toilet paper. My throat and stomach burned as I threw up all of my dinner from last night. She patted my back and rubbed my shoulders. "No Park, you don't understand." I sighed out, opening my eyes to turn to her. "The morning we were in the kitchen, we had sex." Park laughed nervously, trying to dodge the chance of me being pregnant. "But there's no way-" I shifted from the toilet. "There is way, it was unprotected." All nervous coping mechanisms were gone at that point. She rubbed her temples. "But he's infertile.." 

"We don't know that. He's never been tested, has he? His ex-wife was probably the infertile one. God! I don't need this Park." Tears swelled up in my eyes. "I've gained weight and have been feeling sick every morning for a few days now. This is horrible. I even missed my period that was supposed to come a week ago." She stood up. "Okay. Listen to me, I'm going to go get you 4 pregnancy tests. 2 to take now just to be sure and 2 to use over time to keep track of when the two lines get darker if you're pregnant. If anyone asks where I went, I went to get us lunch because we're hungry." Park held out her hand, I grabbed onto it, standing up and nodding. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and a quick hug before leaving and hopping in the car to go to the store. I sighed, sitting at Park's desk. Her papers were all neatly folded except one pile that had been recently worked on. On the right side sat a pack of open cigarettes and a lighter next to her work.

Footsteps crawled behind me slowly. To my knowledge nobody else was down here but me. Did someone creep into the safehouse. Slowly, I stood up as the person touched both my shoulders. Next thing I know, Mason was on the floor in a chokehold. "Oh my God! Mason, I'm so sorry I didn't know you were down here I thought maybe someone broke in because I thought everyone else was in their rooms or doing something else and-" I quickly stammered and stuttered until Mason cut me off. Mason smiled as I let go of him. "It's okay, Bell." He cut me off, standing up and brushing himself off. I scoffed. "That was stupid of me." He helped me off of the floor. "I said it's okay. Don't worry about it. Actually, I'm glad you have such amazing reflexes." He joked. I giggled at his comment.

Mason and I hadn't spent too much time together lately, and we haven't done anything romantic since I broke the news to him. He understands. And he's okay with it. He has to focus on David anyways, and him and his wife are trying to work things out. The only thing he didn't know, was what Park knew. That I might be pregnant. We spoke for a bit until Park quietly walked through the door with lunch and her purse in hand. "Shall we go eat in your room, Bell?" She ushered me upstairs. I nodded and turned to Mason. "Sorry, we're starving." He fake frowned. "Nothing for me?! Come on guys, I'm starving.." He jokingly rubbed his stomach and laughed. "Okay, I'll leave you guys to it." I smiled to him and handed him a burger and fries from the bag that Park picked up. He smiled back at us. "Thanks!" He was beaming, and we left to go upstairs as soon as he started eating. Park rubbed my back as I took the lunch from her, frowning. She opened my door and closed it behind us. The pregnancy tests shuffled in her purse as she pulled them out. Her boots clicked on the floor as she walked towards me. With every step closer I could feel my heart beating faster.

"Take a deep breath, Bell." She handed me the pregnancy tests. I nodded, unable to say anything. My hand shook lightly out of fear as I opened the door to my bathroom. My light bulb flickered for a few seconds as I pulled down my pants and sat on the toilet. I took another deep breath, trying to calm myself down. If I'm pregnant, I really won't know what to do. This is the CIA. I'm in the line of duty. This just can't happen. I used two tests and waited on the floor for them.
2 minutes passed. It felt like an eternity.
5 minutes.
8 minutes.
I had to stop looking.
12 minutes.
14 minutes.
15 minutes came rolling on me, and I practically sprung up from the floor, climbing up my sink to see the pregnancy tests.
My heart dropped to the floor and I swear it stopped beating.
Positive.
I picked up the second test.
Positive.
Both.
Positive.
2 Lines. On 2 tests, 2 separate brands. To make sure we didnt fuck up.

I fucked up.
I did. Big time. I so fucked up.
How am I going to get out of this one?
I walked out of the door, tests in hand.
"Are you okay, Bell? You look pale. I can only assume it's some news you didn't want to see."
I handed them to her, without saying a word.
She was silent. Looking at both tests over and over again, just like I did. I think we were both in denial. And she wasn't even the pregnant one.
"I-.. I knew something felt off.." I was at a loss for words. I sighed, sitting on my bed with my head in my hands. "It's okay. Maybe we can figure this out together. An abortion perhaps? I know it sounds inhumane, but you do work for the CIA.." She trailed off. My hands scrunched up in my hair. "I want-!.." Frustration bubbled up in me, making me unable to speak. "I want to keep it.." So many emotions trailed through my head. It was like a train wreck up there. "You understand what's at stake here, correct?" Park looked at me with a worried expression. "Yes. I want to keep it.. Abortion is fucked up and too costly. I can't do it. Not to myself, to this baby, or to Adler."

I laid in my bed, pulling my blanket over myself. "Just tell them I'm feeling sick today." She nodded and I turned around, hearing her walk out and gently close the door behind her. My head turned back to see the pregnancy tests on my nightstand beside me. My mind felt crowded. I immediately turned back over, ignoring the tests and drifted off to sleep.

(a new POV! wow!!)
♡♡♡♡ Adler's POV. ♡♡♡♡
Bell's door closed and out came Park. I knew they were friends but I didn't know they were hanging out. Park looked super concerned, and avoided me shortly after telling me Bell was feeling sick and had fallen asleep, and not to bother her. But of course, I have other plans. I spent a good 2 hours trying to plan some nice things. I drove to the nearest store, getting Bell some soup and gingerale. And I couldn't ignore the (F/C) flowers that were sitting right at the front of the store. I know that she loves (F/F), so I had to pick some up. For when she felt better, I may or may not have snuck some chocolate in there. For some reason, I seem to forget we're dating. It's time to be a boyfriend, especially when she feels unwell. I wrote a little note, ending it with a "Feel better, Bell.
-Love, Russell."

I spent the last of my 20 minutes finding a nice outfit to wear. Same as always, some dress shoes, casual pair of pants, and a short sleeved button up shirt. I slipped my aviators on over my eyes, and grabbed a cigarette from my jacket pocket. I lit the cigarette and quietly opened Bell's door. She had been sleeping with the blanket half off of her, in a really odd position. Her hand rested on her stomach. She looked so relaxed, but her facial expression was uneasy. I wonder if she was having a nightmare. I placed my stuff down to what looked like to be an untouched bag of food. I guess her and Park got lunch. But she didn't eat. This was unusual for her.

Something was wrong. And I guess I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Placing the flowers right next to her 2 positive pregnancy tests was not what I had in mind today. But that can't be right. I'm infertile. Did she cheat on me? No. She would never. She's not like that. Is she..? Are they Parks? But Park seemed fine and said Bell was the one feeling under the weather. I held them both up, looking at both tests that showed 2 lines each. Bold, fully colored, dark lines. 4 lines. 2 for each. I took a deep breath, putting out my cigarette. Now all that went through my mind was, 'I have to get the truth out of at least one of them.'
I tapped Bell's shoulder, shaking her lightly.
"Bell." I whispered
I wanted nothing more to be a dad. But not now, I can't do that now.
Maybe now could have been the right time?

I'm running out of time and only getting older and older.
But I wasn't ready.
She rubbed her eyes and stretched, sitting up to look at me. It didn't take long for her to notice the pregnancy tests in my hands, and within seconds she was sobbing on her bed, pleading me to not leave her and she was sorry she didn't say anything sooner.
Perhaps this is why she's been feeling unwell lately and trying to talk to me. About something serious, as she put it.
The bed sunk as I sat next to her.
"I'm not going to leave you. I just want to know the truth."
"They're mine. I swear. And I swear, you're the only person I've had sex with. You were my first time! I promise I didn't expect this either."
She sobbed onto my shoulder as I rubbed her back.

"But, I'm infertile." I took my aviators off.
"No! You aren't. If you got me pregnant, you aren't. It was your wife that was having issues. Not you."
"...Then I don't understand why another man was able to get her pregnant and I wasn't. During our marriage."
Her eyes went wide as she lifted her head.
"Russell, I-I'm so sorry I didn't know-.."
Guess she was at a loss for words.
"It wasn't your fault. She left me with part of this disgusting scar. She was a psycho. I was very hurt over her for a while, and didn't realize the signs of abuse she put me through. She left her kid behind too. Recently." I cut her off.
Bell looked even more horrified. It took her a bit to process the information and respond.
"Your scar is not disgusting. I think it makes you, you. It shows how strong you are, how much of a leader you are, and that you won't ever back down. I won't ever treat you like she did. This kid is yours. I promise. And I-... I want to keep the baby."

I choked back whatever I was going to say. Although I wasn't ready, it was Bell's decision to make, not mine. And as her boyfriend, all I had to do was support her. I smiled to her, wiping the tears from her red cheeks.
"Okay." I placed my leather jacket on her shoulders.
I couldn't say much. She smiled back at me and we shared a touching moment as I handed her (F/C) (F/F) to her. The embrace we had was long needed, and she had soon stopped crying. I made her some soup and brought her cold gingerale with ice. Although she wasn't actually sick, and just pregnant, she seemed to enjoy it anyways. We spent plenty of time together and it just felt right. I was scared, sure, I wasn't ready. I also wasn't ready to get my heart broken again. But this just felt good.
This was it.
I don't care how little time we've known each other, this just felt right.
I was her first and she made that very clear that it was special to her and always will be. Specifically because I tried to make her experience more pleasant.

"...I love you too, Bell."
My body tensed up, my stare stayed pointed at the wall. It felt weird saying it, but again, so right. I rested my elbows on my thighs.
Did I fuck up by saying that?
She isn't responding. Obviously, I was worried until I felt her arms wrap around me tightly.
"Thank you.." She choked out. "Thank you for being here for me, being so supportive, loving me and just all of that and so much more.." She continued as her grip on me tightened. I pulled her up to stand in front of me, finally looking her in her eyes. Her face turned red as I pulled her shirt up to her chest, and slowly leaned in to kiss her stomach.
"I'll always be here for you and support you no matter what." My hands rested on her waist, my thumbs rubbing in her stomach.
"I can't wait to see this baby grow. I've always wanted nothing more than to be a father, and I finally have my chance."

I won't fuck this up.
Not now. Not ever.
But I already was.
By brainwashing her to help us on our hunt for perseus. There's no way our relationship and this baby will forgive what I'm doing to her if she ever finds out. But maybe some memories,  forgotten and remembered love would. I just hope it won't fuck with the baby.
I rested my head on her stomach as she ran her fingers through my hair.
Hopelessness.
I was torn between this mission and our relationship.
Although it's fucked up, I have to continue to do my own job. Unfortunately, that means continuing our MK Ultra program on Bell. I'm so sorry.. God, please forgive me for this one day. I sighed quietly. "Is something wrong?" Her hand rested on my head as I lifted it to look at her. "No, nothing. Just overwhelmed and a bit tired is all."
"Oh, okay. You can go now, if you'd like to. Thank you for taking care of me." She smiled sweetly at me.
Her smile always instantly just absolutely stunned me. It was so beautiful. I'd never want to get rid of that smile of hers, I wouldn't trade it for the world.

"I just want to lay beside you."
I could not hide that even if I wanted to. My heart was beating, and my body was trembling ever so slightly. It was true, I was overwhelmed and tired. Also in shock, and many other things. My hand found her face as I rubbed her cheek with my thumb. Silence filled the room as she melted into my touch. Her hands found my way to mine. Carefully, she snaked her hands to my wrists and smiled into my palm.
"Thank you. I thought you'd react way differently."
I would have.
If it wasn't for her.
Her.
Her beautiful smile. Her calming words. The way she can reassure you when she's the one who needs reassurance. Just.. Everything about her.
She's perfect.
For just one moment, I had to ignore what Hudson was saying to me all along.

~~ Flashback. ~~
"Yes, it's true. She's going through our MK Ultra Program. Although I do admit it's strong and trustworthy, I cannot say I trust that she will not regain her memories, especially after defeating Perseus. Over time, no matter what. If we win, or Perseus wins, she will remember who she was. Before the C.I.A. You have to finish the job, Adler." Hudson's stone cold face laid behind his sunglasses. His lips peeled at no part of his skin. Arms crossed, leaned back, looking down at me. Almost in an intimidating matter. Yes, I was and am the "boss." But Hudson is my boss. And I have to do what he says. At first, I was reluctant. In denial. But I know it's what I have to do. It's right for me. Her. Our team. The safety of America. All of us.
But... is it?
Those words always stuck with me.
"You have to finish the job, Adler."
Constantly, it trailed off into my mind. Into the black void that filled my thoughts.

~~~~~

"Adler.." My name was called several times before I was brought back to holding Bell's beautiful face. "Sorry.." I tried my best to act normal and look as if I was doing just fine. "Are you okay? You went blank for a few seconds there." Her smile turned bitter. A concerned look smeared on her face. "Yeah, yeah.. I'm okay." I planted a quick kiss on her forehead.
"Okay.." She giggled, continuing that smile of hers, looking at my lap and back up to face me.
We slowly leaned in, planting our lips onto each others, leading to a very loving and passionate kiss.

Pulling apart, I admired her. Her beauty. Stared into her (E/C) eyes. Oh, how radiant she was. It was like she was glowing. This woman was perfect.
No, she is perfect. And she's mine. All mine. Her smile showed one last time before we laid together in her bed. Silky strands of hair ran through my fingers as I brushed her hair back. The pounding of her heart beat on my side. Her soft hands up my shirt, skin against skin, holding onto my side. Tracing and rubbing at my scars and clean patches of skin. There was nothing that could ruin this moment.
I couldn't do it..
I couldn't finish the job.
No... I can't.
And I won't.

-- A/N
hi !!! I hope you guys enjoy. I know it's shorter than usual, I'm sorry :((. it took me some time, I was experiencing horrible writers block. I feel like I knew what I wanted to write, but couldn't get it out. do you guys get what I mean? I feel like what I'm writing is reptitive and it's kind of a bummer. unless you guys are enjoying it and think its good, then that's good and that makes me happy.
anyways...
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