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xviii. A Summer Downpour
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THE FIRST SUMMER downpour breaks through the sweltering humidity that has been hanging around Malfoy Manor since Thea arrived.

Above, the sky's clouds are so dark and thick that they border on black.  Raindrops draw abstract shapes across the glass window that Thea is looking through into the gardens of the mansion, which are beautiful. Acres of land are accented by perfectly pruned lawns and hedges, white peacocks, and marble fountains that are overflowing with rain onto the cobbled path that separates two lawns. From the height of her room, she can see over the forest that lines the manor, and can make out the rest of Wiltshire.

Thea hates it.

She misses Windermere, and she misses her friends.

She hopes they're OK.

From what she's gathered from her stay here, they're all still alive, and the Dark Lord didn't get the prophecy. Dinners are tense, and sometimes she holds Eden's hand under the table to stop it from trembling. Draco tries to offers her a look sometimes when none of the Death Eaters are looking. She's been ignoring Jude, and he hasn't made much effort to speak to her, but she's fine with that. Honestly, he's the last person she wants to talk to right now.

She sighs as her mind is dragged back to the previous evening. When her mother had told her everything. When her mother – when Lyra – had told her the truth for once.

Thea wants to cry and curl up in her bed every time she remembers that her mother has been working for You-Know-Who the whole time. That when she was twenty, about to qualify as a Healer, and marry the love of her life, Thea's father, she decided to become a Death Eater with her sister and brother in law.

Lyra was terrified for her sister, she begged her to change her mind, but the Dark Mark was already on her skin. Octavia had pleaded with her sister to just listen; so she did. Lyra asserted to Thea that she knows now it was really the power she craved, not the darkness, but she was young, and her older sister had always been her role model. So one day, when Desmond was at work, Lyra went to You-Know-Who with her sister and offered her allegiance.

By nine o'clock that evening, she had a black tattoo swirling on her left forearm, and by ten o' clock, she had found out she was pregnant with Thea. She had found out about that a little too late, because maybe otherwise, things would be different. Thea hissed that it didn't matter because they weren't different. Lyra had tried to smile at Thea, but it just looked broken.

Then her mother had launched into a speech about when Thea was two years old. It was October, 1981. The Death Eaters had found out that Thea's father was a Muggleborn, and that was the entire reason Thea was here, apparently, because the only way Lyra could talk them out of killing them all was if she made Thea become a perfect Death Eater.

Thea told her that was absolute bullshit. What even is the perfect Death Eater? Thea just rolled her eyes when her mother told her not to swear. Lyra paused. Her words still echo in Thea's head.

"Be careful, Thea. If you don't go through with this, we'll all suffer. You, Jude, Eden, Draco...me, your father. The ones at school that you call friends...all of us."

Thea presses her forehead against the freezing cold glass, which does nothing to counter the burning of her face or the raging in her chest.

What the hell is she meant to do now?

There's a short knock on the door.

Thea sighs.

"Come in!"

The door creaks a little as it opens and Draco Malfoy enters, his face grey and his hair barely combed.

"Oh, it's you," Thea sighs. "What do you want?"

"Oh, good evening to you too, Cindercroft."

"Malfoy, I'm not in the mood right now – "

"Apparently it's my turn to keep you company tonight," he says, looking confused. "Apparently you know what you're doing, and I just have to sit here and let them know how you're getting on."

Thea snickers bitterly. "Oh, they didn't tell you?"

"No, but if you could enlighten me –"

Thea swallows hard, feeling the lightness of the room be sucked away. Instead of fresh air, it's like a black clouds above them slink into the room, suffocating and overwhelming.

"I am with the Death Eaters."

The words taste like poison on her tongue.

They have spilled over her lips so many times that they are all she can see, even when she's asleep. They are lodged in her throat, stuck to her skin, flowing in her blood; she swears they're even hidden under her fingernails like dirt.

"I am with the Death Eaters."

Thea feels her eyes water every time she says it, refusing to look at the boy staring at her from across the room.

"I am with the –"

"Stop, please! What is going on?" Malfoy exclaims, his voice hoarse and desperate.

She jumps and turns to face him, her eyes wide and bloodshot, just like his.

His face is sunken, and his skin is turning deathly, his eyes the reflection of permanent fear. He looked terrible when he got here, but now as she properly looks at him, his expression is stark compared to the sly, arrogant façade she's used to him wearing, so much so that she goes quiet, and her head falls into her hands.

Draco lets out a sigh, but he doesn't speak. The room is filled with the sound of their breathing, which is a little more laboured than it was before. The fear sits on her chest, an unmoving, dead weight that she can barely breathe through some days.

A moment later, she looks up at him again, to see him staring out of the window.

"What's wrong?"

She sees him frown. "What isn't wrong, Cindercroft? Are you telling me you're enjoying this? That you believe what you're saying?" his gaze moves from outside and to her.

His face looks so frightened that the glass-like look in his eyes startles her.

Her hands begin to shake, and she links her fingers together, so he doesn't notice.

She thinks suddenly of Harry, and the warmth of his hand, which is fading it's been that long since she's felt it. Her heart aches. She misses him so much.

"Of course I don't believe it!"

"So why are you saying – that – on a loop?"

Thea bites her lip. "My mum believes there's this psychological phenomenon where if you tell yourself something enough times, you start to believe it."

"That's ridiculous –" Draco spits, before he's interrupted by the sharp knife of her voice.

"I know, Malfoy, it's not exactly an enjoyable experience, but what can I do? What can any of us do, me, you, Eden, Jude, when we're locked up in this hell? At least you get to leave the house whenever you want – I'm stuck up here until I show some signs of improvement, whatever that means," Thea snaps. "Believe me, if there was anything I could do, I'd have done it by now. I may as well keep you three out of trouble by listening to my mother."

"Why do you care what happens to me?" Draco asks, staring at her in disbelief.

"It may come as news to you, Draco, but I'm a decent person. You might have relentlessly pissed me off for five years, bullied those who you deem beneath you, but I don't want you to perish," she says, folding her arms across her chest.

Draco rolls his eyes. "Right."

There's a silence that hangs in the room before a thought freezes Thea in her place.

Why has Draco deteriorated so much?

Why does he hate hearing Thea talking about being with the Death Eaters?

Why does cold, calculating Draco Malfoy, who has never been shy of power or glory or being fearful, shrink at the thought of it now?

He looks like he's wasting away slowly, just like she is, like Jude and Eden are. And she realises this about the war too: its end will come, slowly, trickling into the cracks like a fog that sends you tired at first, before leaking into your muscles and bones until you can't move. It's not far off. Who's going to make it and who isn't? It's a lingering question that's far too damning to say out loud.

She frowns again, and looks at him, her head cocked to the side.

"What's going on with you? You look different," she says, looking away from him.

"Nothing," he says, shuffling on the spot.

"Have you joined them? Did they make you join them?" Thea's heart jolts with a realisation. "Is he making you do something? What is Voldemort –?"

"Don't say the name –!"

" – You-Know-Who," she pauses, eyeing him, before continuing. "He's making you do something for him, isn't he? Like a task? Like he did with Eden and Jude last year."

For the first time – and most likely the last – she sees Draco Malfoy falter because of her words. His jaw and fists clench and his whole body quivers like he's just been doused in ice water.

Then he shakes his head, makes for the door and leaves, muttering, "That's none of your business, Cindercroft."

The door slams loudly, echoing with the words haunting her like relentless ghosts.

I'm with the Death Eaters.

We could be powerful.

There's a psychological phenomenon, and you will start to believe it so much you will be certain it's been carved into your skull.

✦

"You," she hisses, as Jude Lestrange slips into the room hours later, his face set like stone but his eyes giving away everything he's feeling.

She feels a rage, one that feels scarlet and hot, take over every atom in her body, and she marches forwards towards that sad, greyed face, that's scraped and bruised but still so beautiful...

"Thea, I'm so sorry, I didn't –"

Her hand collides with his cheek, and he falls silent. The dropping of his head and the soft gasp of pain from him makes her think this was the least he expected.

"You didn't what? You didn't want to hurt me?"

"Of course not!" he exclaims, hands up in a motion of surrender.

Thea sighs. The bright red print against his face makes her glow with a sick sort of pride, but smothers her in guilt at the same time.

"If I didn't – try and –"

"If you didn't try and turn me into a Death Eater while also hiding the fact that my mother is one, I'm Eden's cousin –" Thea's face morphs into one of disgust, "You made me look like a complete moron for trusting you, Jude!" she says hotly, glaring at him viciously in the hope he'll set on fire, or something.

"Well, that wasn't exactly how I'd put it – "

"Well, that's exactly how it happened!" Thea shouts, her head starting to hurt. "And I did trust you. You were my friend," She says, her voice cracking, and her shouting becoming soft and quiet.

All she wants to do is to go home...

"Will you let me finish, for Merlin's sake?" Jude finally raises his voice to match hers.

He feels ever so slightly shocked; staring at the burning hot flare in her eyes, feeling the stinging in his jaw and seeing the nasty curve of her lip makes him angry, furious at her for not listening to him.

He's never been furious with Thea before.

Thea's glare turns all the more deadly, but she stops talking and looks at him expectantly.

"Thank you. I was going to say that if I'd not done any of that, my mother would kill us both. I was protecting us, Thea."

"You could've told me!" she retorts, turning back to yelling at the boy stood only a foot in front of her.

"No, Thea, I couldn't have. The only reason we're still stood here is because I didn't tell you, they say it's the only thing I got right! They blame me for it not working – for not stopping you and Potter being friends."

"Oh, I'm so very sorry," she drawls, her face twisting nastily.

"Thea, don't you get it? It didn't work because I actually care about you – I didn't want to do this to you! You do know how the Dark Lord found out about your relationship with Harry? Lyra didn't tell him, she kept it quiet...it was panicking her, because she knew she'd failed."

Jude pauses, his lips pursed and pale, like he's trying to swallow the words. But it's too late; they're still buzzing in Thea's ears.

"How would I know that? I clearly haven't known a single thing this entire time!"

"She told you, didn't she? She bargained a deal when he found out about your father, that if he let her turn you into a Death Eater, him and his Death Eaters would leave your father alone, and you until the time was right for you to join." Jude pauses, his face contorting in something that looks like conflict. "I'm sorry, I only know bits, from eavesdropping on the meetings – so I don't think I should tell you, it's not my place to say."

"Just tell me, please!" Thea says desperately, her voice thick with tears. "No one tells me anything..."

"I can't, it'll hurt you too much...I'm sorry, I need to go." Jude rushes out of the room, leaving her alone again.

Her heart aches in her chest.

The silence worms its way into her head, and she knows she won't be able to cope with any of this for much longer. Taking a few steps over to the window, her fingers brush over the lock on it, rust collecting around it ever so slightly. The lock rattles ever so slightly. Her lips curl into a smirk; she knows this will be a challenge to say the least, but all she can think is, bring it on.

✦

Jude Lestrange cannot stop thinking about Thea Cindercroft.

She's always there, no matter what he does; right now, she's still screaming at him for betraying her, for making her look like a complete moron, and he can't stop the crippling pain in his chest.

His mother's voice cuts through; coward.

"Strenegal – or is it Lestrange now?"

Jude rolls his eyes. "Hedge. What do you want?"

"For you to tell me what's going on with Thea and why they've locked her up? She doesn't deserve this shit, and you're not helping to get her out –"

"They won't let her out until she's a Death Eater," he muses, the thought sounding unbelievably stupid to him because he knows they won't succeed.

"Well, she'll be up there for approximately one hundred years at the least. They're wasting their time." Eden snickers ever so slightly.

"How do you know that?" Jude knows the answer before Eden speaks and an uncomfortable twist shudders through his heart.

"Why do you boys need everything spelling out to you? First, Thea's good. She's better than all of us put together. Second, Potter, obviously. She's completely in love with him."

Jude doesn't speak.

"Oh, but you didn't need that spelling out for you, did you? You already knew." Eden's voice is cold and malicious; she knows exactly what she's doing, and, well, if she wants to play this game then so be it.

"What about the Ravenclaw girl you were with last year? Doesn't she mean the same to you as Thea means to me?"

Eden freezes in her spot, her voice dangerously low.

"Excuse me?"

"What's her name again? Lovegood, is it?"

"Luna doesn't have anything to do with this!"

"Hit a nerve, have I?" Jude mocks, brows raised, and lips twisted into a wry smile.

"Shut up. I won't matter to Luna anymore once she finds out about this." Eden takes a few steps towards him, so they're face to face. "At least, that's what happened with you and Thea, isn't it?"

Jude swallows hard. Anything he could say to the dark-haired girl turns to dust on his lips and he knows Eden's got him. She smiles at him, in a way that says, you've lost, before turning on her heel and slipping out of the room, her cloak following her like her servant.

✦

"Piece of complete shit! – what now?" Thea snaps at the sound of a knock on the door.

She slams an irritated hand into the window before storming over and almost ripping the door off its hinges.

"What do you want, Lyra?" she says, her voice cold.

"To talk," the woman says simply, gliding in and taking a seat on Thea's bed.

"Oh yes, come in. Make yourself at home," Thea snaps icily, closing the door with more force than necessary. "What could you possibly want to talk about? It's not like you haven't said enough already."

"You don't need to take an attitude with me, Theabel." Lyra is looking around the room, an air of nonchalance radiating off her and making Thea's fury stew even more inside her.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"How you're doing, of course. I miss you, Thea," her mother's voice is gentle, which sends an awful twist in her stomach.

She remains silent.

"What do you actually expect from any of this, mum?"

"For you to join us, Thea – you'll have Eden, Jude, Draco – me."

Thea rolls her eyes, before her mother continues. "You'll be powerful, Thea. Power is all you'll ever need. You won't get that from Harry Potter, I promise you."

The mention of the boy seems to knock the wind out of her lungs. She misses him so much.

"Maybe I don't want power, mother," she says softly. "I just want my friends to be safe."

Lyra Cindercroft stares at her, her blue-green eyes that she gave to her daughter piercing and troubled.

"You remind me so much of your father."

Thea's head snaps around to the woman, whose fingers are curled in her hair absentmindedly.

"What happened to him?"

Lyra's lips twist into a grimace. "He left us, Thea."

"I know that, but I want to know about him! What House was he in? Who were his friends? Did he love me? What was his favourite subject? Did he play Quidditch? Why did he leave?" She exclaims. "I feel like there is so much you're not telling me....I don't even know if I believe anything you're saying!"

"Theabel –"

Thea holds up her hand to stop the woman talking.

"Why did you keep all of this from me? Why didn't you just bring me up to be a Death Eater like Draco's parents did?"

Lyra sighs, before standing up and taking hold of Thea's hands.

"I already told you – they found out about your father. They knew how in love with him I was. I was pregnant with you and impressionable; they told me, if I brought you up to be the perfect Death Eater, nothing would happen to any of the three of us – I did it to keep us safe, Thea! At the time, it was all I could think to do!"

Thea rips her hands from her mother's grasp, her eyes burning with tears.

"Just answer the question!"

Lyra lifts her head up, so her chin points in the air.

"I loved your father, I would have done anything for him. He is the reason I didn't raise you to believe in all of this, because I didn't really believe it myself either. I was foolish enough to think I could make everything right." Lyra looks down. "And now, I see that you love him. The Potter boy. And as soon as I saw how you behaved at school last year, I knew I had failed. I knew that there was no turning back, that you had taken your father's path."

Lyra takes Thea's right hand and reads the pale scars imprinted in her skin; I must not disappoint.

"It's a pity, it really is. You've not only signed your own death contract, but mine, Jude's and your father's. I hope you're pleased with yourself, and I hope that he's worth all of this chaos."

Then she is gone.

Thea's heart aches and aches and aches until she drops into a heap on the floor, and her mouth starts to move again.

"I am with the Death Eaters."

Her brain shoots back to her words to Draco earlier.

I'm a decent person. I don't want you to perish.

"I am with the Death Eaters."

Then, her thoughts dart to the many conversations from last year.

Merlin, you really are just like Harry.

You aren't alive just to rescue everyone else.

I'd never join him, even if it saved my life.

All she can think about is how her heart surely must be too charred to keep her alive by this point. Ignoring it, she clambers back up to her feet and creeps over to the window.

Her fingers brush over the latch and lock, her jaw sets and her eyes start to blaze with her heart. She thinks of Harry, and she smiles ever so slightly.

She thinks of Dean, her best friend in the whole world, and how, right now, she'd give anything for one of his bear hugs. She wonders how he's been coping without her. She imagines he hasn't been coping at all, because if this situation was the other way around, she wouldn't sleep, eat or do anything but try and get him back.

Then, for once, she thinks of herself.

The latch of the window starts to creak ever so slightly as she starts to pull on it, hoping, if nothing else, to at least loosen it.

Bring it on.