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xiii. Light Breaks Through
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★

SATURDAY MORNING DRAWS in quicker than Thea expects. The week and her lessons had flown by; that's the positive of getting homework every lesson and having extra revision sessions after classes. She gets so busy, that the week evaporates before she knows it and is replaced by the weekend.

She's awake early. Since it's getting closer to the start of March, the sun filters more strongly through the thin curtains hanging over the windows of their dorm and had woken her up.

Quickly, she takes a shower, brushes her teeth and takes a seat on the armchair by the window in the common room, so her hair dries quicker and the warmth from the rising sun falls onto her face. The clock on the wall tells her that it's half past seven. She takes a seat in her usual armchair in front of the fire, and finds Zelda is lay in front of the fireplace. She smiles a little.

The day's copy of the Daily Prophet is on the coffee table in front of her. Thea glances at it, to see it boasting the headline, 'FRUSTRATION AT THE MINISTRY AS THE MINISTER FOR MAGIC TRIES TO TALK DUMBLEDORE DOWN FROM HIS MISSION TO SPREAD LIES – Lyra Cindercroft reports.'

Thea throws it into the fire without a second thought. She sighs loudly, and Zelda, at her feet, decides this is the moment to curl up in her lap. Thea can't stop the smile, even as she watches the ends of the newspaper curl and burn into ashes. Absentmindedly, she strokes the top of her cat's head, and she's about to reach for her Charms textbook she brought with her to read through the last lesson's notes, when footsteps coming from the staircase leading to the dormitories startles her and she looks over.

Daisy, clad in Quidditch robes and with her broom over her shoulder, comes into view. The two girls look at each other for a moment, before Thea says, "Morning, Daisy."

"You OK, T?" Daisy looks a little awkward, even though they made 'peace' or whatever, weeks ago. They still haven't spoken properly, Thea supposes. "You know – after fainting."

"Yeah, I'm OK."

Daisy nods a little curtly, and makes her way towards the door. Thea, before she properly thinks, speaks again.

"I'm sorry. About our argument. I – I understand what you're saying, and I know it's scary. About You-Know-Who."

"I thought we agreed not to mention him?" Daisy mutters, picking at a loose splinter on her broomstick handle.

"Well, yes, but I wanted to give some context for my apology. Again. I'm sorry."

Daisy looks at Thea, her face softening. Thea smiles at her a little, which Daisy only slightly returns, with a nod too, before she makes her way out of the common room.

Thea sighs loudly.

It's not even eight 'o' clock yet, and she's already had enough of today's shit.

★

That evening, Thea finds herself sat before the fire in the Gryffindor common room again, which is flickering wildly under her gaze, whilst the flames in her chest are blazing hard under her ribs. Romeo and Juliet lies open on the arm of the chair, but she stopped reading at least an hour ago. Her concentration, like always, had slipped, and here she is now, sitting and staring at nothing, hoping for answers to materialise in the hearth. She tries to force herself to come to some sort of conclusion as to why it hurts so much, but nothing comes to her.

She sits back with a sigh, letting out a yelp of surprise when she spots Seamus and Dean staring at her a little distance away.

"What?" she says sharply, turning back around as Seamus walks over to her and sits down in front of her.

She hears the portrait of the common room slam shut and looks back again. She sees Dean has left. She closes her eyes to stop tears from pooling in them and looks at Seamus.

"Thea, I just wanted to tell you. I believe Harry."

She feels a relieved happiness swell in her body and grins. "Finally! Did you read the article?" she asks.

"Yes. I – I feel like a complete numpty now."

"You still are, Finnegan." she shoves his arm playfully, but her expression falls when she notices his serious expression hasn't budged.

"Look, Thea, I don't know what happened with you and Dean, he wouldn't tell me – but please, just talk to him, I swear you two not talking is completely nuts and you're both ruddy miserable." Seamus' expression is sincere and soft. Her heart hurts even more. "Just talk to him. Sooner rather than later."

Her eyes sting with tears.

"But I don't know what to say." she pauses to force back the tears, determined not to cry in front of somebody else. "I always know what to say to Dean, he's my best friend. So now, not knowing what to say to him...it's scary."

"Talk to him," Seamus repeats himself, a little more firmly. She can see he's trying to give her a reassuring look. She supposes it helps a little.

As if on cue, she hears the door open again, and Dean rushes in, sitting right next to Seamus.

"Umbridge just sacked Trelawney in front of the whole school!" he says all in one breath.

"What?"

"That bitch has some nerve," Thea breathes out, rubbing her eyes.

"I know right!" Dean says, supressing a laugh before he frowns again.

"Seamus, can we catch up with you later? Dean and I have a lot to talk about," she says, glancing at her friend.

Seamus nods, gives her a soft smile and gets up, making his way out of the common room.

Dean slouches in his seat as Thea starts to speak.

"Please can we be OK again? I miss you and it's been what? Three days? This just feels ridiculous now."

Dean shakes his head. "I can't just watch you put yourself in danger like this anymore, Thea – it's too frustrating – I don't know why you would even want to help someone like Jude, when you can't even help yourself!"

"I need to! He's too much like me for me to just leave." she closes her eyes. "For some reason, I need him to be OK."

"If that's of more value to you than my friendship and Harry's trust then that's perfectly fine, Thea," Dean says, with a bitter laugh underneath his voice, and a shiver trickles down her spine.

"Why are you bringing Harry into this?" she demands, standing up.

He follows suit, coming to be a head taller than her.

"Because Thea, you've done everything you can to help him, to let him know you support him... " He runs his hands over his face, and Thea can feel the tension between them. "And hurting me doesn't seem like enough to stop you, so maybe he'll knock your sense back into you."

Her heart feels like it cracks clean in two at this. "Of course I care about you Dean! I care about you more than anyone, you're my best friend. And Harry –"

"You like him."

Dean's arms are crossed over his chest. They're staring at each other hard, almost like they're trying to break down the other's façade. It normally doesn't take so much effort...

"That doesn't even come into this! Dean, this is about you –"

"See, there it is again, Thea! You put others before yourself so much that you can't even admit your own feelings to yourself. And besides, this isn't about me, it's about us, hell, it's actually more about you!"

"I'm really sorry, Dean, OK? I'm really sorry, but you understand me, right?"

"Yes, Thea, I understand why you want to help everyone you come across, I really do, but you can't help some people, and that's what you need to understand!"

Thea's mouth parts ever so slightly. The scarlet and gold decorations in the room are so loud and vibrant that Thea's head starts to ache. Thea's eyes are prickling with tears that are about to fall, but she can't let them, just like she can't let Dean know that he's so right that it's the reason she's left speechless.

There is a sharp silence that is slicing her skin. The stinging of it forces her to storm from the room and to her dormitory, falling onto her bed and finally letting her control go as her tears stain her pillow.

She's not sure how long it is until she sits up, but as she does, the door bursts open and Daisy stands there. For a moment, she strides towards her bed, not noticing Thea who is frantically wiping her eyes. Then, Daisy turns around, looks at Thea, and a frown forms between her brows.

"What's wrong, T?"

The lump in Thea's throat grows again, and her eyes start to sting.

"I just want to protect all of my friends, my mum..." her lip trembles, and Thea's surprised when Daisy walks towards her, sits opposite her on the bed, and pulls her into a hug; a proper hug, something that Thea didn't realise she had needed for so long. "...but I just end up hurting them instead," she mumbles into Daisy's shoulder, which is covered in a soft, red Quidditch jumper. "Why am I so bad at protecting everyone?"

Daisy hugs her tighter. "Thea, that's not your job."

"But –"

Daisy pulls away from her and wipes Thea's tears. "That isn't your job, OK? We're...we're just kids, T! We can fight this, we can band together with Harry, but –"

"Wait, what?"

Daisy's cheeks turn pink. "What I wanted to say this morning was that I'm sorry, too. I – I know he's back, Thea. I just, I – I don't think I wanted to believe it." Daisy smiles weakly. "But that's not going to make it go away, is it? And you and Harry, you're my good friends –"

Thea's close to bursting into tears again, so she throws her arms around Daisy again, who laughs a little.

"You know, T..." Daisy giggles, "I think Harry likes you."

"He doesn't," Thea says, pulling away and raising her eyebrows at her friend.

"I thought he still liked Cho Chang," Daisy says. "But this morning, he was asking about you at Quidditch practice. He wanted to know if you were OK, he sounded quite worried, and nervous."

"That doesn't mean he likes me, he's just a decent person –"

"It was the first thing he said to me, Thea."

"That doesn't mean anything! Me and Harry are barely even friends – I mean, well, I guess I see him as a friend, he's nice, and he's quite cute, actually –" Thea's eyes widen at the smirk growing on Daisy's face.

"Thea Charlotte Cindercroft, you like Harry Potter!"

"Be quiet, Daisy!" Thea snaps, her face burning bright red. "I don't like him!"

"I think you do. I think you like each other," Daisy says, grinning.

"Right." Thea rolls her eyes. "Anyway, it's getting late, so I'm going to get to sleep."

"Sweet dreams about yours and Harry's wedding!"

"Shut – up!" Thea says, but she can't help the smile that's stretching across her face as she lies down on her bed, her mind slipping into unconsciousness not too long after her head hits the pillow.

★

For the next few weeks, Thea breezes through her lessons and revision and reading in the common room, as normal. But there's still an emptiness in her chest, still a missing flame in her heart. She knows exactly what it is that she's missing, but she can't let herself acknowledge it; it would hurt too much.

Thea's really surprised that a time comes in her Hogwarts career where she speaks to Hermione Granger, of all people, more than Dean. Dean, her best friend, who she doesn't speak to at all. Every time she remembers this, her heart sinks a little lower and a shot of ice seems to break down some of the flames, that are as toned down as they've ever been.

"Hermione, why do you keep staring at me?" Thea finally snaps, putting her quill on the desk with a little more force than required.

"Your eye circles are so bad they look like bruises. What's wrong, Thea?"

Instead of voicing her annoyance at Hermione's way of expressing her concern, she throws her a glare before starting to talk. "I haven't spoken to Dean in weeks, Jude is a prick, Seamus seems to be avoiding me because of the thing with Dean, these stupid exams, my mother, I'm basically in a constant daze so I don't know where I'm going, or where I am, just school, Umbridge..." she takes a deep breath. "...and all this with Voldemort being back..." Thea sighs and looks at Hermione. "If I tell you this, please don't tell him."

"Right."

"I'm...I'm confused about Harry."

Hermione raises her eyebrows. "Are you saying that you like him?"

Thea rolls her eyes.

"I'm saying I'm confused about the situation. The word 'like' wasn't even in that sentence."

Hermione sighs. "Look, Thea. You know I'll always be here for you if you need help with school and exams. With Dean, well I don't really know what you should do because I don't talk to him that much. And Harry – he mentioned you the other day, actually –"

"He did? What did he say?" she sits up a little more in her chair.

"He said he likes you," Hermione says, placing her own quill down. "And that you're nice. But the whole Inquisitorial Squad thing, Strenegal...it makes him uneasy. And I understand that."

"Oh." Thea slumps back in her chair. "Well, why are you talking to me then?"

"Funnily enough, Thea, it's nice to talk to a girl sometimes."

Thea's rather taken aback, but it's in a nice way. She agrees with Hermione, if she's honest.

"Just – just talk to Harry. Quit the Inquisitorial Squad –"

"I can't, that'll upset Umbridge and then affect my mother like."

"Merlin, you really are just like Harry," Hermione sighs again, and looks vaguely irritated. "You aren't on this earth just to look after everyone else. Either of you."

"You aren't the only person who's told me that." Thea's head falls onto the cold desk.

"Well maybe you should start to take notes. Figuratively and literally – this essay is due tomorrow Thea, it's not going to complete itself!"

Thea scoffs. "Yes, mother."