"Be brave. Fear is never a saving grace..."

AVERY

Ilang araw na kaming naglalayag patungo sa Hysteria. Siguradong makararating na kami roon bukas. Nilamon na ng kadiliman ang kalangitan. Tanaw na tanaw ko ang maririkit na bituin at ang malamlam na sinag ng buwan. The moon was on its crescent phase. It suddenly reminded me of Seth.

We're still under his shadow. Hangga't hindi namin siya tuluyang natatalo, hindi kami makakawala mula sa kanya.

Naramdaman ko ang bahagyang pagbundol ng kaba sa dibdib ko na tila sumasabay sa malakas na alon ng dagat. Alam kong hindi siya madaling talunin. He was a good manipulator. Nagawa niyang kontrolin si Severus nang walang kahirap-hirap at hindi pa namin alam kung sinu-sino ba ang mga kalaban namin. We should be cautious.

Naalala ko rin ang ginawang pagkontrol ni King Aulius sa mga hari at reyna ng ibang kaharian. He put a mark on them. Hindi ko tuloy alam kung siya ba si Seth o isa lamang siyang biktima.

Mabigat akong bumuntong-hininga. Walang kasiguraduhan ang maaaring mangyari sa paghahanap namin sa kanya. Hindi namin alam ang totoo niyang anyo. We're fighting against an enemy we never knew and we're at a disadvantage. We're just good as blind. Or maybe we can be considered as ignorant to even try and come after him.

We need a plan, a solid one.

May ilang ibon na malayang nagliliparan sa himpapawid at tila walang kahit ano'ng problema. I somehow envied that they could fly freely and carefree.

"You'll catch cold if you stay here," mahinang sambit ng isang malalim na tinig mula sa aking likuran. Pakiramdam ko tumalon ang puso ko dahil sa hindi inaasahang pakikipag-usap niya sa 'kin. Panic overwhelmed me. Cold chills ran down my spines. Hindi ko namalayan ang paglapit ni Zirrius sa kinaroroonan ko. I was too consumed by my deep thoughts.

Kahit na gustong-gusto ko siyang makita o tingnan, hindi ko siya magawang sulyapan. Ilang araw na kaming hindi nag-uusap matapos niyang sabihin sa 'kin na kalimutan ko na ang lahat. That I should forget the connection and the bond. It still hurts. So bad. It was still tearing me apart. Hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong matuwa o mainis dahil sa ginagawa niyang pakikipag-usap sa 'kin ngayon.

If he continues to show some concern, even a little, I might not be able to really move on. I will be stuck, stuck at loving him and I don't want that. Gusto ko ring maging masaya kahit papaano. Kahit hindi sa piling niya. Kahit mag-isa lang ako.

"It's fine. Papasok din ako mamaya sa loob," sagot ko sa kanya. He was much colder than the cold breeze. The cold breeze was easier to handle than him. This cold makes me numb but him, he was making my heart race and panicky. He was making me burn. He was more unbearable than the cold. Naglakad si Zirrius patungo sa railings. But I still noticed that he was keeping his distance. Iniiwasan pa rin niya ako at mas lalo akong nasasaktan at naaapektuhan ng pagtrato niya sa 'kin.

Tila sinasaksak ng matatalim na kutsilyo ang puso ko. Mas masakit pa ito kaysa sa punyal na tumama noon sa dibdib ko. Dahil ang tumatama ngayon sa puso ko ay hindi kayang pumatay agad-agad. It was something that could slowly kill me. Slowly. Until I could no longer handle the pain. Just slowly. Aching until I become totally numb. Drowning me until I can't even breathe, until I can no longer resurface.

"I'm sorry. I should have tried to be civil for the passed days," seryosong saad niya. "Nalilito lang ako. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just don't know how to talk to you. Hindi ko lang alam kung paano ibabalik ang dati. I was kind of lost too. How did everything turn out like this? We're contented on being just friends before, right? How did we suddenly become mates?" naguguluhang sambit niya bago bumunot ng malalim na buntong-hininga. Bawat salita niya ay tumutusok sa puso ko. He's regretting everything we had. "It doesn't seem right."

Mariin kong ikinuyom ang kamao ko. I was not this weak before, but because of him... because of him I felt so weak and helpless. I held the tears back. Sinabi ko sa sarili ko na kakayanin ko. Na hindi na ako iiyak dahil lang sa katotohanang hindi niya ako matanggap. Magiging matatag ako hanggang sa huli. Pipilitin kong hindi sumabog ang puso ko sa sobrang sakit na naiipon dito. But I was surely vulnerable against him. No doubt that he really was my downfall but I should stand up again. I will be strong. For the both of us, for me.

"What doesn't seem right? Us, being mates?" mariing tanong ko sa kanya. I was kind of enraged. Sinasaktan ako ng bawat salita niya. Hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan ko ito matatagalan. Unti-unti nitong winawasak ang puso kong pilit kong pinatitigas. I was trying to guard my heart from him. I would not fall too deep. I would be fine soon, piece by piece.

Marahan siyang umiling. "Not that. I mean, it doesn't seem right... how everything changes so fast. How everything started to feel awkward and... unbearable," mabigat na wika niya. I could feel the burden he bore. It was growing. The anxiety he felt about this mating bond was growing, growing and growing. He was exerting too much effort to resist his fate, our fate.

Mine was growing as well. Not just my anxiety but also the love. The fire was slowly glowing and burning inside even when I didn't want to. It felt like it's unstoppable. It will soon become a wildfire, the most dangerous fire of all. Soon it's going to hurt us until we can no longer contain it. Until we explode along with it. Iniisip ko ngayon kung matatakasan ba talaga namin ito.

Can we really defy our fates? Can we really escape from our realities?

"We can't even choose the one we really want to love because we are tied up with things like this," mahinang saad niya. I sucked a deep breath. "Is that even logical?"

"Do you think fate has ever become logical?" mariing tanong ko sa kanya. I hate fate for being illogical. Maybe fate was playing pranks with us by bringing two people who can never really be. "I don't think so. It's never logical. It's just doing the things it wanted to, for some reasons we will never even know. Some things just exist without any reason at all. They just exist for the normalcy of this universe. Do you have to find logical reasons from all these things? Do you find logic when you breathe? Do you find logic on your existence? I don't think everything should be logical." halos hinihingal na saad ko.

I couldn't take this conversation any longer. It's too hard to explain and I was not good at explaining things. I bet the geniuses will have a hard time explaining too. "Let's not talk about this anymore," sumusukong saad ko.

Napansin ko ang bahagyang pagkuyom ng kamao niya. Mas pinili ko na lamang na ibahin ang usapan. Hindi ko na ito matatagalan pa. Hindi na.

"Ano na ngayon ang balak mong gawin pagbalik sa Alveria?" mahina kong tanong sa kanya. He was not yet back on his human form. Only Shin can do the ritual for him. Bahagyang nasisinagan ng malamlam na liwanag ang gilid ng mukha niya. I hate to see such beauty in the middle of the night. Especially when he was only wearing tattered trousers.

I thought his tan skin was quietly glistening under the blue light coming from the moon. His bare chest was a tempting sight no eyes could resist. I envy the moon 'cause its light was able to touch his skin.

I hate how his ethereal form could make my heart rampage on my chest. Sana kapag bumalik na siya sa anyong tao niya, mawala na itong nararamdaman ko.

Malalim siyang bumuntong-hininga at tumingala sa malawak na kalangitan. He was a bit calmer now. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin dahil baka mapansin niya na pinag-aaralan ko ang anyo niya. "Kailangan kong alamin ang lahat. I need to know if my mother really betrayed my foster father. Gusto kong malaman kung alam ba ng ama ko na hindi niya ako anak. But he was such a good man for raising me. Gusto kong malaman kung sino ba talaga si Seth. Kung nagpapanggap siya na si King Aulius, nasaan ang totoong kapatid ng ama ko? Kung hindi man siya si King Aulius, sino siya?" diretsong sagot niya sa tanong ko. "I want to end this badly. Iniisip ko pa lang na kinokontrol din niya ang mga tao sa Alveria at ang ibang kaharian, nahihirapan na ako. Hindi ako papayag na matulad sila sa mga Asterians."

Mararamdaman ang unti-unting pagbigat ng hininga niya dahil sa halo-halong emosyong namumuo sa dibdib niya. He was lost. He was angry. Moreover, confused.

Marahan akong tumango. Naiintindihan ko ang nararamdaman niya para sa mga taong mahalaga para sa kanya.

"I'll help you," mahinang saad ko sa kanya. "Hayaan mong magpasalamat ako dahil sa pagtulong mo sa 'king makabalik sa Elfania. I know it was a tough and rough one. Hindi man ako tuluyang nagtagumpay na iligtas sila, kahit papaano, nagawa naman natin silang mapalaya," saad ko at matipid na ngumiti. "Nagawa kong makuhang muli ang katawan ko dahil sa tulong mo."

Tumingin ako sa baba kung saan tumatama ang mga alon sa barko. Ngayon ko lang napansin na ngayon lang kami nagkaroon ng pagkakataong makapag-usap nang matino at matagal. We never really got the time before. And I realized that I was longing for this, for so long. I hope we got all the time to just talk like this but maybe this will be the last. We won't have the time of our lives forever.

Napansin ko ang pananahimik niya. Pakiramdam ko, hinahayaan lang niya akong magsalita kaya nagpatuloy ako. "We know it's not over yet. Hindi mo kakayaning talunin nang mag-isa si Seth at may kailangan din akong makuha mula sa kanya. Pareho nating kailangang ipanalo ang labang ito."

"Alam kong ayaw mong sumama ako sa 'yo pero hindi lang buhay ko ang nakataya rito. Hindi ko matatagalang makita ang mga naaagnas na katawan ng mga nasasakupan ko. They are the reason why I fought in the first place. I need to fight until the end. I already decided to sacrifice my existence for them. Alam kong alam mo kung ano ang nararamdaman ko. Pareho lang tayo. Malaking responsibilidad ang nakaatang sa mga balikat natin. We are the only ones who can save them. Alam mo kung ano ang ibig kong sabihin. Hindi mo na kailangang mailang sa 'kin. As I think about it, I agree that we should really set our bonds aside. We have bigger responsibilities to face. Marami ang umaasa sa 'tin," mabigat na wika ko. "Hindi natin sila maaaring biguin."

Tumingin ako sa kanya. He was staring straight ahead, resisting to look at me, as expected from him. "Magtulungan tayo para sa mga taong mahahalaga sa 'tin," seryoso at determinadong saad ko. Kahit na nasasaktan pa rin ako sa katotohanang kailangan naming bitiwan ang koneksiyong nag-uugnay sa 'min, wala akong magagawa. My happiness should never come first. I am an Empress. Alam ko ang responsibilidad na kailangan kong harapin.

I noticed that his expression was blank when he looked back at me. His blue eyes were as deep as the ocean. His well-sculptured face were just mesmerizing under the moonlight. He was just so gorgeous even with his lips pressed so tight. Even when he doesn't want me back, I knew in my heart that I will still love him all the same. Kahit na wala akong aasahang kapalit mula sa kanya. Natigilan ako. Love? So I suddenly realized that it was actually love that linked us together. Not just the mating bond but also love. Love is the strongest bond behind this connection. I was just struck by it at the wrong time, and maybe with the wrong person.

He let out a sigh of relief. The tension from his muscles and jaws were released. Matipid siyang ngumiti sa 'kin pero hindi ito umabot sa mga asul niyang mata. It was so solemn and somehow, regretful.

"Sa tingin ko, 'yan ang mas magandang gawin. Let's set our issues aside and face our responsibilities," mahinang wika niya.

Marahan akong tumango at ngumiti. Pilit kong pinipigil ang puso ko sa mabilis na pagtibok nito. Mabuti na lang malakas ang ingay ng alon, tiyak na matatabunan na nito ang kabog ng puso ko at hindi ito maririnig ni Zirrius. I hope everything I feel doesn't really show on my face. The regrets. The pain. The longing. The love. I hoped all of these feelings doesn't show.

"Sigurado ka na ba talaga na gusto mong bumalik sa anyong tao?" nag-aalangang tanong ko sa kanya.

Naging malungkot ang ekspresiyon ng mukha niya. Isinandal niya ang likod niya sa barandilya at tumingala sa langit. His eyes became distant. All his worries were showing on his face now. "Hindi ako sigurado kung matatanggap nila ako, ng mga taga-Alveria. I was never really human in the first place. Baka matakot sila sa 'kin. It was easier to help them in human form."

Gusto kong sumimangot. He didn't directly say it but he was afraid of rejection. But then he bluntly reject me. Gusto kong umismid dahil sa mga naririnig ko mula sa kanya. How far can his fear go?

"Wala ka bang balak na aminin sa kanila ang totoo?" kunot-noong tanong ko sa kanya.

"Sasabihin ko kapag handa na ako, kapag maayos na ang lahat. Kapag wala na ang mga pangamba ko at maluwag na sa dibdib ko na tanggapin ang lahat," he answered.

"You're selfish," nakasimangot na komento ko.

Mahina siyang tumawa dahil sa sinabi ko. It rang in my ear like a soothing melody. I hate to admit it but I liked the sound of it. His chuckle was so real, so innocent. I was aching for him really bad.

"Noong dinala mo ako rito kahit labag sa kalooban ko, naging makasarili ka rin. Maybe, we all have our times to be selfish. It's already my time to be selfish," mabigat na wika niya.

Nagkibit-balikat ako sa sagot niya. "Maybe..." mahinang pagsang-ayon ko sa kanya. Pero sa totoo lang, gusto ko pa ring maging makasarili. I can be forever selfish just to have him. But it will not work this time so I cast it out from my mind. Muli akong tumingin sa maalong dagat. "Pero alam mo namang mababawasan ang kapangyarihan mo kapag naging tao ka, hindi ba?"

"I still need to consult Shin about that. Maybe he knows a better way," seryosong sagot niya.

Natahimik ako. I hope there really is a better way.

"A spell wherein I can shift to human form and vice versa," he said hopefully.

It caught my interest. "If that spell really exist, I want to give it a try as well," naaaliw na saad ko nang tingnan ko siya. I really want to feel how it was to be human. Gusto kong malaman kung ano'ng nararamdaman ni Zirrius kapag anyong tao siya. Though I already felt how to be human inside his body, it's still different if I got my own human form.

Zirrius looked at me with interest and amusement. Hindi niya mawari kung nagbibiro lang ba ako o seryoso ba ako sa sinabi ko. "But I think, you're most beautiful in elf form," he suddenly commented without thinking. Hindi ako handa sa sinabi niya. It made my heart skip a beat. I surely blushed under the moonlight. Pareho kaming natahimik. Hindi rin niya inaasahan ang mga sinabi niya kaya sunud-sunod ang naging paglunok niya. Pakiramdam ko, may mga paru-parong biglang nagliparan sa loob ng tiyan ko. Pakiramdam ko, lihim din silang nagbubunyi at nagdidiwang.

An air of awkwardness filled the atmosphere. Tumayo na siya nang tuwid at akmang aalis na. Kung hindi lang madilim, aakalain ko ring namumula siya.

"It's getting late. Mabuti pa, pumasok ka na sa loob at magpahinga," seryosong saad niya pero halata ang pagkailang. Humakbang na siya palayo at hindi na hinintay pa ang sagot ko.

Humarap ako upang makita lang ang likod niya habang papalayo. Nilakasan ko ang loob ko.

"Zirrius?" mahinang tawag ko sa kanya. I was hoping for him to stop and answer my call. I was glad that he did. Tumigil nga siya sa paglalakad at nagtatakang lumingon sa 'kin. "Why?" He asked as if he was still hesitant to leave me alone yet. It just made my heart race faster. I think the erratic beating of my heart can't be help when I'm around him. I wonder if he also feel the same. I was silently praying that he did.

"Are you still having those nightmares?" nag-aalangang tanong ko sa sa kanya.

Natigilan siya pero mas pinili niyang sumagot. I was showing him genuine concern. I meant no harm at all. "It will not get away that easily," he answered with honesty. I'm glad he was being honest with me.

Napalunok ako. This will be the last. Tomorrow, I will really forget our mating bond. I will really set it aside. I just wanted to know now. Tiyak na pagsisisihan ko kapag hindi ko ito itinanong sa kanya. Akmang tatalikod na siya nang muli akong magsalita. "If you're not afraid... If you're not afraid, what will you do?"

Will you still refuse the bond?

That's what I really wanted to ask but I can't bring myself to.

Pero sa tingin ko, nakuha naman niya ang ibig sabihin ko, ang gusto kong itanong. I gasped for air when I was suddenly pushed against the ship's railings. Hindi ko napaghandaan ang mabilis niyang paglapit. Hindi nakita ng mga mata ko. I was gaping at him. Nanlalaki ang mga matang tiningnan ko siya. I tightly held the railings for support.

Sobrang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko na tila sasabog na ito. He cupped my face, I thought I would melt. My knees weakened. My heart beat wilder and wilder and wilder. He was too close that our lips would almost meet if I would speak. I thought I was going to collapse. My heart was aching with anticipation and at that very moment, he kissed me.

His soft lips were just perfect against mine. I guessed he was teasing me as his lips slowly moved and sucked my lower lip. It was gentle yet demanding me to open up. And I did. I did open up. I welcomed his sweet kisses. I could feel his lips curving into a smile. His seeking tongue traced the shape of my lips. He was seriously melting me. My stomach twisted in anticipation when our tongues entwined. He deepened the kiss. It ignites that small fire building up inside me.

I suddenly blinked when I realized something. It's as if the spell I'm under was now broken. Muli akong kumurap. Zirrius was standing closely in front of me but he was not kissing me. He didn't dare to kiss me but his hot breath was touching my lips. Halos isang hibla na lang ng buhok ang pagitan ng mga labi namin. I was under his spell, his illusion. The kiss wasn't real and he got me there. He was just staring straight and intently in my eyes. He was just standing there cupping my face, doing nothing. I was not really pushed against the railings. I was just standing there without any support. He casted an illusion upon me that felt so real. I felt betrayed and weak.

Inipon ko ang lakas ko upang pigilan ang panginginig ng tuhod. Pinilit kong tumayo nang tuwid sa abot ng makakaya ko. It was clear that he knew that I fell under his spell. He was so cruel that I wanted to let out a cry.

He spoke huskily. "If I'm not afraid, I won't... I won't hold back," mabigat na wika niya. He let go of me and walked away as if he didn't dare to deceive me, as if nothing happened.

Mariin akong napahawak sa barandilya. Hindi ko na napigilan ang panginginig ng tuhod ko. I never thought he was capable of doing such vivid illusions. Damn! Napahilamos ang isang kamay ko sa mukha hanggang sa hawakan ng mga daliri ko ang mga labi ko at naalala ko ang halik na hindi naman totoong nangyari. It was so frustrating! To think that I fell for that! Damn my heart! It wouldn't stop beating! As if it was also taunting me!

Nanlulumong napaupo ako sa sahig. I was so down, so lost. Maybe I should really give up? Pero naalala ko ang mga sinabi niya. If he's not afraid, he won't hold back. Kahit papaano ay kakikitaan ito ng maliit na pag-asa. Pero paano ko ba aalisin ang takot sa puso niya? Magagawa ko ba itong alisin? Paano? Gulong-gulo ang isip ko.

I inhaled and exhaled deeply. Sinubukan kong pakalmahin ang sarili ko. Siguro kasalanan ko rin ang nangyari. Maybe I was really provoking him unconsciously, without me realizing it.

"Need some help?" nag-aalalang tanong sa 'kin ni Damon. Ngayon ko lang napansin ang nakalahad niyang kamay sa harapan ko. Hindi ko na rin namalayan kung ilang minuto akong nakaupo sa sahig. Saka ko lang naramdaman ang malamig na ihip ng hangin na dumadampi sa balat ko. I was wearing my sleeveless silk night gown. Bahagyang tumatabing ang mahaba at halos ginto kong buhok sa aking mukha. Muli akong bumuntong-hininga nang malalim at inayos ito.

Hindi ko dapat hayaan na mawala ako sa sarili sa mga ganitong pagkakataon. We're still in the middle of a war and I shouldn't let my personal feelings and problems take over. Tinanggap ko ang kamay niya at inalalayan niya akong tumayo. Matipid siyang ngumiti sa 'kin.

His chest was bare. Mukhang kagigising lang din niya dahil sa magulong ayos ng buhok niya at mapungay na mga abong mata.

"May problema ba?" nag-aalangang tanong ko sa kanya. Noong mga nakaraang araw, napapansin ko na hindi na rin siya makatulog nang maayos. Something's bothering him as well. Siguro nga lahat kami ay may kanya-kanyang pinagdadaanan. We all have those monsters inside that we need to fight and defeat in order to be free. We all have our own worries.

Marahan siyang umiling. Pinag-aralan niya ang itsura ko na ikinakunot ng noo ko. He smiled slightly.

"Mukhang ikaw ang may problema," pagbibiro niya pero mabigat ang boses niya. It didn't sound like a joke at all. Halatang pinipilit niyang maging magaan lang ang usapan pero hindi magiging magaan ito kahit ano'ng gawin niya. Halatang nag-aalala siya para sa 'kin.

Napansin ko ang bahagyang paggalaw ng mga panga niya nang umigting ito. His silver hair was slightly blown away by the salty wind.

"Hindi ka pa rin niya tinatanggap?" mabigat na tanong niya sa 'kin. Bahagyang nanikip ang dibdib ko. My eyes swell but I didn't dare to shed a tear. Naalala ko ang pag-amin sa 'kin ni Damon noon na gusto niya ako. Kung pwede sanang siya na lang ang mahalin ko. Kung pwede sana na siya na lang pero alam kong mali ang hilingin 'yon. I hope that he find his mate too. A mate that can accept him, flaws and all. I hope he'll be happy.

Umiling ako. "Hindi ganu'n kadali ang lahat. Hindi ganu'n kaganda ang pinagsamahan naming dalawa. Hindi niya ako matatanggap agad," mahinang sagot ko sa kanya. Binitawan na niya ang kamay ko nang makatayo ako nang maayos.

Malalim na bumuntong-hininga si Damon. Gamit ang isang kamay, sinuklay niya ang magulong buhok at isinandal ang likod sa barandilya. Tumingala siya sa langit at bahagyang naningkit ang mata nang tumitig sa crescent moon. He also remembered something ugly, a bad memory of the past. "You know, I don't want to steal someone from a mate, especially you. Gusto kitang maging masaya. Pero kung ipagpapatuloy niya ito, baka hindi ko na mapigilan ang sarili ko at agawin na kita mula sa kanya," mariin at determinadong wika niya.

Natigilan ako. Hindi ko napigilan ang sarili na titigan siya. Tumingin din siya sa 'kin. Diretso siyang nakatingin sa mga mata ko at halatang walang makakapigil sa kanya kapag patuloy pa rin akong sinaktan ni Zirrius.

"Sinasaktan ka niya at hindi ko 'yon matagalan," naiinis na dagdag pa niya. Ramdam na ramdam ko na nasasaktan siya para sa 'kin. "Kailangan niya'ng gumising kundi pagsisisihan niya ang mga ginagawa niya ngayon. Does he really want to lose you?" I could feel his frustrations for me. "If only you're my mate, I won't do this. Hindi kita sasaktan. I will protect you even if it costs my life. I will never ignore you. I will love you forever."

Napansin ko ang bahagyang pagkuyom ng kamao niya. His bare chest and abdomen were glistening with tiny sweat. Natutuwa ako sa ipinapakita niyang pagmamalasakit pero nasasaktan din ako para sa kanya. No matter what he'd do, it would never change the fact that Zirrius and I were mates. Why was everything so complicated?

"Damon..." mahinang tawag ko sa pangalan niya. I wanted him to calm down. Hindi ko alam kung ano ba talaga ang gusto kong sabihin sa kanya. Lagi siyang naririyan sa tuwing kailangan ko siya. He's my bestfriend. "Hindi rin kita gustong masaktan," mabigat na wika ko sa kanya. Naramdaman ko ang malaking bikig sa aking lalamunan. "I don't know why fate is being unfair? Maybe love is something we can't easily have. Maybe sometimes, it's just something that will break our hearts and that's all it is about."

Siguro nga tama ang sinabi ni Zirrius. We're stuck on this bond and for this reason, we can't love those we wanted to love. Maybe this sudden connection was really unfair.

"Sure, I admit. I want to love you because it's a lot easier. You love me and all I have to do is love you back and maybe we'll get our happy ending. But it doesn't feel right. Pakiramdam ko, gagamitin lang kita para makalimutan kong nasasaktan ako dahil sa kanya, dahil kay Zirrius. It will never be fair for you, for all of us. Mas marami lang tayong masasaktan," nahihirapang wika ko. Hindi ko inaalis ang seryosong titig ko sa malulungkot niyang mga mata.

His lips were pressed on a thin line. I hoped he understands. "I don't want to be selfish. I don't want to hold you or hurt you. I just can't. Gusto rin kitang maging masaya. I hope you'll be able to find your happiness soon. I don't want to use you," saad ko. Bahagya akong napailing.

"Just use me. Mas gusto kong tulungan ka kaysa nakikita kang nasasaktan. Siguro magigising si Zirrius kapag nakita niyang masaya ka sa iba," determinadong saad niya. "Kung siya talaga ang gusto mo kapag nagising na siya at gusto ka na niyang makuha uli, bibitawan kita. I won't hold any grudge. I'm happy when you're happy. I'll be contented as long as you're happy. Basta siguraduhin lang niyang hindi ka niya sasaktan."

Mariin akong napapikit dahilan upang tumulo ang ilang patak ng luha ko. "This is so complicated. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko," nahihirapang wika ko.

Naramdaman ko na lang ang mahigpit na pagyakap niya sa 'kin. "Just give it a try. Please give me a chance," nagsusumamong wika niya. "It's true that I'm not your mate but I can still love you, all the same. I can love you until my very last breath."

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Song for this chapter: Little Do You Know by Alex and Sierra.