SEVENTEEN—SIDE OF YOU
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"I DON'T THINK those daisies would appreciate the aggressively tight grip," I heard a voice approaching me as I knelt in the dirt of my garden, angrily clutching the flowers at their roots and pulling them up faster than what was recommended. After the...altercation with my mother that morning, I'd reached for my gardening gloves and bucket of tools, immediately storming out of the house to my...well, my happy place.

And here came my father to mess it up. 

"Yeah, well," I grumbled, unable to think clearly enough to come up with a response. Sitting back on my heels, I crossed my arms and stared ahead at the forest surrounding my house.

"You know," he began, edging nearer to me, "your mother only wants to see how you're doing."

I rolled my eyes, knowing full well that I was acting like a dramatic teenager. "Yeah, I noticed."

My father sighed. For a few seconds, he didn't say anything, contemplating how he should continue. He was always like that, for as long as I could remember. Always calculating, making sure his responses were perfect. It drove me nuts because he always gave me the same look. That look that said, you disappoint me.

"Look, Elda, I just wish that you would get a job. The way you live..." I turned to glare at him as he threw his hands out around him. "It's too unconventional for it to be sustainable. What happens when you want to go on vacation? Or when you want to start a family? You need your own money for that."

Letting out a loud, frustrated groan, I returned to picking flowers and planting new seeds, grumbling, "I don't want to get married."

"You can't keep living in this fantasy, Elda." His voice changed from a gentle, I-want-to-make-it-sound-like-I'm-an-understanding-parent tone to a harder, you-will-listen-to-what-I-tell-you-to-do tone. "One day, you're going to need some serious money. Just because the house is paid off and your mother and I keep sending you money doesn't mean that you're going to have that luxury forever. You need to start thinking about the future."

Scoffing, I shook my head. "I'm going to be just fine. You guys need to relax and trust me. Stop trying to control my life, and we'll both be happy." Standing up, I grabbed my gardening tools and the newly picked flowers, pushing past my dad. Trudging back up to the house, I pretended not to hear him curse angrily under his breath. His habit brought back too many memories. 

I had to get them out of my house. This weekend was going slower than I wanted it to. 

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With my parents choosing to go spend the afternoon in town—an offer I quickly declined—I was alone to calm myself down. And, of course, bring some lunch to the visitor I'd temporarily forgotten about in the wake of my parents. 

The daisies I'd picked were freshly cut and put in a vase when I carried them to Bucky's room. I was able to walk right in, as the door was open and the room was empty. The bed was made neatly—well, as neatly as one could with one arm. I walked over to the windowsill and set down the flowers, a small, perhaps corny, way of bringing light into the room. I was sick of making him just stay inside all day like a dog. But I couldn't risk my parents finding out about him. 

A faint sound of water running upstairs lured me from his room, climbing the stairs to my bathroom. Knocking on the door, I called out, "Bucky?"

"Yeah?" I heard him answer, and then the sound of the shower curtain closing. Oh my god.

"Oh, uh, sorry for bothering you. I was just wondering...what are you doing in my bathroom?" I squeezed my eyes shut and rested my forehead on the closed door, cringing at my words.

There was a pause, then a verbal smirk as he replied, "You mean, why am I not using the one downstairs?"

"Uh...yeah."

"I thought it would make more sense for that bathroom to remain unused. If I'm not supposed to be here, there can't be a trace of me." The answer was so simple, so cookie-cutter perfect that it made me sad. He couldn't go anywhere without that intense feeling of dread. He had to be invisible. 

Downstairs, the front door opened. "Elda?" It was my mother.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit," I hissed, turning back and forth, not knowing what to do. "Uh, what do you need, Mom?" I called out, about to go down and meet her. Anything to keep her from knowing there was a criminal in my bathroom, taking a shower. 

"I think I left my sunglasses in the bathroom, I'm coming up to get them." Hearing her steps on the stairs, I panicked and opened the door, stepping inside. I could see her sunglasses on the counter, but with the water running, I knew I'd raise suspicions. 

She knocked on the door, and I stared at it, unable to move. "Are you in the shower? Can I just come in and grab them?"

Pushing all doubts out of my head, I grabbed the shower curtain in my fist and stepped into the shower, clothes and all. Bucky turned around at the sound, eyes wide as saucers as he noticed me. My hand clamped on his mouth, giving him the signal to be quiet. His dark hair hung around his shoulders in wet strands, dripping onto his shirtless torso. I swallowed roughly, trying to remember the reason I deliberately stepped into a shower with a very naked stranger. 

"Yeah, you can grab them," I called out, keeping my eyes on the ceiling. The door opened and I heard her walk in.

"You know, it was the funniest thing, El. I was at the farmer's market with your father and I kept reaching for my sunglasses on my head, but I couldn't find them! So I—"

Rolling my eyes, I replied, "Funny, Mom. I can't talk right now, I'm washing my face." Flicking my eyes down to Bucky's, I could see his blue eyes spark with amusement, and his lips began to curl into a smirk beneath my hand.

"Alright, alright, I'll see you after we get back," she said, and I heard her disappear from the bathroom, the door closing behind her.

"Take all the time you need," I said bitterly. Waiting a minute or two for her to leave, I finally removed my hand with a sigh. 

"You know, doll, I didn't think we were such close friends," Bucky smirked, turning around to continue washing off. I assumed his nonchalance about being naked in front of me came from being in the military, privacy a virtually unknown luxury. 

"Friends?" I grinned. "I told you that you'd warm up to me, Barnes." I let my eyes wander around his back, following his broad shoulders to his muscular back, muscles contracting with his movements. I shook my head to get my mind out of the gutter. 

He turned around and raised his eyebrows. "Are we really having this conversation right now? Here?"

Remembering our compromising position, I let out a squeaky "Oh!" and brought a hand to my eyes, feeling around for the shower curtain and letting myself out, my wet feet soaking into the bathroom mat. 

As I rushed to leave the bathroom, I heard him speak again. "That was fun, Elda. Let's do it again sometime." I choked. 

"That was a joke, wasn't it?" I turned back to stare at the shower curtain. "Are you making jokes now?"

There was a pause before he answered, "I haven't joked in awhile. It felt good."

With my hand on the doorknob, I replied softly, "I like this side of you." Before I could hear the repercussions of my words, I swiftly left the room and ran downstairs, breathing deeply to calm myself down. Not only had he made a joke, speaking more to me than he ever had before, he seemed...happier. Less nervous. I couldn't tell if that would turn out to be a good or bad thing yet. 

But then there was the other thing. He called me doll again. It fell from his lips so perfectly, it made sense to think of him being fawned over by crowds of girls in the 1940s, before his life got fucked up. The nickname made my stomach tingle, clenching up in the way that says, do it again, say it one more time. And dare I say it, I liked it. 

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hey again! so it's been awhile, huh? or at least, it feels like it has been. i'm so terribly sorry that i left you guys on here, but i needed to get my mind right. 

so this last scene was inspired by that hanna x caleb scene in season one of pll, so...yeah

in other news: 

1. i'm making a bit of a comeback on my instagram, i post shorter fics and poetry and shit like that so follow me on there! @spidcystan

2. i'm leaving to go on a big trip today, you'll find out where i went after i come back! so that means that it will most likely be close to another week until my next update, i'm so so so so sorry, but let's be honest: when was my updating schedule NOT once a week?

3. i have so many ideas for fics, no time to write them, and no desire to give them away, so i'll probably have some new ones coming out soon, like a sebastian stan social media fic, woop!

4. ace comic con happened over the last few days, and i haven't said anything about it because i didn't go, and because i don't really have anything to say besides, wOw we got fed with some good sebastian/tom/hiddles/mackie content woOP! and congrats to the people who got to go and meet all of those wonderful people, i hope you had fun!

with that said, thank you for reading this chapter! i'll see you next time!!

published on: june 26, 2018