Author's Note
Would I sacrifice meaning for Funny? Yes, yes I would. Would it make sense to do so? Well... I'll leave that up to you to decide ,: D

This should be a two-parter! In which P1, the more OC-related part, was prior and P2, the more Hermit-orientated part, is here: you don't need to read both to understand their stories, but you can if you want more context or just the other side of what's going on : D!

In any case... Welcome to P1 of the WWW.Wattpad.Why arc UwU!

In which Scar attempts to do a run, but things don't seem to be going well.

———

It was one thing trying to run away from a homicidal maniac. It was another thing trying to run away from DocM77.

Obviously, one was far easier than the other. Unfortunately, Scar was currently trying to accomplish the latter, and could only hope the former came along to serve as a distraction instead (something about his life being more important than his life...).

That's how he found himself on an impromptu trip around the HUB worlds. One that Doc conveniently did not know we was on... Hopefully X wouldn't sell him out.

Then again, considering the vicious tenacity their dear GOAT held, it may not make much of a difference. Thus, all the more reason to keep moving, which Scar was doing, and therefore becoming more and more safe with each inch. Absolutely.

Maybe he still needed to work on believing that thought whenever it came to mind...

Truly, a shame to be caught up in something so thought-dominating, especially when he was amongst such lovely scenery. With the time he'd been spending working on the Scarland builds, Scar hadn't browsed the various markets and stalls of the HUB for a small while, though he doubted he'd ever come to forget how intriguing it all was.

A social hodgepodge of colours and people - the sort of sight that almost matched the ambience of a theme park, in the way everyone shared a collective goal of individual intent, and everyone was having a grand time during it. Scar could spend hours watching the ebb of players (from all walks of life) enjoying their time that day, or conversely, spend hours doing the same himself.

Fortunately, his schedule appeared to have been cleared for the day. So he could do that.

And probably should. Sooner, rather than later, because of reasons he was terrified to admit may have been shared by any one of the strangers around him.

Scar checked his communicator. Doc's 'where are you? I just want to talk.' message had been sent about an hour ago. Grian's 'WHERE ARE YOU??????' had been sent about ten minutes ago. Using his advanced [theme-park technician] logic skills, Scar concluded that this meant Doc was on his way, but now more on his way than he was about eleven minutes ago.

Time to go.

———

Grian: Scar

Grian: Scar

Grian: Scar we are in danger

Grian: Scar

Grian: SCAR

Grian: SCAR DOC IS COMING

———

"Hello sir, can we help- oh!"

Scar turned around; perhaps he did too quickly, because that employee was looking at him with a peculiar look of... Pain? They may have been cringing. In his defence, it could've been Doc- oh wait, did he make a face?

To placate the poor employee, Scar waved a hand. "Oh, no, don't worry. I'm doing perfectly fine, just having a look, having a browse, your, uh." Scar turned around, then turned back. "Ribbon selection is quite... Ribbony!"

The employee, 'cringing' much less and 'confused' much more, asked, "Ribbony? Is that... Good?"

"I would hope so." Scar laughed. Now that he was paying attention to the apparently-ribbon-spools he had been 'browsing', Scar found the product was indeed of high quality. "I wouldn't have been looking at it if it didn't catch my eye."

"I guess that's true." The employee smiled. They seemed calmer, which was good, since Scar didn't want to be thrown out of the store. Especially now he knew said store sold such good ribbon. "Sorry mate, it's- I thought you were, uh... Someone I should know."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, my... One of our customers, regulars, uh, talks about their dad sometimes, so I thought-"

Truthfully, Scar wasn't paying much attention to the nice employee attempting to help him, not anymore at least. He was paying attention to the nice ribbon though; he could use some of this as bunting once it was safe to return to Hermitcraft. However, with the amount of different colours he would require for satisfactory decoration... "Is this on sale?"

"Um. I... Don't think so?"

"Aw, that's a shame. Two-for-one would've been amazing. I mean, just look at this stuff!"

"I... See it. It is-"

"It deserves to be sold, and used, and liked, and seen, doesn't it? I mean, it's so-"

"Ribbony?"

"Exactly! The most ribbony. I'm sure you're a kind employee, and the kind that believes in treating their prospective customers right, right?"

"I- W-Well, I don't really-"

"But you can! Think of this as... Investment, perhaps. Or maybe it's a gift? Who knows? Regardless, I really must thank you for the generosity, and I will most certainly be returning in the future."

"But I-"

"I'll be sure to let everyone I know about your ribbony ribbon too, don't fret. Thank you so much! Have an amazing day."

And there he went. The employee, who was about 90% sure they'd just been swindled, wasn't sure what to feel more aghast about:

The fact their ribbon now had an updated sign (advertising a two-for-one sale).

The fact the Vexish man had actually passed the correct amount of payment (for a two-for-one sale) into their hands.

Or the fact that this was the second time today this sort of thing had happened, and it wasn't even time for their break yet.

"Excuse me?" Another customer asked, prompting the shopkeeper to put on their best customer-service smile again. "Do you work here?"

"Yeah, I own this store."

"Oh! Good!" The customer said, beginning to rifle around in their bag. "My friend had a bit of a fright earlier, fainted but he's alright, and I was hoping to wrap a gift for him. I heard something about a two-for-one sale on ribbon?"

"... Sure."

———

Grian: Scar stop leaving me on read

Grian: Listen I'm 99% sure he's tracking your player IP? I don't know but it's sus how straight of a path he's plotting out

Grian: Also I know this because I got caught and he's planning this out in front of me lol

Grian: Don't get caught

Grian: That would be bad

Grian: Scar you did get that right

Grian: Don't know which part of the HUB you ran to but Doc's getting there

Grian: Might want to run faster

Grian: Or fly haha

Grian: Scar

Grian: Scar?

Grian: Hello??

———

Shrubs were always nice. Scar very much agreed with this statement: shrubs were nice, and there could always be more shrubs at Scarland. Keralis would be so proud. Hence the stop by a florist whose shop name he couldn't pronounce, but sounded fancy, so the flowers must've been either very lovely or spoke French (maybe both).

Originally, he had been planning on seeing whichever shrubs matched Scarland's various colour schemes the most, hornswoggling for their price, then promptly leaving. However, his plans for an easy, quick getaway were dashed with the presence of too many shrubs to judge.

"-and I was just minding my own business, when all of a sudden-"

Not because Scar was exceedingly knowledgeable about floral symbolism (he'd guess BDubs, or Stress, or even Cub, was better versed in that), but because he realised he had to consider whether the shrub with red-bell-shaped flowers or yellow-bell-shaped flowers looked better near the firework stands, or the confectionery stands.

A difficult desuudugon indeed.

"-are you absolutely sure of what you saw? N-No, it's not that I don't believe you, it's just that-"

Different combinations would create different effects. Would it be better to go for a more dynamic pop of colour amidst darker palettes, or a less obtrusive colour to emphasise the cohesion? What about the hue? He could adjust the pigmentation levels with a spell or two, but would more warmth or coolness suit the pre-existing plant-life more?

"-it's not like I was doing anything wrong. I like believe that I'm a very reasonable-"

Or maybe he should purchase one shrub first to test how it looked in the Scarland containers. He could work out how to proceed from there: matching a plant to its container was also very important. That might be the right call, but which shrub to choose as the test... There were a lot of options that-

"Excuse me, sir?"

Somewhat awkwardly, Scar glanced at the person who'd tugged on his jacket sleeve; it was the same hybrid who had been performing various maintenance tasks along the aisle, alongside trying their best to have an avid argument-conversation with some other customers.

Said other customers were currently leaving, and Scar wasn't sure whether or not to take that as foreshadowing. "Yes?"

"Would you agree that if, say, a- a type of... Person who was well-known for being dangerous and- and, and deceptive, one could say, if they entered the store, and you gave them advice about what to do, would you-"

"I suppose if they needed help... Well, what kind of person were they?" Scar, now wary, asked. The customer made several sputtering noises and gestures in lieu of elucidation, which didn't help anyone's case.

"... You know... One of those... Sneakier magic users. The ones who, uh, like to play tricks on people. Those sorts of-" Instantly, the customer's jaw snapped shut. Wide-eyed in acute terror, they doubled back once more to check they weren't seeing things, because the man smiling back at them looked distinctly more blue than before.

Blue, and sharp-toothed, and smiling like he'd just told a very amusing inside joke. "Play tricks on people? Why would anyone do that?" Scar shrugged, the movement jostling the small ragged wings on his back. It certainly caught the attention of the customer, who took a step back as Scar leaned forward. "Seems rather mean-spirited if you ask me."

"... I... You... You're-"

"Mx Blanche, what did we say about interfering with other people's shopping? Do we need to call security?"

Blanche nearly stumbled in their desperation to meet the florist face-on. "Please, no! Void, I still haven't done anything wrong and I stand by my words, it was a-" Their mad gesticulation fell upon deaf ears. For there was no one else in the aisle with them, aside from some Votes where there should've been a shrub.

———

Grian: Scar?

Grian: Are you ignoring me??

Grian: Scar Scar Scar Scar Scar

Grian: OH HE'S GOING NOW

Grian: SCAR

Grian: SCAR SERIOUSLY IS THERE A CAT OR SOMETHING WHY ARE YOU GONE

Grian: EXTRA GONE

Grian: ARE YOU GETTING MILK???????

Grian: Pulling an Etho I can't believe this

Grian: You know what I hope you get caught this magic holding cell is lonely

Grian: Can't believe he put a lock on the door and now I'm trapped forever, set to die of boredom, all because my instigator decided to flee instead of facing the consequences with me

Grian: *one of

Grian: Scar get caught faster so I can yell at you in person

———

So maybe the HUB wasn't the best place to go to when you were trying to discretely run away from a would-be serial killer. Actually, no... The kill requirement for that was 4, wasn't it? Doc would just be a wannabe normal-killer, in that case.

Though in any case, it'd been only a few hours and Scar seemed to have caught the attention of more than half the shops and stalls here. Not in many good ways either.

It was rather startling how rapidly things went sideways: in every place he'd been intrigued by, someone there was sure to be on edge. This made shopping very difficult. It was almost as if Doc had somehow swept through every shop Scar would've visited before Scar ever set foot in any, systematically terrifying certain people in each one, to have augmented the sense of disquiet about.

Which - notwithstanding the fact Doc that would try to do that - was a dismissed thought, since Scar couldn't see why Doc would know exactly what materials he'd be looking to get for Scarland.

For instance, you don't ever search for chairs like these unless you're planning to fill a massive established space with them. Like in parts of a theme park, or a planetarium, or Hels, even a wedding if you're feeling extra fancy- the point was Doc couldn't predict where Scar would choose to go, no matter how hard he tried.

This assumption could be supported by how Scar was still alive at this point.

However, if Doc wasn't behind the HUB being so skittish today, Scar had no clue what it could be. Hopefully Doc would be having as much trouble as he was, if not more, during his tracking.

The helpful stream of messages Grian was lovingly peppering to him throughout the day kept him updated about what was happening back in Hermitcraft. He assumed many of the hermits had figured out what was going on at this point; how Scar wished he could check on the server-wide chat himself, to see what jokes they were coming up with, but he couldn't in fear of allowing Doc access to his TP address.

Comms were traceable, after all. Most people would've left theirs at home, but then again, Grian's text-based screaming was far too amusing to sacrifice.

Would sending a selfie be too arrogant? He'd been dying to have a jolly good complain about how weird the HUB folks were being, and Grian seemed like he had time to listen. Ooo, maybe he could ask Grian to check up on Jellie too! Doc wouldn't dare harm her, but he did want to check she wasn't causing any problems either- he didn't need more of an excuse to get obliterated by-

Scar stopped. He then took several hasty steps backwards, where an Enderian was haggling a witchy stall-owner over a suspicious rib cage.

"... Is that my old cat?"

"No." The Enderian replied, with remarkably unruffled disposition. Calypso, who was a cat, batted at one of the crystals dangling from the Enderian's clothing. "I see no cat."

"Is that not a cat?" The witch asked before Scar could. Both of them peered down at the distinctly cat-shaped creature oblivious to the conflicts of the mortal realm. "I though that was your familiar, pardon me. Is it a shade instea-"

"I know nothing of a cat." The Enderian repeated. Apparently, they were quite insistent on this fact. Calypso, much more Shade-looking than last Scar saw her [alive], made a noise halfway between a meow and an empty echo.

So she did sound... Slightly different too. Scar knelt down as Calypso trotted over; as he was torn between wanting to pet her and not wanting to injure her fragile Shade form, Calypso took matters into her own paws and began making biscuits on Scar's legs. It was just as cute as Scar remembered.

A giddy smile finally creased the edges of his eyes. "Today has been so strange. Haven't been sure how to feel about it. But this? Oh, this has made everything worth it." He said, genuinely, and the sentiment appeared to have reached the others too.

Scar wasn't sure whether he or the Enderian was about to speak next, but one of them was halted by the large shadow that eclipsed Scar's form and made Calypso vanish into a pair of glowing eyes. More surprised by his (was Calypso his anymore? Maybe Calypso was just Calypso's now)- by Calypso's Shade disappearing as she did, Scar stood to ask the new customer to maybe step back a tad, when- oh.

"What's made everything worth it? Please, I'm dying to know." Doc smirked. Scar laughed awkwardly, aiming to create some distance until Doc put a hand in his shoulder and prevented that plan. "You can tell me while we walk back to Hermitcraft. I've spent all this time trying to find you, and there's even a pesky bird that's been waiting for you and I too." So that was why Grian had started spamming him more frequently... "Let's not drag this out any longer. Alright, Scar?"

"... Sure thing, Doc. But. Before I do... Do you want to pet my cat?"

"... What cat? Jellie? I saw Jellie back at your base."

"No, Calypso! She's a ghost now, and she's right- where did she go?"

"That person with the kitty-Shade paid and left already." The witch shrugged, rearranging some crystals to fill the empty display spot. "Said something about returning to her... Master? Mistress? To give some kind of... Offering, I assume, considering what they were asking. Between you and me, I think she's just part of a cult. No judgement though. Sounded pretty cool."

"..."

"... So no cat?"

"... Not anymore?"

"I can't believe you lied to me."

"But Dooooooc-"

———

Scar: Ok G :)

Grian: Why did you reply to me a day later??

Scar: Sorry was with Doc :(

Grian: ... I WAS THERE WITH YOU??????

Scar: Yeah :D

———

Author's note

While I'm sure Scar and Grian were fine eventually, Doc sure was determined to track 'em down : D! Something must've really wound him up, huh? Wonder what it was :P

Anyways. I did manage to make the title make some sort of sense after all! Woohoo X3! Thé Funny prevails!

Tech issues are still a thing, unfortunately, but regardless, I hope y'all have having a good time. I love you very much *^w^*