"My grip is tight..."

AVERY

Marahang umihip ang hangin. May ilang buhanging tumama sa mga katawan namin. My eyes squinted as few sand hit my eyes. Zara smiled to Zirrius, gently. A smile only mothers could show. I could see her love for her son. I could see the longing and somehow, regret that she had to see him in this situation.

"You're already back... in your true form," komento niya habang pinag-aaralan ang anyo ni Zirrius. Tila hindi siya makapaniwala na ang anak niya ay ganap ng binata at malaki na. She smiled proudly. "You're really handsome, the way I imagined it."

She looked at his elongated ears, his well-defined jaws that ,maybe, was sculpted by a sculptor, his sapphire blue eyes that seemed sparkling under the dim moonlight.

Kitang-kita ang kasiyahan sa mga mata ni Zara. I felt like her eyes glistened in tears but her tears didn't fell on her cheeks. Maybe souls can't cry after all. Or is she holding back the tears?

Walang nakakaalam.

Bahagyang lumiit ang mga mata ni Zara nang mapansin ang mga itim na marka sa braso ni Zirrius. Ang simbolo na si Zirrius ang hari ng Asteria. She pressed her lips into a thin line. "You already know," mahinang sambit niya. Mabigat na nagpakawala siya ng hininga. "Patawad kung itinago ko sa 'yo ang katotohanan. Hindi ko akalaing makikita kita ngayon. I didn't anticipate this." Malungkot ang tinig niya. She felt distant. Her eyes became sadder and more distant.

Napansin ko ang paninigas ng katawan ni Zirrius. He was hesitant to step closer or approach her. Kitang-kita ko sa mga mata niya kung paano niya rin pinag-aaralan ang anyo ng kanyang ina. Hindi siya makapaniwala sa mga nakikita niya at bahagyang nakaawang ang mga labi niya.

Her long ash brown hair was just like his. He also got those blue sapphire eyes from her.

Mariing kinagat ni Zirrius ang labi at ikinuyom ang kamao. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang iniisip niya. Sa tingin ko, gusto niyang lapitan ang ina niya pero wala siyang sapat na lakas ng loob. Hindi niya alam ang gagawin niya kaya bahagya siyang yumuko.

Hindi ako nagsalita. Gusto kong ibigay ang oras na dapat para sa kanilang dalawa ngayon.

Humugot ng malalim na hininga si Zirrius. Tila humuhugot ng lakas ng loob. Muli siyang tumingin kay Zara. Sa oras na ito, determinado na siya.

He pursed his lips before he speaks. I could tell that he was quite nervous. "Hindi ko rin inakalang makikita kita," seryosong sagot niya. "Hindi sa wala akong tiwala sa kapangyarihan ni Avery, akala ko lang, hindi ka magpapakita sa 'kin."

"She's only lucky," kibit-balikat na saad ni Zara. "Don't let her do this again. You're lucky that you only faced a baby demon." Hindi ko napigilan ang ngumuso. She's a bit mean. Or maybe, super mean. Oh. They're both mean.

"Yeah. You're right. She's reckless. Hindi siya mahilig makinig. She's just stubborn and persistent and so I let her. Pero hiniling ko na sana makita rin kita. Marami akong tanong na kailangan ng kasagutan. And you're the only one who can answer all of them."

My frown deepened. Marahang tumango si Zara. Napakaamo ng mukha niya at maging ang mga mata niya ay nagliliwanag sa kabila ng kadiliman. "Unfortunately, we don't have much time. Hindi ako maaaring magtagal sa mundong ibabaw," malungkot na sagot ni Zara. "And I bet Avery prepared her own questions for me. You better hurry up. The gates must be closed soon."

Tumingin sa 'kin si Zirrius. Kitang-kita ko ang panghihinayang sa mukha niya dahil kailangan naming magmadali. "Ikaw muna," he said to me.

I nodded. "I'm just wondering if you can call my mother out of the magic circle, out of the otherworld? Or is she reincarnated?" Bakas ang pag-asa sa tinig ko. "I need her. I need to know how to track or trace magic."

Saglit na nag-isip si Zara. "Not reincarnated. We will still stay in the otherworld for a thousand year or more. For the balance. Hindi maaaring magsilang ng malalakas na elves sa loob lamang ng isang henerasyon. We will end up dominating this world or we'll destroy it," she answered. "I can call her out but I need to go back first. Both of us can't stay outside."

"While I'm inside, I can guard the gates," she added.

"God! That's great!" bulalas ko. I was so happy she can help me. Bumaling ako kay Zirrius. "You can ask your questions now."

Bahagya akong lumayo sa kanila. I even sat on the sands while watching both of them. Kahit lumayo ako, naririnig ko pa rin silang dalawa.

Bumuntong-hininga si Zirrius nang mapansin na may balak talaga akong makinig sa pag-uusapan nila. Ngumisi ako at kumindat sa kanya. I had a feeling that deep inside he's pissed. He wants privacy but he can't get it from me.

"I'm not the son of the late King," seryosong saad ni Zirrius nang tumingin siyang muli kay Zara. Wala na siyang balak na magpaligoy-ligoy pa. "I'm a full-blooded elf you conceived for years. Did you deceive the late King?"

Alam kong wala siyang balak na pagdudahan o husgahan ang kanyang ina pero halatang wala siyang magamit na magandang salita sa mga nangyari.

Matipid na ngumiti si Zara at umiling. "No. I didn't deceive him. Augustus knew that I'm carrying a child. That I'm pregnant. Napadpad lang ako sa Alveria dahil sa mga pangitaing nakikita ko sa hinaharap. Kapag hindi ako umalis sa Asteria, mamamatay tayong dalawa at mas lalong magkakagulo. Maaaring tuluyang bumagsak ang buong Elfania. It's the only way to save you and the Kingdom."

"Ipinakita ko kay Augustus kung ano ang maaaring mangyari sa hinaharap at madadamay rin ang mga kaharian ng mga tao. Hindi sila makakaligtas kaya pumayag siya na manirahan ako sa Alveria at magtago. But he fell in love with me and asked to marry me. Hindi na ako nagdalawang-isip pa. You need a father. You need an army. You need a kingdom. You need a reason to fight."

"I sealed you in human form because that's the safest thing to do. Alam ko na susundan nila ako kahit saan man ako magpunta. Kapag nalaman nila na ikaw ang itinadhanang mamuno sa Asteria, hahanapin ka nila upang patayin. I made you human without any magic at all. You need to live. You had a bigger chance redeeming the Kingdom than me."

"Unfortunately, I was killed... by Seth." seryosong saad niya.

Napasinghap kaming dalawa dahil sa narinig.

"How does he look?" umaasang tanong ko sa kanya.

Bahagyang napaisip si Zara. "He was still too young back then. His face is a bit pale and his ears are long. His eyes are sapphire blue but not bright at all, like it already lost its light. His eyes are already overwhelmed with darkness. His jaws are perfect like the jaws of his older brother, Severus. They somehow, resembled each other but his hair is just shorter and neat."

Mariing ikinuyom ni Zirrius ang kamao. Hindi pa rin namin makikilala si Seth sa ganu'ng anyo. I could feel his frustrations.

"You don't have to worry. I didn't deceive your father. But he put his faith on you. He believed that you can save his kingdom. Itinuring ka niyang parang totoong anak. He loved you as if you are his child," she added.

Mariing kinagat ni Zirrius ang ibabang labi. Tears are glistening in his eyes. "I loved him too like my real father," mahinang saad niya.

Matipid na ngumiti si Zara kay Zirrius. "Anything else you want to know?" she asked.

"Why can't I open the letter?" he asked her. "Para saan ang sulat?"

"You're not yet completely released from your seal," she answered with a smile. "You'll know when you open it."

"You can foresee the future. Are we going to survive this fight?" nag-aalangang tanong ni Zirrius. I fixed my gaze on Zara. I could see the troubled look on her face. She's worried about something and that made me worry as well.

Napalingon ako sa magic circle dahil sa kakaibang liwanag na nagmumula rito. "I can't see the outcome of this war. It's unknown to me. The future is blocked with a huge amount of black magic. You're the only one who will know. The future is in your hands now."

Lumingon na rin si Zara sa magic circle. Napansin din niya ang kakaibang liwanag na nagmumula sa magic circle. "I have to go back now." Hindi na siya naghintay pa ng sasabihin ni Zirrius, naglakad na siya patungo sa magic circle.

"I have one last question. Did you regret what you had with my real father, with your mate? What does he look like? Can you tell something about him?" nag-aalangang tanong ni Zirrius. He was looking expectantly at her mother. He swallowed hard as if his throat was drying up.

Malungkot na ngumiti si Zara. "I regret that we discovered our bond too late," she answered truthfully. "But I didn't regret what we had even if the world is against us. He's someone who can rule the tidal waves and even hurricane. Someone too powerful but also gentle and soft. Kung alam lang niya na ipinagbubuntis kita noon, baka hinanap niya ako. That time, I know, he was willing to give up everything for me and that scared me. It was a very dangerous love. I don't want to ruin the family he had first and so I left. It was my decision to leave. He can't give up everything for me. It's just so unfair for him to do that," malungkot na paliwanag niya.

"But I didn't regret anything. You don't have to regret the things that make you feel alive. You just have to embrace it and feel the pain. It might hurt but it will still be the sweetest thing you'll experience ever. The sweetest kind of pain ever," she continued with a little smile. "The kind of pain you'll crave for more."

"Zirrius, don't underestimate the bond. It's a bond that can destroy. The bond can either break you or make you. You choose," makahulugang saad niya. Naramdaman ko na tila may bumara sa lalamunan ko. Pakiramdam ko nakain ko ang dila ko. Siguro alam niya.

Nakatitig lang si Zirrius sa kanyang ina. Zara nodded at him before she turned her back and head straight to the magic circle. Bago siya pumasok sa loob nito, muli siyang tumingin kay Zirrius.

"I know you're confused but you'll find answers along the way. I'm glad to see you. I want to hug you but I'm just a mere soul. I won't be able to touch you," malungkot na saad ni Zara. I could see the sadness engulfing her eyes.

"You and your mate are bound by a force more powerful than love. An unknown force that cannot be broken. The bond is stronger than gravity and you have no choice but to fall. But enough for your worries, you'll surely fall in the right place," she said with a smile. I could feel my cheeks as it heats up. Tumingin sa 'kin si Zara at ngumiti. "I'll call your mother," she said and disappeared.

Mabigat na bumuntong-hininga si Zirrius. He was totally confused. He turned to my direction. My face was in flames. I could totally feel my silent embarrassment.

He pursed his lips tightly and the pursed it again and again. I can't tell what he was thinking. Marahan siyang umiling na tila ginigising ang sarili. "I only know that this is dangerous," he whispered in the air. Kinakausap niya ang sarili niya, hindi ako.

He started to walk away. He started to distance himself away from me. Again. He's doing it again. It's breaking my heart, slowly shattering me to pieces.

Umupo siya sa malayong bahagi at tiningnan ang magic circle. Mabigat akong bumuntong-hininga. I rested my chin on my knees. I hugged my knees like a child and waited for my Mom. Kung maaari lang magsumbong sa nanay ko na dinudurog ni Zirrius ang puso ko, ginawa ko na. Pero wala namang magagawa ang aking ina kahit magsumbong ako.

Now Zirrius is back on being my cold-hearted mate.

Mas lalo kong isinubsob ang mukha sa mga tuhod ko. He almost accepted our connection but now, it's gone.

"Depressed already?" tanong ng isang malambing na tinig. Agad akong napalingon sa aking ina. Empress Demelza. She was still radiant and beautiful like before. She smiled brightly as she stared at me.

She tipped her head and looked at Zirrius. "Hmmm.. I see... A complicated love and a complicated world to live in," mahinang komento niya.

"Can we just talk about the complicated world, Mom?" nakangiting tanong ko sa kanya.

Mas lalong lumawak ang ngiti ng aking ina. Muli niya akong tiningnan. "Hindi ka pa rin nagbabago. Do you remeber what I told you before?" saad niya.

Saglit akong napaisip. Bigla kong naalala ang lagi niyang ipinapaalala sa 'kin. I nodded. "Walls fall down even the highest ones." Right. Zirrius' walls will fall down for me. I'll make that happen.

She smiled. "So why did you call me out here? Hindi ako maaaring magtagal dito," saad niya. I noticed how her gold eyes glow. Her gold curly hair was flowing like river. Her face was gentle and soft. Ang puti at mahabang bestida niya ay nagdagdag lamang sa kaliwanagan at kagandahan niya.

She's still graceful and elegant even in her soul form.

"I need to trace magic," diretsong saad ko. "I need to trace Seth."

Nawala ang ngiti niya sa labi. "Not an easy request," sagot ng aking ina. "I can tell you the basics but you need something more. You need experience. Pero mukhang napaghandaan na ito ni Zara. She prepared something for you when you reached Alveria. She made me write a guide book for tracing magic," paliwanag niya. "She hid it somewhere. I bet in the palace. Pero mukhang mahihirapan kayong makuha ito ngayon. She really had a bad taste at hiding things. Siguro akala niya, makikita ninyo agad."

I could see the disappointment in her face.

"You just need to find the book. Pero sasabihin ko na sa 'yo ang dapat mong malaman kung gusto mong hanapin ang pinagmulan ng isang mahika. I don't really have enough time to stay and train you," she said apologetically. Naiintindihan ko kaya marahan akong tumango. Kahit gusto kong manatili siya rito, wala akong magagawa. She's already long gone.

"There are different colors of magic someone can emit. You need to know the color of someone's magic first. You must distinguish it from another. Kapag nagawa mo na ito, madali mo nang makikita kung kanino nanggagaling ang isang mahika. Magic will always leave traces and residues. With those residues, you'll also feel, deep down in your soul, what life the magic user was leading to. Hindi mo lang napapansin ngayon dahil hindi mo pa nakikita ang totoong anyo nito," paliwanag niya. Tumingin siya kay Zirrius. Bahagyang nanliit ang mga mata niya.

"His magic is burning black and blue," saad niya. "Hindi man siya gumagamit ng mahika, makikita ito sa aurang bumabalot sa kanya."

"Did you use a spell or something?" naguguluhang tanong ko sa kanya.

Umiling ang aking ina. "I used my senses. My eyes and something beyond it," she answered with a smile. "It's like a sixth sense or something more special. A gift to see things clearly."

Kumunot ang noo ko dahil sa sinabi niya.

"Come here," she said with a reassuring smile.

Tumayo ako at naglakad patungo sa kanya. Bahagyang kumunot ang noo niya. "Before I died, your magic is pure white but now it is tampered with black and red," naguguluhang saad niya.

"Well, a lot of things happened," nakangiwing sagot ko sa kanya.

Matiim na pinag-aralan niya ang mukha ko.

"Is it that bad?" kinakabahang tanong ko sa kanya.

Marahan siyang umiling. "I don't know," she answered. "Can't tell if this is a bad sign."

Nang tuluyan akong makalapit sa kanya napansin ko ang pagkalito sa mga mata niya pero mas pinili niya na iwaksi ito. She looked at me intently.

"Hindi ko dapat gamitin ang kapangyarihan ko sa mundong ito. Pero kailangan mo ng tulong ko. I will awaken that gift inside of you."

Napakunot ang noo ko, nang itapat niya ang isang kamay sa noo ko. She chanted a spell. I could feel the power flowing inside of me. "You'll meet people without magical traces. It's either they're hiding it or they really don't have one. Be careful with your judgement. And try to control your sight so the light won't blind you. Try to see the person beneath the light instead. You can control it. Use this gift only when necessary or else it will drain your energy."

Nakaramdam ako ng bahagyang panghihina at panginginig ng tuhod ko. Unti-unting napapikit ang mga mata ko. Naramdaman ko rin ang pagbigay ng mga tuhod ko. I fell asleep before I even hit the cold sand.

Nang magising ako, napansin ko na wala na ang magic circle at maging ang ina ko. I gasped but I noticed someone. Zirrius held me in his arms. He was holding the letter on one hand.

"What happened?" tanong ko. Malabo ang paningin ko pero alam kong siya ang kasama ko. I could smell his sweet scent. His strong arms are so familiar. I know I'm with him.

I could feel relief on his sigh. "I don't know, you fell and I catched you. And then your mother told me to close the magic circle immediately. Tinuruan niya ako. Bumalik na siya sa otherworld," sagot niya.

Nang tuluyan kong maimulat ang mga mata ko, nasilaw ako sa iba't ibang liwanag na bumalot sa paligid. Agad akong napapikit at wala sa sariling tinakpan ko ang mga mata ko. Pakiramdam ko mabubulag ako sa liwanag. As if this was the first I have seen the world my whole life.

"May masakit ba sa 'yo?" nag-aalalang tanong niya. Naramdaman ko na binuhat niya ako. "Bumalik na tayo sa tent. You need rest. How are you feeling?"

"Everything's too bright," mahinang sagot ko sa kanya. "I think the light will blind me."

"Not happening," mariing wika niya. "Siguro epekto lang 'to ng ginawa ng iyong ina. You'll get used to it."

Mariin kong ipinikit ang mga mata ko. Will he stay by my side if I went blind? I know I'm being unfair but I love how he hold me in his arms now. It was very gentle. As if he was really afraid to hurt me.

Narinig ko ang mga yabag na tumatakbo sa direksiyon namin.

"Ano'ng nangyari sa kanya?" nag-aalalang tanong ni Damon.

"She's fine. Just a bit sick, I guess," seryosong sagot ni Zirrius. I could feel that we entered a tent. Ihiniga niya ako nang maayos sa loob. I'm still afraid to open my eyes. I could feel the heat coming from my eyes. It makes me tired.

"She needs to eat first," seryosong sambit ni Damon.

"She'll eat, later. Let her rest for now," seryosong saad ni Zirrius. Naramdaman ko ang paglabas nila sa tent ko. I was deep in my thoughts. I could see colors I've never seen before. Maybe my mother really awaken my gift. It's strange. It scares me.

Nang buksan ko ang mga mata ko, madilim na ang buong paligid. Wala na ang kulay na biglang sumilaw sa aking paningin kanina. Maybe the stars are just emitting some kind of magical light that it almost blind me.

Or maybe it came from Zirrius' magical light too?

I'll be okay, right?

I blinked my eyes as I tried to see clearer. Mas nakikita ko na ang loob ng tent. I could see the yellowish covers and all.

When I turned to look outside, I could see the burning camp fire. May iba't ibang liwanag akong nakikita mula roon. Napapalibutan sina Damon, Zirrius at Kendrick ng iba't ibang liwanag. Nakasisilaw na liwanag na halos hindi ko na rin sila makita. Green, Silver, Black and Blue. They were all shining like precious stones though Kendrick's light was a bit dimmer and he got the green light.

Glittering silver was all over Damon. And Zirrius really got the blue and black light. These lights are beautiful but blinding.

I suddenly wondered if they came from the stars. 

"No matter how I looked at them, I could see that their souls are made of stardust and chaos," I whispered to myself.

Naalala ko ang sinabi ng aking ina. I must control my sight for it to not blind me. She's making me nervous. What if the colors really blind me?

Mariin akong pumikit. And how I can control this gift of sight? It's wearing me out.

***