I never thought I was lonely
Never thought I could be
An idea so far removed from me
That it couldn't possibly be

Until my fingers grew cold
Seeping into the bones
Chilling me from the inside out
Aching from lack of warmth

No one's hand reached for me
To warm me and drive away the cold
To bandage the cuts and scrapes
Staunch the flow of blood from my skin

Still I hold out the cup as people pass
Begging for their loose change
Hoping their fingers will touch mine
Spread some of their warmth

Feeling like something is always missing
Never meeting anyone's eyes
Scared to risk their judgment
Scared it will be aimed at me

Through all of these years of coldness
I have been forced to come to terms
Call myself the one thing I never wanted
Never dreamed I could be

Loneliness inside a crowded room
Laughing with my friends
Feeling the bone deep feeling blossom
Once again taking me over

Never jealousy or anger
Devoid of color
Just the same gray wanting
The same pale aching

Feeling lonely even in company
Despite all the love around me
Never actually alone in the world
But never close in the way I need.