Ch. 38: Life or Death

FRED

     I ran a calloused hand through my long strands of hair, catching a few tangles as my stomach flipped in knots. The crumpled letter from Elle sat, unopened, in my lap. The low light from the dying flame in the Gryffindor Common Room hardly brightened the place or the ambience. I wasn't sure what I was doing. I guess, somewhere deep down inside my chest, I was waiting for her to come back. 

     My eyes kept jumping towards the Portrait Hole every time I heard a noise, hoping to see the rambunctious Granger glide through the door with a grin on her face and a snide comment about me never sleeping.

      I felt dirty and cheap. Things were so messed up, it was hard to sort everything out.

     Despite my wishes, I knew Elle wasn't coming back any time soon. I'd seen the look on her face. 

     My fingers danced across the lip of the envelope, flicking the red flap gingerly but unwilling to commit. I hadn't opened it yet. I almost didn't want to know. I didn't want to come to terms with the fact I'd just crushed Elle completely -- and, I didn't even mean to. It was Angelina.

      My stomach clenched once more at the thought. I'd wanted to run out there and tell her right away, I wanted to explain everything, and somehow convince her about how difficult my feelings were. Here I was, being kissed by one of my best mates since I was ten, then suddenly, the door opens and Elle is there -- upset and apologizing. I was just confused about everything. Everything happened so fast, I could barely process it.

      Taking a deep breath of resolve, I sat up straight and grabbed the letter, holding the opening tightly between my thumb and forefinger. Every time I went to open it, a different scene flashed behind my eyes. 

      The most important of those was Malfoy. What did he do to Elle? Why was she with him in the first place? 'If he'd hurt her ... I'd --' my heart reeled at even the thought of it.

     Sighing, I ran a hand over my face to force the worrying thoughts from my mind. I figured I'd wait down in the Common Room for her, then I could explain everything properly. But, as I glanced at the Grandfather Clock in the corner of the Common Room, I had a feeling she wouldn't be coming back anytime soon. It was almost 4 a.m. already.

      Slowly, I pulled the scarlet envelope open and stroked the messy, broad cursive scrawled across the parchment inside. 

'Hey, Fred
Don't laugh. I know this is stupid, but hear me out!'

     There was a dark spot on the page where her quill had paused for a long time, pooling up as she thought of what to say.

'I've been thinking about this for a little bit, and I just couldn't find the words to say it. So, here it goes. Complete honesty. I think you're the best.

You make me laugh 'til my sides ache, and you know how to match my sarcasm. And, ever since the Yule Ball, I can't shake the fact that you've wormed your way into my head. I'd like to spend more nights with you as we did at the Ball (you know, excluding almost being stood up).

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, would you be my Valentine?'

      I had been worried that if I made a move to tell her that I liked her, she would laugh it off and walk away. But, reading this made me regret not saying something to her sooner. But now... now I knew. And now, it was too late.

'P.S.: If you don't feel the same, it's totally cool. Please burn this after reading, thanks!'

      A laugh, curt and short, left my mouth. I could see her flushed cheeks as she'd written this letter. However, as quick as it'd come, the humour had all but dried up. 

     My fingers traced over her signature and I frowned. I looked towards the entrance once more, hoping for some good luck. But, there wasn't anyone there. I wet the bottom of my lip and folded the parchment back into its casing with a bitter smile. 

     Lifting the letter, I leaned forward and aimed to toss it in the flames, as Elle requested. But, as I made to drop it, I found I couldn't let it go. Instead, I resigned to slipping the letter back into my coat pocket. I nestled back into the couch and watched the low flames flicker for an uncounted amount of time. 

      Light footsteps padded their way down the Girl's Dormitory Staircase. I hardly minded, in a haze of confusion and yearning. 'Life sure is dramatic right now,' I thought. Hated to admit it, but Mum was right about teenagers.

      "How's my idiotic brother holding up?" A light voice jingled through the empty Common Room. The breaking of hours of silence felt like a sin, and I slowly turned to offer Ginny a glare.

      "Ginevra," I addressed her. My voice was thick and tired, matching my body language. "You already know?"

       Ginny ignored my question with a roll of her eyes and a fire in her belly. She smacked the back of my head and rose her voice to a quiet scolding. "You are so stupid, Fred Weasley!" She kept her voice down to be nice to the hundreds of sleeping Gryffindors on this early Sunday morning. But, the rage was there.

       "How could you?!"

      I cradled the back of my head. It hadn't hurt, but she didn't know that. "What are you--"

       Ginny cut me off, sticking her hand in my face and shaking her head. "Seriously. What the crap, man! You nearly had her, then you just had to snog Angie?!" I opened my mouth to interject, but she continued her lecture without so much as a breath. "What is wrong with you?! Why didn't you just buck up and ask Elle out, like people have been doing for centuries?! I swear, Fred, you're less successful than Dad and his Muggle contraptions!"

       "Oi, have you quite finished?!" I cut off her wild rant. "You've insulted me with that last bit, you know."

      "Good!" Ginny crossed her arms over her chest and inhaled deeply, before letting her broad shoulders droop. She sighed and flopped down on the couch beside me, turning to watch my expressions dance across my face with almost concern.

      "I mean, Gin," I said, glaring at my empty palms as they floundered for nothing in particular. "I-I didn't mean for any of this to happen, alright? It's not as if I'd asked Angie to snog me! Elle had run off before I could speak to her, and you know what Gin -- knower of absolutely everything?" I challengingly met her gaze, knowing that Ginny was aware of the entire situation. "Elle ran to Draco Malfoy's arms. Malfoy! Even Cedric would've been less hurtful than the twit with his Dad's hand up his arse!" 

     Ginny sighed and pat my shoulder. "All I'm sayin' is," she fought a yawn then stood up, peering down at me and she pulled her robe tighter against her waist. "You're going to regret it if you don't talk to her and sort this out right now." She tapped a sarcastic finger to her chin with a small smile. "You'll need flowers and chocolate. Lots of flowers. Best of luck."

ELLE

     Time went by pretty fast after that whole ordeal on Valentine's Day. The second semester of the school year was whisking away. I found my solace in a set schedule, and my grades were doing a lot better for it, too.

      I'd begun setting my alarm clock to five in the morning and going to bed right after dinner. It was a 'change for the better' in Hermione's view, but in Jenna and Lana's minds, they knew I was drastically changing my schedule because I refused to even talk to Fred. I wouldn't even look at him.

It was nothing personal against him in general - I just couldn't look him in the eyes with out seeing him with Angelina. He didn't do anything particularly wrong. It's not as if we were dating officially or anything. And I knew that - I just couldn't bring myself to let him in any more. It hurt too much. He was killing me, and I needed to take my life back into my own hands.

       There'd been a couple of close calls, and, as I turned down the corridor that led to the Dungeons, I was getting the sneaking suspicion that Fred had memorized my course schedule. 

     Jenna flanked the side of me as soon as we saw Fred, standing at the entrance to the stairs with his hands in his trousers and his brow furrowed. I turned my head away and struck up a casual conversation about class with Jenna, pretending not to see him. 

       Fred reached out towards me. "Elle, wait can't we just tal--" 

       I held up a hand behind me as I quickly climbed down the stairs to Advanced Potions. I was actually a little surprised he'd approached me, it had been two weeks of me successfully dodging him, but somehow he'd cornered me. "No. Please, Fred. I'm too... I just don't want to talk about it right now. Frankly, I'm just done." I spared him one remorseful glance and shook my head, walking through the dungeon door, and sighed. 

      Our voices echoed down the stairs. Jenna compassionately gripped my shoulder with a reassuring smile as we walked into our next class. In the corner of my eye, I watched as Malfoy rolled his eyes and leaned back on his stool as if everything was getting old. 

"You know Granger, this is a classroom - not a drama department. If you want one, go take it up with Dumbledore." Malfoy sneered and Blake gave him a sharp glare which he shrugged off with a scowl. "I'm getting tired of your countless drama - just crush his spirits already." His face turned innocent for a second, then broke out in an evil smirk, grey eyes twinkling. "Oh wait... you did."

"You know what Malfoy?" I sighed, raising a hand to silence an angry Blake whose eyes flickered as if she was about to smack him upside the head. "You know that feeling little kids get when it is only a month until Christmas? All excited and making their lists for Santa - putting the thing they want most in the whole wide world on the top of that list, they subtly drop hints for their parents to find, and even draw a picture of it so the parents will notice and be sure to tell Santa for them?"

He nodded his head slightly, unsure of where I was going with this. "And then, Christmas morning rolls around and the child wakes up, run down stairs and they see it - the brightly wrapped package just sitting under the Christmas tree - waiting to be opened. For sure it must hold the thing the child wanted the most."

I'd gotten the majority of the class's attention now, and they were watching me, standing in the doorway, explaining the story. "You are the like that - the feeling the child gets when they do open it and discover, not the toy they'd wanted, but clothes. In fact - all of the presents are clothes. None of the things on their list are under the tree. Not even candy is in the stockings, just hard, cold coal."

          A few people hissed and chuckled as I wrapped up the story and Draco rolled his eyes, also chuckling. "Oh please, I'm the teddy under the tree, Mudblood. If anything, you are the clothes under the Weasley's tree -- oh, they probably cannot even afford a tree. I meant twig."

      "You know what?" I sighed and shook my head, already tired of this conversation. I tossed my book bag onto the seat next to Jenna. "Just shut your Ferret face, Malfoy -- before I jinx you."

     "Say that again," Malfoy sneered, face glowering as he clutched the stone table in front of him. His anger was stoked by the giggles of Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs that had experienced first-hand what I was referring to. 

      "What? That make you squirm, Malfoy? Ferret boy." I hissed angrily. Next to me, Jenna snickered and covered her mouth with an innocent hand.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you two were flirting." She coughed and rolled her eyes as I glared flaming hot daggers at her. She flipped her blonde hair and repeated her sentence. "I said: if I didn't know any better - I do though. Gez."

        Exasperated, I sat down on the stool next to Jenna, cradling my head in my palms. "I don't even want to think about relationships right now, thank you very much." 

       Jenna blew a strand of blonde hair away from her eyes and rested her flawless chin on her dainty hand, giving me a withering look. "I don't understand why you refuse to talk to him, Elizabeth." She avoided saying Fred's name out of kindness, but I still stiffened as she brought him up. "Maybe he wants to tell you that Johnson attacked him and he was only thinking of you! Maybe he wants to rekindle your romance. You're ruining your chances." She whined and pouted. "And, after I tried so hard to get you both together!"

      "Huh?" I lifted my head at that, cocking my head to the side. "What are you trying to say?"

       She paled and turned her head to the side, a slight blush creeping up her cheeks as she let out a little mischievous giggle. Jenna's wide steel eyes flickered from me to her hands then back again, shifty and nervous. "Well... You see... You know the Yule Ball?"

      She paused as if I was going to answer her. After realizing I was only going to offer her a pointed glare, Jenna cleared her thought and continued on, brows knit together softly. 

       "Well," she explained sweetly, "Me and Draco, well, we kinda sorta..." She took a deep breath and blurted the following sentence out so it was jumbled and incoherent. "WekindasortaensuredLeowascompletelyandutterlylostintheCastleandgottoyoulatesoyouandFredcouldhaveamoment!"

I blinked once, twice. Then it all registered in my head. "You WHAT?!" I smacked her arm and pointed a finger in her face. "How could you?! Everything is based off a lie! Poor Leo - he was trying to tell me about this, but he didn't remember who did it - and - and... I sort of ignored him because I was preoccupied... but Jenna." I threw my hands up in the air like a madwoman and just shook my head. "I should have known."

      "Yeah..." She trailed off, opening her book to page 259. The Delous Lach potion was today's assignment. A very strong potion that promoted laughter and cheerfulness, mitigating feelings of depression and melancholy. It was a highly advanced potion and dealt not only with chemistry but also with the anatomy of the human body. Extremely challenging to produce, it was clearly a level 9. 

     Jenna dog-eared the page of her textbook and broke out her pewter cauldron. I assisted her in setting up the vials and measuring equipment, feeling the tension of unspoken questions lingering in the air. 

      Finally, Jenna couldn't resist. "So, why are you ignoring Fred exactly."

       I twisted a curl around my finger and glanced towards the door with a slight frown, smoothly changing the subject. "Where's Lana?"

      "Oh! She's investigating." Jenna chirped, grabbing her notebook from her satchel and propping up her cauldron over the flames as Snape gave everyone the beginning gesture. "Apparently, she thinks she knows Mad-Eye is up to something by the information you told us, and said she wanted to check something out while he had class."

     "So she ditched Advanced Potions... To investigate." I shook my head in disagreement. "I would have done it on the last block. Snape isn't on the very compassionate side of ditching classes." I added as I chopped the heads off of three cockroaches.

Jenna just shrugged, tying her hair up into a pony tail to not get it in the liquid. "She said it was life or death."

     "Great... Life or death... I'm sure the Professor will definitely go for that."

"Granger, Chase. Ten points from Gryffindor - pay attention in class or don't come at all." Snape hissed, looking down at the two of us, nose in the air as if he was the Queen of England herself. I couldn't help but snicker at the thought of Snape in a dramatic pastel pink hat and matching dress, with petty coat and all. Gez, my imagination was awesome.

Jenna elbowed me for my snicker and gave me a 'concentrate' look.

As I looked back down at the dusty book in front of me, I couldn't help but be amazed at how fast time was traveling. The next tournament was tomorrow. The last one - we'd get to find out who would win and celebrate before taking our finals and go home. This year had passed by so quickly, and yet... I wasn't entirely sure whither I liked it at Hogwarts more than at Sorcelle. Sure - a lot had happened, but it was quality versus quantity.

✧

"No Fuc-" Hermione sent me a motherly glare and shook her head, holding a hand against her forehead as she, Harry, and I sat in the usual abandoned classroom we had used during the first task. I cleared my throat and rephrased. "Ehem: No freaking way, Harrius Potter."

       "Harrius?" He rose a brow over his circular glasses. The odd look on his face told me that he had no idea what I was getting at. "What...?"

"It's like what I do to people with short names, like Jenna - I call her Jennifer." I rolled my eyes, waving the words - it really didn't matter.

       Hermione chuckled slightly, still pale from what Harry had just told us. "It means she likes you."

       I pondered over what Harry had just told us, the three of us barricaded inside an empty classroom as we discussed Harry's tactics for the next challenge, along with Harry's recent interaction with the Pensieve in Dumbledore's office.

I cleared my throat and tapped my finger against my temple in concentration. "Okay - so you saw Crouch's kid getting sent to Azkaban by Crouch?! How awful, and Moody was there?"

       "Yeah, he was." Harry frowned and shook his head. After a moment's pause, he took a swig of rootbeer that we'd 'borrowed' from The Kitchens. "Dumbledore was there too. But more importantly, the said Snape was a Death Eater!"

     Hermione cut in, chewing on her thumbnail. "Yes, but Dumbledore said he was a spy, you mentioned that?"

        Harry and I shared a knowing glance. "I don't trust the fact that Dumbledore says he was a 'spy'," Harry said with a worried frown.

"But - if we can't trust the people Dumbledore puts his faith in... who can we trust Harry?" Hermione sighed, shaking her head and taking a long pull from her bottle. "Perhaps Snape really isn't the bad guy here.... perhaps..."

        I shook my head and sighed. "I mean, the guy isn't a god, 'Mione." I finished the soda in my bottle and tossed the glass into the bin with a sharp clink. "He's a human, just like us. He could be wrong."

     Harry and Hermione didn't seem satisfied with that answer, and they shared a small glance. I shrugged it off. They had more faith in him because they'd practically known Dumbledore since they were kids. I'd known him for seven months, max.

Hermione looked down at her wrist watch and shook her head. "Look guys - we should practice some more before tomorrow. The next challenge is tomorrow - and honestly... well - we have no idea what is going to be waiting for you in the maze, Harry."

      "Here," I said, holding out a hand. "If you want, I can show you how to turn your wand into a compass; it's actually quite helpful." I scratched the back of my head and muttered to the side: "Not that I've ever used it.... but, hey."

        "Thanks, Elle. That'd be great." Harry nodded and turned to Hermione, throwing his hands up in surrender. "What else can you teach me?"

       The night was long and filled with a remote twist of fear for the coming morning. So many things felt as if we were on the very tip of a needle as if everything was bubbling up just to come crashing down. Like gravity had finally decided to rear its ugly head.

But then again, I had been drinking a lot of soda and sugar was known to make me paranoid if I had too much at one time. So, it was probably nothing.

_________________________

Hey guys!! It would be longer - but I'm currently procrastinating on AP homework.... sigh...

BUT HERE IT IS and OMFG guys - only like... 2 more chapters - I'm not even shitting you! NOT EVEN KIDDING YOU GUYS! O: IT CAME SO SOON

xoxo Jess

Re-Write A/N: Harrius Potter is real, y'all